dolores, give me your shoes.
the ghost can be barefoot. give me your shoes!
what a show! everyone was terrific! paul, your second-act monologue actually gave me chills,
this is the big moment!
hey. hey, it's not that bad. you just can't concentrate on the negative. he's got some nice things to say.  see, "the soldier costumes are very realistic." that's positive!
hell, i've seen a lot worse reviews. i've seen ones where they didn't even like the costumes! like, that last "francis the mule" picture -- it got terrible notices. but it was a huge hit.
so don't take it too seriously. we're all doin' great work.
absolutely! it's just the beginning. i promise this: if we stick together, one day i'll make every single one of you famous.
honey, what if i'm wrong? what if i just don't have it?
orson welles was 26 when he made "citizen kane." i'm already 30!
i know.  but sometimes i get scared this is as good as it's gonna get.
sure thing, mr. kravitz.
whoa, look at all this sand. this is real sand! my god, where'd they get all this sand?!
this is fantastic! what are you gonna do with it all?
it's such a waste. if i had half a chance, i could make an entire movie out of this stock footage! see, the story opens with these mysterious explosions. nobody knows what's causing them, but it's upsetting all the buffalo. so the military is called in to solve the mystery.
no, i'm saving that for the big underwater climax!
what are you ladies gabbin' about?
r-really? i didn't see the story.
aw, er, it's just a bunch of hot air. i had to say something to get in the door.
yes, i'm ed wood. i'm here about directing the christine jorgensen picture.
so you're not gonna make the movie?
is there a script?
well, mr. weiss, i'm your guy. i work fast, and i'm a deal: i write and direct. and i'm good. i just did a play in hollywood, and victor crowley praised its realism.
well, mr. weiss, i've never told anyone what i'm about to tell you.  but i really want this job. i like to dress in women's clothing.
no, no, not at all! i love women. wearing their clothes makes me feel closer to them.
nah, i'm all man. i even fought in
confidentially, i even paratrooped wearing a brassiere and panties. i'll tell ya, i wasn't scared of being killed, but i was terrified of getting wounded, and having the medics discover my secret.
yeah. i know what it's like to live with a secret, and worry about what people are gonna think of you.  my girlfriend still doesn't know why her sweaters are always stretched out.
excuse me, mr. lugosi??
no. i don't work here.
i don't want anything. i'm just a really big, big fan. i've seen all your movies.
why were you buying a coffin?
really?
you know, i saw you perform "dracula." in poughkeepsie, in 1938.
i thought it was great. you were much scarier in real life than you were in the movie.
i waited to get your autograph, but you never came outside.
don't you bave a car?
boy, mr. lugosi, you must lead such an exciting life. when is your next picture coming out?
ah, you gotta be jokin'! a great man like you.  i'll bet you have dozens of 'em lined up.
but you're a big star!
the old ones were much spookier. they had castles, full moons.
the women?
i never thought of that.
well.  i guess i should go. perhaps we could get together again?
sweetie, you won't believe it! i've got the most incredible news!
huh?! oh, uh, no, i didn't get the job. but something better happened!
yeah! i met a movie star! somebody really big!
no! a horror movie star!
close! the other one!
oh, the hell with you. i met bela lugosi!
no! he's very alive. well.  sort of. he's old, and frail -- but he's still bela lugosi! and he's really nice.
it's a shame. he's such a rest actor, and nobody uses him anymore.
no. it wasn't like that at all. it was just the two of us, and we were talkin'.  and he treated me like -- a friend.
no he's not! do you realize how much money he made for this studio over the years? "dracula"! "the raven"! "the black cat"!
that's not true --
well, uh, if i could i would.
ugh! i hate the way she interrupts the pictures. she doesn't show 'em the proper respect.
hey bela, how do you do that?
do you want me to get it for you?
well how about these teeth?!!
dentures. i lost my pearlies in the war.
are you sure this is okay?
now what?
mr. weiss, i was thinkin' about what you said, about how all your movies have to make a profit. and i realized, what's the one thing, that if you put in a movie, it'll be successful??
no. better than tits -- a star!
yeah, but if you took that crap and put a star in it, you'd have something!
no! it would be something better! something impressive. the biggest moneymaker you've ever had!
what if i told you you could have a star for $1000??
yeah! lugosi!
no, he's not dead! he lives in baldwin hills. i met him recently, and he wants to be in our picture.
uh, yeah. our picture.
because he's my friend.
thank you! bless you, mr. weiss! i promise i won't let you down!
you know these people. i need all the transsexuals and transvestites you can get. no, i don't care if they're not actors. i want realism. i want this film to tell the truth! i've waited my whole life for this shot, and i'm not gonna blow it.
yeah, it's gonna be a great picture! you'll love your character! bunny, bela's here. look, hit the bars, work some parties, and get me transvestites! i need transvestites!
well, it's about how people have two personalities. the side they show to the world, and then the secret person they hide inside.
ehh, your part's a little different. you're like the god that looks down on all the characters, and oversees everything.
well.  you control everyone's fate. you're like the puppetmaster.
yeah. you pull the strings -- "pull the strings".  hey, that's pretty good!
wipe off your hands. i've got a little surprise for you.  i finished my script.
well, i'd really like to know what you think. why don't you go in the bedroom and take a look at it? i'll wait.
since i was a kid. my mom wanted a girl, so she used to dress me in girlie clothing. it just kinda became a habit.
this is my way of telling you --
of course it is. and that's why you should play the part.
