i'm not here to lecture you - i'm here to make sure you really want to go through with this.
ever think about having it?
i never did.
so there i am - devastated. and now i have to go home to break the news to my husband who years before had begged me to have the baby - his baby. and after i explain it to him through my tears, he sits on the couch and rubs his eyes. and in the calmest, most rational voice i've ever heard anybody use in my life, he asks me for a divorce. and i fought him, you know? i tried to talk him out of it; told him there were alternatives - like we could adopt. and all he said was he wanted a wife who could have his children.
he remarried. he had two kids in two years with his new wife. we never spoke again. and now i do this.
i dated this guy a year or two ago - he was really into comic books. he told me i had the stock superhero story -i wanted to prevent a wrong that had happened to me from ever happening to anyone else. kind of like batman, he said. the only difference is i don't put on tights to do it.  unless all my other clothes are in the wash.
they hate me more than you, no doubt. at least you have an excuse - you're ]ewish,
i went to church.
i sit there every sunday and i feel nothing. i can remember sitting in church when i was a kid and being moved - like everything meant something, like i was important. and the stories of all these holy people were so inspiring. now i sit there and think about my checking, and what i'm going to wear to work the next day.
that's just it - i don't. i don't think i have any faith left.
a fifteen year old who came in here said that?
jesus! see? a minister knocks up a teenager -isn't anyone afraid of the lord's wrath anymore?
watching t.v.
it's been my experience that the average male is never a man - not even for ten minutes in his entire life span.
couldn't do it. women are insane.
i think god is dead.
who the fuck are you and what the fuck are you doing in my room?!
oh god - you're going to rape me.
take whatever you want, just don't kill or rape me.
wh. what are you?
are you going to kill me?
where the hell are we?!
we're in mexico?!
i suppose it would be too cliche to observe aloud that this is the weirdest dream i've ever had.
what do you want with me?
why am i supposed to go on a crusade?
i work in an abortion clinic.
that doesn't sound like a crusade.
what's the fine print?
wait, wait, wait. repeat that.
the first part.
clarify that.
why?
grigori?
so they're like guardian angels?
the tenth plague.
sounds reasonable.
i mean about the angel of death's resignation.
were they sent to hell?
and what's this have to do with me?
so what? they beat the system. good for them.
are these guys that bitter?
if this is so major, why are you talking to me? why doesn't god do something?
why me?
and who am i?
i'll pass.
when some asshole abortion doctor destroyed my uterus -where was god? when my
a grudge? do you know why i work in that clinic? it's my own private way of saying
what, more angels?
what's he like? god?
i'll bet.
but we do.
sex is a joke in heaven?
where.  where did you learn to do.  that stuff?!
who are you?
you're not with the fight-to-lifer's?
then - i don't mean to sound ungrateful - but what are you doing hanging around?
i had a weird night last night, and now tonight's not shaping up to be any better. i think i should go home, take some percosets, and lay down.
sorry.
are you both from around here?
do you live in the city?
you're a man of principle. where do you come from?
what brought you to mchenry?
yes.
and now you live here?
no. how long are you staying in mchenry?
where are you going next?
i see.
i didn't ask you out for sex.
i don't know why, but.
no, i want to go with you to new jersey.
when can we leave?
you're going to lead me somewhere.
someone told me i'd meet you, and you'd take me somewhere i was supposed to go. i didn't believe it until you said that thing in the parking lot.
i can pay you.
for being my guide. you were going to leave anyway; all i'm asking is to tag along and see where it leads. i'll pay a hundred bucks and all expenses.
no sex.
in that highly unlikely situation?
good luck with finding molly ringwald, or whoever it is vou're looking for. sorry for the inconvenience. good bye.
no heartbeat.
jesus, are you okay?
i think he was aiming a bit further south.
where exactly did you fall from?
how can you be so composed? we were almost killed.
let me guess - you're another angel?
like - for starters - who the hell are those kids that keep attacking me?
so they're dead too?
is it those two angels i'm supposed to stop?
i hate to say it - but he does have a point. how did you know where to find us?
and why are you watching me?
what's your beef with the bible?
i've been going to church my entire life and i've never heard of a thirteenth apostle named rufus.
what's that?
if that's true, then why'd he get written about while you were left out?
you were martyred?
so you went to heaven?
how do you know about that?
i find that hard to believe.
yeah.  but i never told anyone about it.
bryanjohnson.
i just feel.  violated. like my life isn't mine exclusively.
what are you talking about? i'm a nobody. i'm just a quiet girl from the suburbs who counsels pregnant teens.
why not get the pope or someone holy like that?
why me?
what?
i had a car.
there's a phone out there. i'll call for reservations.
no, it's okay. i can handle it.
who?
what does that mean - another expulsion? i thought you came down here specifically to help me?
let me guess - the fourteenth apostle; left out of the bible because she's a woman.
oh, those weren't tits i saw jay cozying up to?
i'm confused.
then who is she?
now i'm really lost.
meaning?
i can't take much more of this.
you made them sing that song?
are you kidding? those two are so dense, they wouldn't get a good idea if it was given to them in a specially marked box.
prove it. give me a good idea.
movies?
what have i seen that you've been involved with?
nine?
so what happened?
what about what you did with jay and silent bob? you inspired them.
whose?
you're saying god's a woman.
the possibility never presented itself. he's always referred to as a him.
mom. god, it makes sense.
you know about that?
what do you have against catholics?
once or twice.
so if we're so wrong, then what's the right religion?
what do you mean? what's that smell?
