morning, mr. kessel -- morning, miss robinson -- morning, mr. kirkeby -- morning, mr. williams -- morning, miss livingston -- morning, mr. mckellway -- morning, mr. pirelli -- morning, mrs. schubert --
morning, mr. baxter.
watch the door, please. blasting off.
it was making me nervous, so i chopped it off. big mistake, huh?
say, you got a lulu.
oh, i never catch colds.
that makes me feel just terrible.
well, to make the figures come out even -- since i have no colds a year -- some poor slob must have five colds a year.
you should have stayed in bed this morning.
nineteen. watch your step.
and watch your hand, mr. kirkeby!
one of these days i'm going to shut those doors on you and --
twenty next.
going up?
twenty-seven.
you're beginning to sound like mr. kirkeby already.
couldn't happen to a nicer guy. you know, you're the only one around here who ever takes his hat off in the elevator.
the characters you meet. something happens to men in elevators. must be the change of altitude -- the blood rushes to their head, or something -- boy, i could tell you stories --
twenty-seven.
i hope everything goes all right.
fine. wait.
good luck. and wipe your nose.
good night.
you have?
how'd you make out on the twenty- seventh floor?
no.
sure.
you mean tonight?
i'm sorry, but i can't tonight. i'm meeting somebody.
no. like a man.
just tell 'em -- now and then.
it used to be serious -- at least i was -- but he wasn't -- so the whole thing is more or less kaputt.
i'm afraid not. i promised to have a drink with him -- he's been calling me all week --
what time does the show go on?
well -- i could meet you at the theatre -- if that's all right.
meet you in the lobby. okay?
how is your cold?
so i see.
sounds good. how do you know where i live?
how come?
oh.
well, don't tell the fellows in the office about the appendix. they may get the wrong idea how you found out. 'bye.
good evening, mr. sheldrake.
still afraid somebody may see us together?
no, jeff. i can't stay very long. can i have a frozen daiquiri?
that's right.
yes, i know. you want a lock to carry in your wallet?
thank you.
six weeks. but who's counting?
like old times. same booth, same song --
-- same sauce -- sweet and sour.
let's not start on that again, jeff -- please. i'm just beginning to get over it.
look, jeff -- we had two wonderful months this summer -- and that was it. happens all the time -- the wife and kids go away to the country, and the boss has a fling with the secretary or the manicurist -- or the elevator girl. comes september, the picnic is over -- goodbye. the kids go back to school, the boss goes back to the wife, and the girl -- they don't make these shrimp like they used to.
for a while there, you try kidding yourself that you're going with an unmarried man. then one day he keeps looking at his watch, and asks you if there's any lipstick showing, then rushes off to catch the seven-fourteen to white plains. so you fix yourself a cup of instant coffee -- and you sit there by yourself -- and you think -- and it all begins to look so ugly --
why do you keep calling me, jeff? what do you want from me?
sorry, mr. sheldrake -- i'm full up. you'll have to take the next elevator.
go ahead -- tell me.
no. i have a date at eight-thirty.
not very -- but i'm going to be there anyway.
no. no dinner.
do i. that leaky little boat you rented -- and me in a black negligee and a life preserver --
we talked about a lot of things.
we didn't talk about it -- you did.
they got it an a long playing record now - music to string her along by. my wife doesn't understand me -- we haven't gotten along for years -- you're the best thing that ever happened to me --
just trust me, baby -- we'll work it out somehow --
i wasn't trying.
okay. i'm sorry.
handle what?
let's get something straight, jeff -- i never asked you to leave your wife.
are you sure that's what you want?
you know i do.
jeff -- darling --
i have that date -- remember?
where are we going, jeff? not back to that leaky boat --
thank you. i thought you were avoiding me.
in the last six weeks you've only been in my elevator once -- and then you didn't take your hat off.
i don't blame you. it was unforgivable.
you shouldn't.
don't be too sure. just because i wear a uniform -- that doesn't make me a girl scout.
cheers.
i shouldn't drink when i'm driving.
why not? they seem friendly enough.
how many of those drinks did you have?
i thought so.
i beg your pardon?
yes, i know.
i don't know what you're talking about.
will you excuse me?
well -- thank you.
nothing. there are just too many people here.
no -- i like it.
of course not.
much better.
this is a bad day for me.
i'd better get back to my elevator. i don't want to be fired.
why?
makes a cute picture.
i'm afraid there are too many other girls around here with seniority over me.
i think so.
here.
what is it?
i know. i like it this way -- makes me look the way i feel.
your phone.
all right. have a nice christmas.
yeah -- that's me. the happy idiot -- a million laughs.
funny thing happened to me at the office party today -- i ran into your secretary -- miss olsen. you know -- ring-a-ding-ding? i laughed so much i like to died.
i was never very good at history. let me see -- there was miss olsen, and then there was miss rossi -- no, she came before -- it was miss koch who came after miss olsen --
and just think -- right now there's some lucky girl in the building who's going to come after me --
how could i be so stupid? you'd think i would have learned by now -- when you're in love with a married man, you shouldn't wear mascara.
merry christmas.
yeah, we better.
okay. i just thought as long as it was paid for --
a hundred dollars? i wouldn't call that cheap. and you must be paying somebody something for the use of the apartment --
you'll miss your train, jeff.
you run along -- i want to fix my face.
sure. monday and thursday -- and monday again -- and thursday again --
careful -- lipstick.
