yeah.
i never played a jewel thief.
i don't know.
yeah, okay.
so you believe in god.  you got something for it? you worked for all the capitalists. you harvested the fruit from your labor? you got god!
but the past comforts you? the present smiles on you, yes?
yeah?
who's calling?
how'd you get this number?
listen, this is not amusing. please don't call here any.
yes.
thank you very much.
i'm john. i didn't think i was going to come, but i felt oddly compelled. i have to admit i was a bit intrigued by your voice.
can i get you a drink?
oh, i'm really glad you called.
oh sure. it's very rewarding.
i'm sorry, did you just call me "lotte"?
no, i guess not. i'm an actor.
yes, maxine, yes.
tommy, can i take fifteen?
maxine.
holy shit, yes!
holy shit! he said what i said!
yes, yes, sweetheart, yes! what the fuck is going on? i'm not talking. this is not me!
something was making me talk. some goddamn thing was making me move. i gotta get out of here.
no, dollface, i know what my passion taking hold feels like. i gotta go.
it's like nothing i've ever felt before. i think i'm going crazy.
kevin, i'm telling you.  it was like nothing i've.
yes, but you see, someone else was talking through my mouth.
i think it might've been this lotte woman talking through me. maxine likes to call me lotte.
i'm done with her now. tonight really creeped me out.
i don't know anything about her. what if she's some sort of witch or something?
i gotta know the truth, kevin.
excuse me, what type of service does this company provide?
i see.
inside.
what the fuck is going on?
simulates?
let me try.
let me try!
jesus.
malkovich!
that.  was.  no.  simulation.
i have been to the dark side. i have seen a world that no man should ever see.
this portal is mine and must be sealed up forever. for the love of god.
it's my head, schwartz, and i'll see you in court!
come on in.
don't con me, maxine. we're over. i just let you up here to tell you that, and to tell you that i'm taking you and schwartz to court.
yes. how did you know it was me?
oh, so the bitch escaped.
i'm getting better all the time.
no.  damn.  you.  oh shut up, you overrated sack of shit.
yeah. i've figured out how to hold on as long as i want. oddly enough, it's all in the wrists.
you mean with malkovich?
really? yeah. okay.
i'll do something i call "craig's dance of despair and disillusionment."
you see, maxine, it isn't just playing with dolls.
no! but how will we make a living, my love, if our clientele doesn't have access to our product?
no! please! shut up, will you? we're trying to think here. it is sort of like being a puppeteer. i like that about it.
wait a minute! what if everybody knew? what if we presented malkovich as the world's most complicated puppet and me as the only puppeteer sophisticated enough to work him? we'd wipe the floor with the great mantini!
shut up! sorry, dear, i lost control for a minute.
this is my fiancee maxine.
i'll get right to the point, larry. i'm a puppet now.
i'm being controlled by the world's greatest puppeteer, craig schwartz.
 and i want to show off his skills by performing a one-puppet extravaganza in reno.
vegas. can you arrange that?
i'm nervous. malkovich is fighting me hard today.
he's a selfish bastard.
they love me, darling! "craig schwartz is fantastic!" the new york times. "if only craig schwartz had always been inside malkovich!" women's wear daily. "craig schwartz - the world's greatest puppeteer!" paul wunder, wbai radio.
sleepy suddenly.
i've got to leave malkovich.
i just had the most horrifying nightmare. the devil was in it.
honey, we can be happy and poor together.
derek mantini!
did you see the reviews?
because if you missed any, i just happen to have copies here you can take with you when you leave now.
she's not available.
how do we do that?
what's the play?
never heard of it.
sounds boring. are there any songs?
i'm not afraid. i toured for a year with the national puppet company's production of "long day's journey into night."
is there dancing?
who needs dancing?
do you?
says who?
do you?
eyes! .  white eyes -- never closed! eyes like flames -- coming -- coming! .  god seest! .  god seest! .  no!
good-bye, maxine.
i'm back! my nightmare is over.
i am your earthly king! kneel before me!
greetings, my lowly subjects.
boy, be careful what you wish for. never mind, dear. just enjoy the ride, will you?
i am bored. you will dance for your king now.
faster! faster, my little trained monkeys!