who the hell is it?!
a what?
what the fuck happened?!?
skull place. the hill where christ was crucified.
what are we doing down here, then?. any second now he'll be blasting through that door!
bob, get down! jay!
why would you ever carrs this?
what's going on?
she told me that if you behave, she'll give you head.
oh, a demon'd have a field day with you.
it's weird. just when i think i've got a handle on things. something wholely unbelievable presents itself. sometimes i wish i had just stayed home.
besides that.
some things never change.
how does he feel now?
having beliefs isn't good?
he was big on life?
sex.
they went to the lounge car to smoke.
you two aren't getting into any trouble, are you?
and who are your new friends?
you can smoke up with them if you want. you don't have to keep me company.
do you two live together?
i wish the little one would take a cue from him. but they're okay, as far as stoner's go.
how'd you meet?
see? that's beautiful. and everyone's always up-in-arms about this 'out-in-the-military' issue.
well there's all that macho bullshit about it being 'this man's army'. and you two meet and hook up while in the service, which is so special - because it's so hard to meet anyone you can seriously relate to.
that's the nice way of putting it. i consider it being dumped.
it's terrible, isn't it? don't you constantly question your value - like why was i so easy to cast aside? didn't i have merit?
or in habit, if you're a nun.
a friend of mine told me that church is like bad sex:it's messy and there's no foreplay.
i remember the exact moment. i was on the phone with my mother, and she was trying to counsel me through what was happening to me and my marriage. and she said something like "there's always a plan." and i.  just got so angry. i mean, i know she was talking about god, right - god had a plan. but i was like "what about my plans?" you know? like, don't they count for anything? i had planned to grow old with my husband and have a family - wasn't that plan good enough for god?
she. and how do you know she was listening in the first place?
i hate thoughts like that. but they occur to you with age. when you're a kid, you never question the whole faith thing - god's in heaven, and he's.  she's always got her eye on you. i'd give anything to feel that way again. which is why i guess i let myself get talked into this pilgrimage. i needed proof. and the opportunity presented itself to find out if it is like they told us in catholic school. and i gotta tell you - the last few days, i've come across some interesting people that lend toward convincing me.
you'd never believe me if i told you.
alright. but i warned you. okay - i'm going to this church in new jersey.
i was told that i'm supposed to stop a couple of angels from entering the church. they're trying.
see, they got tossed out of heaven years ago, right? and if they get back in, it proves god wrong. and since god is infallible, to prove her wrong would.
oh yeah! kill them! even if that was the case.  i mean. how do you kill an angel?
is that a knife?
i don't understand why we couldn't stay on the train. you threw those guys off.
and what's with that? why are we enemies? the guy almost gutted me, for god's sake!
semantics! semantics that don't even answer mv question.
what do you mean, kill? i wasn't asked to kill them -just stop them from going into that church.
i've never killed anything before in my life!
you say it as if it's easy.
so then we're screwed?
count me out. you're telling me they're unstopable, i'm exhausted - both psychologically and physically, the odds are against us. i say we kick back and wait for the end -a little non~xistence might be just what the doctor ordered.
see? you know it's right when even he's making sense.
now that we're all but in total agreement on this, i'd just like to finally know - why me?
i wasn't talking to you!
what's this have to do with me?
i don't buy it. integral material like that would give people a better understanding of the nature of god. why leave it out?
his mother and father?
meaning?
now you show up! where were you when that psychotic bastard had a knife to my throat?
excuse me?
constitutionals?
but she hasn't come back from one of those day-trips, is what you're getting at?
don't encourage them. and why did you lie to me? you said i was tapped as a test?
i think silent bob had a point. but sure - we can go to him and explain the situation somehow.
well, mine is a heritage divine.  and i wouldn't want to let down the family.
it's a bit.  startling.
we'd like you to cancel the ceremony and the re
no, the trouble's not from us. it's from these renegade angels who've been stuck on earth since the plagues.
uh.  these guys who think they're renegade angels.
well. they're very passionate about it. dangerously so. they could turn violent if they walk through that arch and nothing happens.
stay out of this.
you can't say himself; it could be a woman.
and it's platform of non-involvement during the holocaust?
but tomorrow.
i can almost see the headlines - if there were going to be any - "existence erased - thanks to some prick in a scarlet cape.
oh my god. we're going straight to hell, i know it.
what do we do now?
not that - about bartleby and loki!
he wasn't talking about you two.
who is it?
you're a muse too?
he's your brother?!
so all this is about revenge?! you're going to unmake existence because you have a grudge against god?!
how so?
look, asshole - i don't know if anyone explained the rules to you, but if you succeed, everything gets blinked out of existence - even you.
humans aren't capable of one hundredth the evil a shitbag demon like yourself is.
what?!?
what just happened?
remind me to try the water-to-wine thing at my next party.
we've gotta make tracks, people - there isn't much time left. rufus, grab his gun.
are we too late?
where are they?
they can't - it's a mortal sin. you die with a mortal sin on your soul and you burn. they'd go to hell, and that's not what they're after.
why?!? what the fuck do you hope to prove?!? all these people - why?!?
you fuck! you sick, twisted fuck!! look what you've done!! look at all you've
i can't believe this shit! we're on the brink of nonexistence and god's still nowhere to be found! what the fuck kind of deity gets kidnapped?!
are you a complete lunatic?! everyone's out there battling that thing and you want to cower back here and jump my bones?! we have to go down fighting!
you pig!
no - about john doe jersey?
what? where?
where is it?!?
you ever been there?!
bob!