the attache case has been empty for three years, but it makes him safe to think there's a machine pistol in it. he likes to hear stories about nam. i tell him i can't; they're not cleared. the truth is he wouldn't understand. there's no way i can tell them. what really happened over there. there was only one part that mattered -- for me, anyway. i don't even know if i remember all of it. i can't remember how it ended, exactly -- because when it ended i was insane. but i know how it started for me -- i was on r. and r. in saigon; my first time south of the dmz in three months. i wasn't sure, but i thought this guy was following me. sure, thanks. part. my part. i'm sure it is, but i had hepatitis. no. yeah. way north. none. sort of. no -- i worked too far north for let's talk about you. tracks ? fat. that's real fat. at least you always have enough water. how many gallons does each one of those damn things carry ? you know, i can remember once, getting back below the dmz -- and the first americans we ran into were a track squadron. i just couldn't believe how much water they had. we'd been chewing bamboo shoots for almost a week, and before that, for two weeks, we'd been drinking anything -- rain water, river shit, stuff right out of the paddies. and there were these guys standing by their trucks spilling water all over. i could've killed them. i swear to god i would have, too, if . we do. a long time. i go up on missions. listen captain, buy me all the beer you want, but you better tell that asshole over there you're not going to find out anymore about me. what do you want ? whose orders ? who are you ? they took me to some place outside nha trang. intelligence headquarters for all operations in south east asia. i'd worked for intelligence before -- captain b.l. willard, g-4 headquarters, reporting as ordered, sir. no, sir. no, sir. i am not presently disposed to discuss that, sir. i've worked with them on occasions and i saw the movie , sir. who ? why me ? yeah. i only met kurtz once. maybe. anyone got a cigarette. i thought he was a lame. this is years ago, before he joined special forces, i guess. we had an argument. i don't know. he was a lame, that's all. he couldn't get through a sentence without all these big words; about why we kill. maybe. maybe it's not kurtz. i don't believe he's capable of that. i just don't believe it. our recon flight ? touchy. you want me to clean it up -- simple and quiet. terminate ? i met the p.b.r. crew; they were pretty much all kids, except for phillips, the chief -- gunner's mate third class l. johnson -- lance johnson; gunner's mate third class j. hicks -- the chef -- radio operator second class t. miller; they called him mr. clean. chief, try to keep out of where we're going -- why we're goin' and what's gonna be the big surprise. let's go. we're gonna have some help to get in the river. you know these waters, chief ? shot himself. what for ? arch light. the dossier on a detachment had letters from kurtz' wife and the wives and families of his men. all asking where to send future mail, understanding the necessery silence due to the nature of their work -- none of the men had written home in half a year. lieutenant kurtz has shown a dedicated and well-disciplined spirit. he is a fine officer, combining military efficiency -- with a broad background in the humanities, the arts and sciences . he views his military career as the dedication of his talents to bringing our values and way of life to those darker, less fortunate areas in the world. i feel captain kurtz' request for special forces training is highly unusual in regard to his past humanitarian concerns, and his somewhat liberal politics, though i can see no reason to deny it. we feel major kurtz' need to bring a sense of western culture to the backward peoples of these areas will be of use in accordance with our 'vietnamization' programs . one day later we came to an advanced staging area along the coast. this was our last chance to pick up supplies before approaching the mouth of the nung river. they're in order -- it's perfectly clean -- just check with comsec- intel like i said. right now -- i am. i do. what show ? this -- bob hope or the like -- two days out of hau fat, there was nothing but us and the coastline. i felt like i had set off for the center of the earth. where ? black smoke . secondary burning. first air cavalry. they're the ones gonna get us into the river. captain b-l. willard, sir -- 4th recon group -- i carry priority papers from com-sec intelligence 11 corp -- i believe you understand the nature of my mission. my orders are from com-sec intel -- b.l. willard, 4th recon -- i got bored in saigon. haiphong. no. walked. mercenaries -- agents, traitors -- they put out caches. no. they put out two or three for every one i needed. when you get to the one you'll use, you just stake it out. if something feels wrong, you just pass it up. on one mission, i had to pass up three and ended up living on rats and chocolate bars. when did you hear? who knows. i met him. he musta changed ! i got to get into the nung river, here or here. hairy ? so? i heard you had a good bunch of killers here. i met him. you'll find enough cong up there. we could go in tomorrow at dawn -- there's always off-shore wind in the morning. charlie don't surf. music? who? automatic weapons flashes along those trees -- probably eleven millimeter guns and ak-47's. anyone got a card? i'm waiting for the fucking boat, colonel. what? incoming ! what's that? look. there it is; the boat. he can't kill us. we're on his side. you know, some day this war's gonna end. the kid can't ride sloppy waves. the kid can't stand sloppy waves. you don't expect this kid to ride that crap, do you? he's a goddamn artist, he needs something to work with. are you finished surfing? want to say goodbye to the colonel? then let's get the hell out of here. which one's the colonel's? this one , lance? when i was a kid i, never had a yater spoon. he didn't look like he'd take that sitting down. let's put some distance between us and charlie. take one a mine -- no -- i don't think so. but it'll be back. they were circling. it'll be back. when? i don't think hed of shot us on the beach but -- he'd of shot us if he saw me taking the board -- he's a man who knows what he wants -- he does know what he wants. sure. it's a feeling you get in the jungle. when you get good, you can find a track and tell not only how many they are, but their morale, how far they're going, whether they're near their camp, the weapons they're carrying. mostly from the imprints when they put them down to rest. their morale from the way they drag their feet, or the joints that may be lying around. if they're near a base camp, they wouldn't be conserving food; they'll be throwing it away half-eaten. if the branches aren't broken, their weapons are slung. but all this is just technique. there's a feeling you get after a while, that's what's important. i was going through a village once. i was looking for a certain party. i took off my boots, and walked into each hut. it was midnight. i went into three like that and suddenly i realized id gone into each hut the same way -- standing up -- so the next one i went in on my belly. an rpd burst took out the door a bit above my head. things like that. he's probably got 'em all over the river with that recording. we better move now while it's dark. i'll go with him -- i wanta get my feet on solid land once in awhile -- chef. why they call you that? chef -- is that 'cause you like mangoes an' stuff? a sauciere -- what are you doing out here? how? -- quiet -- there. no shit. i think i shot the hell out of him. i wasnt looking. i was running. who stopped to measure him -- let's get the hell out of here. he was right, the chef -- never go into the jungle, unless you're ready to go all the way. what was in the jungle? what was there, waiting for me? kurtz was in there. or was he; was it kurtz? he was just a name to me now; i couldn't remember a face, a voice -- he just didn't add up to me. all his liberal bullshit about the end of savagery -- and the role of our culture, our way of life. our way of life -- i really started to look forward to meeting kurtz again. the dossier of a dtachment contained letters from the families and wives of kurtz' men there were letters from kurtz' wife as well. dearest walt -- i have to confess something. i know how you feel about this, but i had to ask bob to find out what he could -- i just couldn't stand it anymore, not knowing where you are, whether you're alive or dead. i'm sorry walt, i'm sorry i said that. bob didn't tell me anything -- he said he couldn't -- i can't stand it anymore, walt -- i just can't stand it. i have to take the kids to school every morning now -- carpools just never work out. soldier -- where's your c.o.? well , who's in command here? what about you, soldier? yeah -- what's it matter? get to the point. yeah, i caught your show at hau fat. captain willard -- go ahead. yeah. dreadful. well -- we need all our fuel. i'm not that fond of blondes -- maybe i like brunettes -- i like all of them -- i said i like all of them. we need all our fuel anyway. sit down -- we'll talk about it. my men -- that's what there is to talk