and finally to the teachers of whitman high school, i don't have the words to express my gratitude which may have more to say about the quality of the english department here than my own limitations.
that was, of course, not meant to be taken seriously. a personal note. i am frequently asked what the special difficulties are in being graduated from high school two months shy of my fifteenth birthday. i sometimes think it was the difficulties themselves which enabled me to do it. if i'd been appreciated or even tolerated i wouldn't have been in such a hurry to graduate. i hope the next student who comes along and is able to excel isn't made to feel so much an outcast. but i'm looking forward to college; this is the happiest day i've had in a long time. i thank you and i forgive you.
go ahead, stephen -- take your last licks. but this will heal -- what i'm going to say to you will scar you forever. ready? here it is.
you'll never make more than nineteen thousand dollars a year. ha ha ha.
okay, take this: you'll never leave south boston and i'm going to see the whole damn world. you'll never know the pleasure of writing a graceful sentence or having an original thought. think about it.
hi. turn on your tv.  good morning america, the morning news and today are all about to talk to arnold schwarzenegger and i think he's live on at least two of them.
now listen, arnold just said that he's been making three million a movie now. but he's not ever gonna change. he's still the same person when he was making two million dollars a movie. he feels no different. he also bought a brand- new condo with maria, they gonna furnish tastefully.
okay, i'll see you in the lobbies .
ready.
it's an ethnic curl, i can't do anything about it.
no -- don't worry about it. let's do this.
in other times, for other purposes, there might be a band and bunting here at the bus depot for j.d. singer's return from war. he.
oh, you mean use him. that's nice. okay.
in other times, with other purposes, there might be a band and bunting here at the bus depot for j.d. singer's return from war. last week he was decorated by a president for heroism in a war. but it was the civil war -- in angola -- and he was in it for the money.
thanks.
just a few questions?
we came from washington.
how long has it been since you've been home.
it depends on how big a news day it is.
where's where i asked him about being scared? you should work on your speech.
all this business of war -- do you get scared?
he must have been great-looking, right?
because nobody invites a bad- looking idiot to their bedroom.
okay. let's do me.
okay. i feel like i'm slipping but do people who are actually slipping feel that way or is it always the really good people who are moving up who invariably think they're slipping because their standards are so high?
i'd give anything if that were true.
wouldn't this be a great world if insecurity and desperation made us more attractive? if needy were a turn-on?
they didn't hire peter stiller from the times and he had a great audition tape.
yes.
jennifer didn't know there was an alternative.
here's one. they allow us to have cameras at an execution in florida. do you broadcast tape of the guy in the chair when they turn on the voltage?
nothing like wrestling with a moral dilemma is there?
what is she shooting?
oh, that's nice.  we'll need some new lines.
norman rockwell's enduring portrait of a homecoming the return of a fighting man has always been one of the more moving ceremonies of war.  tearful women, proud men, excited children. but j.d. singer was right -- his homecoming was no big deal.
eleven and a half.
shit, shit, shit.
oh, come on -- tell us another.
he loved it. big smile.
i'm gonna go look at it again.
i didn't sleep. they're giving me less and less air time. they don't think i'm at all anchor material.
last time paul was sick they gave connie the weekend news instead of me.
thanks, you speak english very well too. great news. he says they've been engaging the sandinistas pretty regularly and that he'd be really surprised if we didn't take fire tonight.
look at her. if anything happens to me tell every woman i've ever dated i was talking about them at the end. that way they'll have to reevaluate me.
the first shots were fired not thirty seconds ago. the contras feel they must be outnumbered this is so small a unit: that's a given. still they hold their ground despite the fact that their weapons have been acting up -- misfiring or jamming. a new shipment of rifles is expected tomorrow -- all they got today were the shoes.
did you shoot their boots?
we can cut back at the end.
can you believe it? i just risked my life for a network that tests my face with focus groups.
yeah.
please laugh so they think i'm not dying inside but have so much style i just said something funny.
it's mr. buddy felton?
that's your full name?
i might as well ask you the questions on tape. is that all right?
you worked at one time as foreign service trainee in the state department.
eventually rising to.
you're saying the fact that you're gay had something directly to do with your promotions?
eventually rising to?
you're saying the fact that you're gay had something directly to do with your promotions?
which would you prefer?
stop the tape, okay. forget it, ellen. let's call security and get him out.
you write this?
not because you have to.
yeah, let's never forget. we're the real story. not them.
hi, ellie -- remember me?
i've been to your house a lot.
take care, paul. it takes a certain kind of courage for you to say that in front of the president of the news division.
no. i think anyone who puckers their lips and presses it against his boss' buttocks and then smooches is an ass kisser.
