hold still, or i can't do anything.
everybody does. they laugh. she is dressed in men's clothes, her hair tucked up under a cap. they are sharing a bottle of wine.
nobody asked you to. he draws her toward him. she pulls away.
that was then. she pushes her nose up against his chest and sniffs around.
i love how nice and hard your shoulders are. and your hair is light. you're not a soft, greasy guy that puts bay rum on every night.
you're not greasy, bill. you have any idea what that means?
we're all still together, though. that's all i care about.
what happened to your ear?
last year. he waves her on. abby nods at ursula.
you're making a mistake, you pass this kid up.
urs! she lands in a straw pile.
i know. they laugh. he bends to kiss her. she pulls away.
as individuals? very seldom. she kisses him lovingly.
i ran a stubble under my nail.
what else can we do? she nods at the others.
anyway, if they can, i can too.
you better be careful.
stop it! he's liable to see you.
i forgot where i was.
chicago.
wyoming and places. i've never been up that way. you think i'll like it? he shrugs. shy at first, she begins to open up.
that dog belongs to you that was running around here? that little pointer? what's his name
he seems like a good dog.
he came over and tried to eat my bread from lunch.
you asking me?
i've had it.
no, it's not that. i'm not tired. i just can't.
you know i do. it's just that, well, i'm not a bum, bill.
and after that?
you mean spend one night in a flophouse and start looking for work. they are silent for a moment.
and leave you? i couldn't do that. someday, when i'm dying, i'd like somebody to ask me if i still see life the same way as before--and i'd like them to write down what i say. it might be interesting.i suddenly they look around. the chief domestic at the belvedere, a churlish lady named miss carter, stands above them with a salver of fruit and roast fowl.
why're you offering me this? my honest face? chuck takes a moment to compose his reply.
maybe i will. she backs off toward bill, who is waiting in the distance.
my brother. chuck nods.
so what? bill shrugs. does he have to draw her a picture? a shy, virginal light has descended over the world. cranes peer at them from the tamarack.
what for? bill is wondering what might happen if chuck got interested enough to marry her. isn't he soon to die, leaving a vast inheritance that will otherwise go to waste?
oh, bill! he takes her into his arms, full of emotion.i
i know what you mean, though. he takes her hand, with fresh hope of convincing her.
you wouldn't say this if you really loved me.
why're you touching me that way? he shrugs. muffled by the walls of the house, above the cries of the peafowl, they can faintly hear chuck singing to himself.
he can't be too sick if he's singing to himself.
don't spend a cent of that.
i'm not going to sit around and watch you throw your life away. nobody's going to look at you twice if you've got nothing to your name. ursula dislikes meddlesome adults. she takes out a pouch of tobacco to roll another cigarette. abby swats it out of her hand and chases her off.
you want me to cut a switch?
good, huh?
now you're trying to coax me. you never used to act like this. bill throws down the bowls of ice cream. in the distance, some men compete at throwing a sledge hammer.
you want to turn me into a whore?
something's made you mean. she walks off, uncertain what bill really wants.
there's a problem. i have to keep my baby sister with me. someday_ my baby sister with me. someday i'm going to save up enough, see, and send her to school. my brother, too. i can't leave him.i abby fears she has asked too much. chuck hesitates, but only to suggest he still has the prudence he long since has abandoned.
really?
i'm just about done with this.
so what's next?
there's nothing else you want done?
how about the cream?
you mean i'm done for today?
well, i'm going back to the dorm.
they're so darling! can you eat them? chuck nods. abby snaps the mushrooms off flush at the ground. the music underscores this moment. she smiles at chuck as she eats the dark earthy flesh.
you know sometimes i think there might have been a mixup at the hospital where i. was born and that i could actually be the interesting daughter of some big financier. nobody would actually know.i are you in love with me, chuck, or why are you always so nervous?
why? on account of something i've done?
what a nice thing to say. look, i hit it. did you see? she goes right on with their game, as though she attached no great importance to his momentous declaration.
