wife beater.
still appealing the mail fraud thing.
black was deported, and the trolls.  well, who gives a shit.
this is impossible. if i ever see that rainbow randolph again i'll strangle him. choke the life out of him. squeeze his scrawny neck until his eyes pop out of his skull and bounce off the walls.
sorry, frank.
oh my god. have we sunk to that level already? smoochy the rhino? what a sap.
the guy can't get arrested, frank. he can't even break into the birthday party circuit. last i heard he was working hospitals and nursing homes. he's a joke.
i probably have ten acts in my development file -- acts i've been cultivating -- that are more deserving than sheldon mopes.
we can do better than this guy, frank. he brings nothing to the table.
don't ask me to do it. you know i'll do anything for you, but please.  not this.
mr. mopes?
i, uh, saw your performance tonight. very.  .  spirited.
yes, that did put a damper on the evening, didn't it?
ah, no. but it's sweet of you to assume so.
as stated.
believe it or not, no.
i haven't the foggiest.
i can see that.
we all have our cross to bear.
are we going into a story?
the reason i'm here today, mr. mopes, as fate would have it, kidnet is currently looking for a performer with.  convictions. and integrity. someone like.
 yourself.
i don't think i could top that one.
yes.  i believe we're ready to push ourselves to that level.
i'm afraid so.
again, these are just prototypes. i've been assured by funzone that all the bugs will be worked out before christmas.
okay, so let's recap before we break up.  yes to the smoochy ice pops. no to the smoochy string cheese. and we're in a dick-measuring contest with brown & brown over the shampoo split.
oh, damn.
shut the door please, john.
now lock it.
thank you.
i think that's a conservative estimate.
do you sense my complete lack of interest?
can i make this real easy for you?
the only reason you're on tv right now is because rainbow randolph is a degenerate scumbag. i didn't discover you, i delivered you. like a bag of groceries. i have a bigger emotional investment in my nail polish. so don't peddle your sap to me, rhino. your job is just to smile and nod your head.
because it's sappy and it takes away from the 'cookie song.'
it's cut. and i want the 'cookie song' lyrics changed back to the way they were originally scripted.
this is network television, not a sprout farm. we're here to sell sugar and plastic. that's what keeps the lights on.
since when? now get your spongy orange ass out there and dance for the cameras.
there's no excuse for you.
you seem to forget that we went out and found 'your guy.' dug up his corpse. handed him his own show when he couldn't sell his face to a photo booth.
listen, can i call you back? yeah, some asshole's screaming in my ear. thanks.
if i didn't you'd still be here.
i'm hoping to correct that.
great. that'll come in handy if we're ever at a square dance.
no.
i won't.
congratulations on your little ice show.
it didn't take you long to sell out, did it?
what happened to your precious integrity? or was that just part of your dog and pony act.
nice job. casting the show with mental patients, i like that.
excuse me for not making the distinction.
may i come in?
i'm getting drunk and i'm not used to it.
it's just that.  i want to apologize, actually. and on those rare occasions when i feel the need to apologize for something, it helps if i'm, you know.  shit- faced.
i.  i may have been a little harsh when we spoke the other day. a little out of line.
yes, that was probably insensitive as well. i heard you're not doing the ice show. i find that.  incredibly admirable. why didn't you tell me?
i'm afraid i have become a bit hardened over the years. sincerity's an easy disguise in this business. it's hard to know who's on the level.
'rickets the hippo'?
that was my favorite show when i was a kid. rickets was the one face i knew i could trust.
really? he was my inspiration to work in children's television.
remember it? i did it at my first communion.
you're not full of shit like all the others, are you?
you're for real, right?
i mean, i couldn't tell.  first i thought it was an act.  and then i just thought you were a simp or something.
i should go.
it's just getting late.
better get that. good night.
we have nothing to talk about.
i don't have to believe anyone. the picture in the paper said it all. no one forced you to perform at that rally.
well maybe next time you'll do a longer set.
funny, you'd think the fifty-foot swastika you were standing in front of might've given you a hint.
look, the fact of the matter is, i don't know you, okay? not really. so don't expect me to go out on an emotional limb here.
i was drunk. don't read too much into it.
you've got three seconds to pry your ass off my couch and get out.
just in case you forgot, you're a criminal and a scumbag.
where do you shop?
that was a long time ago. i was young and stupid.
you turned into an asshole and i didn't love you.
what does that mean?
you said he was checking you out in the car. what car?
you're talking awfully fast, randolph.
were you at that rally? tell me! did you have something to do with this?
did you set sheldon up?
hi, tommy. hi, spinner. has burke been in tonight?
damn it.
i have to talk to him. it's about sheldon.
i'm just sorry i didn't believe you.  that i got swept up in the frenzy of anti-smoochyism.
hi.
i read about the ice show.
i think it's great. what you're doing for that clinic.
i just need some clarification.
no i mean about us.
ever since you've been back i just feel like there's something that's not connecting.
i just thought we were on our way to something.  granted, my mistaken belief that you had ties to neo-nazis might have put a damper on our relationship, but i'm sorry for --
there was nothing you could have done. don't torture yourself.
'the last nappy time.' it gave me a lot of comfort when my mother died. 'when doggies stop barking and fish cease to swim and grandpa lays silent, from his head to his limbs sadness will find you but soon you'll feel fine'
merv green?
i knew merv green was a scumbag from the day he grabbed my ass at a 'feed the children' benefit.
can i help you with something?
i don't know what you're talking about and your cologne's making me nauseous. other than that, you're great company.
it's stokes. he's behind the whole thing! he cut some kind of deal for the smoochy slot!
he wants you out so he can put takashi in!
jesus, sheldon! don't you ever pick up a copy of international performer? he's the hottest kid show host from asia.
listen, there was a time -- and i'm not proud of this -- but there was a time when i was a bit of a.  kiddie-host groupie.
that's not fair!
look, what i did before i met you is none of your business.
fix it yourself, asshole.
look, randolph. we know it wasn't you who killed spinner.
i guess.
what are you doing?
you're letting them drag you down to their level.
you just rest, randolph.
sheldon!!!
you're in on this, aren't you! you sold him out! you fucking snake!
sheldon!!! get down!!!
burke's with stokes. he's been in it all along.
no, sheldon, don't!
let him go.
now. before i pump one in that grecian formula scalp of yours.
you son-of-a-bitch.
no, sheldon.
sheldon!
bus backfire.
let's go home, smoochy. show's over.
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