about -- my man -- i take a good care of my men -- we have a lot of pride in our unit -- esprit de corps -- one for all -- all for one -- you make some of your closest friends in the army -- war has a way of bringing men together. men of all races -- nationalities -- we can use some fifty caliber and a 16 too -- i will -- i assure you that -- you got a fifty on that h-34 -- leave the ammo in boxes -- i'll get my men to bring the first drum with 'em -- have the girls freshen up a bit -- comb their hair -- put on something -- you know what i mean -- all right i got a little surprise for you -- i've arranged with those people we saw at hau fat to give us some 50 caliber in trade for a couple a drums of fuel -- chef -- since you're such a fan of miss december's i think you should be detailed with lance and clean to take the first drum up there. you'll see soon enough -- get going, sailor -- ma'am -- i'd like to thank you for what you an' all your friends have done for us -- i want you to know that me an' the men appreciate you coming all this way -- riskin' your lives -- living uncomfortably an' doing all you can to entertain us. i want you to know personally, miss, that for the past few minutes you have made me feel at home. just wanted to say that, ma'am. two days and nights later, we approach the do lung bridge. who's your c.o., soldier? that's me. why? we'll be needing some supplies and fuel -- do you know anybody who can give me a hand? what is this bridge? son of a bitch, sir. where's your chief supply officer? what? c'mon -- what're you shooting at, soldier? it's all right, sergeant -- what's out there? we found some bodies -- let's get out a here. what about ducking into one of those tributaries till this river slows down? can't be any worse than this. what do you think? well, get in there. get in there ! get in there now or i'll bury you in this river. what do you see? keep cutting. probably is. that we're dumber than we look. throw me that ordnance. give me some kind a field a fire -- bring that bow ordnance into those trees. how much is left? and the grass? hey. that's a light down there -- in the middle of the jungle -- a goddamn light. watch it ! they're not cong. chef, try your french. french nationals -- they may not be too friendly, though. do it. i am -- i'm captain b.l. willard. this is chief warrant officer phillips -- it's his boat. we were shot up bad downriver and need repairs and food -- we can pay you in gold. as i said, we can pay you in gold. american weapons? we don't want to bother you any, we -- a habit of men of war, sir -- you understand. chief. come with us. go ahead -- looks like a two thousand pound to me. yeah, a two thousand pound bomb. i wondered -- how long has this room been like this; how long has the furniture been standing in these places? was it like this sixty years ago? eighty years? but here, even eighty years is nothing. it was jungle, once; and it will be jungle, again. i would like to know more about the . uh, plaque. of course. i -- once we make our repairs, we could send word, we could have you evacuated from here. you'll get blown outta here some day. the vietnamese think it's theirs -- i guess the americans do, too. i always thought the french came here to get the rubber. we were going upriver when we got caught in a storm, ma'am. do you know that jungle? what about an american named kurtz? good night. i'm sorry to hear that. i should be checking on the boat. i guess so. no. not really. i just follow my footsteps, one at a time, trying to answer the little questions and staying away from the big ones. kurtz. i know you've heard of him. what did you hear? what things? yes. i know. the river is beautiful. i'm afraid i won't have time -- i gotta -- so that's it. what if i say no. your daughter. that's right -- i did. i guess this is what men of war do -- eh? rocks, sand -- those two men who deserted. while you were sleeping. we moved deeper and deeper into the jungle. it was very quiet there. it was like wandering on a prehistoric planet, an unknown world . where the men thought they crawled to, i don't know. for me, we crawled toward kurtz -- exclusively. i don't know -- there'd still be some sign -- it's just like the one this morning. no -- leave it -- thta's not charlie's work -- whoever put'em there didn't do it to kill people -- they put 'em up as signs -- yeah -- like keep out -- toward the night of the fifth day out of do lung bridge, we judged ourselves about eight miles from kurtz' base. everything was still, the trees, the creepers, even the brush seemed like it had been changed into some kind of stone. it was