if anyone finds this, then i guess my plan didn't work and i'm already dead.
but if i can just go back to the beginning of all this, i still might be able to save her.
we're gonna be late again.
we're putting up pictures for parent's night.
righty-tighty, lefty-lucy.
um.  can dad come this time?
can't he come out for one day?
but lenny said that his dad's coming.  and tommy and kayleigh's dad.
all the dads are gonna be there.
no.
done. try it.
hey, what'd you do that for?
come on, lenny. it's not that bad. you can still see your mom a little.
sure. i was gonna make a new one, anyway.
i don't like this place, mom. it's creepy. please can we go? i promise i won't make any more bad pictures!
you know my father?
my father has a bad memory, too?
these'll bring you luck, crockett.
what happened?
i.  i don't remember.
we're really gonna be in a movie!?
where am i? what happened? where did we all go?
i was just somewhere else -- how did i get here?
kayleigh? what happened?
what's wrong with me?
dad lives here?
okay.
uh-huh. mom says i have your eyes and your --
tommy, i'm bored shitless over here. what's up already?
so let's go. this place creeps me out.
not necessarily.
that should buy you ten minutes at least.
you got balls, man.
what happened?? where are we?!
shit, lenny. what's happened to you! we've gotta get help!
i don't know.  i don't remember.
i.  i blacked out.
yes.
i'm standing next to kayleigh, my hands are over her ears.
no, protecting her.
i see a car.
i can't.  the car vanishes and all of a sudden i'm on the ground in the woods.
it's coming.  argh! i can't!
what happened? did it work?
would someone just tell me already what the hell happened in the mailbox?
are you okay?
i'm sorry kayleigh. this was a bad idea.
it's going to be okay. lenny'll be fine. you'll see.
i'm sorry.
damn. your dad did this?
what are you talking about? what you deserve is a better brother and father. all they do is make you feel like shit.
you really have no clue how beautiful you are, do you?
i can't believe tommy's still pissed at me. he knows i'm moving away, right?
duck, here they come.
he must be. they're letting him go, right?
welcome home, lenny!
sorry?
welcome home. thought you might like some fresh air for a change.
it's cool.
crockett!!
what's wrong with you?!
kayleigh! wake up!
how long was i out?
kayleigh?! are you okay? where's crockett?
i'm not sure. i might have gotten some stories mixed up. did pavlov condition his dogs to lick his nuts?
hey, i got no choice.
whoa. smells like patchouli and.  ass.
nice to meet you, too.
get dressed, thumper, you're taking me out for my birthday.
this is bigger. seven years to the day. no blackouts.
actually, they're for a psych project. a study on memory.
it's an experiment with flatworms and a maze. you take a flatworm and run it through the maze until he's memorized it. then you put a new flatworm in the maze. he's clueless. banging into walls, getting lost, whatever.
you chop up the smart flatworm and feed it to the dumb one and presto, the dumb one suddenly knows the maze inside and out.
just by absorbing the first worm into its cellular structure, it gets all of the worm's memories.
maybe if i can figure out how the memories of a simple worm function, it'll help me understand the complexities of the human brain.
no, i just don't want to lose my mind.
i think that's your game.
thumper had a busy afternoon.
charisma and eyeliner go a long way, i guess. wanna beer?
yeah. i've been keeping journals since i was seven.
no way, i'd be too embarrassed.
freeze! no "worm-boy". no "mr. worm," and no "worm-master-general!" once you get a nickname like that you can't shake it. and i don't want everyone thinking i've got tapeworms coming out of my ass or something, okay?
for courage.
it's like my mind refused to believe what it was seeing. hearing crockett make those awful screams.  just writing about it gives me the shivers.
it was like tommy was possessed or something. there was a hate in his eyes that i couldn't really call human.
what the hell is going on?
i got him, lenny. help crockett!
oh my god! no! no!
it didn't feel like a dream.
hey, uh, it's me. evan.
what's that you're working on? a model?
