sorry, honey! i just got to fooling with this darn rheostat.
you bet, hon!
so anyhow this duck says to the clerk, "i'd like to buy this lip balm." and the clerk says, "will that be cash or a check?" and the duck says, "just put it on my bill!"
how's that?
there currently exists a type of neon light that lasts five years. but you won't see it on the market. same is true of batteries. i could take your simple yacht battery and rig it to last a decade, easily.
a veeeery good one, harold. free market capitalism may not be a perfect order, but it's the best we've got, or will ever have. and why? three reasons!
i'd say my baseball card collection is as complete as any one i've ever seen.
i'm sorry everyone, but given this extraordinary turn of events, i think it's prudent that we cut the evening short. i'm sure this cuban thing will resolve itself, but in the meantime. i'd suggest taking a prayerful watch-and-wait stance!
it's time.
on the contrary, i think we're the only ones who are.
it shuts off automatically.
no. they all do.
i bet that's a fighter jet on his way to key west! good luck, amigo!
you hear that?!
we can listen to the rest downstairs!
i just hope those plates aren't radioactive by tomorrow morning.
worse than your kraft holiday dip?
yeah, yeah. okay. give me the roast and watch your step. i'll come back for the radio.
i don't know. for this thing to blow over, it could take days.
rather safe than sorry. that's my motto!
i've read up on it. i'll deliver the baby myself if i have to.
yes, dear!
home sweet home!
are you all right?!
oh, no! it's happened! look at that heat!! all my surface indicators are knocked out! oh, my lord. it's actually happened!!
the locks.
to keep us from trying to leave. after an atomic blast there's a radiation half-life that lasts thirty five years.
then after that it's safe.
to go up.
hey, honey. don't you worry. we're going to be just fine.
hi, honey! feeling better?
we have to be strong, sweetheart. if not for ourselves, for the child.
burnt to a crisp. i've given you the most well-done cut.
hot dr. pepper! your favorite!
really?
a bit chilly? shouldn't be. temperature's a nice 73 degrees.
how could you?! this is just like home!
would you like a tranquilizer?
i told you! i've got everything!
what?
honey?
the first child to be born on earth after the annihilation!!
is there a problem?
i've noticed.
no. i think it's just right.
yes!
what? whatever you want, helen!
you've got it!
right here!
oh, i was just examining this rear hatchway.
no reason. well, it's pretty clear that the front entrance caved in when the bomb went off. so, you know, when the time is up, we'll have to return to the surface using, you know, this back entrance. which is very nice because it has the service elevator!
yes. well.  yes.
what?
not bad for a three and a half year old! i'd like to see the public school system match that! i don't care how terrific it is!
nonsense. people have no idea what the human mind is capable of. look at us!
yes, you certainly will. and you'll find a nice girl and rebuild america. just the way it used to be.
i believe there will be other survivors. in fact, i'm guessing there's life on the surface, even now. it's not life worth living perhaps, but believe me, something's moving around up there. and i don't just mean the cockroaches.
nothing in the world is more fun than learning new things.
this is what money looks like. it comes like this, in coin, or like this in paper. or you can have an "investment." these are stock "certificates" that we bought in your name. of course, they're worthless now, but at one time they were quite valuable.
sure. now, let's move on to our french exam.
you're right! it's tuesday already! by gosh, time flies, doesn't it?!
en arte voluptus. que les bons temps roul!
sorgen sie bitte dafur das die gepack sorgfaltic behandeldt warren!
you know, you have a wonderful sense of humor, son! i must say, the acorn doesn't fall very far from the tree. by the way, it's time i gave you something. come with me.
hi, honey!
it's my entire baseball collection. it's yours now.
it's a game, son. i can explain it pretty easily. there's a pitcher.
no, son. a pitcher.
uh, no. there's a man who throws the ball -- to a man who has a bat.
no. sit down.
no, no! the runner on second goes to third! he's out there!
because he's forced out at third! it's a force!
because he must!
coming!
you bet.
blow out the candles!
your mom made that all by herself.
and i made these!
your roller-skates! i redesigned them! i think this new design will work even better!
if he tells, it won't come true!
well, we did in my family!
one who doesn't glow in the dark.
well, we'll be going up in two years. we'll know then. i'm very hopeful.
yeah. let's dig in!
if we still have one.
you know, when we do go up. i'm going to miss this old place. how 'bout you, hon?
sure.
in the generator room again?
i know exactly what you mean! hey, honey?
should we say a little prayer first?
no, son! we wait for night. now. is precisely when.  we must be at our.  most cautious.
helen-thomas-webber! maybe we have been down here a little too long! please excuse her french.
it's an archaic colloquialism, roughly meaning"good".
c'est bon, monsieur.
i come in peace!!
my, gosh.
where is my backyard?
what?! a light! yes, i've got a light!
so. you. survived the blast, did you?
yes, yes, the song. so tell me. has it been. hell up here?
yes, i can tell that just looking around. "boy?" did you say you were a "country boy?"
really?
no, i can't. i'm sorry! i have to go! i have to.
hello! how are you this evening?! mind if i, you know, browse around?!
thank-q very much!
i'm going to give it to you straight. there's no point in beating around the bush. there were survivors. apparently, the fallout has created. a subspecies of mutants.
it's not a pretty sight. some eat out of garbage cans. others are. cover your ears, son, and hum. i mean that literally and i mean right now!
others are. multi-sexual. it seems. they can be both masculine and feminine. simultaneously.
yes.
believe it. he tried to sell me his body, helen. they offer lawn furniture as a come on!
they've done a lot of re-building but society, at least as we knew it, has utterly collapsed. people throw up in the streets. others point guns. there's something terribly wrong with the automobiles and. and i. i can't tell you the rest. i just can't.
we stay down here.
yes.
we'll make do. i'm of the opinion that these mutants will eventually kill each other off and then--
well, i am the head of this household--
--and we will--
--do as i say!
adam. don't forget. don't forget .
the pipe tobacco.
also. stay out of the "adult bookstore."
poison gas. invisible. don't forget.
one more thing. if you find a healthy young woman, bring her back with you.
you know--
he's smart.
and lord we ask finally that you send an angel to look after and protect our beloved son, adam. amen.
you have something on your forehead.
i thought ten years.
to keep what's up there from getting down here! it's not the radiation i'm worried about.
some time.
but, i don't understand.
well, in that case. of course, son.
yes, please! you must.
a toast! to adam and eve!
hot dr. pepper! most people don't know how good it is heated up.
that's wonderful. we webber guys have mighty good luck when it comes to women.
this is great son, just great. by the way, eve's last name. rus-to-kov, that's not russian, is it?
uh-huh.
you're sure?
that's what everybody believes?
what? did the politburo just one day say - "we give up?"
uh-huh.
my gosh, those commies are brilliant! you've got to hand it to 'em! "no, we didn't drop any bombs! oh yes, our evil empire has collapsed! poor, poor us!" i bet they've even asked the west for aid! right?!
hah!!! those cagey rascals! those sly dissemblers! those, uh.  they've finally pulled the wool over everybody's eyes!