mr. howard is so heinous. he's always giving me a hard time. i get a c-plus on the test and he tells me, 'you have no sense of history.' i have no sense of history? he wears a brown tie.
excuse me for not knowing about el salvador. like i'm ever going to spain anyway. ooh!
mmmm. wouldn't i look just edible and nutritious in this?
) what do you think?
why don't we see a movie?
no thx.
please. they show previews for foreign movies.
sounds toasty. we're going pavilion.
what's playing there?
excuse much! not rude or anything.
that's the plan.
yeah, i guess.
'just remember you're in training, son'
it could happen.
ignore them.
everyone get horribly killed except the blonde girl in the nightie, who finally kills the monster with a machete but it's not really dead.
probably. what movie is this?
nice game.
andy!
i.  yeah, i'm okay. i'm fine.
i know.
'bye.
well.  it's possible they think my name's bobby.
something like that.
what show is this?
oh. who's in it? i know what it is. it's what's on instead of the movie.
mmmnkay.
oh, wow. oh, wow. oh, wow.
nothing.
nothing. it was just a dream.
the environment.
guys. the environment. i'm telling you, it's totally key. the earth is in terrible shape, we could al die, and besides, sting's doing it.
hi.
it has to be, like a socially conscious theme.
i still say the environment. that's my suggestion.
see, cassandra likes it. cassandra's my friend.
bugs.
we gotta get rid of that! that's right.
he's got a.  what do you call it? a napoleonic code.
where?
cassandra, you gotta come, too.
bogutude. blow it off.
you're weird and i'm afraid of you. seriously, cassandra, there's a lot cooler things you could be doing than your homework.
like my homework.
kimberly, it's the senior dance.
you guys are thrashed.
buffy.
what, it's not weird. i just cut the stupid hot dog in half.
i didn't learn.  i just.  it's not a big deal.
get a boob job.
i was just scared is all.
that is so cool.
nobody is even gonna look at the game.
don't tread on the earth?
how do you not tread on the earth? i mean, you kind of have to.
you guys blow. i'm waiting on cassandra. she's gonna help me with my history.
yeah.  she's okay, though.
jealous?
don't worry, jennifer. someday your prince will come.
b'bye.
god, where the hell did you come from? you scared me to death.
what? oh. i used to do gymnastics. are you looking for someone?
am i in trouble or something?
what are you talking about?
why?
my birthright? you mean, like a trust fund?
i had a trust fund my great- grandfather, or maybe it was an inheritance, 'cause he's dead, and i spent it on shoes.
wait a minute. my birthright is in the graveyard? later not.
you're one of those skanky old men that, like, attack girls and stuff. forget you. my, um, my boyfriend is gonna be here in about thirty seconds, and he's way testy.
chosen to go to the graveyard? why don't you just take the first runner up, okay?
time to do what?
let me get this straight. you're like, this greasy bum, and i have to go to the graveyard with you 'cause i'm chosen, and there's vampires.
does elvis talk to you? tell you to do things? do you see spots?
you mean that big hairy mole? excuse me: eeyuu. i had it removed. and, like, knowing about my big old mole isn't proof of anything except that it's way past medication time.
just stay away from me, okay?
everybody does.
i was a slave.
i don't know. it was.  there was a big gram or something. and there's one, i'm like a prostitute.
oh, my god. i never told anybody about this. i remember the one about the peasant, too. god, there's a bunch. is this, like channeling or something.
i had a dream once where i was.  there was like, knights in it, and i worked in this bar. and i.  was fighting. i'm always fighting. and there's a guy.  he's not always there, but he's horrible, all white, and he's always.  trying to kill me.
how do you know all this?
i can't believe i'm doing this. i can't believe i'm in a graveyard with a strange man hunting for vampires on a school night.
oh, yeah, tell everyone i'm crazy. beauty ida.
ow.
none of your business. god.
wait a minute.
all right. what do we do now?
do you have any gum?
'bye now.
she --
all right.
i have cheerleading squad.
merrick.
they can't come in, right? unless you invite them. is that true?
uum.  around ten?
i do? i guess i do.
i went to sleep. i think i have the flu or something.