what about my shoes? aren't they pretty?u94ext. swing
you know so much! would you bring my sister up here and tell her some of this stuff?
he's asked me to marry him.
i thought you wanted me to.
we've never done anything like this.
nobody.
you talk like it was all right. it would be a crime.
maybe you're right. at each hint of consent from abby, bill feels he must press on.
what makes you think we're just talking about a couple of months?u
i held out a long time. i could've taken the first guy with a gold watch, but i held out. i told myself that when i found somebody, i'd stick by him.
have i ever complained? have i said anything that would make you think.
you know what this means, don't you? we won't ever let each other down, will we?
no. but i wish i were. listen. it sounds like the ocean. they smile at each other.
there was a mountain partly made of glass, too, but we didn't get to see it. and a petrified tree.
can we? because there's a whole lot i didn't get to see. bill straightens up. chuck sits down on abby's other side.
that's not so. he can do a duck. show them.
you saw how modest he was?
don't you ever behave that way at table! she's adopted. i had nothing to do with her upbringing. i'd trade her off for a yellow dog. now eat. you want to starve to death?
maybe he did it to you.
too like a mule.
it's got to be--how should i say?-- more relaxed. they laugh and kiss again.
nobody's all bad, are they?
why don't i fix tea?
you're worse than an airedale. you want jasmine or mint? chuck mint. bill lifts up the back of her dress and looks under it, testing the breadth of his license. she slaps it back down. he lifts it again, standing on his right to. she glowers at him.
don't do that. how much sugar?
where's the candlestick? chuck shrugs. bill gives abby a cold look and goes outside.
once he named his shoes like they were pets. it was a joke, i guess.
i had a dream.
i forgot it already. 145 aerial shot the camera falls through the clouds as though in a lost fragment of abby's dreams.
what're you doing in here?
don't say i did that.
that doesn't concern you.
you think i enjoy it?
you act like it's harder on you than me! i never want to talk about this again. bill, consoled, holds an eyelet blouse against the light.
i thought you liked it.
well, it's the style.
what do you want me to wear in this heat? a blanket?
this is terrible for us both. chuck abby? they jump as chuck calls up from downstairs.
down in a minute. she kisses bill.
eating a green peach. 'spect to die any minute.
bill got shot once. the bullet's still in him.
take it easy. but chuck holds none of this against him. he knows it comes from respect.
what a splendid person! i've never met anybody like him!
they do! i breathe a sigh of relief when they step outside the room. bill puts on his boater and opens a copy of the police gazette. they are silent for a moment.
you don't think my skin's too fair? he comes up behind her and touches her long hair.
i know what the magna carta is.
not right now. she is cold to discourage false expectations in him--and because she feels that she at least owes bill this. chuck, however, assumes the fault must be his own. his naivete about women, and the world in general, protects the conspirators--and protects him, too, for he glimpses enough of the truth not to want to know any more.
distant? i don't mean to be.
oh, chuck i please forgive me. does it mean anything that i'm sorry?
you should. you have a right to.
you don't. it's true.
you're no good.
i can't stand it any more. this is just so cruel. we're both no good. i've got to get drunk with you, bill. you know what i mean? drunk. bill wags a bottle. the dogs, awakened, bay from the kennel. they wait a moment to see if a light will go on in the house, then dart off toward the fields. a plaster lawn dwarf seems to watch them go.
we can never do this again, though. okay? it really is too dangerous.
this is the first time we slept together in a while, bill.
of course.
it's so sweet to be able to kiss you when i want to.
watching the ducks.
no. 170 tight on abby abby looks sympathetically at chuck. her face dissolves into a page of her diary and from there to ursula, balancing an egg on her fingertip. abby chuck saw ursula balance an egg. he begged her to repeat this trick, but she wouldn't.
does she have time to ride back and get it? abby and bill hold hands. chuck by now is accustomed to such displays. they seem, however, to make abby increasingly uncomfortable.
did you see him wave?