unnatural, like a trance. not a sound could be heard. i began to think i was deaf -- then the fog came suddenly, and i was blind too. listen. listen. if they have boats . or canoes. they'd get lost in the fog. we can't move either -- we'll end up on the shore. shhhhhh. it doesn't sound hostile -- it sounds like they've seen us coming and it sounds like -- i don't know, a funeral. i don't understand. two hours after the fog lifted, we moved slowly to a spot we thought was roughly a mile and a half below kurtz's camp. we approached a long sand-bank stretching down the middle of the river. who knows? right. upon reaching objective. target key personnel and commence operation. should difficulty arise from which extraction is impossible, break radio silence com-sec command code strong arm -- indicate purgative air strike -- code -- street gang. purgative air strike ! purgative ! they'd kill me too ! steer her right. keep going. keep going. they're just fucking sticks ! chief, stay at the helm. stop it. stop it ! it was the strangest thing -- i don't know that i can explain it. two of my men dead, and all i could think of was whether kurtz was dead too. that's all i wanted: to see kurtz, to hear kurtz. somehow, in the middle of this . carnival, kurtz had grown into something -- a gifted officer; a great man. somehow, he was the only light in this hopeless, hopeless darkness. and now i was too late -- he was probably gone, disappeared. by a grenade rolled into his tent -- or by some spear on the head. christ, i felt like howling like those animals in the fog. here they are in los angeles. everything is safe. there's a supermarket around the corner, the police station around the other. it would seem ridiculous to them that i was shot to hell because i had lost the privilege of listening to the mysterious colonel kurtz. of course i was wrong. he was waiting for me. kurtz was alive and he was waiting for me. just stand here with me where they can see us. do nothing. we've been attacked. looks that way. god knows. who the hell are you? moonby what? what is this? where's kurtz? i want to talk to him. why did they attack us? you're australian? so kurtz is alive. why didn't he shoot you? sounds like he's gone crazy. is that where he is? by the shrunken heads. we're going ashore. tie her up -- and leave your guns up, lance. bring your rifles, that's all. take us to him. and shut up. who are you? i'm not ever goin' to tell you to shut up again. what happened here? charlie? i'm taking you back. take me to him, major. colonel kurtz, i guess. captain b.l. willard reporting his presence, sir. we were attacked -- down river. we need supplies and medical help. no -- no, sir. what do you mean, colonel? you know you're right. do you know me? i know. kurtz. i'm supposed to kill him, just like he said. yeah. not a thing. sure. recoil. i feel the recoil of my rifle. this is good -- triple overlapping fields of fire -- walls so thick ordinary artillery just cleans the moss off their surfaces. i've done things, when i was alone in the jungle -- that i never told anyone about. yeah, i know. he's an amazing officer. yeah. i know. you're gonna get hit tonight, bad -- a whole regiment of nva regulars. yeah, i like it. you've gone crazy. you can't have water after morphine. how's the pain? i can handle it. what truth? no water. how did we get here? i think think a lie stinks. stinks. i could never figure -- i could never figure how they can teach boys how to bomb villages with napalm -- and not let them write the word 'fuck' on their airplanes. fuck no. we'll exterminate the fuckers ! napalm. code -- street gang -- street gang ! purgative air strike; street gang ! what are you doing? i'm taking you back. you can still live. i'm gonna get you out of here. he was the tragedy -- the tragedy of this war. so you understand this? you had immense plans. immense plans. i'm taking you back. they must have seen the fire. they're coming to take us back. yeah. yeah. yeah. don't remember a lot about my rehabilitation. but i was sent back to the world before the fall of saigon. i never answered questions about kurtz -- i gave them a few of his unimportant papers -- but for the most part i saved everything. there were other letters, personal ones written earlier to his wife. i brought them to het. i watched the fall of saigon on television in a bar in alameda. hi. you get to know each other pretty well out there. he was a remarkable man. it was impossible not to -- you knew him best. yes, i know. both of us. his death was -- yes, he died as he lived. yes i was. he said his last words to me. he spoke of you, ma'am.