you're crazy!
alvy, you're a total paranoid.
ah, max, you, uh .
why, max? it's a good name for you. max, you see conspiracies in everything.
right, max. california, max.
let's get the hell outta this crazy city.
-we move to sunny l.a. all of show business is out there, max.
right, max, forget it. aren't you gonna be late for meeting annie?
max, my serve is gonna send yuh to the showers-
max, the city is terribly worried.
no, no, no, max, that's a very convenient out. every time some group disagrees with you it's because of anti-semitism.
max, if we lived in california, we could play outdoors every day, in the sun.
you know alvy?
you know annie?
who's playing who here? alvy well, uh .  you and me against them?
yeah, watch the road!
i can't wait to see the old neighborhood.
we can show her the schoolyard.
yes, i remember. he was all schoolyard. they threw him a football once, he tried to dribble it.
you're lucky, max-where i used to live is now a pornographic equipment store.
what kind of good memories, max? your mother and father fighting all the time.
they can't hear you, max.
hey, max! who's that?
tessie, they say you were the sister with personality.
uh, how did this personality come about?
there were many men interested in you?
that's pretty hard to believe.
i've never been so relaxed as i have been since i moved out here, max. i want you to see my house. i live right next to hugh hefner's house, max. he lets me use the jacuzzi. and the women, max, they're like the women in playboy magazine, only they can move their arms and legs.
aw, come on, max, give us a break, will yuh? it's christmas.
no kidding?
max, there's no crime, there's no mugging.
while you're out here, max, i want you to see some of my tv show. and we're invited to a big christmas party.
look, now, charlie, give me a big laugh here.
a little bigger.
max, i've got a hit series.
give me a tremendous laugh here, charlie.
we do the show live in front of an audience.
yeah, well, that's why this machine is dynamite.
yeah .  uh, now give me a like a medium-size chuckle here .  and then a big hand.
what's the matter?
well, sit down.
you all right?
you wanna lie down?
how about a ginger ale?
you like this house, max?
i even brought a road map to get us to the bathroom.
what difference does that make?
oh, no, no, that's bullshit, max. he goes with that girl over there.
the one with the v.p.l.
visible panty line. max, she is gorgeous.
there are no twos, max.
m'hm.
how do you like this couple, max?
and i think they just came back from masters and johnson.
if she comes over here, max, my brain is going to turn into guacamole.
oh, he-he didn't say anything.
hi. how do you do.
yeah. right.
we're gonna operate together.
imagine my surprise when i got your call, max.
twins, max. sixteen-year-olds. can you imagine the mathematical possibilities?
oh, i did shakespeare in the park, max. i got mugged. i was playing richard the second and two guys with leather jackets stole my leotard.
keeps out the alpha rays, max. you don't get old.