leave it why didn't we just read the hardy boys? this book is about a guy and his fishing habit. not exactly a crucial topic. frankly, i'm baffled as to why we still revere hemingway. he was an abusive, alcoholic misogynist who had a lot of cats. i guess the school board thinks because hemingway's male and an asshole, he's worthy of our time what about colette? charlotte bronte? simone de beauvoir? expressing my opinion is not a terrorist action. i still maintain that he kicked himself in the balls. i was merely a spectator. tempestuous? as always, thank you for your excellent guidance. the fact that you're cutting gym so you can t.a. sophomore english just to hear his name, is a little without in itself if you ask me. patrick verona random skid. i'm sure he's completely incapable of doing anything that interesting. block e? mandella, eat. starving yourself is a very slow way to die. what's this? i realize that the men of this fine institution are severely lacking, but killing yourself so you can be with william shakespeare is beyond the scope of normal teenage obsessions. you're venturing far past daytime talk show fodder and entering the world of those who need very expensive therapy. okay, say you do it. you kill yourself, you end up in wherever you end up and he's there. do you really think he's gonna wanna dace a ninety pound compulsive who failed volleyball? yeah, and i noticed the only part of you featured in your big kmart spread was your elbow. tough break. the people at this school are so incredibly foul. remove head from sphincter! then pedal! "undulating with desire, adrienne removes her crimson cape, revealing her creamy --" sadly, no. but it's only four-thirty. where've you been? how touching. i guess i got in i know. you decided. ask bianca who drove her home this from someone whose diary is devoted to favorite grooming tips? so he has this huge raging fit about sarah lawrence and insists that i go to his male-dominated, puking frat boy, number one golf team school. i have no say at all. william didn't even go to high school neither has his heterosexuality. i appreciate your efforts toward a speedy death, but i'm consuming. do you mind? if i was bianca, it would be, "any school you want, precious. don't forget your tiara." janice parker is an idiot sweating like a pig, actually. and yourself? my mission in life. obviously, i've struck your fancy. so, you see, it worked. the world makes sense again. oh, right. friday. like where? the 7-eleven on burnside? do you even know my name, screwboy? doubtful. very doubtful. i have the potential to smack the crap out of you if you don't get out of my way. i don't really think you warrant that strong an emotion. and why would i do that? you -- covered in my vomit. are you following me? hi depends on the topic. my fenders don't really whip me into a verbal frenzy. hey -- do you mind? then tell them i had a seizure. i thought you were punishing me. because you're making decisions for me. so what i want doesn't matter? i want to go to an east coast school! i want you to trust me to make my own choices. i want -- it means that gigglepuss is playing at club skunk and we're going. what do you think? let's hit it. no fear. hello! we'd like two for gigglepuss! i need agua! shit two waters. you're not fooling anyone. that's what you want, isn't it? you're not surrounded by your usual cloud of smoke. oh, really? you know who the raincoats are? what? who cares? gigglepuss was so beyond. so true. what's normal? at least i'm not a clouted fen- sucked hedge-pig. it's shakespeare. maybe you've heard of him? i know about the goddamn party. i'm going. can we go now? i'm driving. wait -- was that?-- did your hairline just recede? away. leave my sister alone. "i'm getting trashed, man." isn't that what you're supposed to do at a party? funny, you're the only one bianca, i need to talk to you -- i need to tell you -- i want another one i'm fine. i'm i just need to lie down for awhile i know, just let me sleep okay, i'll just sleep but stay awake, okay? this is so patronizing. why 're you doing this? you don't care if i die why? like you could find one just let me sit down. who? i hate him. hey man. . . you don ' t think i can be "cool"? you don't think i can be "laid back" like everyone else? you know what they say what? go away you're welcome. it's my car. but it's gigglepuss - i know you like them. i saw you there. when you were gone last year -- where were you? were you in jail? no, you weren't why'd you lie? i should do this. this. my father wouldn't approve of that that oh, so now you think you know me? the only thing people know about me is that i'm "scary". he just wants me to be someone i'm not. you