saturday. march 24, 1984. shermer high school, shermer, illinois. 60062. dear mr. vernon. we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole saturday in detention for whatever it was that we did wrong, what we did was wrong. but we think you're crazy to make us write this essay telling you who we think we are, what do you care? you see us as you want to see us. in the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions. you see us as a brain, an athelete, a basket case, a princess and a criminal. correct? that's the way we saw each other at seven o'clock this morning. we were brainwashed.  cut to:
last.
mom, we're not supposed to study; we just have to sit there and do nothing.
you know, i can answer that right now sir. that'd be "no", no for me. 'cause.
thank you sir.
who do i think i am? who are you? who are you?
i am a walrus.
it's the shits, huh?
uh, excuse me, fellas? i think we should just write our papers.
well, you know the door's s'posed to stay open.
i'm in the math club.
i'm in the physics club too.
well, what i said was. i'm in the math club, the latin club and the physics club. physics club.
in physics, um, we ah, we talk about physics. about properties of physics.
yeah, well, i guess you could consider it a social situation. i mean there are other children in my club and uh, at the end of the year we have, um, you know, a big banquet, at the, uh, at the hilton.
well, no, we get dressed up. i mean, but, we don't. we don't get high.
and, uh, i didn't have any shoes. so i had to borrow my dad's. it was kinda weird 'cause my mom doesn't like me to wear other people's shoes. and, uh, my cousin kent. my cousin kendall from, uh, indiana.  he got high once and you know, he started eating like really weird foods. and uh, and then he just felt like he didn't belong anywhere. you know, kinda like, you know "twilight zone" kinda.
you wear tights?
tights.
you know there's not s'posed to be any monkey business!
bender, that's, that's school property there. you know, it doesn't belong to us. it's something not to be toyed with.
you should really fix that!
you know the school comes equipped with fire exits at either end of the library.
that's seven including the one when we first came in and you asked mr. vernon here whether barry manilow knew that he raided his closet.
excuse me, sir, it's seven!
i love his work.
hey fellas, i mean.
i don't like my parents either, i don't. i don't get along with them. their idea of parental compassion is just, you know, wacko!
yeah?
well that's a problem!
brian.
a cherry?
i'm not a cherry.
i've laid, lotsa times!
she lives in canada, met her at niagra falls. you wouldn't know her.
oh, you and claire, did it!
nothin', nothin! let's just drop it, we'll talk about it later!
no i'm not! i'm not! john said i was a cherry and i said i wasn't, that's it, that's all that was said!
he is lying!
you know he's lying, right?
yeah, but it was only. was only because i didn't want her to know that i was a virgin, okay?
excuse me for being a virgin, i'm sorry.
because it's personal business, it's my personal, private business.
you do?
uh, it's your standard, regular lunch i guess.
soup.
that's apple juice.
uh, no, mr. johnson.
is that for real?
what's the point in going to bender's locker?
this is so stupid. why do you think, why are we risking getting caught?
so then what are we doing?
sorry.
drugs.
drugs. the boy had marijuana.
that was marijuana!
do you approve of this?
what'd he say? where're we going?
we're dead!
what do you mean?
could you describe the ruckus, sir?
chicks, cannot hold der smoke! that's what it is!
yeah, guess.
well would you mind telling me how you know all this about me?
give it to me.
give it!
this is great. you're a thief too! huh?
multi-talented!
oh, i know. i know, i goofed it.
so i can vote!
do you always carry this much shit in your bag?
are you gonna be like a shopping bag lady? you know like, sit in alleyways and like talk to buildings and wear men's shoes and that kinda thing?
why do you have to do anything?
so you're saying you'd subject yourself to the violent dangers of the chicago streets because your homelife is unsatisfying?
andy. you wanna get in on this? allison here says, she wants to run away, because her home life is unsatisfying.
yeah, yeah i understand. but i think that her's goes beyond, you know, what guys like you and me.  consider normal unsatisfying.
the girl is an island, with herself. okay?
are your parents aware of this?
obviously she's crazy if she's screwing her shrink.
why don't you just answer the question?
yeah, answer it!
that was you?
yeah, i know him.
it's like me, you know, with my grades. like, when i, when i step outside myself kinda, and when i, when i look in at myself you know? and i see me and i don't like what i see, i really don't.
'cause i'm stupid'cause i'm failing shop. see we had this assignment, to make this ceramic elephant, and um. and we had eight weeks to do it and we're s'posed ta, and it was like a lamp, and when you pull the trunk the light was s'posed to go on. my light didn't go on, i got a f on it. never got a f in my life.  when i signed up, you know, for the course i mean. i thought i was playing it real smart, you know. 'cause i thought, i'll take shop, it'll be such an easy way to maintain my grade point average.
have you seen some of the dopes that take shop?
i'm a fuckin' idiot because i can't make a lamp?
what do you know about trigonometry?
bender, did you know without trigonometry there'd be no engineering?
i can make spaghetti!
um, i was just thinking, i mean. i know it's kind of a weird time, but i was just wondering, um, what is gonna happen to us on monday? when we're all together again? i mean i consider you guys my friends, i'm not wrong, am i?
so, so on monday. what happens?
yeah.
yeah, i want the truth.
then i assume allison and i are better people than you guys, huh? us weirdos.  do you, would you do that to me?
well if you did?
i just wanna tell, each of you, that i wouldn't do that. i wouldn't and i will not! 'cause i think that's real shitty.
you're so conceited, claire. you're so conceited. you're so, like, full of yourself, why are you like that?
well then why do you do it?
i don't understand what? you think i don't understand pressure, claire? well fuck you! fuck you!
know why i'm here today? do you? i'm here because mr. ryan found a gun in the locker.
i tried. you pull the fuckin' trunk on it and the light's s'posed to go on. and it didn't go on, i mean,
just forget it.
i can't have an f, i can't have it and i know my parents can't have it! even if i aced the rest of the semester, i'm still only a b. and everything's ruined for me!
so i considered my options, you know?
well i didn't do it, did i? no, i don't think so!
no, it was a flare gun, went off in my locker.
it's not funny.
yes it is. fuckin' elephant was destroyed!
yeah?
yeah, why?
oh, but that's what vernon wants us to do.
you just don't want to write your paper. right?
oh, well.
all right, i'll do it.
cool!
hey carl.
dear mr. vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. but we think you're crazy to make an essay telling you who we think we are. you see us as you want to see us.  in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. cut to:
Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club.