sorry i'm late. i was locked in a life and death battle with the dark wizard.
for real?
do you really think muffy's in to me?
i'm not sure if its my qi or internal bleeding.
there he is. there's mr. sunshine. fei jing acupuncture. it's all the rage. makes you look five years younger.
what's this brown stuff again?
delish! the girl has absolutely no clue what she's doing.
because she's hot. but today's not about me. it's about you becoming the new regional sales manager.
no negativity. negativity's for the 800 pound fat lady who needs to be airlifted out of bed. you, michael shawn o'donnell, are a winner.
are you kidding?! it doesn't get any better than this!
i gotta get back. my legs just went numb. good luck today.
coming! i've been worried sick!
aaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!
don't come any closer! i'll use it!
maria, we're just friends. really.
my theory is that you were transformed by a freak congruence of some of the planets most volatile elements. i've recreated the exact contents of the la river. the toxic pollutants, the contaminants.
that's because the cocktail's not complete.
last night we had the worst electrical storm of the last hundred years.
it was pretty bad.
it could.
oops. came unplugged. won't be a moment.
what were you doing by the river anyway?
did you find the janitor?
did he ask you for your soul?
that's a good sign. we can eliminate satan. i think what we're dealing with here is a spell of enlightenment. "spell affect""casting procedure". yada, yada, yada. basically it's a learning spell. there's something you need to figure out and until you do you'll stay a kid. my guess is that janitor was probably a war.
lock. i'm sorry. could you repeat that? because i thought you just said you were-
are you out of your freaking mind!?
what about your job?
well, scarlet, then. what are you gonna tell her?
you're just gonna disappear?
because i know you're going to suck me into this and i'm not going back there, mike. you'll never get me to go back to fitch. never!
i hate you.
please. i created software used to launch the space shuttle. i think i'm capable of forging some report cards. what's up with the gear?
first sign this old hag is on to us
-so glad we chose this school. i'm ed freedman.
oh, right. sorry. this little chicken pock here is mark. say hello, mark.
before we get started i want you to know that mark's a bastard.
i had him out of wedlock. so the answer is yes, i'm very single. and very rich.
i help him with his homework. a lot.
be a good boy now. and sit up straight.
they grow up so fast. mojito?
you strike me as a mojito gal. i know this little cuban place, great
i'll enroll him somewhere else.
see you at the next bake sale then?
come on. it couldn't have been that bad.
yeah, i caught it on youtube. funny stuff.
high school's great, isn't it?
get the boy a shirley temple. extra cherries.
mike, you're an adult sitting on 36 years of experience. you should be dominating these kids, ripping their hearts out.
because i'm a supportive dad.
did she ask about me?
as far as i can tell that's her only flaw. i need a reason to see her again. you could flunk your classes, start a fight, vandalise the place. you'll figure it out. then i can rush in, a teary eyed, helpless, single dad who can't handle his angry, kitten killing son. what do you think?
mind your business, lady. this is a family matter.
hey, no sweat off my sack. tell alex to stop wearing underwear all together. he'll be fine. that's what i did.
at'a boy. now what you need is a crash course on being a teen in
before you ask, it's a seaweed wrap. i'm detoxifying as well as losing an inch or 2 from my problem areas.
there is. what are you doing?
probably not because when she called earlier i told her you were being detained at guantanamo. ready for tomorrow?
that ought'a put you over the top. and don't forget to hook me up son.
see what happens when you put a little lipstick on the pig? did you manage to get sent to the principal's office?
he cares.
that envelope contains divorce papers.
but what do you care? you're going to college, right? life's one big panty raid for you.
i saw the applications in your room.
if you'd cleaned like i asked i wouldn't have had to. you can't be serious about this can you?
karmically speaking, in the next life you're coming back as a hemorrhoid.
i'm not paying for college!
way to go, slugger! get any shots in?
wuss!
hey, alex. how you doin', buddy?
good. good. (turns to mike, nudges
hey, scarlet. exciting, isn't it? my first parent. principal conference.
i sent them to him.
i haven't heard from him, really.
i'll tell him. i promise.
i'll take it from here.
i'm heartbroken. the boy's incorrigible.
my son? mark! get in here! now!
did you glue a boy to his chair?
see? the boy's out of control. he's acting up at home. he won't eat his vegetables-
he's crying out for help and i don't know what to do. it hurts so bad. maybe we could discuss this over margaritas?
you're the expert. i'm just a single dad out here blowing like dust in the wind.
what about college?
baby's got back.
wrap it up. no, it's not cool. i remember hearing what those parties were like, kids peeing everywhere, food on the ceilings, puke in the pool.
no party. i mean it. don't make me take the car away.
i won't when you stop acting like one.
this isn't over. son!
thanks. put this towards your studies.
are you insinuating that i'd use my son's misfortune just to go out with you? what kind of a father do you think i am?
bring us the 1962 petrus.
you're going to love this wine. $2000 dollars a bottle.
it's baffling really but i noticed he's been drinking a lot of diet ice tea lately. maybe he's gay?
do you like caviar? because if you do you have to try the almas. 100 year-old beluga. $700 per ounce.
what? you don't like beluga? you can get something else.
would the caviar and expensive wine impress you if you were on a yacht off monte carlo?
i do care about mike. mark. whatever his name is.
wait. you're right. i'm acting like an idiot. i'm sorry. please stay.
god's honest truth. i had the whole costume. i used to go everywhere dressed like a wizard. no wonder i didn't get a date all through high school. annnnd you think i'm the biggest nerd ever.
check please!
i have two words for you. russian mafia.
that little-! i'll kill him!
everybody out! get out! get out!
do you know where mark freedman is?
this place is a disaster! a kid pissed all over my english garden! what were you thinking!?
oh boy. i don't quite know how to put this.
he's not really my son. i don't have a son.
should i call you?!
come on. it's been 2 days. open up.
jesus. it smells like jeffrey dahmer's kitchen in here.
are you alright?
that's not true. nothing's ever truly lost.
oh, that? that's lost.
don't worry about it. my spa guy got the last of the vomit out of the pool so we're good. i don't mean to rub salt in your wounds but-
-you're due in court in an hour.
what exactly are we doing?
a well thought out plan. good job.
i declare a mistrial on the grounds of insufficient evidence and sacco and vanzetti!
i am legal counsel for mike o'donnell and i demand a stay of execution for this marriage, your majesty.
no but i have been a defendant in numerous lawsuits so-
maybe it wasn't a spell of enlightenment.
according to the website once you've learned your lesson you'd turn back. that speech should've broken the spell.
you know what this means? you need to let them go. you need to let them get on with their lives and you need to get on with yours.
where you going?
julie, can i talk to you?
i've seen a good friend of mine lose everything that means anything to him. and maybe we'll never be there but. i just really want to play d & d with you.
i'll bring my long bow.