but it was an accident.
i swear to you.  it was an accident!
clause.  give me a double whiskey with beer chaser.
and you won't make a dime sticking your nose in other people's business.
do i look like i'm not all right?
were you really worried about me or your stupid dinner was getting cold?
if there is anything i don't need right now.  it's your super- sentimentality.
i can't trust anybody.  i don't know how to trust anybody.
i'm sorry, my love.  i'm so sorry.  you're right! you're not anybody. you're my wife and i love you, too.  so very much i just have no one to fight back at.  i'm lost and alone, i can't handle the disgrace of failure.  the pain of being a has- been is more than i can bear.
they worry about me? don't be ridiculous.  they just took the last comic bit away from me.  because of a silly accident.  i'm now down at the bottom, just a stooge assisting a not-so-funny clown.
what the hell are you talking about? what talent? and if i had any it's being suffocated into nothing.  and that's just what i am now.  nothing.  no one.  just empty.  a prop to be used and mis-used.  how does my great talent stand up to those odds?
i will go now and see schmidt.  i will tell him i won't take any more degradation.  i will tell him i am a "clown" not a stooge.  a "clown".  a special person.  a special clown.
a funeral is usually in order when someone dies.
the trouble with man today is that he takes everything for granted.  he thinks things he's told to think.  and accepts it! just because we know meanings of words we use them and we fool ourselves.  people should use the dictionary more.  look up words like good.  bad.  honest.  loyal.  especially loyal, i know what loyal means, and i have always been that.  but does anyone care? no! of course not.  only when it is expedient.  when it isn't --- --- zipppp! you're out!
and that goes for you too.  mine fuhrer.
 you, too, are a fool. you allow yourself to think you have "loyal" followers.  ha! wait until they've had it with you.  you'll get yours.  all the smiling, bowing, heel clicking idiots will shaft you too. and you will deserve it because if you allow people like herr schmidt to got about his business of lying, and cheating, and being disloyal, one day all the schmidts in germany will turn on you and you will finish as the dumb little corporal you started as, and never know what hit you.
he really has to be stupid -- i could help him by telling him about the people he thinks are good germans.  ha!
what are you staring at? didn't you ever see a man drink before?
what's the matter? haven't you guys got a sense of humor? you must have! look how you're dressed! grown men in their little soldier suits.  and the black coats and gloves.  like in a movie.
real cloak and dagger stuff.  didn't you gestapo guys ever know that everybody can spot you a mile away? listen, if you really wanted to be unnoticed.  you should dress like plain people, then nobody would know you.  you might even wear straw hats and shorts.
straw hats and shorts!! that's funny! now that's really funny, isn't it? straw hats and shorts!
well, isn't that funny? think of it.  that's funny! why don't you laugh?
i know why you're not laughing.  because things you hear, you have to think about.  i'll show you something that you'll laugh at because all you'll have to do is watch.
ve vill conquer the world.  heil me! heil me! heil me!
doork, yes sir, helmut doork! i am he! yes sir, that is correct, doork!
not just a clown! i am helmut doork, premier clown! i've clowned for the royal heads of many of our finest countries, why there were times when i had to.
some things are only temporary.  lt. reicher! only yesterday, i had calls from one of the great circus owners in all of europe.  he.
no! lt. reicher, i can't make anything funny from that thought.
i was drunk! it was a mistake! i meant no disrespect.  sir.  honestly, i was drunk and not responsible for my actions and thoughts! and my actions were subconscious!
i am a loyal german!
i want nothing! but i'm more loyal than most germans i know.
ah, like.  re.
i don't know.
i don't know, sir.
i'm not responsible for what i say now.
no, sir!
i don't know!!
i don't know -- sir !!!
i've had enough, thank you.  no more, please.
please!
i would kill you.  but i am getting my release any day now.  and i won't do anything that would spoil my chances.
dear god, please hear me!
you frightened me, johann, i'm sorry.
