happy birthday, deacon.
well, i got this flyer and--
like i care.
duh. deacon's mind is racing with possibilities when:
screw off. i'm talking to deacon.
whatever. jake gives deacon a dirty look, nods a "let's go" to j.t. and mark, and heads out back.
what an asshole. as soon as jake is out of sight, deacon turns back to naomi, but she's already gone, stranding deacon. what just happened here? reveal matt helping roger drink a beer in the background.
going home to cram for midterms. with a look, deacon shoos away the freshman dork.
that's okay. i'll be all right. deacon searches for something meaningful to say, desperate not to let the moment pass him by. naomi cuts him some slack by asking,
so where did rachael go off to?
whatever. she turns her back to jake and his smile fades. he revs the engine and peels out backwards. deacon jumps out of the way, but his bike is crushed by the car.
yeah. thanks. i'm so embarrassed. she pats at the stain.
deacon, wait. block me for a second while i change my shirt.
facing the other way.
i haven't seen you around here in a while.
cool. you can turn around now. he turns and sees her new shirt is not yet 100% on.
listen. mark and j.t. are having a party tonight. you want to meet me there?
why not?
you know, rachael's coming back from paris in a couple of weeks.
so, aren't you even a little interested in seeing her?
so what's this project you guys are working on?
what's your problem, jake?
he really pisses me off. jake is such an asshole.
when we were going out, he was so mean to me all the time. i think he's compensating for his little dick that never even gets hard. deacon chokes on his drink.
you know what you are? deacon gets a little nervous.
you're a nice guy. she kisses him on the cheek. deacon looks at her, then steels himself to make a decision. he kisses her! she's surprised, but not unwilling.
deacon?
so why didn't you? most guys would look away at this point, with a fabulous babe with pouty lips staring you down. but deacon passes the test: he stands his ground and kisses her again. she likes it. at a window, jake sees them kissing. he doesn't like it. at another window, fred sees it, too. and for a completely different reason, he doesn't like it either.
i thought i'd come by and surprise you. maybe we could hang out in your bedroom. she looks at him seductively. deacon looks over his shoulder.
what's wrong?
hi, mrs. lewis. i'm naomi. i'm deacon's girlfriend. and with that she looks at deacon, figuring she just made his day. it fails, however, to achieve the desired effect.
what do you mean? what's going on?
oh, my god. how old are you, you slut?
i thought you were a nice guy. naomi storms out of the house. deacon follows, then ashley.
she's a porno actress in your porno film. she had to pretend to be your girlfriend because she ran upstairs naked when the light caused a fire. and you've never had sex with her or even kissed her.
not necessarily. she looks at him with newfound interest.
i want to come to the set tomorrow.
why not? i'm curious. i've never seen a porno movie actually being made.
tell them i'm a .  creative consultant. for the female point of view.
five hundred dollars a night?
no way.
hey, coop. are you helping these guys, too?
wait a second. cut. this is all wrong. she wouldn't be fantasizing about some geek.
no, he should be really well-dressed, and maybe he's a foreign exchange student from portugal.
deacon agrees with me, don't you? matt and fred look at deacon.
shut up, coop. this is important.
besides, if you losers knew anything about women, we wouldn't have this problem.
i don't have to take this. she storms off, leaving deacon there to make a decision. he looks at matt and fred for a beat, then follows naomi. fred and matt are crushed.
so, do you have anything?
you know. protection.
don't you want to?
then what's the problem? deacon looks at her waiting there for him, his for the taking. a long beat. then,
that's okay. just go slow. and he does. he's nervous at first, not sure what to do. but as she kisses him softly, suddenly we start to hear the slow fade in of porno music playing in deacon's head. the music grows louder when:
what? i thought you might want some new clothes.
and guess what? i booked facials for us at the serenity spa.
what's wrong?
deacon, you don't have to hang out with those guys any more. besides, you really need a facial. and i mean, i thought we could spend the day together. you know, after last night.
well what about me? she pouts. she has him under her thumb. he takes her hand and continues into the store.
what?
what?
you're breaking up with me? can we still have sex?
the only reason i went out with you was because i thought you were a nice guy. and now you're breaking up with me?
if you tell anybody about this.  i have a reputation.
really?
you see? you are a nice guy. she kisses him on the cheek.
you know, jake, you're a real dick! she punches him in the stomach. he doubles over and she uppercuts him. he flies backwards, crashing through a table.