wait a minute -- that changes everything.
you didn't say anything to her?
that's it. i resign as of now.
i'll tell you what. i'll stay if tom knows how to spell gaddafi.
what happened?
watch? --
yeah, love you, too.
a lot of alliteration from anxious anchors placed in powerful posts.
i think the pilot that shot down the libyan in 1981 is stationed right here. maybe you could get him -- and maybe tom should say that our f-14 is one of the hardest planes to fly. they're nicknamed 'tomcats'.
i say it here -- it comes out there.
me again. hi. listen gaddafi doesn't foam at the mouth or anything. when you speak to him he's not at all nuts. he seems like a leader -- very impressive, self-control. that's what's so strange.
you're welcome. sow how does it feel to. i know you gotta go -- me too. we're very busy here.
nice, jane.
it was strange to watch him. what's the next step? lip synching?
i've been doing some of the most important thinking of my life. i wonder if this is the right time to tell you about it.
i figured out exactly why it is i'm so hung up on getting a chance at weekend anchor. it's because if i do that well, they'll pay me more, treat me great and my life will be better. that's why.
which means i'm at their mercy and who wants that?. i'm not going to tell you where this thought led me.  anyway, well, why not tell you? -- it's a happy thing. in the middle of all this i start to think about something that does nothing but make me feel good and makes immediate sense and that's you . and i'll stop here but, jane, i'd give anything if you were two people so i could call up the one who's my friend and tell her about the one i'm in i. i don't think i should go any further. come on -- i'll walk you to the corner.
absolutely. you go have a good time.  you have some place to go?
good.
well, i felt something.
jesus, jane. how long have you been here?
they're not that dumb, after all.
who the heck could that be?
is god testing me or something?
martin, you're not allowed to use the word 'we' or i'm moving.
same old stuff. i'm watching a man who won three overseas press awards pitch an hors d'oeuvre idea.
why don't you lead? i'll just follow the flurry you cause.
you've made my dreams silly.
how you doing?
keep it to yourself.
oh, stop it.
you can't talk about feeling intimidated when you're on top of the world. it's unseemly.
you have the job you have.
okay. pretty petty party, isn't it, pal?
and the rule was.
can you name all the members of the cabinet?
we're conversing. oh my, the names of the entire cabinet has slipped my mind. what are they?
don't name them. just tell me if you know.
okay.
there are only ten.
i'm starting to.  we may do the capitols of the states.
hi.
can i turn on the news for a second? . oh, wait a minute. sex -- tears -- this must be the news.
i'm in a pissy mood. i'm sorry.
nothing. i think you really blew the lid off nookie.
outside?
just tell me what's really going on. i think we know each other well enough for me to expect that.
wipe me out?
just blunt talk, okay? i'd really appreciate bluntness.
wait. bullshit me a little. i'm beginning to appreciate it.
ah, damn -- the fucking jerks -- my, god. they want to fire me.
do one thing to me? get me one shot at anchoring the weekend news -- they've never seen me do it. i think it could turn them around.
do it then.
prepare what? you have saturday's news handy?
okay. i think i'd better be alone for a while.
thanks.
this is uncomfortable for me -- because, well, i don't mean it as a knock, but we approach this differently.
it just might not work for me because of our different approaches.
what?
i don't like being handled.
just don't physically.  fantastic tip -- fantastic.
it's not loaded.
hey, tom.
i'm very appreciative.
no?
oh, god, no!
thank you for the compliment, tom.
the pointers were great. i'll study the tape.
i spilled some rum on the outfit you picked out. let me show you the alternates.
i didn't know you were going with him.
yes. i was thinking that way too.  which tie?
could you at least pretend that this is an awkward situation for you -- me showing up while you're getting ready for a date.
really?
because this is important -- so don't just be polite. i'd really like to look. what's the word i'm looking for?.
yes.
me too. hey. if it gets dull a little before 11:00, drop by the studio.
if. if not, i'll have the tape. i'll wait for you at my apartment.
thanks, jane. have a good time tonight.
i'd hug you, but why risk mussing either of us?
want to look at this?
the weekend news. anchoring.  anchoring the weekend news.
thanks. oh, there's water on the set, isn't there, in case i get an attack of cotton mouth.
i'll be fine! yes!! i know!!!
how many?
okay.
good evening. in mood and language better suited to an espionage novel than the delicate world of the western alliance, the british foreign secretary today pounced on what he termed, 'the nest of profession spies and amateur traitors who were turning nato headquarters into an instrument whose only true function is folly.' we begin our coverage with edward towne in london.
the sub-bases referred to are located in five countries.
france, belgium, the netherlands, spain as.