sleeping pills.
doctor.
dreyfuss.
dr. dreyfuss.
i took sleeping pills.
no.
i don't know.
mr. baxter -- nineteenth floor.
what are you doing here?
oh, yes -- office party -- miss olsen --
i don't understand --
i'm so tired --
please -- just let me sleep.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry, mr. baxter.
i didn't know -- i had no idea this was your apartment --
i'm so ashamed. why didn't you just let me die?
my head -- it feels like a big wad of chewing gum. what time is it?
where's my dress? i have to go home.
you don't want me here --
i just want to go brush my teeth --
no -- i don't want anything.
my sister -- she'll want to know what happened to me.
well, i haven't figured it out, exactly.
i'll tell her i spent the night with a friend.
someone from the office.
in his apartment.
i mean -- her apartment.
baxter.
miss.
as soon as i can walk.
no -- it's my stomach.
they had to pump it out.
but they'll be worried about me -- my brother-in-law may be calling the police --
thanks for reminding me.
he doesn't give a damn about me.
he's a liar. but that's not the worst part of it -- the worst part is -- i still love him.
i don't know -- kind of dizzy.
thank you. i'm really not hungry.
i can't eat.
she doesn't seem to like you very much.
oh. did you find something here -- an envelope -- ?
open it.
that's right. will you see that mr. sheldrake gets it?
here -- take this, will you?
i'm not very good at it.
you don't have to entertain me.
i think i'm going to give it all up.
why do people have to love people, anyway?
i don't want it.
what do you call it when somebody keeps getting smashed up in automobile accidents?
that's me with men. i've been jinxed from the word go -- first time i was ever kissed was in a cemetery.
i was fifteen -- we used to go there to smoke. his name was george -- he threw me over for a drum majorette.
i just have this talent for falling in love with the wrong guy in the wrong place at the wrong time.
three. the last one was manager of a finance company, back home in pittsburgh -- they found a little shortage in his accounts, but he asked me to wait for him -- he'll be out in 1965.
so i came to new york and moved in with my sister and her husband -- he drives a cab. they sent me to secretarial school, and i applied for a job with consolidated - but i flunked the typing test --
oh. i can type up a storm, but i can't spell. so they gave me a pair of white gloves and stuck me in an elevator -- that's how i met jeff -- oh, god, i'm so fouled up. what am i going to do now?
was he really upset when you told him?
maybe he does love me -- only he doesn't have the nerve to tell his wife.
you really think so?
can i have that pad and the pencil?
i'm going to write a letter to mrs. sheldrake.
as one woman to another -- i'm sure she'll understand --
why not?
i don't like myself very much anyway.
do i have to?
sure.
who was that?
would you mind opening the window?
i just want some fresh air.
so they'll shoot me -- like a horse.
who'd care?
why can't i ever fall in love with somebody nice like you?
for me?
i don't want to talk to him.
hello, jeff. yes, i'm all right.
of course i'm not here -- because the whole thing never happened -- i never took those pills -- i never loved you -- we never even met -- isn't that the way you want it?
sure. what's that funny smell?
yes. i was boiling some water to get the coffee stains out of my dress.
are you supposed to?
oh.
i was washing my stockings, so i decided i might as well do your socks.
it's very curious -- i could only find three and a half pair.
i'd say. what's a tennis racquet doing in the kitchen?
why not?
yes, you are, when i was straightening up the couch, you know what i found? six hairpins, a lipstick, a pair of false eyelashes, and a swizzle stick from the stork club.
you mean to someone like mr. sheldrake.
i know so. he's a taker.
some people take, some people get took -- and they know they're getting took -- and there's nothing they can do about it.
i really ought to be getting home. my family will be flipping by now.
i wonder how long it takes to get someone you're stuck on out of your system? if they'd only invent some kind of a pump for that --
you did?
over a girl?
no, i don't.
where?
in the knee?
that's terrible.
are you just making that up to make me feel better?
no, thanks. the fellows in the office may get the wrong idea how i found out.
yes, nurse.
are we dressing for dinner?
say, you're pretty good with that racquet.
shall i light the candles?
i see you bought some napkins.
you usually eat alone?
cheers.
the dishes?
what?
i don't?
oh.
this is my brother-in-law, karl matuschka.
all right, karl -- i'll get dressed.
because i took some sleeping pills. but i'm all right now -- so let's go.
leave him alone, karl.
you fool -- you damn fool.
goodbye, mr. baxter.
goodbye, doctor.
good evening, mr. baxter.
fine. how's your eye?
how's everything at the apartment?
i know. i suppose you heard about mr. sheldrake --?
i never thought he'd do it.
i guess so.
yes. you walking to the subway?
oh.
no. you know how people talk. so i decided it would be better if we didn't see each other till everything is settled, divorce-wise.
good night, mr. baxter.
all set for what?
atlantic city?
ring out the old year, ring in the new. ring-a-ding-ding.
baxter?
he wouldn't.
the nerve.
i don't know. i guess that's the way it crumbles -- cookie-wise.
i'd spell it out for you -- only i can't spell.
mr. baxter! mr. baxter! mr. baxter!
are you all right?
are you sure? how's your knee?
mind if i come in?
where are you going?
that's funny -- so am i. what did you do with the cards?
i'm going to send him a fruit cake every christmas.
cut.
seven -- -- queen.
shut up and deal!