i'm not too late, am i, dear? hello, darling, alma preston, how are you today?
no, honey, i don't think you do, we just got in last night from our place in barbados -- how much is it?
yes, we're just down the beach from mick jagger and jerry. you wouldn't turn down a couple of thousand, would you? a pleased smile from debbie. loretta opens the check- book, flashing the immense ring in front of debbie.
oh, thank you. i thought it might be a little gaudy. who should i make this out to?
that's my carlos. i can't even look in a store window. we're walking down this street in rio, we pass a jewelry store. i didn't even turn my head and he's in the shop.  $250,000. i said it's crazy.  but you know carlos.
you know where the powder room is, hon? i should freshen my face before i go in.
my god! my god! oh my god! debbie rushes over to her.
my -- my ring. my diamond. i took it off in the ladies' room to wash my hands. i was just putting it on -- i must have dropped it.
call security! 9 in the function room tommy maintains his watch on 9 loretta. zeke bridges taps tommy on the shoulder.
my ring! my ring! oh my god!
it's a diamond ring! a big diamond ring! oh my christ! she's frantic. debbie takes bruno aside.
of course it's insured! but you know how it works -- if i report it, they'll cancel me. and i don't want another ring! i need this ring! the ring carlos gave me. bruno turns, speaks into the walkie-talkie he's carrying.
i can't go in there like this. god! please.  listen.  i'll pay a ten thousand dollar reward for anybody who finds my ring. just don't tell carlos! he'll kill me.
you took your time.
look. it's the ad! video. a cheap tv spot -- a busty blonde in a skimpy outfit tossing her hair and pouting.
i am inga. i'm here from sweden and i'm s-o-o lonely. i need a man. and so do my girlfriends. video. scantily-clad babes to match the names. loretta speaks along with the v.o.
maria, my hotblooded spanish friend. babette, the parisian pussycat. and many others. so call the "girls of many nations," at 1-900-555-nato. super: call 1-900-555-nato.
so what do you think of my accent, grandma?
tell him to call back. i'm basting. tommy grins mischievously and speaks into the phone in the husky voice of a swedish woman.
you hung up on paul? he's one of my best customers.
c'mon gramma. it's only my voice. they never actually meet me.
oh, ya, ya, god, you're so big! uh-oh, i have to go now, my husband sven is home early.  tommy grabs the phone. he pushes aside a protesting loretta.
okay, tommy, what's so damn important?
you mean vegas?
what is this, a joke?
and how exactly were you going to get your butt to congress?
which is how?
hello? who? the league of women voters? sorry, mr. johnson won't be attending the debate. no -- no, betty, i'm sorry, i can't tie up this line. hello? the sarasota star-ledger? i'm sorry, we're out of photographs. no, you can't, mr. johnson has just had surgery for a deviated septum. hello? ya, this is inga. pan to tommy training a home video camera on a poster that reads jeff johnson for congress.
how do yo do. how do you do.
public liaison. she pronounces the word so carefully, it sounds lewd.
ken korngold, national distilled spirits association. bob rafferty . wisconsin cheese board. what do you want me to do?
herring, gentlemen?
really? we've got it in cream sauce and in wine sauce.
the cheese guy didn't return my call. so i called the guy at the american smoked fish institute. she points at the food table. there's nothing but a few boxes of crackers and two huge mounds of herring -- one white, one pink. the centerpiece is a large smoked fish, eyes staring accusingly.
please have a seat. the congressman is running just a little bit late. he sits and opens his briefcase. van dyke approaches him with the dignity of a superb butler.
cool. mr. newburg? it's miss loretta, from congressman johnson's office, how you doin'? on loretta's bulletin board is a map of the united states, with flags, pushpins, and air travel routes.
say, the congressman's going to be out your way next week.  palm springs, the bob hope classic -- yes, a celebrity player. as long as he's on the coast, we were wondering whether you aerospace people might want to lay on a lunch so you can hear his views.  uh-huh .  uh-huh.  lovely. now what kind of contribution to his foundation you folks thinking about?
how do you do, i'm miss loretta, public liaison for the congressman.
y'all from the district? up here seein' the sights? how'd you folks like some gallery passes? go on over and listen to the great debates of our day? she reaches into van dyke's desk drawer to get some passes.
how 'bout a house key ring for each of you? here -- see that? isn't that something? turns into a pen.
you aren't with some organization, are you, honey?
oh, armando? could you come out front, please? tommy enters, carrying an enormous tennis trophy.
you sure they don't want to be alone, reinhardt?
well, as i live and breathe. tommy! tommy is surprised to see them. she flashes a smile at marshall.
pleasure to meet you.
tell you the truth, nothing for me.
excellent idea.
good night, y'all. they leave.
come on, honey, no use you getting mugged.
check out the fuck-me pumps on that. mm-mm. i gotta get me some shoes like that.
hot damn -- i knew my driving wasn't that bad. speaking of which -- you think i should wear one of those whiplash things, tommy? there some insurance angle i should be working here?
we gonna git that sucker.
shit, that's right, tommy -- these politicians are serious slick fish.
wait a minute -- we need a new roper, don't we? everyone around here knows our faces. outside a horn sounds . tommy looks at his watch.
office of the adminstrator. thank you, i'll put you right through. she hands the phone to tommy, who mimics the george plimpton voice.
i'll just put you through to him. she passes the phone to tommy.
this is cynthia leeson in the white house press office. my boss wanted me to let you folks know -- we're making a major announcement at the clean air hearings today. no, i can't tell you, but it's hot. well, if the new york times wants to be the only paper in town to miss the story of the year, that's up to y'all.
that miss oprah's gonna love his ass.