al ice in won der lan.
look, daddy. alice went down a hole, just like us.
they're pretty. can i have them?
latin exam, dad. it's tuesday.
tempus fugit!
gerade aus dann links!
haben sie etuas nettes in leder?!
these are wonderful.
what's baseball?
like a painting?
like one of mom's?
the nocturnal flying mammal?
why?
then why go there?
thank you, mom! thanks, dad!
oh, boy! a jacket!
no kidding!
holy cow! what the heck are these?!
these are really swell! i mean swell!
i wished i could meet a girl.
yes, ma'am.
me, too.
sorry, mom!
so. we just open this door and go up?
um. is that supposed to happen?
hey, where are we going?! is everything all right?!
well, do we just go on up?!
shit is a french word?
oh. well. then. shit!
merci!
dad!
i'll go up.
i'll be all right.
yes, ma'am.
yes, ma'am.
right.
mom?
i was thinking that, uh. you know, while i was up there and all. that maybe i could, you know. try to meet a girl. i've, been thinking about that a little. just these last. fifteen years or so.
yes, ma'am.
yes, ma'am.
heck, i know that mom! you're my parents.
yes, father?! yes?
yes, sir. is that all?
adult bookstore. why?
i promise. is that all?
i'll try.
are you all right?
all in yellow? oh! that was my father!
i know it has been terrible. but it wasn't your fault. and now all the decay is over with and things are going to get better. you understand?
i've got to go, now.
that's always a good idea! would you like some money? i have a great deal of it.
how do i leave here?
i promise.
the sky!!!
up there!!
just look!!
i have never in my life seen anything like this!!!! nothing even comes close!!
oh, my holy stars! a negro!
how do you do, ma'am.
good!
oh, no!
poisonous gas!! run for your life, it's invisible poisonous gas!!!
hello! hi. good afternoon! howdy.
i tried to give the driver this but he wouldn't take it. he seems angry. a lot of people do.
so this is public transportation. my dad says that it becomes more and more important because of pollution -- which is more and more carbon dioxide and other hazardous gases in the air. do you have a gun, by the way?
thank-q! driver! please stop the bus immediately! i have to get off! do you think i should get a gun?
driver! please stop, sir!
i'm sorry, what did you call me?
thank you, driver! good-bye, everyone!
is that a birthday cake?!
gee-ma-nee!
my first mutants.
is this because of the radiation?
nothing.
yes, please. i'm looking for all beef patties.
come on. frozen. how much are they?
then i'll need, twelve into nine hundred, seventy-five boxes. and that's almost. five hundred dollars just for the hamburger! and my mom only gave me three thousand dollars for everything! the yacht batteries! the diesel oil! the birthday candles!
really?!
well, that's great then! terrific. except. it just occurred to me. i don't know where i live! i'm lost! i don't know where home is! would you excuse me?
driver! stop this bus immediately! please sir!!
oh my. oh, my goodness gracious! oh, my. oh. that is so great!! man alive!
hello.
the name is adam webber and i see you buy baseball cards and although these are a lot older than the ones in the window, i was hoping you still might be interested.
i was thinking of selling all the cards.
see, my problem is, all i have are hundred dollar bills and i need something smaller. ones, fives, tens. like that.
oh, that would be wonderful!
bon soir, mademoiselle!
no. i'm from out of town. i'm here on business.
get out of here!
sir? i would really appreciate it if you wouldn't take the lord's name in vain again.
i have a big problem with that.
yes, ma'am. but my name is adam.
i didn't want to leave without saying how much i admire your jewelry.
how 'bout you what?
where are we going?
no, i'm lost.
say,. did you just lose your job because of me?
dickhead?
i just had a mental picture of.
i came on a bus.
i don't know. why doesn't it?
oh, that's nice.
so far?
right.
again.
yes! yes! the holiday inn! that's exactly right!
it was amazing.
do you own a car?
if it will make you feel any better, i don't have a gun.
nope.
i'm sorry! i said something wrong, didn't i! please forgive me!
wait! please wait! i'll make a deal with you! i'll give you a rogers hornsby, if you'll take me to the hotel!
he's all yours. i was holding him back.
so what?! i've got two of him! and this many dimaggios and robinsons. i was holding these out, too.
yes.
yes.
heck, no! what?!
it's webber. adam webber.
wait! wait!
it's perry!
perry como! you had him! go back! go back!
oh, i could die.
yeah! listen to this part. this is where it really takes off!
hey, what are you doing?!
gee-zooie!! you better slow down!!!
that was. wonderful! i've never felt anything like that in my life.
right.
you know--
good evening. i want to stay at this hotel.
a card?
of course!
of what?
i see. well, thank you very much. you've been very, very nice.
my father is a genius.
good night! sleep tight. don't let the bedbugs bite! that's what my mom always says.  . who i'm really beginning to miss. i'm sorry. it's my first night away from home.
