bye, sphincter! they laugh, then peel out with the radio blasting.
freakin! it's jake, back for another beer.
hey, did you hear about rachael unger? before deacon can answer.
he shoots, he misses, right, ass- sphincter? come on, naomi. we're going in the pool.
whatever.
coop's doing funnels. come on. it's jake, by the side of the pool with deacon's clothes. the other people swim to the front, and get out of the pool.  . wearing clothes! even wendy, in a strapless bra.
freakin? i can't see you. maybe i need to turn on the lights. and he does. the backyard lights go on illuminating the scene. deacon panics. people start looking at him, laughing. then, the cheesy colored pool lights come on, flashing slowly. deacon is humiliated. jake bends down to whisper to deacon.
did you really think naomi was into you? deacon doesn't respond. but it's not enough for jake. he picks up deacon's underwear with a stick and examines them.
oh my god! skid marks. aaaahhh, deacon shit his pants again!
sphincter boy shit his pants!
hey, sphincter. .  just as jake drives up to them. deacon is starting to really get pissed at jake ruining the moment with naomi.
oh, sure. sorry about that.  shit-pants. he looks at naomi.
hi, naomi.
oops. sorry. he shifts gears and drives over the bike again. he laughs as he drives away. naomi gives deacon a pitying look and walks away. the moment is gone. now deacon is.
hi, guys. fred quickly shuts off the monitor.
what the hell's going on, sphincter?
i saw the strippers. and some crack whore named saffron came over my house the other day looking for you guys.
what's this? "oh, my god. there's a boy at the door looking at us naked in the shower." he flips a page.
"the a. v club secretary lathers all of their glistening bodies. 'i'm so dirty,' she moans." what the hell kind of crap is this? are you guys running a whorehouse or something?
you retards are making a porno movie?
who's the girl?
who's the guy? a beat.
well, maybe i could do it.
why not?
you don't think i can do it? trust me, i've nailed enough girls.
look, you little butt munch. i want to do this, and if you don't let me, i'll go and tell your mommy what kind of sick shit you're doing. jake looks him over. 54 int. basement set as "yearbook office" - day 54
oh, my god. what are you doing?
give me one good reason why i shouldn't.
sure. no problem.
okay. still nothing.
all right. hang on a second. he has his back to them, but it's obvious his bread hasn't risen. fred lets the boom mike sag a bit.
hey, it's not hard yet.
this has never happened before. she got me too excited.
what do you want to hear? i've got a tiny pee-pee? i'm a premature e-jac-u-la-tor? sometimes before i get a boner? okay?
i'm out of here. and if you dickwads tell anybody about this, first i'll kill you, and then i'll bust you guys. he pops the videotape out of the camera, takes it, and leaves.
yeah. it's private. jake eyes deacon intently.
why are you hanging around with this loser?
what's yours? she storms away. deacon follows her.
these guys are pornographers! it's jake, on the bandstand with the mike. he's drunk.
they're perverts! they make porno movies in their basement!
oh, really, skidmarks? i know someone who will believe me. your parents.
oh, really? well, good thing i took the tape of ashley masturbating in your basement. when they see that, they'll see what kind of movies their perfect little deacon is making.
no.
yup.
watch where you're going, sphincter boy. but he's dealing with a totally new and improved deacon now.
what are you going to do about it?
i've got a tiny pee-pee? i'm a premature e-jac-u-la-tor?
stop it! stop the video!
tiny pee-pee. tiny pee-pee. e-jac-u-la- tor. e-jac, e-jac, e-jac-u-laaaaaaa-tor. students point and laugh at him, while deacon and the guys continue on down the hallway, dancing to the beat. deacon kisses rachael goodbye.