you the new guy?
c'mon. i'm supposed to give you the tour.
so -- which dakota you from?
i was kidding. people actually live there?
how many people were in your old school?
get out!
couple thousand. most of them evil
we've got your basic beautiful people. unless they talk to you first, don't bother.
those 're your cowboys.
yeah, but these guys have never seen a horse. they just jack off to clint eastwood.
to the right, we have the coffee kids. very edgy. don't make any sudden movements around them.
and these delusionals are the white rastae.
big marley fans. think they're black. semi-political, but mostly, they watch a lot of wild kingdom, if you know what i mean.
derek - save some for after lunch, bub?
future mbas- we're all ivy league, already accepted. someday i'll be sipping merlot while those guys --
are fixing my saab. yuppie greed is back, my friend.
you burn, you pine, you perish?
bianca stratford. sophomore. don't even think about it
i could start with your haircut, but it doesn't matter. she's not allowed to date until her older sister does. and that's an impossibility.
because they're bred to. their mothers liked guys like that, and their grandmothers before them. their gene pool is rarely diluted.
joey dorsey? perma-shit-grin. i wish i could say he's a moron, but he's number twelve in the class. and a model. mostly regional stuff, but he's rumored to have a big tube sock ad coming out.
you know french?
guess who just signed up for a tutor?
you could consecrate with her, my friend.
yeah, just a minor encounter with the shrew.
the mewling, rampalian wretch herself.
you're in school for one day and you ask out the most beautiful girl? do you have no concept of the high school social code?
unlikely, but even so, she still can't go out with you. so what's the point?
you wanna go out with him?
what makes you think he'll do it?
no kidding. he's a criminal. i heard he lit a state trooper on fire. he just got out of alcatraz.
i'm serious, man, he's whacked. he sold his own liver on the black market so he could buy new speakers.
did she actually say she'd go out with you?
you know, if you do go out with bianca, you'd be set. you'd outrank everyone. strictly a-list. with me by your side.
hey -- i've gotta have a few clients when i get to wall street.
i'll let you handle that.
hey.
nope - just came by to chat
well, actually, i thought i'd run an idea by you. you know, just to see if you're interested.
hear me out. you want bianca don't you?
but she can't go out with you because her sister is this insane head case and no one will go out with her. right?
so what you need to do is recruit a guy who'll go out with her. someone who's up for the job.
exactly
oh, hey, nothin' man purely good will on my part.
i have a dick on my face, don't i?
like we had a choice? besides -- when you let the enemy think he's orchestrating the battle, you're in a position of power. we let him pretend he's calling the shots, and while he's busy setting up the plan, you have time to woo bianca.
hey - i appreciate gratitude as much as the next guy, but it's not gonna do you any good to be known as new kid who embraces guys in the bathroom.
he took the bait.
what?
the situation is, my man cameron here has a major jones for bianca stratford.
i think i speak correctly when i say that cameron's love is pure. purer than say -- joey dorsey's.
that's where we can help you. with kat.
patrick, pat, you're not looking at the big picture. joey's just a pawn. we set this whole thing up so cameron can get the girl.
we're your guys.
we're in.
in that case, we'll need to make it a school-wide blow out.
are you kidding? he'll piss himself with joy. he's the ultimate kiss ass.
good enough.
it's a lung cancer issue
dead at forty-one.
just for now.
he's pretty!
ever been to club skunk?
assail your ears for one night.
i also retrieved a list of her most recent cd purchases, courtesy of american express.
i prefer to think of it simply as an alternative to what the law allows.
you told me that part already.
uh, yeah. we're old friend*
what? we took bathes together when we were kids.
hey -- it's all for the higher good right?
moose, my man! ranked fifth in the state. recruiters have already started calling.
yo, clem. a patsy cline fan, but hates the new leanne rimes. ziggy, peace, bra. prefers a water pipe, but has been known to use a bong.
follow the love, man
extremely unfortunate maneuver.
buttholus extremus. but hey, you're making progress.
at least you're self-aware
so you got cozy with she who stings?
i'm on it
hey there. tired of breathing?
cool pictures. you a fan?
oh yeah.
macbeth, right?
kat a fan, too?
so, listen.  i have this friend
sweet love, renew thy force!
best case scenario, you're back on the payroll for awhile.
mi' lady.
feces hitting fan. c'mon
joey, pal, compadre. let's take it easy.