thirty-five.
how old do i look?
i guess living up here makes people look older.
yes. up here on the fifteenth floor. goodnight.
yes?
yes! hello! hi! hot-diggity-dog! thank you for calling me on the telephone!!
i am so glad to see you!! i thought i'd never see you again!
i can't, it's yours.
okay.
i haven't brushed yet.
wait, eve, please! wait.
can't you please just talk to me for one second?
troy? is he your husband? or a boyfriend?
thank-q!
i think it's the eyes.
watching television in color.
cross my heart and hope to die.
why doesn't it never work out?
why does it never work out? you and. men?
okay.
why not go to work for me?
selling all my baseball cards. and helping me buy enough food and supplies to fill several large trucks.
well, they're not starving yet, but they need help.
two weeks.
what's fair?
you got it! wait here while i change.
they like dr. pepper.
my mom and dad.
hey! pipe tobacco! i'm going to need all of this! this is swell!
wait! wait!
sorry.
hey, you know. i was thinking.
night!
we'll have to rent a refrigerated truck for the beef and poultry.
i guess we'll need another locker.
you know, eve -- don't get mad, okay? - - but, i'd just be lost without you.
and, um . i guess.  i guess you and i, uh.
okay.
there's something else i would like you to help me with.
well, this is going to sound a little crazy.
then forget it.
this is for me.
well.  okay. i would like you to help me find a. wife.
yes.
because i want to get married.
i don't want to be alone.
bites what?
it does?
i didn't know that.
they're all divorced?
it didn't used to be that way.
one who's not a mutant.
and if possible, i'd like to marry someone from pasadena.
two weeks.
that's what i was afraid of.
what do you mean, you can get me laid?
of course.
the engine is still running.
yes, ma'am!
sorry!
i told you i've never driven before!
you said it would be easy!
is this your house?
i like it.
how do you do?
why, thank you! very nice to have met you, cliff! may i ask you a question?
actually,no. i was wondering why cliff likes to wear another man's underpants.
you have very nice ceilings.
not particularly.
i love lucy!
thank-q!
well, i know mom sure likes 'em!
it's a very small place. people don't even know it's there.
maybe eve can guess. she's psychic.
right on the button.
um-hum.
yes!
wow.
i've never met anyone like you in my life.
i've got goose-bumps all over me.
good for you.
russia.
1867. seward's folly. we paid 7.2 million dollars for it. a tidy sum then, as well as now. i'm quoting my father, of course.
juneau.
sorry, that's the largest city.
where's he gone?
he has a computer?
in the house?
may i please be excused?
this must be very new.
it's so small.
i don't think so.
no.
mt. mckinley. it's also the highest point in north america.
that would knock my father out.
oh, yes. it would probably kill him.
yes. he likes windows.
i guess it's. just a matter of personal taste.
all right.
the what?
the guy with the underpants!
i'm not wearing his pants.
i just don't want to.
about clothing?
whatever you two want. if you've got the time, i've got the wazoo.
no.
it's fine. just give it a try. and for gosh sake, eve, take your foot off the chair!
i guess a lot of those tall buildings we saw this morning are new.
the recovery is very impressive.
amazing. i'm very impressed.
but first let me show her these!
okay!
i love this!!
i get it! i finally get it! you have to see it to understand it!
hey, eve!
yep. you know, my father -- who is a scientist -- says that everything is a miracle. everything. until recently i wasn 't sure what he meant by that.
i certainly do!
no it's not!
then just help me find a girlfriend! that's all i ask. i'll give you every single card i've got left!
would you do it just because you're my friend? my very best friend.
thank q, eve!
why did you park way back there?
oh. i see.
ladies first, troy! that was close.
my goodness gracious! this place is something!
do i look crazy?
holy mo-ly, miss pay-o-ly!! this place is neat-o!!
how do you do?! it's very nice to meet you, jason and jonathan! my mother always told me that if you meet a person for the first time it's easier to remember their names if you use those names right away.
hello, sophie, i'm adam webber.
tu parle francais? tu a un tres bon accent.
paris!! la ville de lumieres! c'est bien rencontrer quelqu'un pour pratiquer le francais.
good-bye!
i thought i was here to meet women.
i like her.
it's a rob roy. a very popular drink, i'm told.
what about her?
why?! i think she's very attractive.
yes, i have a dictionary. but i can't understand for the life of me why you would call her that! or why cliff would say that about you.
how 'bout this one?
okay. i like that.
what do i say to miss sweet when i meet her?
really?
that's ridiculous.
okay. all right. and what do i say?
okay. thank you, my friends.
romeo and juliet. i cried at the end.
surprising and funny. well, i know a duck who bought some lip balm.
hi!
i was wondering if you might help me. i. i seem to have lost my congressional medal of honor somewhere around here.
you like it?
thank-q!
i'm adam webber.