'bye.
thanks.
oh. no. she never showed.
fire the help. no kidding.
our purposes.
what, um.  what do we do?
why do you keep saying that?
a vampire-king? you mean like dracula?
oh, him.
what?
i still don't get how they happened to come to my town. i mean, was i born here because.  because they were coming here? that lothos guy, and his buddies?
great. first i have a birthright, now i've got a fate. hey, do i have to take notes on this?
not a pressing issue.
uh.  gym.
well, everybody says.  it's just kind of dorky. i mean, have you ever seen a gymnast's legs? they're like -- -- the mighty oak. it's not a look.
well.  i do cheerleading now. it's way cooler.
sporting events, yeah.
here?
okay.
who we gonna beat?
no -- you don't have to --
no. you don't do anything. i do it.
who we gonna beat? who do we defeat? who will we be pulverizing into cream of wheat?
oh, what the hell is wrong with you? you threw a knife at my head!
but you threw a knife at my head!
i don't want to be the chosen one, okay? i don't want to spend the rest of my life chasing after vampires! i just want to graduate from high school, go to europe, marry charlie sheen and die. it may not sound too exciting to a sconehead like you, but i think it's swell. and then you come along.  and.  and then i'm a member of the hairy mole club, so you throw things at me!
last night. you knew i was sitting on a fresh grave, didn't you?
oh. sorry.
put your head back.
no.  i guess i would have gotten jeffrey to hit you.
ooh, another embarrassment for the teabag, while the chosen one is still well under par.
what about bats? do they turn into bats?
toasty. were there ever any, like, famous vampires?
if i say 'no' does that make me a bad person?
my nails.
they were vampires?
oh.
excuse me.
well, sort of.
yeah. um.  could you bless these?
what!?!
sure is cold. what a dark night. nice night for a walk.
'feelings, la la la la feelings'.  boy, i'm helpless.
yeucch.
hello.
what do you want?
toaster-caked him!
fine.
does the world 'duhh' mean anything to you?
nice conversationalist! yeah, i felt 'em a little, but i ain't due for two weeks since you're so excited about the subject.
oh, wonderful. my secret weapon is - pms. that's just great. thanks for telling me.
you are such a wet.
a wet! didn't i just kill that vampire? i think i did. i didn't see you killing any vampires. you were too busy playing 'beat the clock'.
aren't i, like the chosen one? the one and only? the grand high poobah and doesn't that mean you have to be nice to me? like, ever?
and why are you always wearing black? it's so down. it's totally not your color. i don't think you have a color.
oh, fuck you!
five?
so, basically, i've got the life expectancy of a zit, right?
how can you keep doing this?
watchers?
i wish you would.
i'm curious, is all.
and it makes it worse when i die, right?
well, you know, i'm not gonna kick so easy. i've got a few things the other girls didn't have.
well.  there's my keen fashion sense, for one.
merrick. you made a joke. are you okay, i mean, do you want to lie down? i know it hurts the first time.
dying.
don't grab me, okay?
i can take care of myself, jeffrey.
i mean, most of the time jeffrey's really sweet, but sometimes he gets kind of.  'me-tarzan'ish, you know what i mean? lately it bugs me, i guess. merrick? are you still breathing?
we call them zippers. they're not supposed to be a challenge.
because you clash, merrick. you clash with everything. i mean you might as well go around with a sign, 'slayers trained her.' honestly, you look like something out of.  pasadena.
well, you're on my turf now. you're just gonna have to trust me.
okay. the important thing is not to panic.
i'm on the east side, near the playground.  all right.
hi.
is that your car?
i kind of had to improvise. sorry about your guitar.
how are you doing?
you want some water or something?
not exactly.
yeah.
you had a car full of stuff. were you leaving?
well, stay here tonight.
where are you gonna go?
it's nothing. it doesn't hurt.
things are kind of confusing.
three weeks ago all i thought about was.  well, i didn't actually think about anything. i definitely didn't expect this.