know -- you're not as vile as i thought you were. i didn't have a choice. i did bianca a favor and it backfired. i got drunk. i puked. i got rejected. it was big fun. can you even imagine? who the hell would go to this a bastion of commercial excess? listen to you! you sound like betty, all pissed off because archie is taking veronica. you ' re looking at this from the wrong perspective. we're making a statement. what are you doing here? you 're so -- unwelcome. don't for one minute think that you had any effect whatsoever on my panties. other than my upchuck reflex? nothing. sir, i'd like to state for the record that mr. verona ' s current incarceration is unnecessary. i never filed a complaint. but, mr. chapin, i hardly think a simple serenade warrants a week of detention. there are far more hideous acts than off-key singing being performed by the student body on a regular basis. wait, mr. chapin. there's something i've always wanted to show you. these. thank you, mr. chapin. he left! i sprung the dickhead and he cruised on me. c'mon. it's not that bad put your right foot there -- you want me to climb up and show you how to get down? you shit! the partridge family? good call. i dazzled him with my wit yeah, well, don't let it get out acting the way we do. i don't like to do what people expect. then they expect it all the time and they get disappointed when you change. something like that how? for. . . ? damn it! state trooper? the duck? i know the porn career's a lie. tell me something true. no -- something real. something no one else knows. what? you're amazingly self-assured. has anyone ever told you that? is that a request or a command? no. no, i won't go with you because i don't want to. it's a stupid tradition. why are you doing this? all of it -- what's in it for you? create a little drama? start a new rumor? what? you tell me. answer the question, patrick listen, i know you hate having to sit home because i'm not susie high school. i do care. but i'm a firm believer in doing something for your own reasons, not someone else ' s . joey never told you we went out, did he? in 9th. for a month he was, like, a total babe now i do. back then, was a different story. he said everyone was doing it. so i did it. just once. afterwards, i told him i didn't want to anymore. i wasn't ready. he got pissed. then he broke up with me. after that, i swore i'd never do anything just because "everyone else" was doing it. and i haven't since. except for bogey's party, and my stunning gastro-intestinal display -- i wanted to let you make up your own mind about him. that's not i guess i thought i was protecting you. not all experiences are good, bianca. you can't always trust the people you want to. feel like shopping? hey, guys. i'm going to the prom. see you in a few. how'd you get a tux at the last minute? it's just something i had. you know look, i'm -- sorry -- that i questioned your motives. i was wrong. are you ready? c'mon. let's get this over with. quite the ostentatious display who? oh, honey -- tell me we haven't' progressed to full-on hallucinations. what? that ' s completely adorable! you were paid to take me out! by -- the one person i truly hate. i knew it was a set-up! really? what was it like? a down payment now, then a bonus for sleeping with me? you are so not what i thought you were. i ' m sure . so did you yeah. she left with some bikers big ones. full of sperm. no, daddy. parts of it. the part where bianca beat the hell out of some guy. what's the matter? upset that i rubbed off on her? when i go? for what? family emergency. you set me up. what? to completely damage me? to send me to therapy forever? what? am i supposed to feel better? like, right now? or do i have some time to think about it? it's just you. i'11 go i hate the way you talk to me. and the way you cut your hair. i hate the way you drive my car. i hate it when you stare. i hate your big dumb combat boots. and the way you read my mind. i hate you so much it makes me sick. it even makes me rhyme. i hate the way you're always right. i hate it when you lie. i hate it when you make me laugh. even worse when you make me cry. i hate it that you're not around. and the fact that you didn't call. but mostly i hate the way i don ' t hate you. not even close, not even a little bit, not even any at all. a fender strat. you bought this? is that right? you can't just buy me a guitar every time you screw up, you know. and don't just think you can why is my veggie burger the only burnt object on this grill? oh, bianca? can you get me my freshman yearbook? you're freaked over this, aren't you? i'd like to call your attention to patrick verona's stunning bad-ass look of 1995 --- perm?