sherman, you are an absolute angel coming all the way out here.
oh, dear. are we going to talk about it right now?
don't you want a little poon tang first?
alright. tell mama all about it.
well, it's your own fault for * getting caught like a red herring. *
that's what i said.  couldn't we * just forget about your wife and * go on over to our little hideaway * on 59th street and hide away a * little? *
well, of course she knows. that's not the point.
oh, sherman, honey. you are so sweet. i could eat you alive, if i could get this zipper down. sherman, aren't we supposed to turn there?
i'm sure that's the turnoff to manhattan.
sherman, where are we?
what does that mean?
sherman?
where are all the white people?
sherman, i'm from the south and i'm beginning not to like this very much.
sherman, get us out of here. *
drive, sherman. just drive.
that's what you think. i have all my luggage with me.
christ. we're in the middle of a goddamn war zone and you're worried about doing the right thing. look! there!
there! george washington bridge, you see it?!
sherman! what's that?!
it's a body.
it's an animal.
is it dead?
it's a dead tire!
what are you doing?!
you're going to move it?
for god's sake, be careful of your shoes.
sherman! he turns, tire in his hands and sees.
sherman, get in this car.
the police?
did you see him get hit?
neither did i. so if the question ever comes up, all that happened was, two boys blocked the road and tried to rob us and we got away. that's all we know. they go into.
yes, let's call them and invite them over here to our little love nest. they would love to get their hands on us. the police and the press and all the rest of the 'mediarites.'
yes. newspapers, radios, televisions. i can see it now. mr. sherman mccoy of park avenue and mrs. arthur ruskin of fifth avenue, recuperating after their adventures in the bronx -- explain that to your wife.
you don't have to feel better, sherman. i was the one who was driving. and i'm saying i didn't hit anybody, and i'm not reporting anything to the police! and if you are a gentleman, you will support me in that decision. silence. they are both out of breath. they look at each other. then maria starts to unbutton her blouse.
we were in the jungle.  we were attacked.  we fought our way out.
we fought. i feel like an animal.
the hard part was getting into the seat, getting over that gear shift.
that tire.
you were bigger, sherman. you were great.
this could be the best sex we've had in a long time.
don't think, sherman. don't think. just fuck.
sherman, darling. i was just thinking about you. where have you been?
don't i get a kiss first?
oh, sherman, you know i only read the newspapers spasmodically.
yes. me, too. now come on in and have a drink. i know just what you need.
excuse me, but what is going on here?
well, uh.  i don't live here. i'm just a guest of miss heftshank. so.
christ. that was close.
nothing. caroline pays $351 for this place. it's rent controlled. i sublet it for eleven hundred a month. but it's not legal. they would love to get caroline out of here. but they have to prove she doesn't live here.
oh, sherman. you are completely paranoidical. look, i have to leave for the airport in twenty minutes. so we don't have much time. *
how? they don't have the full number, they don't have a witness, and the only one who could recognize you is in terminal comatosis.
if he was gonna materialize, he would have done it by now. and the reason he hasn't, is because he's a criminal. would you get my blue jacket out of that closet? sherman gets the jacket. maria starts putting a painting * into her portfolio. *
filippo chirazzi. he's a friend of caroline. do you know him?
no. no. how could it be? come on, give me a hand. i'm taking it with me.
the airport. i told you. i have a car coming in -- oh, god, ten minutes. we have time for a quickie. what do you say?
you know i'm a sucker for a soft dick.
am i? she kisses him.
and put our heads right into the horse's mouth? i'm the one who was driving the car. don't you think i'm the one who should make the decision? and i say, no. no, sherman. trust me. nothing is going to come of this little newspaper article. absolutely nothing. * they are making love as we.  cut to:
sherman! we have to stop meeting like this. do you know boris, the ballet dancer?
boris, je te presente monsieur mccoy. sherman, voila boris karlevskov. he's defective.
i mean he doesn't speak any english.
yes. watch. boris, darling, would you like me to eat your ass?
you see? it went right over his head.
of course, darling, but keep smiling. my husband is watching me. look at him. he's so pleased with himself. he's just closed a new deal. a charter business. he's going to take arabs to mecca on airplanes.
of course, the airplanes are all from israel.
he'll make a fortune.
he called me a whore today. right in front of the servants. i mean, really. how does he expect me to run the house if he humiliates me in front of the help?
i'm sorry, sherman. what are we talking about?
oh, sherman, what?!
yes?
how very kind. did you know arthur?
i've reprobated myself over and over again for being away.
well, thank you for the kind words. i must go now.
i'm sorry?
sherman would never tell you that.
look, mr.  mr.
 peckerhead. i am here for my husband's funeral. understand? now go away. disappear. disintegrate. she gets into the car. fallow watches the car pull away. he smiles.
the airport. i told you. i have a car coming in -- oh, god, ten minutes. we have time for a quickie. what do you say?
and put our heads right into the horse's mouth? i'm the one who was driving the car. don't you think i'm the one who should make the decision? and i say, no. no, sherman. trust me. killian switches off the machine.
sherman! whatever are you doing here?
you seem to be doing all your talking to the newspapers these days.
i see. well, here we are, sherman. the couple that all new york is talking about. and we're not even a couple anymore.
oh, sherman. would i do that to you? sherman, sherman, sherman. she embraces him, her hands moving toward the hidden recorder. sherman takes both her hands and pulls them to his chest.
what are we going to do with you?
but how can i help you?
oh, sherman, you are the sweetest thing. but i'm not sure anybody knows what really happened. not anymore. and if anybody does know, it certainly isn't me.
was i? i don't remember. isn't it funny how a little thing like that can slip your mind? god, there's something about funerals that is so stimulating. my panties have been wet all morning.
sherman. what's wrong with you?
then why are you all hunched over? her hands slide down his back.
sherman, what's this on your back?
this lump, this piece of metal, this thing on your back?!
you don't have a belt buckle in the back. there's some sort of subterfuge afoot here. isn't there?
you are secreting something on your body!
i want to see what it is. she rips open his shirt.
and a wire! a wire! she pulls the wire. sherman yelps in pain. as he spins around, maria grabs the tapedeck and pulls it off his back. more pain.
you rotten, dishonest bastard!
go away whoever you are!
my, my, my, mr. mccoy. i'd say your goose was just about home- fried.
never. never. never. i hope you die and hang in the electric chair! sherman heads out the back door.
he's gone!
he just ran out that back door.
sherman mccoy!
i'm sorry if i alarmed you. but he was acting very strange. my name is maria ruskin.
oh. i see. and what a handsome district attorney you are, too.
well, you and i have a lot to talk about. don't we?
yes. because if i'm going to testify i'm going to want to know exactly what i should.  and should not say.
why, on the avenue. right on the street.
oh, no. nothing like that at all.
why, sherman never let anyone drive his car.
oh, yes. a roar goes up from the crowd.
 and i wanted to report the incident but he wouldn't let me. he said he was driving and it was his decision to make.
i was shocked. there are certain qualities of virtue that i admire in a human being, virtues that i hope i possess myself.
we have time for a quickie. what do you say, sherman?
you know i'm a sucker for a soft dick.
am i?
and put our heads right into the tiger's mouth? i'm the one who was driving the car. don't you think i'm the one who should make that decision.