i have faith.  but not always.  sometimes it eludes me.  i can't remember to remember it.
i don't know.
will they do something to me? what have you heard?
that was one time i didn't care for the laughs i was getting from some of the men.
do you really think so?
thank you, johann. i always feel so much better after you talk to me.
oh! i almost forgot.
before breakfast this morning, i spoke to one of the guards, a very intelligent one, and he seems quite nice and friendly too. well, he said that the gestapo has set up a special review board to handle cases just like mine. and he said he would get me a form, a special form. just been printed up. and i'm to fill it out. isn't that good?
but this is different. it's entirely new.
see? these are made up by the gestapo itself.  and the form will go directly to berlin, to gestapo headquarters. that's the important thing about this.  the gestapo's in on it. that's a very good sign. isn't it a good sign?
and i have to be very careful of everything i put down on the form. the tiniest detail could make the difference. don't you agree?
i'm sure i've got everything here.  the important facts from the moment i was arrested, the questions the gestapo officer asked me.  now what was his name again? i can't seem to remember what his name was.
what the devil was his name?
oh, yes, johann.  i'm sorry.  you were saying?
well, i.  ah.
he should have sent them elsewhere.  they could be eaten here!
that's nice, johann. do you remember when i filled out those last forms? the date might be important.
excuse me, sir, the papers.  did they arrive yet?
you'd think, since he was coming over here anyway, the least he could do was bring the papers with him.
i'm sure if i asked him again he'd really become annoyed with me. would you remind him for me, please?
why don't you pick on someone your own size.
you heard me! give him his plant back, and leave him alone.  he didn't bother you .  and if you have to show your muscle, there's plenty of other guys to pick on!
yeah, nice and stupid!
if you'll shut your stupid mouth maybe i can answer one of your questions!
i'm sorry, i didn't mean to raise my voice.
i'm sorry.
leave me alone! .  and mind your own business.  just leave me be.
so i told mr. ringling if he wanted "helmut" he'd have to bring his circus to germany.  i am a german, i told him, and my responsibility is to my own people who are my biggest fans.
of course i did.  they offered me anything.  anything i wanted to go with them.
right!
it doesn't happen overnight.  it takes years and years.  you try many faces, then finally you hit the one that's just right for you.
wait, let me tell you some other things.  i mean things that are really exciting and.  please! please.  let me just have a few more.
did you know "clowns" literally bequeath their faces to their sons, or sometimes to.
i'd like to, but i can't.  really.  i can't.
i'd like to do something.  but.  he can tell you.  he's seen me work.  i need props.  make-up.  i work with a lot of different things.
sure, tell them.  i can't just do anything.  i need lights, props, my costume.
i told you! i need things to do my act.
i still need many things.  props and.
like that disgusting exhibition you did? oh, no.  not me!
can't you get it through your heads, i need.
i was just going to ask him about the forms.  my release.
no, i'm alright.  thank you.
johann, why do they pick on me? i've never done anything to them.
you think i should have performed?
johann!
they don't believe me, do they? i mean about being a clown?
what does it mean? what do they need a fence for?
sir? corporal.
doork. helmut doork. remember? the papers.  you said.  remember the special forms for the gestapo to review my case.
no! i was asking him about the forms he'd promised to get me. because of last night.  i'm not getting them.
nothing pleases an artist more than to perform. i'm going to do a real show for you. all i ask is that you give me a little time.  time to get things together.  things i can use as props.  i'll even try to make a costume, and.
let me through.
all right.  all right.
i am. i am a clown!
give me a chance. i just got started.
i.  i slipped. i can do it.
i am a clown. i am. i am.
come back, damn you, come back. the children.  they're laughing. they're laughing. i am a clown. i am a clown.
here.
perfect.
don't forget the bowl.
i had to fix them this way.  for the act, you know. wait till you see how funny it is.
don't worry.
when i return them, they'll be like new. i promise.
promise.
this will do more for the act than anything. wait'll you see!
