too constrictive. this is the most uncomfortable coffin i have ever been in.
the selection is quite shoddy. you are wasting my time.
i told you, i don't want any of your goddamn coffins.
huh?
who are you? what do you want?
ha!
because i'm planning on dying soon.
yes. i'm embarking on another bus- andtruck tour of "dracula." twelve cities in ten days, if that's conceivable.
eh, that was a terrible production. renfield was a drunk!
thank you.
i apologize. when i play dracula, i put myself into a trance. it takes me much time to re-emerge.
oh, there's my bus. shit, where's my transfer?!
i refuse to drive in this country. too many madmen.
i have no next picture.
back in the old days, yes. but now -- no one give two fucks for bela.
no more. i haven't worked in four years. this town, it chews you up, then spits you out. i'm just an ex-bogeyman. make a right.
they don't want the classic horror films anymore. today, it's all giant bugs, giant spiders, giant grasshoppers -- who would believe such nonsense!
they were mythic. they had a poetry to them. and you know what else? the women prefer the traditional monsters.
the pure horror, it both repels and attracts them. because in their collective unconsciousness, they have the agony of childbirth. the blood. the blood is horror.
take my word for it. you want to "score" with a young lady, you take her to see "dracula."
ugh, what a mess. my wife of twenty years left me last month. i'm not much of a housekeeper.
shh! i'm coming! i will feed you!
certainly. but now the children of the night are calling me.
i think she's a honey. look at those jugs.
vampira! you will come under my spell! you will be my slave of love.
you must be double-jointed, and you must be hungarian. vampira, look at me! stare into my eyes.
i am getting tired. i need to take my medicine.
no thank you, eddie. i'll be alright.
i feel better now.
children! i love children.
aren't you scared, little boy? i'm going to drink your blood!
hey, how'd you do that?
don't worry. i do it every halloween.
i am dracula!
i am the bat!!
i am dracula! i will live forever!!!
eddie, you got a new movie for me?!
eddie, what kind of movie is this?
oh, like jekyll and hyde! ah, i've always wanted to play jekyll and hyde! i'm looking forward to this production.
i don't understand.
ah, so i pull the strings!
i am always on time.
uh, eddie, do you have my money?
of course.
"sidekick"?? "karloff"?!!
fuck you!! karloff doesn't deserve to smell my shit! that limey cocksucker can rot in hell, for all i care!!!
how dare that asshole bring up karloff?!! you think it takes talent to play frankenstein?! no! it's just make-up and grunting! grrr! grrr! grrr!
of course! dracula requires presence. it's all in the voice, and the eyes, and the hand --
bullshit! i am ready now! roll the camera!!
wasn't i something? did you see how i command the screen?!
but, i don't like horses. do i have to get on one?
who do i play?
well.  can't i play the romantic part? i'm tired of always being the bad guy. you know, back in hungary, i played romeo! i would like to be the lover again -- me, in a boat, with the girl.
that's good. i could use the money.
hmm.  my biggest hit? that would probably be "dracula."
those bastards at universal. i made so much money for them, and now i can't get the time of day.
we can't. those sons-a-bitches control the rights.
dracula?
ah! this is very exciting.
eddie.  my friend.
i didn't feel well.
no hospital. just take me to the couch.
nah. this happens all the time.
goulash.
morphine, with a demerol chaser. eddie, i'm so broke. i don't know what i'm gonna do.
"greetings. i am the count."
"it is my home."
"beg to differ. this casket incarpratates, er, inporporates --"
ach! how do they expect a hungarian to pronounce this dialogue? this live television is madness!
greetings. i am the count.
it is my home.
uh, beg to differ.
uh, greetings. i am the count.
i never said i could ad-lib.
it's a pleasure.
no. i never drink -- wine.
thank you. and you are?
so how'd we do?
at universal, they shot two scenes a day. eddie can knock off twenty or thirty! he's incredible.
mmph? where am i?
i'm not getting near that goddamn thing. one of those burned me on "the return of chandu."
