well. well. here we are! i want to congradulate you for being on time.
it is now seven-oh-six. you have exactly eight hours and fifty-four minutes to think about why you're here. to ponder the error of your ways.
and you may not talk. you will not move from these seats.
and you.
will not sleep. alright people, we're gonna try something a little different today. we are going to write an essay--of no less than a thousand words--describing to me who you think you are.
and when i say essay. i mean essay. i do not mean a single word repeated a thousand times. is that clear mr. bender?
good. maybe you'll learn a little something about yourself. maybe you'll even--decide whether or not you care to return.
sit down johnson.
my office.
is right across that hall. any monkey business is ill-advised.
any questions?
i'll give you the answer to that question, mr. bender, next saturday. don't mess with the bull young man, you'll get the horns.
hey! what's going on in there? smug little pricks! cut to:
god damnit!
why is that door closed?
why is that door closed?
why?
who closed that door?
who?
give me that screw.
you want me to yank you outta that seat and shake it out of you?
give it to me, bender.
watch it, young lady.
god damnit!
andrew clark. get up here. come on, front and center, let's go.
okay, now, watch the magazines!
alright, what are you doing with this? get this outta here for god's sake! what's the matter with you? come on!
let's go. go! get back into your seat.
i expected a little more from a varsity letterman! you're not fooling anybody, bender! the next screw that falls out is gonna be you!
what was that?
you just bought yourself another saturday, mister!
you just bought one more right there!
good! 'cause it's gonna be filled, we'll keep goin'! you want another one? say the word, just say the word! instead of going to prison, you'll come here! are you through.
i'm doing society a favor!
that's another one, right now! i've got you for the rest of your natural born life if you don't watch your step! you want another one?
you got it! you got another one, right there! that's another one pal!
you through?
good! you got one more, right there!
another.
you through?
now it's eight.  you stay out of it!
shut up, peewee! you're mine bender. for two months i gotcha! i gotcha!
oh, i'm sure that's exactly what you want these people to believe. you know something, bender? you ought to spend a little more time trying to do something with yourself and a little less time trying to impress people. you might be better off. alright, that's it! i'm going to be right outside those doors. the next time i hafta come in here. i'm cracking skulls!
wake up! who has to go to the lavatory?
allright girls, that's thirty minutes for lunch.
here.
well, i don't care what you think, andrew!
ah, ah, ah grab some wood there, bub!
what do you think, i was born yesterday? you think i'm gonna have you roaming these halls?
you!
and you! hey! what's her name? wake her! wake her up! come on, on your feet missy! let's go! this is no rest home!
there's a soft drink machine in the teacher's lounge. lets go!
oh, shit! cut to:
coffee. looks like they scrape it off the bottom of the mississippi river. everything's polluted, everything's polluted. the coffee.
that son of a bitch!
bender! bender! bender! what is this? what are you doing here, what is this?
out! that's it bender! out, it's over!
out!
gimmie the ball, bender.
get your stuff, let's go! mr. wiseguy here has taken it upon himself to go to the gymnasium. i'm sorry to inform you, you're going to be without his services for the rest of the day.
everything's a big joke, huh bender? the false alarm you pulled, friday, false alarms are really funny, aren't they. what if your home, what if your family.  . what if your dope was on fire?
you think he's funny? you think this is cute? you think he's bitchin', is that it? lemme tell you something. look at him, he's a bum. you wanna see something funny? you go visit john bender in five years! you'll see how god damned funny he is! what's the matter, john? you gonna cry? let's go.
that's the last time, bender. that's the last time you ever make me look bad in front of those kids, do you hear me? i make $31,000 dollars a year and i have a home and i'm not about to throw it away on some punk like you. but someday, man, someday. when you're outta here and you've forgotten all about this place.  and they've forgotten all about you and you're wrapped up in your own pathetic life. i'm gonna be there. that's right. and i'm gonna kick the living shit out of you, man, i'm gonna knock your dick in the dirt!
what're you gonna do about it? you think anybody's gonna believe you? you think anybody's gonna take your word over mine? i'm a man of respect around here. they love me around here, i'm a swell guy. you're a lying sack of shit! and everybody knows it. oh, you're a real tough guy. come on, come on. get on your feet, pal! let's find out how tough you are! i wanna know right now, how tough you are! come on! i'll give you the first punch, let's go! come on, right here, just take the first shot! please, i'm begging you, take a shot! come on, just take one shot, that's all i need, just one swing.
that's what i though. you're a gutless turd!
jesus christ, allmighty!
god damnit! what in god's name is going on in here?
what was that ruckus?
i was just in my office and i heard a ruckus!
watch your tongue young man, watch it!
what is that? what, what is that, what is that noise?
no, it wasn't. that was not the noise i was talking about. now, i may not have caught you in the act this time, but you can bet i will.
you make book on that missy! and you! i will not be made a fool of!
mister, oh mister tearney. a history of slight mental illness? wooh, no wonder he's so fucked up!
hey carl, how you doin'?
good, what's up?
oh, nothin' nothin' here. i'm just doin' a little homework here.
yeah.
look, carl. this is a highly sensitive area and i, i tell you something. certain people would be very very embarrassed. i would really appreciate it if if if if this would be something that, that you and i could keep between us.
well, well what would you like?
what?
what did you want to be when you were young?
carl don't be a goof! i'm trying to make a serious point here. i've been teaching, for twenty two years, and each year. these kids get more and more arrogant.
these kids turned on me. they think i'm a big fuckin' joke.
hey. carl, you think i give one rat's ass what these kids think of me?
you think about this. when you get old, these kids; when i get old, they're gonna be runnin' the country.
now this is the thought that wakes me up in the middle of the night.  that when i get older, these kids are gonna take care of me.