illegal channels? shit, if there's any channel that should be illegal, it's whatever that women's channel is. lifetime supply of pantyhose, or some shit.
she's a mermaid, dude.
she's a cartoon, dude.
is there anything you don't jerk off to?
oh shit dude, the l-word!
just don't bring it up, hang low, maybe she won't mention it again.
you guys got the latin homework?
stifler!!
depends if my date wants to stop by.
nah, gave her the heisman. i'm working on something new.
dude, it's gotta happen -- she's a college chick!
she works part-time at my dad's store.
dude, he does not.
once, in church, dude.
"fun loving" -- insane.
dude, i wish you wouldn't do that.
and little hurly-burly came by in her curly-wurly, and asked me if i needed i ri-hide --
it's early springsteen, dude, this is classic. this was before the cheesy remake.
bli-hinded by the light -- cut loose like a deuce, another runner in the night, blinded.
who cares?
contact, dude.
shortstop. 'course, you don't make it to third, and you're out.
feels like warm apple pie, dude.
great evening, isn't it?
there's something about the spring that's just cool. like the smell of fresh rain or something.
suck me, beautiful.
suck me. beautiful?
uh. you know, my friends call me nova -- as in casanova.
well. jeez, don't laugh at me.
like what?
okay.
i'm not good in math.
shut the fuck up.
oh that's really reassuring. and don't call me nova anymore. i'm a fraud.
i'm such a loser.
no shit, i'm never gonna get laid. how the hell am i gonna become this mr. sensitive man?
dude, it's not like i haven't been trying to get laid.
the sha-lin masters from east and west must unite!
dude, prom sucks.
hey guys, you came to watch me in action?
keep it down, dude.
this place is an untapped resource. check it out, dude, these vocal jazz girls are hot.
dude, watch me work. they go for sensitive studs like me.
sorry.
oh, well.  it came from the heart.
really? hey, thanks -- heather, right?
yeah. right, uh-huh. i feel like i've discovered this whole new side of me. music is so expressive.
oh sure. i know what people think. it's like, oz, he's just this kickass lacrosse player -- i also play football, by the way -- but that's like. not all that i am.
i mean it really bothers me when people try to pigeonhole me like that.
yeah. so like, what else do you do?
i just -- realized that i didn't know anything about you. i was interested.
thanks coach.
-- thanks, coach --
hey, what're you doing here?
whoops, excuse me.
you can call me oz.
you can call me ostreicher.
forget it.
neither will i.
yeah!
stifler, fuck -- . man, you don't have to be so insensitive.
alright, cool. i gotta hit the showers, but. i think this'll be really good.
hey, you know, what can i say, i dig those cute little sweaters she wears.
so does your tongue cramp up?
what reputation?
okay, explain.
nice car.
you don't like it?
what?!
what? no i'm not.
i wasn't making fun of you.
i'll do it.
i'll do it.
because i want to.
you can do that?
you've still got a chance with nadia, right?
dammit!
how did you know i was here?
you talked to stifler?
okay. cool then. i'm um, i'm glad you came by. i mean, really.
uh. my dad's the manager.
ah, he's always too heavy on the vinegar. if you really want a good one, you gotta let me make it.
my dad's always here running the store, busy and stuff. and i fill in once a week so he can get a night off.
so you're going to michigan?
onions?
you want onions?
well, state's got a good business school. and i can probably walk onto the lacrosse team. green peppers?
well, i mean, business is okay, and lacrosse is awesome, but what am i gonna be, a pro lacrosse player? i really have no idea.
well, you're not. oil and vinegar?
i know. salt and pepper?
you -- oh, you mean -- yeah, east lansing and ann arbor.
wanna swap your chips for cookies?
i needed the shelter of someone's arms. there you were -- woo-hoo- hoo.
i needed someone to understand my ups and my downs, oh baby there you were.
come on, you know the words, sing along.
our last game is this saturday.
i've got this lacrosse game. it's really important, it's our last game. and you know, central almost beat us last time, so i really want to kick their ass, and it's like cool because we're gonna get to play at state, which means that after the game i might be able to stop by.
i'm sorry, i totally spaced. i just. i didn't realize it.
alright. yeah. thanks for understanding. so i guess. i'll see you later.
good luck, guys.
sorry, coach.
yeah.
i'm not playing.
no. i'm missing the game for you.
dammit, kevin, what's with the attitude?
kevin, it was just a --
guess what?
i still think you're okay.
and by the way, sherman didn't even get laid.
come on, kevin. vicky's looking for you.
there's something i've been meaning to tell you, heather.
it's gonna sound really bad, but i want you to know.
no, that's not what i mean. i mean -- look. you know what made me leave that game? coach was giving this speech, about not slacking off when you see the opportunity to score.
no, see heather, what i realized is that. with you, it's not like i'm running towards the goal, trying to figure out the best way to score. and this may sound corny, but --
you called me oz.
dieter. my middle name is dieter.
i know, it sucks!
i can't think of anything to say that's not cheesy.
yeah. so you want double condiments on that?
i'll just say that we had a great night together.
i know.
i think we're falling in love.
it's true. i mean, after this, everything'll be different.
after high school.
fuck yeah we will.