it's weird. i went back to my old grade school once, to the playground -- i used to hang out there all the time, playing on the swings and stuff.  i went back and it was so tiny, the whole place. i couldn't even fit on the swings. everything just looked so small. i'm sorry. i'm babbling.
i'm kinda beat. you can stay in my mom's room if you want.
you sure?
mmkay.
yeah?
make time, okay? you're the one who told me to act normal. i've missed three practices already. if i'm not there for the barber game tomorrow everyone's gonna talk.
why because it's not my fate? it's not in the book-of-all- knowledgefullness that i'm gonna be cheerleading at the barber game?
i'm pretty much learning not to accept anything anymore. come on, merrick. football. afterwards we can kill and kill until there is nothing left.
toasty. you should come; it's gonna be a great game.
try and be inconspicuous, okay? act like a fan.
you're learning. slowly, incredibly slowly, but you're learning.
and where are they now?
jeffrey. projectile vomit.
sorry.
jeffrey.
he knows who i am!
grueller, god, what did they do you?
no kidding.
i didn't expect to see you.
why'd you come back?
thanks.
pike, i don't think you're up to this.
oh, god. it's him. i think it's him.
merrick.
stay here.
ummm, our father, who art in heaven, duhmm.  hallowed be thy name. uhh, kingdom come, daily break, i don't know. i don't even know if you're religious. you probably are. but you're dead, you know. you're just totally dead. and.
 and i don't know what to do. you were the one who.  i don't know if the training was over. i don't even know if i passed. you're so stupid! how could you be so stupid? what am i supposed to do without you? you son of a bitch!
amen.
hi, guys.
i forgot.
look, a lot's been going on. that's what i wanted to tell you guys about. i need to tell you. you see.  a while ago, i met this guy --
it's not that at all. this is an old guy, he's like fifty.
no, no. listen. haven't you guys noticed how weird things have gotten around here? like, people disappearing, people turning up dead.
pike.
guys. guys! reality pulled out of her five minutes ago.
excuse me for having something important to do.
kimberly, it's a dance. it's a stupid dance with a bunch of stupid kids that i see every stupid day.
listen to you. what language are you speaking?
nicole.
yeah?
maybe.
i don't know, mom; i've never met bobby.
i'm going shopping. don't try to stop me.
a dress.
for the dance.
i'm going to the senior dance.
i'm going to the dance.
in order to dance and to drink punch and to be with my friends. comprende?
it's not a mixer. it's the senior dance. and it's important. you wouldn't understand.
i don't want to kill anybody, and i don't want to talk about it anymore.
he did what he was supposed to.
right. i'm the chosen one. and i choose to be shopping.
leave me alone.
buffy? buffy?
thanks. have you seen jeffrey?
hi, guys.
have you guys seen jeffrey? the limo never showed, i thought he might be here.
oh.
i'm glad you guys are here. it's good to see you.
you look way pretty, kim.
i guess you guys are mad at me. i'm sorry. i've been really --
jeffrey! there you are. i --
i thought we were meeting here.
i don't understand.
no, you didn't. when?
you broke up with my machine?
you left me a message?
pretty shallow of you.
i'm glad you came.
i don't actually think jeffrey's gonna notice.
yes, i am.
don't go near the door.
don't worry! they can't come in here. they can't come in unless they're invited.
the first thing we should --
what?
i'm going out the front.
you're staying here. some of them might not come after me. if they don't this place is gonna turn into a total stain.
andy, start breaking up some chairs. you'll need weapons.
good thing one of us was prepared.
don't piss me off.
that was quick! oops!
it wouldn't be 'dick,' would it?
'lefty'?
i do know.  one thing.
i know.  what time sunrise is.
it's in about four hours, dick.
oh, god, no.  not yet.
have you ever thrown up in the front row of a richard marx concert?
i think you've forgotten something.
no.
 my keen fashion sense.
this is the suckiest party i have ever been to. it's not even a contest.
oops.
get away from me!
i am so sure.
don't be such a fraidy-cat.
we've come all this way. we just have to check it out. i got a hunch.
trust me.