rachel? what are you doing here?
help me how?
i think i'm gonna be sick.
more.
does mom know you're here? it's gotta be past 10.
we spent the whole day together.
we went shopping.
we had coffee.
we saw a film.
we bought music.
i thought it was a great day.
um. you know what. let's go crazy, i'll have both. god, i love eating pancakes at night. it's like the greatest thing ever. how great is this?
just like that.
i don't know. who cares about normal?! i'm happy. aren't you happy?
you're not?
that is such a lie!
what do you know about pms?
oh my god.
summer, sid stabbed nancy seven times with a kitchen knife. we've had some disagreements but i hardly think i'm sid vicious.
i don't know what i'm gonna do.
no.
well they're wrong. it's not true. i've fished in that sea. i've jumped in and swam in that sea! i'm fucking aquaman! sorry. what i mean is.  there are no other fish. this was my fish.
i'm in love with summer.
i love her smile.
i love her hair.
i love her knees.
i love how one eye is higher up on her face than the other eye.
i love the scar on her neck from this operation she had as a kid.
i love how she looks in my clash t- shirt.
i love how she looks when she's sleeping.
i love the sound of her laugh.
i love how i hear this song every time i think of her.
i love how she makes me feel. like anything's possible. like, i don't know. like life is worth it.
for real, paul. i'm madly in love with that girl.
what do we know about this new girl?
the new girl. summer. in vance's office.
maybe she was just in a hurry.
damn.
that makes me so mad! why is it pretty girls always think they can treat people like crap and get away with it?
like, just cause she has high cheekbones and soft skin.
and maybe the world's most perfect breasts. just cause of that stuff, she can walk around like she's center of the universe?
ugh. you know what? screw her! we haven't even met and i can't stand her already.
sorry?
oh my god.
hi.
so, uh, summer.
yeah! how's it going so far?
both.  either.
oh, you know, 4, 5.  years.
are you nuts? i don't even want to do it now.
i studied to be an architect actually.
eh, you know. same old story. moved to the city to work for a company. company went under. needed a job. my friend worked here. got me this.
well i wrote that one.
it's a big seller.
oh.  no. i doubt it.
why thank you. that's what they called me in college. "perfectly adequate" hansen.
ok, well, i'll see you around.
and it turns out she's read every graham greene novel ever published. her desk is lined with magritte posters and edward hopper.
we're so compatible it's insane! seriously! it doesn't make sense! she's not like i thought at all. she's.  amazing.
what?
hey martin.
i'm so glad we decided to go away together bec. i know we've only been dating a few months but it's been. awesome.
and now, you and me, 8 days in mexico.  best spring break ever!
what's complicated? last week you said you loved me!
no, this can't be. everything was going so great. i don't understand.
what's this?
sure. it's all you wanted to listen to for weeks.
ok.
what does this have to do with--?
but amanda.  this is a great fucking song!
it's off.
me and summer.
no. but it could have been. in a world where good things happen to me.
no.
you ready for this?
so there we are. all alone. nine more floors to ride. plenty of time. i figure. this is my chance. if not now when, right?
summer.
you believe that shit?
"it was good." she didn't say "it was good." she said "it was good." emphasis on the good. she basically said "i spent the weekend having sex with this guy i met at the gym." fucking whore. screw her. it's over.
she's not interested in me. there's nothing i can do.
and some other things.
i gave her all sorts of chances.
i think you know what i need.
toner.
do you want to go out with me?
and the priest says, "but we're already out!"
i know!
not once did she take the bait. not once. screw it. i'm done with her. it's over.
no way mckenzie. absolutely not.
they won't let you back in there after last time.
not at all. you just threw up on the stage, tried to fight the bartender, and then threatened to burn the place down before passing out on the sidewalk. quiet night for you.
we are not going back there.
i really can't. even if i wanted to. there's a lot of stuff i gotta take care of.
what?
hi.
you asked if i was coming?
you were great up there, by the way.
i hear that.
lived there til i was 12.
no kidding? what's his name?
but. what if you meet someone and fall in love?
of course i do.
summer, hold on.  you don't believe in love?
well mine too but --
well.
i think it's. kind of a huge thing.
nooo. i don't sing in public.
i don't.
anyway, i'm not near drunk enough to sing in front of all these people.
it would take at least ten shots to get me to sing.
that's not it.
i have no idea.
me too. why can't we think of the stupid a-team theme song.
this is gonna bother me for weeks.
oh here we go.
ok, let's get you in a cab.
he'll be fine.
what's up?
sorry you had to see that. happens every time we come here. it's unbelievable. something about that guy and singing for people. i don't know. but at least he didn't --
what?
yeah. i like you. of course i do.
right. as a friend.
yes. i mean.  i haven't really thought about.  yes. why?
oh yeah totally. friends. you and me. that's.  perfect.
cool.
g'night summer.
friends. awesome. that's just great. well done hansen, you idiot.
hey!
hey mr. vance.
i have not been.
paul, seriously.
no!
no!
no, paul, no jobs. i'm still unemployed. we just kissed.
shhh!
if you heard.
excellent. you ready to go.
check them out.
i am very turned on right now.
huh?