well, you look busy, so maybe i should make this quick. i'd totally understand if you didn't want to get into this right now, but that day at the junkyard, could you help me remember what happened? any details?
yeah, good, what else do you remember?
jesus christ. it really happened.
what if i can get back all my lost memories with my journals.
well, thanks for seeing me, man. i shouldn't have waited so long.
all i know is that i might be able to unblock some of my repressed memories.
the last thing i remember before the blackout was holding my hands over kayleigh's ears.  i think i was more focused on her hands on mine than the mailbox across the street.
what the hell?
yes, hello, uh, mrs. kagan, this is evan treborn. i know. i'm sorry about that. but i really need to speak with him.
oh, fine i guess. it's been kind of crazy lately with my mom coming up, so i haven't.
i won't let you down, professor carter.
please, mom. people will talk.
did da -- jason --- get good grades?
ma? did he ever say that he figured out a way to recall a lost memory years after he blacked it out for the first time?
no, it's just weird with him being such a brain and all, i just wondered if he was ever able to remember stuff he'd forgotten.
sure.
what? what could he do?
i never wanted to be in the movie anyway and it was cold so i wanted to wear my clothes but mr. miller took his shirt off --
shhh! i need quiet for this.
what?
oh, comme si, comme ca, you know.
i'm going to state now. things are going okay. i guess. mom's good.
not since we were kids.
so how's tommy?
you still live with your dad?
wow. that must've taken some courage.
couldn't you have moved in with your mom?
actually, kayleigh, the reason i came back to town was to talk to you.
remember when i was a kid i had all these blackouts?
well, lately some of the memories have begun to come back and i'd kinda like to talk to you about one of them in particular. it'd be a big help.
when we were kids. your dad was making a movie. robin hood or something?
it's just.  did he.  what happened in the basement?
i know, but.
no, but i think something really bad might've happened to us.
whatever happened, it wasn't our fault. you know we couldn't have stopped it.
look, kayleigh. this may sound like bullshit coming from a guy who hasn't spoken to you in seven years.
but you were seven years old and there's nothing you could've done to deserve.
you can't hate yourself just because your dad's a twisted freak.
you can smell it all the way in the bathroom.
it's been said that a person's life is little more than the sum of his experiences. if that's true, then i'm not sure i know who i am anymore. i definitely never knew kayleigh.
what time is it?
wrong answer, fuckbag. this is the very moment of your reckoning. in the next thirty seconds you're going to open one of two doors. the first door will forever traumatize your own flesh and blood.
it'll change your daughter from a beautiful child into an empty shell whose only concept of trust was betrayed by her own sick pedophile father. ultimately, it'll lead to her suicide. nice work, daddy.
let's just say you're being closely watched, george. your other option is to get your porn off the rack and treat kayleigh like.  oh, let's say like how a loving father treats his daughter. sound okay to you, papa?
listen close then, fuckbag. you screw up again and i swear i'll flat out castrate you.
one last thing.
what you need to do is discipline your son tommy, because the kid's one sadistic pup.
jesus, kayleigh, you're.  incredible.
where.  where are my clothes?
this is too amazing! un-fucking-real!
whoops. sorry. my bad.
hey, you were with those assholes who threw popcorn at thumper.
and your name is.  gwen!
hey, uh, don't go freaking out on me over this, but do you remember when your dad first got his video camera?
i dunno. just being weird.
come on, mom, be there!
hi, mom and, uh, chuck. just calling to say hi and well, call me.
thumper! what time is it, man?
huh?
i still owe you an essay from last week. is there any way i could get an extension?
evan treborn.
leave me alone, asshole. i didn't lay a hand on you, okay?
we'll find out soon enough.
you're kidding. are these the answers?!
thanks. wow. hey, i want to do something really special for kayleigh tomorrow. if i said i needed some help from you and the brothers.
so it didn't feel.  weird?
yellow.
