you are standing in the cavern of the evil wizard. all around you are the carcasses of slain ice dwarfs. melt the wizard. what do you want to melt him with? what do you think i want to melt him with.  just a second! throw the.  one minute! your hesitancy has cost you dearly. the wizard, sensing your apprehension, unleashes a fatal blow from the ice scepter. with luck, you will thaw in several million years. great.
okay. okay. okay.
take the garbage out. every day, take the garbage out. rick rodin is on the mound for the yankees! he looks into the catcher's mitt, shakes off the first signal, takes the turn, wipes the sweat off his brow, leans back and fires.
got it. need it. need it. got it.
no!
bra?
woah!
need it. got it. got it. need it.
beats me.
shimmy, shimmy cocoa pop! shimmy, shimmy rock! shimmy, shimmy cocoa pop! shimmy, shimmy rock! i met a girlfriend a triscuit! she said, a triscuit a biscuit! ice cream, soda pop, vanilla on the top! ooh, shelly's out, walking down the street, ten times a week! i read it! i said it! i stole my momma's credit! i'm cool! i'm hot! sock me in the stomach three more times!
don't forget to call me after supper.
remember about cynthia!
so, will you tell me?
what do you mean, i'm in?
what about her?
so?
it doesn't mean.
goodnight billy. i've gotta go.
yeah!
oh my gosh!
no! no! it's just that i. i want to go on it myself.
yeah. i think it's something. yeah, i think it's something i should do.
half hour.
oh, hi!
this?
yes.
yes.
yes.
where?
why, yes.
drop twenty-five cents here. c'mon! c'mon! c'mon! . neat! . make my wish. i wish i were big. your wish is granted.
what?
okay.
no! fine!
oh my god.
be right there!
okay!
i'm sorry! . mom, it's me. it's josh. mom, i'm a grown up!
i made a wish last night. i turned into a grown up, mom! i made this wish on a machine.
and it turned me into a grown up! it was last night at the carnival! my birthday is november 3rd. i got a b on my history test!
my, my, my baseball team is called the dukes! uh, i made this for you! who are you calling? ah! i have a birthmark behind my left knee!
i am your son, mom!
billy.
it's me. it's josh!
wait a minute! shut up! shut up! i'm your best friend, you've gotta believe me! i'll prove it to you! billy, please!
god damn it billy kopecky! look, i know that i don't look like myself, okay! but something really strange happened and i'm really scared and i need your help! you're my best friend! i can prove it to you! . ooh! the spades go, down! down! baby! down! down the roller coaster! sweet, sweet baby! sweet, sweet delectable! shimmy, shimmy cocoa pop! shimmy, shimmy rock! shimmy, shimmy cocoa pop! shimmy, shimmy rock! i met a girlfriend a triscuit! she said a triscuit a biscuit! ice cream, soda pop, vanilla on the top! ooh shelly, walking down the street, ten times a week! i met it! i said it! i stole my mother's credit! i'm cool! i'm hot! sock me in the stomach three more times!
i know.
well, i'm not supposed to go to new york without my folks!
where did you get this?!
you stole it?!
jesus billy!
no, thank you.
no, not really.
no it doesn't.
hi.
uh, we would like a hotel room, please.
shh!
i don't want to stay here by myself.
all right.
what if i can't sleep?
well, you mean like what time?
mom. mom.
i told you, it's not a video game.
well, it's not a video game.
no. oh wait, here's one.
do you have zoltar?
we really need zoltar.
they aren't going to have it.
yes. we would like a list of all carnivals and fairs.
yeah.
thank you.
six weeks?
i'm gonna be thirty years old for the rest of my life.
so now what?
how?
i won't have anything to do.
i can't get a job.
i don't know. making spit balls?
i don't know how drive.
you gonna eat your cherry?
billy?
hey, go on to the next column.
computer operator? computer operator, read that one.
just read it!
toys!
previous employment.
i can't put that.
yeah!
social security number?
what is that?
great!
yes. yes.
yeah, okay. son, you should sit down and don't give the lady any trouble now.
oh, uh twelve.
yes.
yes.
it was called george washington.
yes. every morning.
soon.
well, uh, just once, but.
bye!
uh, i'm josh baskin.
huh?
sorry. today's my first day.
so how long have you worked here?
well, i'll stay away from her then!
sorry! i'm sorry!
uh, i was going to the xerox room because they needed these by 5:00.
hello. mrs. baskin?
how are you?
i just wanted you to know that josh is all right. he's okay.
yeah. and you're gonna get him back, just the way he was.
wow! thanks!
oh, he can't come to the phone right now.
i didn't do anything to him! i think he's a terrific kid!
uh, well, all right. ask me something that only he would know. then i'll ask him for you and that way you'll know that he's okay.
isn't there something else that you would rather ask him?
oh, i got it! i got it! memories, like the corner of my mind. misty water color memories, of the way we were. scattered pictures. look, you're gonna see him again really soon. i promise. i cross my heart. we'll talk about this later.
what is this?
