think of it, thing. he's been gone for twenty-five years. for twenty- five years we've attempted to contact fester in the great beyond.  the room is a dusty, cobweb-filled, long-unoccupied shrine to gomez's lost brother, fester. gomez drifts in from the doorway. the room has remained untouched since fester's disappearance as a teenager. the thick coating of dust and cobwebs adorns the mementoes of a rapscallion's youth - a football pennant from alcatraz, headless sports trophies, a high school photo with all the other students keeping as much distance from fester as possible. as he lovingly and morosely surveys the room:
 and for twenty-five years, nothing. not a whisper, not a clue. i'm beginning to think my my brother truly is lost. gomez sighs. thing tugs at his cuff, pulling him towards the
look at her -- i would die for her. i would kill for her. either way -- what bliss. low-voiced, incisive, and subtle, with morticia, smiles are rare. the ghostly whiteness of her complexion is offset by the red of the pillowcase upon which her hair is spread like a diabolic halo. a dark garbo, sultry and remote, she's a ruined beauty. morticia opens her eyes.
unhappy, darling?
tish.  that's french!
cara mia!
en garde monsieur sole! he thrusts and parries, pantomiming a duel with the shaft of light.
querida?
granny - where's your fog?
sorry about the window, judge! keep the ball! i have a whole bucketful. he holds up a bucket of golf balls. he tosses his golfclub to thing, who deposits it in the golfbag.
they grow up so fast, don't they?
it's a milestone, tish. this very evening -- our twenty-fifth seance. all those years, gnawed by guilt, undone by woe, burning with uncertainty.
tish.
don't tease.
please, gordon, by all means - go. sing. dance. date.
all tuckered out.
don't fret - we'll find her.
fan out. pugsley - head for the dung heap. mama and morticia - the shallow graves. i'll take the abyss, and lurch - check the bottomless pit.
fester!!
fester! you take the ravine! and the unmarked, abandoned well!
good man! good thinking!
that's the spirit, thing - lend a hand! let's go! they all sweep off, with gomez in the lead.
what's all this?
a restraining order?
i am restrained - from my own house!?
but - this is lunacy!
it's not so! those girls meant nothing - he knows that! i demand to see fester!
do not fear - justic shall prevail. the courts will decide! they say a man who represents himself has a fool for a client. well, with god as my witness - i am that fool!
already sits in the passenger seat of the duesenberg, his coat draped over his shoulders as if he were an invalid, his head thrown back. morticia carries out cleo, her carnivorous plant. granny carries her favorite cauldron, wednesday one of her marie antoinette dolls, pugsley his chemistry set. lurch uproots his favorite tree and joins the procession. thing follows, dragging a toy wagon packed with his rings, his glove.
sits slumped in a chair made from wagon wheel and nauga- hyde. it's as if all of his insane, vibrant energy has been leeched from him. he's a broken man. he looks back at her as if he's never heard french.
huh? wednesday tends to him. she and her mother exchange a worried look.
they're very bad for you.
but maybe i'll have one of those.  he takes a bar of soap from pugsley. gomez unwraps it and morosely eats.
we're addamses.  he burps -- soap bubbles floating from his mouth.
grandfather addams! damn! not in the form of a question!
geraldo.
re-run. he switches off the set and stares at the blank screen.
a drive? and miss "matlock"? granny opens the door and sticks her head in.
who is it? we're paid through thursday. he opens the door. thing rushes in.
slow down, thing! it's terrible when you stutter! frustrated, thing grabs a spoon and begins tapping out
morticia in danger.  stop! send help at once .  stop! thing flops down in exhausted triumph. gomez grabs him and heads off.
cara mia!
dirty pool, old man. never again!
one for you, tully, and.  gomez attacks - his blade flashing like lightning. in a blur of action, tully's sword is knocked from his hand and he's sent tumbling backwards, finally landing on his knees.
 one for me! tully looks up at gomez with cowardly, pleading eyes.
tish - seeing you like this. my blood boils.
this wheel of pain.
to live without you - only that would be torture.
good show, old man.  fester reaches for a different book -- "hurricane irene: nightmare from above." seeing the title of the book, tully suddenly panics:
leather straps, red-hot pokers.
come, my love - to safety!
old man, this way! angle on abigail and fester.
old man! this way! angle on thing, across the room, struggling across the floor toward the bookshelf. thing fights the wind, which pelts him with papers and other flying debris. gomez can no longer fight the storm, and the bookshelf slams shut. fester desperately tries to close the book to quell the storm, but a huge bolt of lightning zaps him. he falls to the floor, with electricity coursing through him.
pugsley, old man!
let's get a picture! lurch?
look, everyone! we have guests!
it is a wonderful hat.
you remember, old sport - she really did find him tangled in a tuna net, twenty-five years ago. with amnesia.
pugsley.
all right, everybody - time for a game! what shall it be - bobbing for apples?
"wake the dead"! out to the cemetery! come on, everyone! everyone starts to exit, chattering happily.
blood is thicker than water, old man.
let us never be parted.
oh, tish - what a night. everyone -- together at last. what more could we ask?
cara mia.  is it true?