yeah, i'm the best, baby.
oh -- that was a tit, tits.
oh yeah, baby, i'll give it to you.
i do, baby, i do.
yeah, that's right.
man, shut up!
yep, okay mom, 'night.
yeah. damn cable. there's this nature show that i'm trying to watch.
uh.
must. be. broken.
nothing!
jesus, mom! they're not illegal! they're pay channels. how could a television channel be illegal?! god, get a clue!
yeah -- hey, did you see the little mermaid on tv the other night? that ariel, whew.
yeah, oz, but not when she's on land.
a hot cartoon.
c-span?
and you said.
you think she was serious?
no -- kevin, you?
there's our man.
ooh, here's an easy one: "attractive swf, fun loving and a youthful mind seeks outgoing companion." okay"attractive". ugly.
no, "charming" is old. "older" is really old. "youthful mind" is dead.
finch, you can be the one to date a nearly-dead insane chick. eat your damn imitation hot dog.
you can crash at stifler's?
this was remade? into what?
so, does my hair look better -- like this, or.  like this?
nadia does, that czechoslovakian chick, she might be there tonight. now, do you think she'd prefer -- cool hip jim.  or laid back jim?
what about you? you're the one with the girlfriend and you're still stranded on third base.
so let's say you get there. what's uh, third base feel like?
apple pie.  mcdonald's or homemade?
hey sherman. scopin' the babes.
you've got something going?
oh, shit! there she is. nadia.
what would i say?
but --
yes.
no. you. go. ahead.
oh, shit. no! shit!
hey, you did better than i did, nova.
what the hell? i should be able to talk to chicks. i'm articulate. i got a 720 on my sat verbal. copious. verisimilitude.
intransigence.
regurgitation.
jesus, what did you eat?
shit, i can't believe a fine woman like this produced a guy like stifler.
sorry, i thought you were dead.
finch! where were you last night? what happened to the foolproof plan?
you did it.
jesus, we're all gonna go to college as virgins. they've probably got special dorms for people like us.
like a bet?
pontificated.
their tiger-style kung-fu is strong; but our dragon style will defeat it!
yeah, it's like tradition or something.
exactly three weeks to the day.
just a minute!
yeah, sure.
dad, come in.
okay.
uh. dad.
i know, dad.
dad! i know!
yes dad.
thank you, dad, i got it.
wait!
this is unexpected.
yeah, i think you sounded pretty good.
you're just gonna sit there and drink your coffee?
finch, don't you think it's about time you learned to take a dump at school?
i have no idea. finch showers in a bathing suit.
yeah, enormous.
definitely not.
mom?! i'm home!
it's not what it looks like!
hey, dad. did you knock?
dad, please stop. please. i'm sure i know what you're talking about.
yes.
wow, that's amazing, she's probably gonna want to do it soon.
hey, where's finch?
i don't get it. how does a guy like that get this sudden reputation?
actually, it's an eagle and this big python.
yeah, see it's on his stomach, here, and the eagle -- the eagle is actually grasping the python in its talons, so the snake is like his --
yeah, i know. i'm working on it.
me?
yes. no. yes.
okay. that would be cool sometime. how 'bout tomorrow?
i suppose that would be okay.
what am i gonna do, broadcast her over the internet?
oh -- no way. i can't do that to her.
well. dammit, if i'm doing this, how the hell am i gonna watch?
i know. hey nadia.
dad.
dad!!
so you need to change, right?
no, go right ahead and get dressed. i'll just be downstairs, studying up. get me when you're ready.
be back in a sec!
did i miss anything?!
woah!
oh, thank you lord, for this wonderful day.
dear god -- she's -- she's -- she's --
but, but -- what would i do?
that's stupid.
oh. oh. oh, shit!
hey mom hey dad!
oh boy oh god oh crap oh no.
please, god. let this be it.
looks like you could use an extra hand.
well. uh.
uh. yeah. sorry.
strip?
you mean like, strip strip?
uh.
um. okay.
nadia, i can't --
oh yeah!
oh no.
no, no, i'm not done! i've got reserves! nadia, please please please. i'm begging you.
did you see this? this is your more exotic dirty magazine.
oh yes. very arousing women. they arouse me very much. but not as arousing as you.
holy shit.
no, not again.
no! i've got. reserve reserves!
okay.
shut up. you're supposed to be supportive.
no. her sponsors here saw the thing on the net. i don't think they liked it.
she's already on a plane back home.
jesus, kevin, rub it in.
hold on. you have no idea why i'm angry?
yeah, that's pretty much it.
what was your name again?
okay. michelle, do you want to be my date for the prom?
yes. seriously.
whatever you want.
yeeeeeeeaaaawwwwww!
highly, highly overrated.
my date's a flute-toting band dork. that answer your question?
back out? you don't need us to get laid. you afraid or something?
i don't have to do shit! forget it already!
kevin, come on, the bus to stifler's is gonna be here soon.
so do i, kev.
come on man. tonight is the night. we're finally going to a post-prom party on the lake. we've been waiting to do this for the last four years. why else are we still friends with stifler? you gotta go.
there it is. i want to grab my bag. oh, and my date.
stifler's mom got it in the divorce.
oh, i've got stories, believe me. they're a little more risque than tales of band camp.
okay. you want a story? here's a story. stifler finds this beer, right? and.
i told you.
yeah, bring it on!
so, the end of the story is. you had to kiss the guy for twenty seconds?
okay, i get it.
excuse me?!
this'll do.
why, uh, what makes you think that i --
are you gonna do what i think you're gonna do?
oh yeah! put it in your mouth!
hail, hail, to michigan, the leaders and best!
she's gone.
hail! to the victors, valiant; hail! to the conquering heroes, hail.
no, no that's fine. so you doing okay?
hang in there, buddy, you'll get there.
after getting laid?
thanks guys.