mr. powers, my job is to acclimate you to the nineties. you know, a lot's changed since 1967.
my mother's told me all about you.
my mother's doing quite well, thank you very much.
let's gather your personal effects, shall we?
listen, mr. powers, i look forward to working with you, but do me a favor and stop calling me baby. you can address me as agent kensington. we have to leave immediately. we've preserved your private jet just as you left it. it's waiting at heathrow airport.
i went to oxford and excelled in several subjects, but i ended up specializing in foreign languages. i wanted to travel -- see the world. in my last year i was accepted into the m.o.d. in the cultural studies sector. i thought i was off on an exciting career, but my job was to read everything printed in every country. it's very boring. my whole day is spent reading wedding announcements in farsi. if i do well with this case, i finally get promoted to field operative.
i beg your pardon?
excuse me?
i'm sorry?
mr. powers, please. i know that you must be a little confused, but we have a very serious situation at hand. i would appreciate it if you'd concentrate on our mission and give your libido a rest.
a chigro?
we don't use the term 'negro' anymore. it's considered offensive.
sure.
what?
i hope this is part of the unfreezing process.
i understand that, mr. powers, but let me be perfectly clear with you, perhaps to the point of being insulting. i will never have sex with you, ever. if you were the last man on earth and i was the last woman on earth, and the future of the human race depended on our having sex simply for procreation, i still would not have sex with you.
yes, we've had it retrofitted with a secure cellular phone, an on-board computer, and a global geosynchronous positioning device. oh, and finally, this.
no, actually. i don't know how to put this really. well, there have been fabulous advances in the field of dentistry.
you're going to sleep on the sofa. i'd like to remind you, mr. powers, that the only reason we're sharing a room is to support our cover story that we're a married couple on vacation.
let's unpack.
i'm sure.
here, use mine.
what's wrong?
oh, i forgot to tell you, they're prescription x-ray glasses. i have very bad astigmatism.
number two? that's an unusual name.
why did you leave so soon?
hello mum?
great.
he's asleep.
oh, god no, i made him sleep on the couch.
why?
well, god knows he tried, but i've been rather firm with him, mummy. you didn't tell me he was so obsessed with sex. it's bizarre.
what about his teeth?
i just don't see it.
did you ever.
did you ever want to?
you didn't answer my question, mum.
do you want to talk to him?
i'm on with a friend! look, i'd better go. i love you.
why?
a limousine has just pulled up.
how do you know?
let's go get him!
we can't just sit here, austin.
i don't get it.
unfortunately, while you told that stupid story, dr. evil has escaped.
i hate having my picture taken.
i couldn't have another bite.
watch out, you're on my hair!
go! just go!
i haven't had fun like that since college.
why?
always wanting to have fun, that's you in a nutshell.
i am not.
i'm not. i'm the sensible one. i'm always the designated driver.
it's not that i'm drunk, i'm just beginning to see what my mum was talking about. what was my mother like back in the sixties? i'm dying to know.
when did you find that out, austin?
oh.
yes, virtucon runs a tour of their facilities every hour. i suggest we pose as tourists and do site-level reconnaissance.
austin, have you gone mad?
really, austin!
austin, may i have a word with you?
listen, i know i'm just being neurotic, but i can't shake this suspicious
i can't believe you made love to her just like that. did you use protection?
no, did you use a condom?
not in the nineties.
well, it means something to me. if you want us to have a relationship, you've got to be a one-woman man.
you just don't get it, do you, austin? good night. welcome to the nineties, you're going to be very lonely.
thirty years of political and social upheaval. the fall of the berlin wall, a female prime minister of england, the abolishment of apartheid, a fascinating tapestry of human strum und drang.
basil was very concerned to know where you were last night.
i'll tell him. by the way, i've decided we should keep our relationship strictly professional.
do you think she's prettier than i?
you know who.
i'm looking at you, and the whole time i can't help thinking you had your willie inside her hootchie-kooch.
austin, we don't look anything like our photo badges.
that's amazing. let's go!
austin, we have to go!
where did you learn to drive?
austin, watch out!
thank god, austin, we made it.
i don't understand.
not now, austin.
what's your plan?
sadly, no. hold on! i always keep this on me just in case.
no, no, no. we'll use the floss to get to the ledge.
austin, watch out!
indeed.
yes.
shut up.
what do we do now?
i'm not going anywhere. we're a team.
i'll hurry back.
austin, what's your point?
oh, behave!
likewise.
i believe you, austin. let's go.
are you crazy?
austin, i'm coming with you.
i'll secure the perimeter.
this is for sleeping with my man, you whore!
i don't believe you.
ok, i believe you. but you still must be chopped.
judo chop!
i have something to tell you.
i love you, austin.
kiss me.
thank you, exposition. i'm honored.
oh, austin.