his conscience bothered him.
so did i.
i've got to have it. it is the only one i can get on and still is tight enough to look funny.
i'll be careful. i swear. besides, i've got to have it. i explained before.  a clown can't change his costume. it's his trademark.
did you hear the laughs i got yesterday?
not just from the children.  but the adults, too.
they said i couldn't come up with anything new.
at the circus. schmidt and the rest. wait'll they see my act now. it's funny. really funny. isn't it?
what i needed was time. time to concentrate on new material. a man's got to have time alone.
do you think.  maybe.  they'd let me go to other camps and entertain?
i'd have to get to the commandant. would need his permission.
if you have time later, i'd like you to see something i've been working on. i hunch down and do a tiny soldier parading. think they'll like it?
the children, of course.
what's wrong?
that's all the show for today. go back inside.
that's right now, go along. i'll see you tomorrow. goodbye. goodbye. until tomorrow.
i don't understand. what's the matter?
you mean.  not ever?
but we weren't doing any harm.
the commandant?
just because i make them laugh a little.
i wasn't mixing! i was only.
he says i've got to stop -- with the children.
why should that bother them?
i can't go out there. i can't take another day of them staring at me.
they look at me as though it was all my fault. haven't they been told why i can't.
then why do they stare?
i sewed a button on. look all right?
i did make them laugh. didn't i?
i wish they'd get them out of here. prison is no place for little children.
you're right! i've got to think of myself.
johann.  do you think there's any possible way i could talk to the commandant. maybe i could make him understand.
how can i! they were my own very special audience. and now they stare at me as if i had betrayed them.
if i could talk to them. to the children themselves -- that would help, wouldn't it?
if i explain it to them -- then they'll know i am not mad at them.
i would just need a minute. a minute to talk to them.
i wish to god i didn't care. i wish to god i could forget them.
but i can't.
i know i can't perform for them anymore. i know that. i really don't know what the reason is. i think it's got something to do with.  well, i don't want those little ones to think i've turned against them, too. that's why i've got to do something. something.
where are you going?
there's no reason for you to get involved in this.
right.
kick it, ludwig. kick it!
shhh. shhhh. the guards.
no, no. i can't. the guards won't let me. not now. maybe some other day.
what is it? what happened?
shhh. shhh. don't cry. it's going to be all right. be careful when you're near this fence.
here, wrap this around it. i'll make it all better.
hush now. stop crying. please. look.  look at this.
there, that's better. no more crying now.
what's the matter with them?
there's nothing to be afraid of. everything is all right.
here. look. i'll show you.  no noise now.
no, no, be quiet. be quiet. shhh. shhhh.
they had nothing to do with it. it was all my doing.
wish you could've gotten the big shoes. the children laugh so when they see them flopping up and down.
the commandant, himself, asked for me! you say he's personally requesting a review of my case! why, that means i'm practically on my way back to berlin. should be red. mouth looks better in red. know the first thing i'm going to do when i get to berlin? buy an overcoat with a fur collar. had such a coat. very elegant. very elegant. it's a good idea.  moving the children.
prison's no place for children. i said all along that it was some kind of mistake.
know what johann keltner said?
keltner. from my barracks. the minister. he said.  let me think. he said.  men who wage war on children. that's it. men who wage war on children.  commit such a crime.  .  such a heinous crime. that's it. men who wage war on children commit such a heinous crime that even the devil damns their souls.
they're crying.
what is it?
how.  how long have they been here?
yes, sir.
so this is where you've been hiding?
now, now, there's nothing to cry about. we're going to have fun. here. i brought you something. the children pounce on the sack and tug at it, unsure what it is except that it's a gift from helmut.
wait now. don't open it yet. wait'll i get in. you help me.
look, i'm a jack-in-the-box.
we're all jacks-in-the-box -- the same box.
well.  who's hungry.
all right, i want everybody to sit down. when i count three, everybody sit. ready? one, two.