i saw! he had a hat on.
you look deep in thought. she touches his cheek. he brushes her hand away.
what's the matter?
there's nothing wrong?
what're you so mad about then?
you're the only person getting worked up. some buffalo appear on the crest of the next hill. abby looks at them. they do not seem quite part of this world but mythical, like minotaurs.
chuck says they're good for the grass. stop giving me that look.
what're you talking about?
i haven't touched him.
i forgot. anyway it doesn't matter. what are you doing, always trying to trap me? bill paces around, disgusted with himself and the whole situation.
why stop now? we've come this far.
you heard me.
you want us to lose everything?
you're weak then. what about all i've been through? and what about him? it would be the worst thing we could do. worse than anything so far. it would break his heart. bill is silent for a moment.
it would kill him. leaving now would be just cruel.
what're you talking about? murdering him? ursula comes riding over the hill, without the kite.
he can see you! bill nods; he knows. abby runs ahead, angry and alarmed.
aren't you going to kiss me?
today's my birthday. chuck gives her a kiss, glad to put aside his suspicions. 179 tight on pointers, quail and pheasants tails level, their noses thrust high in the air, a pair of pointers prance through the high uplands grass, following a scent like sailors taking in a rope. pheasants and quail tremble in their coveys, their eyes big with fear.
i have no idea.
say it out loud. what're you worried about? incest?
did you ever have a brother. then who are you to judge? maybe if you had, you'd understand. anyway, times have changed while you've been stuck out in this weed patch. we're ************************line missing**************** she puts on a robe and walks out. her last argument has worked best. chuck never imagined he was in step with the times.
i have to talk to you.
chuck is suspicious.
really. this is the first time he's ever been like this. i'm scared. all this flatters chuck in a way bill does not like.
he could kill us. i want to live a long time, okay? i just got started and i like it. bill shrugs, as though to say he can handle whatever chuck can dish out and a little more.
you might take a little responsibility here. you got us into all this.
is that the best you can do? knowing you it probably is. you've made a mess of our lives, okay. don't pretend it was my fault. bill combs his hair to calm himself down.
keep your voice down.
you're such a fool!
nothing.
then why'd you ask? oh, how did i ever get mixed up with you? abby, in terror of chuck's finding out, cannot understand why bill seems to care so little.
i admire him. he's a good man.
you wouldn't understand, though. he's not like you. you don't know how people feel. you only think of yourself.
go ahead. this is not what he expected to hear. but now his pride requires that he face the truth and not back down.
what for? to sleep in boxcars?
probably that's the first noise down there for thousands of years. she speaks as though she had done it a favor. he puts his hand on hers. she presses it against her chest.
you ever wish you could turn your heart off for a second and see what happened?
really? where are they?
don't be silly. everybody does. what do you think all those songs are about? you need to be careful, though, and not throw it away.
you know, your chances. it's too hard to explain to a little squirrel like you.
sometimes. from her tone, however, we sense that she finds it easier with him gone.
bill! she rushes up and embraces him, but her warmth just seems a tease to bill. she is different. she looks different. the tutors and tailors chuck has brought in over the winter have given her more polish. her hair is nicely coiffed. where she used to dress in cotton shirtwaists, she wears crinolines now.
including me? okay. gee, you look good.
still the same.
how'd you come?
i'm glad you like it. he admires her garden. his familiar cockiness vanishes as little by little he sees the old feeling is not there.
the daffodils were already here, but i put in the rest. you really do like them? at a shriek from ursula, bill turns around. she runs into his arms, and covers him with kisses.
for christmas.
how's everybody doing?
how's blackie?
oh yeah? bill can see that her interest is only polite. he knows that he should turn around and leave, but he cannot. the sight of him with his confidence gone is painful to behold.
me? fine.
i know. she knows what he wants. she cannot give it anymore.
i forgot about it already. bill, trying his best to make peace with her, cannot help seeing that she would like to keep things as they are--and not because she harbors any grudge.