9, 9.5?
if we're lucky, there won't be a dismount.
i hear ya. if i want to watch people make out, i have big windows and binoculars at home.
thanks.
not me.
sure.
yeah.
i'll be. back in a sec.
settle. don't get too excited. she's just a girl. there's lots of them. who look like that. and like what you like. they're everywhere. calm yourself.
are you calm?
oh sweet jesus!
i fucking hate summer.
i hate her crooked teeth.
i hate her 1950s haircut.
i hate her knobby knees.
i hate her lopsided, asymmetrical, cock-eyed head.
i hate that centipede-shaped scar.
i hate her. stupid. big boobs.
i hate the way she sleeps.
i hate the way she laughs.
i hate this fucking song!
it's very.  complex.
i feel the same way.
you wanna go to the movies?
a lot of people have problems with this, but to me, it makes both structures so much more beautiful side by side like that.
the guy who made this, maybeck, he is a god.
it just makes you feel.  peaceful.
no. see now, this is torture.
over there, that's st. patrick's church. the beauty of st. patrick's is its humility. with this giant mirror thing deflecting all the attention away, it's too humble. no one even knows it's there.
there's a million things. first, there's no need for this much glass. you could easily.
what?
see this beam, it steps on the landscape. but if we moved it.  just so.
no you go first.
whatever you want.
hello?
that's it!
ow!
there's no way.
"octopus's garden?" you may as well just say "piggies?"
you're insane.
cause nobody loves ringo.
i don't know.
i wouldn't say that.
like, are we "going steady?" come on, guys. we're adults.
it is when you've been with the same girl since high school.
something like that.
no! she's not.  we're not like that.
we've just been.  hanging out.
yeah. guys, look, summer and i. we know how we feel. we don't need to label it. "boyfriend, girlfriend." that stuff is very.  juvenile.
i don't know.  maybe.
no. we're adults. it'll be fine.
my thinking is.  why rock the boat? things are going well. if we start putting labels on it, that's like the kiss of death. like saying to a girl "i love you."
who the hell's sean?
who the f--! never mind. help me. i need solid female advice.
yeah but, you know me. this is the kinda stuff that always gets me in trouble.
who's lars?
that son of a bitch.
coach, no, wait! i need her. rachel, what do you think i should do?
hi.
yeah.
summer, i've gotta ask you something.
"so he broke your heart. you've been sad and depressed for weeks. perhaps you've turned to drinking or even drugs. and nothing's helped. now what? should you binge on rocky road and watch soaps all day?"
"no you should not."
"through extensive research, we have found the six most effective ways to get over that lost love and make room in your heart for a new man to fill. those steps are:"
"one. exercise. the body's release of endorphins will assuage the brain and provide a genuine sense of accomplishment and success."
"two. physical and mental relaxation. channel all of your energies to the core of your being for a new understanding of the self and others."
"three. charity. reach out! you are not alone in your pain."
"four. shoe shopping! ladies. you know you want to. indulge!"
"five. travel. take some time to see another environment. get perspective. it's a beautiful world. it will be for you again someday."
"six. redecorate. start anew."
"by taking these few steps, you will have discovered your inner strength and should be ready to move on. i bet you can hardly remember his face at all."
i just don't get women's fashion nowadays. everybody with the tattoos, the giant hoop earrings, those annoying hats. explain this to me.
do you?
i like how you dress.
hey buddy --
did you see that punch? i don't know where it came from. i haven't punched someone since josh greenberg in fifth grade. guess i'm gonna have to throw out this shirt.
hey. what is it?
what?
you're mad at me? i just got my ass kicked for you.
come on, that guy was an asshole!
i don't know. he was --
whoa. what was that?
what?
i just got my ass kicked!
i got one good shot in.
what's up?
ok.
wait, are you still mad at me?
holy shit you are. i can't believe you!