$187.00?! ha! ha!
hi.
three dimes, a hundred dollar bill, and eighty seven ones.
i'm never eating again.
it was the boat ride that did it.
pork rinds! aghh! we sure had fun, didn't we?
what's your name?
mine's josh.
but i just got you!
yes.
no. i was just looking around.
what's a marketing report?
the championship hockey? oh, i love it. only the.
well, the pieces don't move.
well, on the old set you could slide the men up and down the ice, and now all they do is spin around. it was more like real hockey the old way. why did they change it?
you see, the star fighters are good because you can change all the pieces. but i never liked the galactakons. you only get one robot, and they don't come with a vehicle.
plus you can't take them underwater. and if you do they. neat!
three years.
oh, i'm in computers.
no. no. they got a hundred of them. are we ready?
come on in.
how would you know?
oh yes!
you know that only costs 10 bucks to make.
oh, well, this is just. they just put this in here. it doesn't mean anything.
well, i play with all of this stuff and then, i go in there and tell them what i think.
yeah.
yeah.
oh, thank you miss patterson. hey! miss patterson. could you call down to media and have them send up a video tape of the giants broncos super bowl? and have them edit out all the commercials and talkin' and stuff?
miss patterson.
i don't get it.
it turns from a building into a robot, right?
well, what's fun about that?
oh.
i still don't get it.
well, there's a million robots that turn into something. and this is a building that turns into a robot. so what's so fun about playing with a building? that's not any fun!
well, couldn't it be like a robot that turns into something like a bug or something?
yeah! like a big prehistoric insect with maybe like giant claws that could pick up a car and crush it like that!
different sizes and things. and. you could have them wreck something.
dear mom and dad. they said that i could write you and let you know i was okay. so far, they're treating me fine. i've got enough to eat and i'm perfectly safe. they say that i'll get out of here in about a month. in the mean time, it's a lot like camp! i watch tv and even get outside once in a while. i know you miss me. but try not to worry. i think this experience might even be good for me. i love you very much and i know that i'll see you soon. your son, joshua. p.s. give rachel a kiss from her big brother.
i rented it. this is a real bow tie though. i tied it myself. and that's why i was late.
hey, there's miss patterson! hi! there's the guy from the meeting! hi!
hi.
thanks.
could i have a milkshake or something?
uh huh.
wow! is this your car?
oh, this is the coolest thing i've ever seen!
are you gonna eat these fries?
hey mister? you want some of these fries? we're not going to eat them.
no.
ejector seat! this is great! hey! come on up! hey, that was my apartment.
no, not always.
yeah.
well, they said it was gonna take six weeks.
watch your step.
do what?
do you mean sleep over?
okay! but i get to be on top!
yeah. it's nice, isn't it?
you uh, want a soda?
soda? you want one?
they rigged this up so you don't need any quarters. don't! don't!
the glue's not dry. sorry.
it's okay. you wanna play pinball?
you don't need quarters for this either. it's free.
okay.
yeah. you wanna try it?
you should. it's really fun. it's simple, too. come on! come on! you'll like it and it's really easy to do.
i'm serious.
take off your shoes. it's really easy. let me get rid of these balls.
come on. it's fun. i'll do it with you. up you go. excellent.
sure.
okay. jump.
yes.
no! no! no! i mean really jump. now get some air between you and the trampoline.
oh, come on! i'll do it with you! all right? i'll show you how to do it. you ready? come on. jump. see? there it is. that's all there is to it. there you go. there you go. yeah! it's easy! anybody could do this!
here. pick one. it's for you. it's a glow in the dark compass ring. so you won't get lost. goodnight.
wouldn't you rather play basketball? i know how to play that. we could be like a team for the macmillan company.
i'm not very good at sports, but i'll give it a try. my best sport is video hockey.
well, it takes eye to hand coordination.
what about golf? you don't sweat and that's a sport.
what about car racing?
what are the rules again?
sorry. sorry.
okay.
uh, that was under the line.
that was under the line. you said it had to be over the line on a serve.
yeah you did! you said it had to be over the line on a serve!
well that's cheating!
no!