"heather?" i don't believe i've ever heard that name before.
really?
i took a dance lesson everyday of my life until a couple of days ago.
no, i'm not! my mom taught me.
she is a dancer! and a lovely one! you would like her very much! shall we dance?
no. would you please excuse me?
i will certainly try. and thank you both very much for the dance.
you wanted to see me!
why are you suddenly so mad at me?
i've never lied to you. i've maybe let you believe things that you wanted to believe, but i've never lied.
no. i admire you. i. i fell in love with you the first time i saw you. i did. i think that you are the most--
all right. let me tell you the whole thing. in 1962--
hello, cliff, how are you this evening?
thank you very much. but, cliff, that's my seat. and i was just--
please excuse this interruption.
eve, i don't mean to be rude, and please excuse me cliff, but eve, isn't cliff just a butt with hair?
i'm sorry, and legs. legs, butt and hair. well, isn't he? and shallow, as well?
cliff, i must warn you. i know how to defend myself.
yes, i agree.
i'm sorry.
it certainly is. i agree with you completely.
eve, i'm sorry.
but, eve, i would--
hi!
eve?!
i'm really sorry!
i know. and i'm really sorry.
what?
eve, if you'll let me, i can --
i know first aid!
thanks.
steady. steady. it's going to be all right in no time.
i went to sophie's and she was very hospitable.
but it just wasn't where i wanted to be so i left as politely as i could and found a taxi. but i asked the driver to drop me here instead of at the hotel. there's a song mister como sings called "on the street where you live." you know it?
"all at once am i--several stories high-- knowing i'm--on the street-- where you live." it's about a young man who is overjoyed just to be standing in front of the house of the person he loves.
no.
in 1962, when the bomb was dropped on los angeles, my parents were in our fallout shelter. that's where i was born. we only survived because it was a huge shelter as fallout shelters go. my father worked on it secretly for years. when he had to, he used contractors, but always from out-of- state and always for just a portion of the job. he told them it was a secret government experiment done through caltech. my dad's not a liar, but he felt in this case he had no choice. of course, it had to be a secret, because we had just enough supplies to last three people thirty-five years. that's also why i have no brothers or sisters. the air vent was the really tricky part, but he was able to cut into a flood control sewer. what i'd like to do eve, is take you down into the fallout shelter with me. we could live there with my mom and dad. my dad said if i found a healthy girl i should "bring her on down". and you look plenty healthy to me.
yes, eve?
of course. i shouldn't be over here at this hour.
not at all. and eve thank you for tonight. and for the kiss. my first.
it was at least as good as the sky.
and i think better than the ocean. i'm serious!
wait a minute!
no! there's an adult bookstore back there! i'll be right back!
okay, troy! let's get those all-beef frozen patties!
you bet!
what?
no, i wouldn't go in one of those places with a gas mask on.
does that work?
hi, eve!
how do you do?
fallout shelter. there's a difference.
hello.
come where?
for how long?
i thank you very much for the invitation, but i'm quite busy today. perhaps i could see you tomorrow.
all right, eve. if you say so.
could i please just go home? i was lost, but this morning i found home and i promise not to bother any of you ever again.
yes, ma'am.
goodbye.
the key to my hotel room! i want you to have my baseball cards! and please be sure to pay my bill!
bye, troy!
and thanks for always being happy!
mom?! dad?! i'm home!
i've got almost everything we need! and this nice man.
and his church group have volunteered to help us bring the supplies down. but we've got to hurry.
i think i'm being chased by a psychiatrist.
uh, eve. this is adam. look, i just wanted to thank you for everything you did for me. and i wanted to tell you that i. uh. that i wish so many good things for you. i wish so hard that all of your dreams come true. um. i, uh.
mom? dad?
i'd like for you to meet miss eve rustokov.
mom? eve and i have to go.
i can't explain it now. but i want you to set the locks for two months. you have more than enough of everything. then we'll be back to get you.
and, i'm asking you to trust me without understanding why.
we have to go.
that lamp is perfect!
eve, i've got to go back! my parents can't handle this up here. and there was no bomb, was there?
see! i can't tell them that! i can't ever let them know. it makes their life. well, frankly.  a joke. i can't let that happen. you understand?
my mother's like that.
you put the tape in here and you get a movie -- in your own home.
no, mom, i've turned it into dad's office.
eve and i. eloped. we're married.
yes.
it's kind of a combination television- typewriter-telephone-post office type of thing. i'll show it to you later.
it's ukrainian. her grandparents immigrated here.
dad, i don't know how to tell you this. and i was going to wait a while, but i think. dad,there was no bomb. a plane crashed into our backyard. i looked it up in old newspapers.
positive. the soviet union collapsed without a shot being fired. the cold war is over.
yes, sir. it's true.
yes. that's kind of how it was.
uh, i think they have.