we well as great britain. our own state department was rocked not only by the revelation but from the highly unusual persistence from the state press corps. martin klein reports on the ruckus at foggy bottom.
help me.
i was in the shower.
you didn't see it or speak to anybody?
then it went well.
define your terms.
no.
no.
i lost six pounds.
it was great. writing my little first rate copy, sitting on my jacket, punching my one thought. but i had this historic attack of flop sweat so they'll never let me another again. oh, i lost one of your shoulder pads -- how was your evening anyway?
people phoned in.
i'm not kidding.
no, nice ones worried that i was having a heart attack.
i don't know. at a certain point it was so off the chart bad -- it got funny. my central nervous system was telling me something. jane -- sweat running down my face -- makeup falling into my eyes -- people turning this fusillade of blow dryers on me -- all so i could read introductions to other people who were covering stories which is what i like to do anyway. and i'm chipper because you finally showed up. i thought i'd cook for us. tequila and eggs sound good?
call him -- i mean it can wait, right?
no!!!!!
don't go.
yeah. well. i think it is important for you too. sit down.
let me think a second. it's tough.
aaach. jane.  let's take the part that has nothing to do with me. let's let me be your most trusted friend, the one that gets to say awful things to you. you know?
you can't end up with tom because it goes totally against everything you're about.
i know you care about him. i've never seen you like this about anyone, so please don't take it wrong when i tell you that i believe that tom, while a very nice guy, is the devil.
what do you think the devil is going to look like if he's around? nobody is going to be taken in if he has a long, red, pointy tail. no. i'm semi-serious here. he will look attractive and he will be nice and helpful and he will get a job where he influences a great god-fearing nation and he will never do an evil thing. he will just bit by little bit lower standards where they are important. just coax along flash over substance.  just a tiny bit. and he will talk about all of us really being salesmen. and he'll get all the great women.
no. you know that i'm not.
because we have the kind of relationship where if i were the devil, you'd be the only one i told.
yes, yes. i know. right. and if it had gone well for me tonight, maybe i'd be keeping quiet about all this. i grant you everything but give me this. he does personify everything you've been fighting against. and i'm in love with you. how do you like that? -- i buried the lead.
i've got to not say that aloud; it takes too much out of me.
i've never fought for anyone before. does anybody win one of these things?
hi. will i ever sing again?
yeah -- well, i'm sorry i'm tying up jane, i didn't realize you two would be going this late. sorry.
i'll put her on.
well, jane, it was nice of you to drop by.
what did they do with you?
impossible. there's no system that wouldn't value one of us.
they told me they'd keep me because they could plug me into any story and my salary was in line.
so i quit.
yes. and i'm sorry that they're sending you down for a while, but you'll make it back. where they sending you?
london. that's a promotion!
it is. yes -- that's where they had rorish, for god's sake, before they made him anchor. i can't stand it -- they're grooming you for it all and you don't even know it.
can i ask you something? you only had one crew on the date rape piece, right?
no. i don't know how much fun it will be when martin klein and ernie have to drop off their credentials with the security guard.
this story they won't cover. and if the network doesn't cover it -- it must not be important so why worry.
no, i liked the way it made me sound. okay. be good. so long.
hello.
speaking.
stop. ernie thought i was good too -- he couldn't help. my agent has a hot prospect -- the number two station in portland. the general manager says he wants to be every bit as good as the networks. personally, i think he should aim higher.
ernie told this story. how he used to write obits and when the people in town called him up with death notices, he cried. he was till that way when they promoted him out of obits. he says you're lucky if you can get out while you could still cry. i should have quit this place three years ago.
let's go.
maybe the best part of your life is over and you don't want to get up and start the bad part.
okay, that's very easy. five, six years from now i'll be in town to collect an award representing the surge in foreign coverage by local stations.
i'll be walking with my wife and two children -- we'll bump into you on the street, my youngest son will say something and i'll tell him.  . it's not nice to make fun of single, fat ladies.
i hope so.  no. i'm not really mad. i'll miss you, we'll talk, we'll always be friends. we'll get hot for each other every few years at dinner and never act on it, okay?
jane, you know how tom had tears in the piece the other night? ask yourself how we were able to see them when he only had one camera and that was pointing at the girl during the interview. i'm fairly sure i was right to tell you.
hi.
do you know who this is, cliff?
i'm just bringing him over to give jane a look at him --
okay.
oh, i didn't say anything about your speech.
what do you say, cliff?
he excels at gratitude.
really?
congratulations on history's longest winning streak.
why?
hey! cliff! cliff!
come on, cliff. come on.
so who's the guy?
Well -- my wife got this new job.