we need some tits and ass! yeah!
i feel good today, silent bob. we're gonna make some money! and then you know what we're going to do? we're going to go to that party and get some pussy! i'm gonna fuck this bitch, that bitch.  i'll fuck anything that moves!
what you looking at?! i'll kick your fucking ass! doesn't that motherfucker still owe me ten bucks?
tonight, you and me are going off that fucker's head, and take out his fucking soul! remind me if he tries to buy something from us, to cut it with leafs and twigs. or fucking shit in the motherfucker's bag!
wa sup sluts? damn silent bob! you one rude motherfucker! but you're cute as hell. i wanna go down on you, and suckle you. and then, i wanna line up three more guys, and make like a circus seal.
ewwww! you fucking faggot! i fucking hate guys! i love women! neh.
i got hits, hash, weed, and later on i'll have 'shrooms. we take cash, or stolen mastercard and visa.
"not in me." that's what she says. i gotta pull out and spank it to get it on. so i blow a nut on her belly, and i get out of there, just as my uncle walks in. it was such a close call. i tell you what, though, i don't care if she is my cousin, i'm gonna knock those boots again tonight.
oh shit, look who it is. the human vacuum.
nothing. just hanging out with silent bob and his cousin.
check this out, he's from russia.
i swear to god. silent bob, am i lying?
see? and silent bob never told a lie in his life.
i don't fucking know. what am i, his biographer? olaf, what part of russia are you from?
he knows some english, but he can't not speak it good like we do.
he's moving to the big city next week. he wants to be a metal singer.
swear. olaf, metal!
that's his fucking metal face. olaf, girls nice?
that's fucked up.
i don't know, man. he's a fucking character.
he's got his own band in moscow. it's called "fuck your yankee blue jeans" or something like that.
you gotta hear him sing. olaf, "berserker!"
come on, man, "berserker!"
english. come on, "berserker!" girls think sexy.
he's gonna sing it. this is too funny.
that's fucking funny, man!
wait, there's more. olaf: sing.
'bout the biggest pair you ever seen! nynne!!
yeah! open the video store!!
yeah, you cock-smoking clerk.
i'm not dealing.
yeah, what do you want?
that's the price, my brother.
for this kind of hash, you need that kind of cash.
till ten. then i'm going to john k's party.
my man is deaf. i'm going to john k's party! neh.
the only place i don't bring my drugs is church. and that ain't till sunday morning.
i'll see you there.
it's motherfuckers like that who give recreational drug users a bag name. hey baby! you ever had your asshole licked?
man, it's fucking slow.
i knew one of those motherfuckers was gonna kill somebody one day.
noinch, noinch, noinch-smoking weed, smoking weed! doing coke! drinking beers! a pack of wraps, my good man. it's time to kick back, drink some beers, and smoke some weed!
hell yes, whatever that means. now i'm gonna head over to atlantic, drink some beers, get ripped, and- please god-get laid. e-z wider, one-and-a-halfs.
pay the good man. don't you close soon?
we get off about the same time every night. we should hang out. you get high?
wanna come to this party tonight? there's gonna be some pussy there, man!
listen to you. oh shit. "oh, i don't hang out with drug dealers."
i work, just like you. you're more of a crook than i am, dude.
relax brother. what i mean is that you sell the stuff in this store at the highest prices around. a dollar seventy-nine for wraps-what's that shit?
and these aren't my drugs-i just sell them.
what's that mean?
all right. how much is pepsi here?
at food city it's ninety-nine cents, plus tax.
so why do you sell it for so much more? i'll tell you why-because people come here and they're like "a dollar eighty for soda? i should get it at food city. but i don't feel like driving there. i'll just buy it here so i don't have to drive up there." that's exploiting a weakness, too, isn't it?
hey, man, what happened with that old guy?
that's fucked up. yo, i heard he was jerkin' off.
probably saw that caitlin chick. i know i felt like beatin' it when i saw her. come here, bitch! you like this? is this what you want? hunhh?
you used to go out with her?
don't you already have a girlfriend?
is she that girl who's down here all the time? she came here today carrying a plate of food.
and what-you were gonna dump her to date that caitlin chick?
i don't know dude. that caitlin chick's nice. but i see that veronica girl doing shit for you all the time. she brings you food, she rubs your back. didn't i see her change your tire one day?
damn. she sure goes out of her way.
i've had girlfriends, but all they wanted from me was weed and shit. shit, my grandma used to say, "which is better: a good plate with nothing on it" no, wait. i fucked up. she said "what's a good- looking plate with nothing on it?"
i don't know. she was senile and shit. used to piss herself all the time. c'mon silent bob.