oh, you're too fast. three!
now.  what'll we do?
you would? all right.
she's right here with you.
that's because you don't know how to look. i'll show you. close your eyes. all of you.  close your eyes.
everybody's eyes shut? now, think about your mommys and daddys.  there, don't you see them? can't you see their faces?
so you see! they're right here with you. all you have to do is look in your hearts.
yes, she does. she has you safe in her heart, too.
i've got an idea. you all know my name, but i don't know yours. so let's find out everybody's name, shall we?
you.  come here and i'll show you what we'll do.
what's your name?
willie. that's a good name. how do you spell it?
fine. i'll just write that on top of your head.
there. see, this way we'll all be able to tell everybody else's name just by looking at his head.
of course i did. here.
tell him what it says.
be careful. don't smear it. let's see now.  yes. you shall be next.
what is your name?
forgive me. i don't speak your language.
see! we understand each other. now.  willie. doork. willie. doork.
a beautiful name! now you tell all the children.
it's such a pretty name.  say it again.
i-n-g-a. there it is.
let's see now. who wants to be next.
you?
her?
of course. that way she can't get lost, can she? what's her name?
frederika?
frederika!
couldn't we just make it freda?
it will. it will.
i promise.
guard.  guard.
it's going to be dark soon. the little ones may be afraid. do you think.  well.  could you get some kind of a light for in here?
i know. i know you would.
what's the matter? it's all right -- just a bad dream.
don't know.
i do now.
what is it?
it's nothing. you're going for a train ride. what do you think of that? a real train ride.
oh, it'll be fun. i would like to come, but i don't think i can.
i can't. they want me to stay here.
but.  i'll come to see you. soon as i can. and, i want you all to promise me to be very good. no crying.
if you want me.  remember, just close your eyes.
goodbye.
what's this now? crying? after all the fun we've had?
he's a czech. do you speak.
then how do you know it's his.  birthday?
he speaks german?
but he told you it's his birthday?
what date is this?
of course, i do. tell him i wish him a happy birthday.
aha, the very thing. he can be the clown while i'm gone.
happy birthday.
when you give something you love.  it doesn't matter if it's the right thing.
maybe we have time for a birthday game. a quick one. let me take a look.
everybody line up behind me now, and i'll show you how a train goes. wait -- the harmonica.
may i borrow it back.  for just a minute or two?
for just a minute -- then i'll give it right back to you. just for the game.
good. now everybody.  line up behind me.
grab hold of the one in front of you.  'cause we're going to be a fast express train.
all aboard. all aboard.
wait!
open the door! let me out.  let me out!
guess i'm going with you after all.
i don't know.
where are we?
i.  i'm from the other prison. got locked in -- by accident.
i.  i was taking care of the children back there and.  accidentally got locked in.
doork. helmut doork.
wait. let me. everybody up. come on. up, up, up.
don't you want me to stay with them? they'll be frightened without me.
do as he says. and, don't worry, i'll be with you soon. i promise.
this is just another prison.
i thought the children were going to a better place.
i explained. i got locked in the boxcar and.
i was taking care -- i mean, the commandant requested me to take care of the children.
escaped! but.
no.  no! i'm not one of them. i'm not !
sir.  sir.  could i.  could i have a little time with them before .  before.
there won't be any trouble.
there. there. it's all right. it's all right. everything is going to be all right.
now i want everyone to put on a big smile and sit down, because we're going to have more fun than we've ever had.
good. we'll start by seeing that we all have our names on our heads.
yes, yes. there's fritz, maria, sadie, inga, josef, nathan, helga, willie.
ah, yes, frederika! good. i see all of your names.
now.  on with the show. just watch this.
just a few more minutes?
i'll bring them.
they.  they want us to move to another building.  where we'll have more room.  to play. tell you what. let's make it a big circus parade. everybody get in a line behind.
 behind willie here.
now, where's our band? the harmonica?
there we are? everybody ready? here we go.