"dear, you are a woman of super strength and beauty. a lovely vision of exquisitely beauty -- shit!" damn! eddie, i'm sorry i can't remember all this. i'm an old man. it's too long.
"dear, you're lovely." "strap her to the table."
"do as i command you!"
"i'll teach you to disobey me!"
here we go again.
stop worrying. this is going to raise your spirits.
this is the philosophical research society. a refuge for free thinkers. i've been coming here for twenty years.
most people in this country, they know nothing, about eastern mysticism. they are afraid of it. but i am open-minded. it gives me hope.
bad decisions are easy to live with. forget. just keep looking forward.
eddie, you screwed up.
in life, the decisions that haunt you are the ones where you just don't know.  where right or wrong will never be answered. years ago, the hungarians contacted me. the government wanted me to come home, to be minister of culture.
it was a very impressive offer. fancy offices, a big home.  i'd be treated like a king.
i didn't know if it was a trick. they might arrest me and throw me in a gulag. i am hungary's most famous emigrant. they'd use me as a lesson to anyone who tries to leave.
correct. so instead, i stayed here, waiting for my comeback. always hoping.  the next film, the next film.  that would be the one.
eddie, i'm so tired.  i don't know if i can handle a night shoot.
let's shoot this fucker! where do i go?
out there?! what happened to the stream?
oh, for christ's sake.
goddamn, it's cold!
fuck you! you come out here. hey, toss me that j.d.
okay! how do we turn this thing on?
do you know i turned down "frankenstein"?
after i did "dracula," the studio offered me "frankenstein"! but i turned it down, the part wasn't sexy enough. it was too degrading for a big star like me.
don't let me slow you down.
that's fine, eddie. all in the line of duty.
well, there aren't too many other fellas i'd do it for.
eddie, this is quite a scene.
these lines -- i'll have no problem remembering.
"home. i have no home. hunted.  despised.  living like an animal -- the jungle is my home! but i will show the world that i can be its master. i shall perfect my own race of people -- a race of atomic supermen that will conquer the world!"
yes. there is nothing more comfortable.
no.
so what are we doing here?
who the fuck is she??
why are you here??
why aren't you on your honeymoon? where's myrna?
i was thinking about killing myself.
eddie, i received a letter from the government. they're cutting off my unemployment. that's all i've got. without it, i can't pay the rent.
i'm obsolete. i have nothing to live for. tonight, i should die. and you should come with me.
it'll be wonderful. we'll be at peace. in the afterlife, you don't have to worry about finding work.
formaldehyde.
i'm sorry, eddie. i'm so sorry.
my name is bela lugosi. i wish to commit myself.
i have been a drug addict for twenty years. i need help.
isn't it wonderful? after all these years, the press is showing an interest again in bela lugosi.
fine. let them! there is no such thing as bad press. a man from new york even said he's putting me on the front page! first celebrity to ever check into rehab. when i get out of here, i will be healthy. strong! i will be primed for my comeback!
really? i don't feel so great.
eddie, i wanna make another picture. when are we gonna make another picture?
this is so exciting. another production!
so eddie, don't we need a sound crew?
oh. so what is the scene about?
okay. but what if i'm not in too big a hurry? what if i take a moment to slow down and savor the beauty of life? to smell a flower?
eddie, how was i?
good. now what about my close up?
eddie, where are we? we passed that carwash twenty minutes ago.
sorry.
what is that?
now that was a premiere.
last night was quite a romp.
i envied him. hell, i envied you too, having a girlfriend that would jump in front of a car like that.
i know none of my wives would've.
eddie, i want to thank you. these last few days have been a good time.
no problem. i know it by heart.
"home. i have no home. hunted.  despised.  living like an animal -- the jungle is my home! but i will show the world that i can be its master. i shall perfect my own race of people.  a race of atomic supermen that will conquer the world!"
certainly.
better. i'm seventy-four, but i don't know it. if the brain is young, then the spirit is still vigorous.  like a young man.