yeah. i'm all done.
you know what.  sometimes you really don't make any sense.
huh?
i am. i'm sorry for acting like a jerk.
summer.  we don't have to label what we're doing. i just.  i need -
consistency. i need to know you won't wake up tomorrow and feel a different way.
have you ever had a real "boyfriend?"
a boyfriend. "going steady." whatever. you know what i mean.
more than one?
tell me about them.
why?
come on, i'm interested.
yes.
no. yeah. i don't know. why not? i can take it.
quarterback slash homecoming king?
what happened to markus?
ok. and then?
the puma?
and that's it?
what happened? why didn't they work out?
since grade school.
yeah.
great.
ok.
sorry.
uh-huh.
no thanks.
i'm sorry. it's just.  there's this girl.
i'm not usually like this. i wasn't before.  long story short, she wrecked me. i don't know if you can tell but it was pretty recent and i'm still kinda thinking about her.
i can't get her out of my head, you know? i see her everywhere. she's all i think about. and it's horrible. cause i totally didn't see it coming. i thought things were fine. so now i keep going through every day in my mind, every second really. wondering. what went wrong? is it my fault? could i have prevented it somehow?
a lot of people have problems with this, but to me, it makes both structures so much more beautiful side by side like that.
maybe there were things i could have said or done, you know?
or.  christ, i don't know, maybe she was never that interested in me to begin with.
anyway.  sorry. if i'm acting strange, that's why.
actually she was never my girlfriend.
i just.  i thought i'd have figured it out by now, you know? my life. where i'm going, where i want to end up, who with. all that stuff. i still don't know anything. and the thing is.  when i was with summer, none of that mattered. i never even noticed how much of my life was missing! isn't that weird?
sure.
so what do you think? did i do something? did i not do something? what can i do now?
oh! you know what we should do.
"you said you'd stand by your man!. so tell me something i don't understand. you said you loved me!. and that's a fact! and then you left me, said you felt trapped!
"you didn't stand by me! not at all! you didn't stand by me," i'm talking about you summer!
hello me. you having a good day?
what? why?
well.  you don't want to just, maybe, go to dinner. i mean, you've gotta eat right?
sorta.
hey, no, that's cool. whatever you want to do.
sure.
good night.
nope. all done. what are you working on?
why don't you try.  "everyday you make me proud. but today, you get a card."
no worries.
this is good millie. "to my wife, the love of my life. i love you." that's very nice. i was thinking though, why not try something like.  "everyday that we don't meet is meaningless and incomplete." you know, spice it up a little.
did you try.  "merry?"
what else you got?
". aint no woman got what you got, sista girl. happy birthday to the lean, sheen, and sizzly mocha queen!"
yeah. it's pretty cool.
you really want to see this?
it's, like, all stabbing and shit.
ok.
fantastic.
oh shit.
hi mom.
mom, martin, this is summer.
well this is the girl friend i've told you about. i don't know if "girlfriend" is the right word.
sorry about that.
you wanna go do something else? we can totally bolt.
what?! no way.  i never used that word.
he's very. loving.
you're having enough for both of us.
no.
where were you an hour ago? i might have danced then. i've been standing here by myself this whole time and you didn't look over once.
i'm not pissed. summer.  you know i hate this shit.
this is what you wanted to do so. we're doing it.
you wanted to see me, mr. vance?
ok.
what do you mean?
no.
who?
your?
i'm not following.
mr. vance.  are you firing me?
ok. well, i'm sorry. things for me have been a little difficult.
funerals and sympathy?
what's going on?
ok.
do i want to hear it?
you guys, look, i'm.  i appreciate what you're saying and, thank you, really, for putting up with me these past few months. i've been crazy. but i've accepted the fact that she and i were just two very different people who wanted very different things. i wanted to get serious. shit, i loved her. and i know now, she just isn't the kind of girl who can settle down with one person and be happy. the way i wanted. and she probably never will. there was nothing i could do.
there's no fucking way!
it can't be. it's impossible!
how do you know?
jesus christ people! get a room!
what? oh yeah. great.
twinkies?
i'm out of twinkies.
go.  where?
hmm?
uh. no. i really don't.
well i wouldn't say nothing.  actually, that's about right.
you know what?
can i say something about the cat?
this here is, and rhoda, you know i mean no disrespect.  but this.  this is total shit.