it's my serve.
yes you did.
cheater! you cheat!
you cheat! you cheat!
he didn't have to punch me.
i tried to play his game. he beat me up. if he's scared of me then why did he punch me?
i don't get it.
well how come you're so nice?
well, you work just as hard as he does and you're not like that.
yes i do. you're one of the nicest people i've met.
uh, i can't billy.
no, i can't. i have to go somewhere.
um. well, i have to go meet somebody and.
yeah i know, but it's just. well i can't right now okay, but i'll call you, all right? okay? i'll give you a call. thanks again billy, it was fun!
sure.
yeah! yeah!
want to go again?!
so they have these cars that you can actually drive them except they're on this rail so you can't get off the road. you have a really big gob of mustard right, right.
mustard right.
right there.
well,.
yeah.
what? music?
dance?
okay. okay.
okay. are you cold?
we could get some hot chocolate. you can wear my jacket if you want.
oh, i wasn't much different.
susan? there's something i think i should tell you.
hey frank, how are you? good morning everybody!
i'd like some coffee please miss patterson.
and uh, make it black.
yeah, the santa christina.
he only had that on his second trip, though.
no, but i used to study. stuff.
algebra? i used to study that, too.
all right, let's say larry bird is going to score 10 points in the first quarter.
how many is he going to score in the whole game?
probably. okay. and that's algebra.
yeah! see. okay. one quarter is to ten points that he scores in that quarter. just as four.
i cannot plan a whole line!
susan, doing that means marketing and strategy and stuff like that!
i can't!
but it's.
all right. i don't know. i don't have any new ideas for toys or anything.
you see it won't be like these where you just follow the story along. you would actually make a whole different story appear just by pressing these buttons.
yeah. an electric comic book. it's gonna be different every time.
if you like one you could see it, you know, over and over and over again.
you really like it?. you think mac will like it? you know, what we could do. we could do like sports comics. or like if you're going to steal second or something like that. you'd have sports books. baseball, football. really, it work with almost any sport there is. hockey!
you know, we're. is something wrong? you don't like it?
how do i feel about what?
what is that supposed to mean?
well, wednesday would be better than thursday.
yeah, i have the keating example right here.
shh! i'm right in the middle of something okay?
can you give me just a minute, please?
would you come back at lunch? all right, i'm a little bit busy right now. hello?
billy!
jesus, billy! miss patterson, could you get them on the phone again.
i've got work to do! can't you understand that? i've got a deadline to meet. god!
hey!
you don't get it, do you? this is important!
you are standing in the cavern of the evil wizard. all around you are the carcasses of slain ice dwarfs. melt wizard. what do you want to melt him with? . throw thermal pod.
i haven't told you something because if i did, i didn't think you'd believe me. and even if you did believe me, i didn't think you were going to like me anymore, so.
susan, i'm not what you think i am.
before i met you i was in little league. i was in little league and i rode my bike to school and i played with my friends and hung out with them and.
i want to go home. i miss my family susan and i want to go home.
no! no!
no. no. susan, i'm not married.
no. i'm a child!
i'm a child susan, and i'm not ready for all this.
well, you see what happened.
no! no! no!
no! you don't understand! i mean, i'm thirteen years old!
no! i mean i really am thirteen! i went to bed one night and i was a kid, and when i woke up the next morning i was a grown up.
there was this carnival in new jersey. i made a wish on this machine. it was called a zoltar machine.
it was called a zoltar machine! it had this bobbing head that looked just like a devil and if you got a quarter in the devil's mouth you could make a wish and i did! so i made a wish to be big! that is what i'm trying to tell you! i changed into a grown up but i'm really just a kid!
yes?
thanks.
there's this flat screen inside with pictures on it and you read it. and when you get down to the bottom you have to make a choice of what the character's going to do. like if he going to go in and fight the dragon then you have to push one of the buttons.
paul.
well, it's a comic book that.
i'll be right back.
will you take me to sea point park, new york?
work! damn it!. i wish i was a kid.
susan!
i know. i know. i'm really sorry. i'm really sorry but i didn't know what to do. i didn't know what to say.
i tried to tell you.
i tried to tell you last night.
i've been thinking about this and there are a million reasons for me to go home but there is only one reason for me to stay.
well, you. oh, come on. don't cry.
i'm 13.
maybe you could come with me.
why not?
i'm sorry.
the one right there.
i'm gonna miss you, too.
oh yes i will.
mom? hello!
oh ma, i missed you all so much!
i'm just not good enough.
you really think i could do it?
come on. we'll hit some after supper.