there was nothing to forgive. he holds a bottle of liquor out to her.
fine. he takes her hand and holds it like a trapped bird.
already? you just got here. she hasn't really contradicted him. he leans forward as though to kiss her. she lets him. she wishes that she could give herself to him, but she doesn't know what is right. then, a sudden impulse of panic, she gets up and backs away.
why'd you have to come back?
i'm sorry. she touches his face in a surge of sympathy. what has she done to him? he kisses her neck and leads her toward the front door.
you want something from me?
will you hand me that magazine? he gives her the magazine she wants.
what's the matter? he seems for a moment to consider telling her, then shrugs and goes downstairs.
stop, chuck! chuck leaps on his horse. she tries to drag him off but is thrown aside and almost trampled underfoot. now the others join in, trying to knock away the lantern or catch his stirrup. he eludes them and rides off after bill, leaving a slash of flame behind him in the grain. they tear off their coats to swat it out, in vain--already it stretches a hundred yards.
he knows. he must.
bill! but this moment's hesitation has been too long. already he is swallowed up in the night, her voice swept away in the roar of the flame and the locusts, who seem to wail louder now, and with a great mournfulness--like keening arab women--as if they knew the fate shortly to envelop them. abby turns back. she, too, has reason to fear chuck and must escape.
why do you say that?
i told you. he shakes her. she quivers like a child in his grasp. she no longer has the audacity to lie.
how long have you known? he drops his eyes. shamefully long -- and his anger is partly just at this.
please, chuck.
but i am. outside the window fires rage along half the horizon. he sits down. he wants to sob, but cannot.
i'm just no good. you picked me from the gutter, and this is how -- i never deserved you.
i love you, though. you have to believe me. it may sound false after.
all right. i'm going away. you'll never have to see me again.
what're you doing? chuck drapes his neck with the stole he used in slaughtering the hog. her face goes empty. he gets his razor strop from the shaving basin. she shrinks back in the corner. he looks at her for a moment, then leaves the room.
where are you doing? chuck! what are you doing? i won't let you! come back! again he throws her aside, and again she keeps after him, desperate to prevent any harm coming to bill. finally he picks her up and drags her outside.
no, chuck! please, darling! it wasn't his fault. it was mine. let him go. i love you, chuck. do anything, only please.
we have to hurry. chuck's out looking right now. oh, bill, what have we done? he took his razor. we need to hurry. he might be coming back any minute. bill mentions nothing of his encounter. she grabs her bindle, bill a handful of silverware and an umbrella. after a moment's hesitation, he puts them back.
will the cops be looking for us, too?
what happened to you? where's this from? bill looks down. he forgot.
what's the matter with him? bill shrugs. inside he feels a great relief. they are free at last. at last he has her back.
i hadn't thought of that.
too late for that. i could never face him again. they look at each other for a moment. he touches her face, to show that he does not hold it against her. she touches him back. they only have each other now. they must save what moments they can.
watch this. bill is caught off guard. before he can make a move she throws it far out into the river. they laugh, without knowing why, at this extravagance.
what's going on?
who? what're you talking about? stop a minute. he covers her with his body as bullets zoom through the undergrowth. his face is close to hers. she bursts into tears.
why're you shooting? you'll kill him! have you gone crazy? stop! oh, bill, not you! not you!
they'll teach you poise, too, so you can walk in any room you please. pretty soon you'll know all kind of things. i never read a whole book till i was fifteen. it was by caesar. they laugh at her careful pronunciation of "caesar."
it doesn't seem like a bird came down and landed on my head? abby takes the hat off and gives it to ursula, who lately has begun to take more trouble with her appearance, comb- ing her hair free of its usual snarls. they laugh at their reflection in a window of the train.
i hardly ever wear it. be sure and write every week. signals nod. a lamp winks. there are leave-takings up and down the platform as the train slides away. abby hops on board. a soldier next to her sheds bitter tears.
it seems an age we've been apart, and truly is for those who love each other so. whenever shall we meet?'