"don't give up?" "you can do it?"
this isn't inspirational. it's suicidal. he tries that jump, i'm writing a sympathy card for that cat. that's the last thing i want to be doing with my life. it's bad enough writing these things for people.
that's cause we're liars! it's what we do here. why don't we level with people? stop feeding them nonsense?
yes but think about it! why do people buy these things? not to say how they feel. there's paper and pens for that. people give these cards when they can't say how they feel. or they're afraid to. and we provide the service that lets `em get away with that!
i say to hell with it! let's level with america. or at least make them speak for themselves! i mean, seriously, what's this.  (picks a card off the
think about it. "congratulations on your new baby." eh.  how bout.  "congratulations on your new baby.  guess that's it for hanging out. nice knowing ya, buddy."
wait, what's this? ooh.  fancy! look at this one with all the hearts. let's open it up. "happy valentine's day, sweetheart. i love you." oh that's nice.
if someone gave me this card, mr. vance.  i would eat it.
i think we do a bad thing here. people should be able to say how they feel, how they really feel, without some strangers putting words in their mouths. the truth. a card is a nice thought but it shouldn't do the dirty work for you. you love someone, tell them yourself, in your own words. maybe it's not love at all. maybe there's no such thing as love. maybe it's.  "galoogoo."
it's all crap. we make and peddle crap. and sometimes people believe in this crap. i just can't do it anymore, mr. vance. there's enough bullshit in the world without my help. i quit.
there's no fucking way!
it can't be. it's impossible!
how do you know?
but.  it's may! we broke up last august.
and you said she was single at christmas.
and now she's.
now she's getting married.
married?
it's impossible. it doesn't make sense. where did they meet? is it someone we know?
so everything she said. all that stuff about.  it can't be. not her. i know her too well. she wouldn't do that.
i can't believe it either!
the right girl i guess.
oh you'd be surprised.
hey i appreciate that aunt betsy. lord knows i like bosoms. it's just.  i recently got out of a. well, i don't know what it was.
july.
what?
no. where's that coming from?
well. glad you came?
when you turn 13 in the jewish religion, you officially become an adult.
pretty big, yeah.
you having fun? you were great this morning.
me? i'm good. i'm great.
yeah.
yup.
anyway, who cares about me? this is your day.
is that right?
that's nice.
those are guppies.
are you making fun of me now?
i got news for you rach. that true love stuff.  it's make-believe.
it's the new me.
alright.  go play with your friends.
hmm?
hey.
are you still sleeping?
10:30. are we still hanging out today?
i'll meet you at liberty in.  20 minutes?
so how was last night?
where did you guys go?
fun?
pretty standard.
it's playing at 5.
i don't know. you wanna maybe go back to your place or ---
ok cool.
no, i will. that's fine.
hey.
hey sum, it's just a movie.
is everything alright with you?
it's ok. this happens to me every time i watch "hoosiers." let's go for a walk, ok. let's get some air. or go to sister ray's.
it pains me that we live in a world where no one's ever heard of spearmint.
and it's painful. oh look.
so.  now what?
yeah? you wanna maybe. get some dinner or something?
are you hungry?
ooh!
i've got a great idea!
let's get breakfast.
pancakes?
what? oh. nowhere. how long have you been sitting there?
so.  i should probably say congratulations.
i don't know if i do honestly.
yeah well. anyway. i hope you're happy.
i'm good. ish.
yeah i quit the office.
mostly. sleeping. breaking things.
so who's the guy?
yeah.  wait. don't tell me. i don't want to know.
no really, i don't.
it's amazing to me. you're married.
you're not only someone's girlfriend, your someone's wife!
what's different now? how could things change so quickly?
what happened?! that's what i don't get.
what, tell me.
you know what sucks? realizing that everything you believe in is complete bullshit.
destiny, soulmates, true love. all that stuff. it's nothing more than silly childhood fairy tale nonsense, isn't it? god!
i should have listened to you, summer. you were right all along.
what? this is funny?
what are you laughing at?
(trying himself not to
what are you talking about?!
this is funny to you?
summer!
i really do hope you're happy.
sorry?
oh. yeah. why, are you?
ah. my competition.
gee, this is a little awkward.
well, i hope you don't get it.
so, uh.
are you from. california?
i know atherton. nice area.
i, uh, don't know. i don't think so.
i do! i love that church. it's like my favorite structure in the city.
yes! exactly. i totally agree!
you have? really? hmm. i didn't see you.
yes.
thank you.
excuse me.
when this is over.  uh.  would you like to maybe. grab a cup of coffee or something?
what's that?
yeah?
great! so.  i'll wait for you here, or you wait for me or. something.
ok! my name's tom.