what do you think it is about us that makes us so perfect? like, looking back, whatever gave you the nerve to sneak out and visit me after i moved away?
you think we'll always be together?
just making sure.
order, order. so all you rushes know what you've got to do for me?
pledges, rushees, same difference. now this is a one-time deal. you do all this for me and i'll never give you shit again. promise.
you'll see.
go on. sit down.
simple math. when i woke up this morning and saw your smile.  i knew that i wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.
did you see who did this? you see anyone?
how could he get away with this? right in front of the goddamn frat house!
might'a been nice. like this is gonna do any good. maybe one of the frat guys has a gun.
yeah, right. tell that to crockett.
don't give me this oprah-book club bad upbringing shit, because you turned out fine.
fine, then. we'll let campus security deal with him.
what do you mean?
like how?
i walk differently?
i know i've been actin strange lately. it's just that.  i don't want anything to happen to us.
what?
leave us alone you sick fuck!
what the hell are you doing?
no one thinks you're a piece of shit, tommy.
he's a fucking maniac!
he ruined lenny's life --
he killed crockett -- murdered that woman and her baby! and he's trying to kill me, kayleigh! he's trying to fucking kill me!
can you protect me?
how long will i be in here?
how's kayleigh doing? she all right?
what about my journals, mom? did you bring the ones i asked for?
damn it, mom. i told you i need them all!
sure, mom. you're right. just try to tell kayleigh i'm sorry.
let go! they're mine!
motherfucker!
you're religious carlos, you believe that bit about "the lord works in mysterious ways?"
because i think he sent me to your cell on purpose. for you to help me.
i ain't bullshitting. jesus speaks to me in my dreams.
pack of smokes says i can prove it to you.
so when i'm out, i need you to watch my face and hands closely.
anything today?
just tell me if anything weird happens.
marks, scars, i dunno. anything could happen i guess.
oh, mrs. boswelllllllll?
what did you see? what did it look like?
so you believe me?
i want to make a deal.
look. i'm new to all this but i think i get how things work. you gotta join a gang or else end up dead meat.
well it sure ain't gonna fucking be with no niggers or spics. so how do we do this? you gotta work your way up, and i'm the new guy. so.  should i.  i mean, do i suck your dicks right now?
i ain't no fucking kike if that's what you mean.
carlos!
we took the woods behind the junkyard just to make sure we wouldn't bump into tommy. we hadn't seen the smoke yet.
rot in hell you fucking animals.
wait. before we --
we need something to cut open the sack!
i want you to take this, lenny. today's your day of atonement. i know how guilty you feel about that woman and her baby --
now's the only time! today you get a chance to redeem yourself. start over with a clean slate. tabula rasa --
please. if you've ever trusted me before, trust me on this one.
cut the rope.
i'll do whatever you want. you don't want me to ever see kayleigh again, fine. just let crockett go. besides, you kill him now and they'll stick you in juvy for sure. and i know you'd never leave your sister alone with your father.
oh fuck, lenny, no!
christ. help me.
okay, doc. what's the damage? how much time have i got?
are you sure? not even with my father?
lemme guess. would that be where the memories are stored?
he's saying it's like forty years worth of new memories have been jammed in my brain since last year. overload city. 'sat about the gist of it, doc?
mind if i wait in the car? the lighting here bugs my eyes.
well, it's nice seeing you again. but you know, people to see, things to read.
is there anything you need? anything i can get you?
what about the models, man? bet i can get you a shitload of models up in here.
okay, lenny. just wanted to say "hi".
y.  yes. i guess i did.
today i get to meet my father. his name is jason and he is crazy.
look, jason, i need some fast answers if i'm ever gonna fix what i've done.
but it didn't. and now i need info to make things right again and you're the only one who can give it to me.
who's to say you can't make things better?
bullshit. i'll send you a postcard when i've made everything perfect again.
huh?
i come from a big family.
none taken. hey, uh, does kayleigh miller still work here?
good guess, fuckbag. remember me now? we had a great chat once when i was seven.
