excuse me, i'm a teacher. there is no word in the english language -- "xmas." it's either merry christmas.  or happy holidays.
-- killed everyone off so her son tiberius could inherit the throne. just like nixon.
you sure? i'm making soy cutlets.
wait. you've been kissing.
yes.  yes, you have.
yes you have. i can tell.
not only can i tell, i know who it is. it's darryl.
honey, it's all about drugs and promiscuous sex.
yes it's poetry. it's the poetry of drugs and promiscuous sex. look at the picture on the cover.
that was an experiment. but i understand -
honey, you want to rebel against knowledge.
i'm a teacher. why can't i teach my own kids? use me.
well, clearly, "no" is a word darryl doesn't hear much.
everything i say is wrong.
sweetheart, don't be a drama queen.
hey!
what's the difference?
put on your seatbelt. i don't want you flying through the windshield.
"received" your annual.
enjoy it while you can.
can this wait until we get home?
he knows how old he is.
what's a "narc?"
well what's wrong with that?
i also put you in first grade when you were five and never told you.
he never asked.
honey.  sweetheart.  don't be cleopatra. we have to be his mother and his dad.
i skipped you an extra grade. you're eleven.
so you skipped fifth grade. there's too much padding in the grades. i taught elementary school. 5th grade - unnecessary. nothing happens in the 5th grade. all teachers know it, no one talks about it.
and you skipped kindergarten because i taught it to you when you were four.
adolescence is a marketing tool.
who needs a "crowd?" you're unique. you're two years ahead of everybody. take those extra years and do what you want. go to europe for a year! take a look around, see what you like! follow your dream! you'll still be the youngest lawyer in the country. your own great grandfather practiced law until he was 93. your dad was so proud of you. he knew you were a pronominally accelerated child.
you're rebellious and ungrateful of my love.
we can't talk? we have to listen to rock music?
how can she leave such a loving family?
she'll be back.
maybe not soon.
look at this. an entire generation of cinderellas and there's no slipper coming.
black. sabbath. just remember - you wanted to be atticus finch in to kill a mockingbird.
i'll be waiting right here at eleven 'o clock sharp. if you get lost, use the family whistle.
i worry about the drunk drivers.
yes, you're 15. "and here's that money i owed you."
keep the small bills on the outside. and call me if anyone gets drunk.
good.
ha ha. very funny. see -- sense of humor. have fun at the dance. i'm glad you're making friends.
yeah -
oh.  okay.
honey, i need you to do that thing that fixes the garbage disposal --
whatever it is, the answer is no.
honey, what are you doing here?
what's involved?
is it time for me to say something?
no.
no.
"lo, that which i have feared has come upon me."
no. i have raised him to be an honor student, which he is. we have agreed on all our goals. we raised him to be a lawyer, we moved here to be near the finest law school in the west. plus, he has finals coming up, and in one week he graduates with all his friends
this is going to be hell.
what am i supposed to say? you say it's tolkien, fine. they sound like nice kids. is it meant to elevate humanity? "sure, let's elevate humanity. after we sell you drugs and sex." all i have is my honesty. that's what i believe, and that's what i know. oh. here's a nice ad.
has william miller arrived yet? he hasn't. could you give him a message as soon as you see him? -
may i speak with william please?
no this isn't maryann with the pot. this is elaine.  his mother.
could you please give him a message? could you tell him to call home immediately? and could you also tell him - i know what's going on.
i guess i just miss you, and i don't understand why i've driven both my kids so far away from me. by all practical rules don't i get you for three more years?
i miss you and i love you!
listen to me. your charm does not work on me. i'm onto you. of course you like him.
he worships you people and that's fine with you, as long as he helps make you rich.
listen to me. he's a smart, good- hearted, 15 year-old kid, with infinite potential.
if you break his spirit, harm him in any way, keep him from his chosen profession -- which is law, something you may not value but i do -- you will meet the voice on the other end of this telephone. and it will not be pretty. do we understand each other?
i didn't ask for this role, but i'll play it. now go do your best. "be bold and mighty forces will come to your aide!" goethe said that. it's not too late for you to be a person of substance. get my son home safely, i'm glad we spoke.
then don't come home. don't do this to me. if you're going to miss graduation, don't come home.
i'm sorry. i can't concentrate. rock stars kidnaped my son.
please let there be only two, because i can't get past number one.
he's got twelve of them. they're lined up. he's just tired of me.
i don't know. whatever happened to him, i just wish it could have happened to me.
i went through your records. and i found a song to play for you.