it will be a year next month since it happened. i never thought i'd talk about it outside of counseling.
we'd gone out twice and i hadn't enjoyed myself that much but it gets to a point -- i don't know if you can appreciate this but where you don't want to sit home or be with your girlfriends and people had always been telling me that i was 'too picky.' i'm not. it's just you want to meet a nice guy. so anyways, it was that 'give-him-a-chance' thing. no, it wasn't. i was lonely. so we went to a movie and when he brought me home he said could he just come up and have one beer and then he'd go. how do you say 'no', to that? so first it was this wrestling match which was awful enough because it got to be really a fight. because i'm a modest person.  then he ripped my clothes and he forced me to. make love. he stayed in my apartment and forced me more times -- he didn't leave until.  i promised myself i wouldn't cry.  it's just hard not to -- you sure have a sympathetic face. . i was so sure i wouldn't do this -- but the whole thing messed me up -- maybe more than it should.
but the whole thing messed me up more than it should.
i'm sorry.
yes, i'm sorry.
the way you were looking at me, i just went.
uh-huh.