one question, fuckbag. where can i find your daughter?
nice to see you, too. can i come in?
i just needed to see.  a friendly face.
i get it. you can drop it now.
no. just that you need to hurt me with it. i've been where you've been.
the bottom. when you're just a piece of meat waiting for the next attack.
you wouldn't believe me. i mean, people always say, "you wouldn't believe me", but in this case, it's not even worth trying.
why's that?
different? how?
yeah?
do you remember when i was a kid and i had those blackouts?
i never thought you would. that's why i've never bothered to tell a soul until now, and why i never will again.
i couldn't give a shit if you believe me or not, and frankly i'm too tired to prove it to you.
shit. i dunno. how would i know about the twin moles on your inner thigh?
then forget that. how about.  you prefer the smell of a skunk to flowers, you hate cilantro because for reasons unknown to you, it reminds you of your step-sister.
oh! and when you orgasm, your toes go numb. i'm sure your clientele aren't privy to that one.
i just thought you should know.
that i didn't leave you there to rot.
which is?
don't think i'll need it where i'm going.
i'm over it. whenever i try to help anyone it all turns to shit.
get out. both of you.
i'm not saying it again.
lord give me the strength and guidance i need to set things right.
lady, stay back! don't go near the mailbox!
i mean it, woman! get the hell back!
i thought i told you two to beat it.
no, it's cool. really cool.
where are we going?
stop! take me back!
take me back, lenny! you owe me that much.
oh goody, nothing like spinning my chair around to a techno mix of hava nagila til i puke.
forget it. what's the point of psych now? tomorrow i could wake up as some dirt farmer in bangladesh.
so tommy's really into this jesus kick, huh?
he saved mrs. halpern? please, the twisted fuck.
yeah, i think i gotta get these fixed or something.
kayleigh? do you ever think about "us?" i mean, wonder if it could ever have been different between the two of us?
i was?
i don't get it.
i never knew that. so then you still sometimes think of us.  together?
and?
then you think it might have worked out?
would it make any difference if i told you that no one could possibly love anyone as much as i love you?
but you, kayleigh and lenny like toast. and that's really all that matters now.
what, did mom get transferred again?
lung cancer?
right.  you started chain smoking after i blew myself up.
there must be a way to fix this.
i just need the entry about the blockbuster. wait, shit, no arms. i never even got the chance to write it.
mom. don't cry. i can change this.
come on, mom. just 'cause dad was my age when he started going crazy doesn't mean that i'm nuts.
you told me that on parents' weekend. remember? wait, that wasn't me. or you.
don't worry. i'm gonna get you out of here.
my mom packed for me. i think she sent everything i ever owned. so we'll see.
duly noted. now i'm gonna ask you for one last favor.
shhh. i need to concentrate on the blockbuster if i'm gonna destroy it.
if i hadn't blown my arms off, mom never woulda started smoking in the first place. now shhhh.
yes. now how do i destroy the blockbuster?
well, that didn't work.
wait! i need my belt!
loo loo, skip to my loo. loo loo, skip to my loo.
loo, loo, skip to my loo.
back off, fuckbag!
amazing. that word never fails to make an impression with you.
and i'll tell the child protective services about your kiddie porn endeavors. one step closer and i'll shove this up your ass!
been there, done that.
oh god, kayleigh.
kayleigh.  no! you can't die again! i won't let this happen. i won't!
where are they?!
where are my goddamn books?
my journals! where are they?
but i.  i need those books.
photos?
hey, mom, didja remember to bring those goofy old home movies we used to make?
if anyone finds this, then i guess my plan didn't work and i'm already dead.
but i -- i can just go back to the beginning of all this, i might be able to save her.
i hate you. if you ever come near me again, i'll kill you and your whole family.
goodbye.
i'll think i'll be alright this time. i really do.
yeah, ma. i'm running a little late for lunch. one of my patients had a breakdown. anyway, order some soup in the meantime. see ya soon.