it's a damn good role.
it takes me comfortable.
exactly. so what do ya say? do you wanna break up.  or do you wanna do the movie with me?
there's still a sex-change --
i don't think he's a schmuck.
so change the poster. trust me, you'll be better off. this is a story that's gonna grab people. it's about this guy. he's crazy about this girl but he likes to wear dresses. should he tell her? should he not tell her? he's torn. george, this is drama.
excuse me, could i have everyone's attention?! could you gather around? i've got something to say.
everybody, we're about to embark on quite a journey. four days of hard work.  but when it's over, we'll have a picture that'll entertain, enlighten, and maybe even move millions of people.
now the only way we're gonna achieve all this is if we stay on schedule. day one -- today -- we'll start easy. we have eighteen silent scenes that can be shot quickly: cars parking, patrick's suicide, me strolling as a man, me strolling as a woman, etc. after lunch, we'll bring in the inspector and the doctor. the doctor is very important to the plot, so we might have to spend time on retakes. but it's worth it. scene totals for the first day is thirty-four. day two, we'll be a little busier --
good thinkin'. we'll talk about days three and four later. now let's get that first shot off! it's scene 17, glenda looking in the window.
okay, do i need any touch-up?
harry, we've discussed this a million times. i don't want to look like a girl. i want to look like myself.
places, everyone! roll camera!
and, cut! print it! let's move on!
what's to protect? it was perfect!
we don't have a permit. run!
the set doesn't look right! it looks too.  empty. clutter it up. put a skeleton in the corner. and what's that thing over there?
well it looks good. let's use it!
don't worry. we're not gonna film any of it.
i know a guy in universal's stock house -- he's giving me the footage for free. this movie's gonna look like a million bucks.
oh my god! mr. lugosi is here! now everyone, when he walks on the stage now everyone, when he walks on the stage, treat him normal. i know bela lugosi is a world-famous star, and you're all a little excited, but we're professionals. so if you treat him with respect, everything will be alright.
bela! it's so great to see you! and eight o'clock on the dot. right on time!
of course! well, we got a big day planned for you.  first, we're gonna start off a little easy, with you in that armchair over there. then, once you're up to speed and cooking, we'll reset and bring out the laboratory equipment --
huh?! oh yeah, of course.
what happened?! jesus, connie, what did you do?
you're right, bela. now dracula, that's a part that takes acting.
look, you seem a little agitated. do you maybe wanna take a little break, go for a nice walk.  and then we'll come back and shoot the scene?
um, okay.  roll camera
sound!
and.  action?
brilliant.
hon', nobody's bothered but you. look around -- they couldn't care less.
say it a little louder. i don't think bela heard you in his trailer.
dolores. i need your help.
music swells.  and cut and print it!
and we fade out. "the end." what do you think?
yeah? whatever. so did you like it?
gee, i used every frame of film we shot. maybe they won't notice.
um, i guess --
why?! i did all those things! hell, i even built the props.
but i'm proud. i wrote, directed, and starred in it just like orson welles in "citizen kane"!
some weirdo who likes to wear dresses.
georgie, what's with the stag footage?? you said you were cutting in establishing shots!
just like i always promised. now you're among the immortals. you're movie stars.
from today on, our lives are different! we'll be swimming laps in the same pool jean harlow did.
who cares?! we're on a roll! these are the moments in life you're supposed to grab.
but you do! and anyway, i've got tons of new scripts. and now that i have a track record, studios are bound to hire me!
look on the bright side. if we miss the rent, what's the worst they can do?
exactly.
how 'bout a western? people love westerns.
eh, forget it. what else is big? teenagers! jailbait pics! yeah.  you got the juvenile delinquent, his girlfriend from the wrong side of the tracks --
uh, a cop. no! you play the father. he's angry! he doesn't like seeing his son -- no -- he doesn't like seeing his daughter behave this way!
sure. romance, that's great! to engineer your comeback, we're gonna need a whole slate of pictures. once "glen or glenda" takes off, we'll slam you into one, then another, then another!
but we need to start off with a bang! something we know the audience will want to see. mmm. what was your biggest hit?
of course!
so let's make another "dracula." let's make "the return of dracula"!
they do? shoot. there must be a way to get around that.
ha-ha! dr. acula!
no! doctor acula! you can still wear the cape, have the fangs.  but you're a doctor! not a count.
i gotta type this up, while it's still fresh!
excuse me, i'm here to see mr. feldman.
edward d. wood, junior.
it's wood. ed wood.
well, mr. feldman, some people have resumes to show. i've got my own movie.
i just made this picture, over at screen classics. it opens next week.
nobody in town has seen it, so i'm givin' you first crack at my talents.
well, mr. feldman, i don't believe in thinking small. so i've got a whole slate of pictures for you: "the vampire's tomb," "the ghoul goes west".  and "doctor acula"!
dr. acula!
but bela lugosi's in it!
well.  i've got another project i wasn't gonna tell you about. lugosi's in it, but he's got a smaller part. the lead is an ingenue, a sterling young actress named dolores fuller. the title is "bride of the atom."
georgie, what happened?! i thought "glen or glenda" was opening next week! where's the ads?
why not??
maybe it needs special handling.
you can't talk that way about my movie.
i don't know. where?
i dunno. lie on the beach?
jesus! are you serious?
my god, look at that guy. he's a mountain!
i've never seen anything like him!
ssh! he's so big! he's a monster! can you imagine what that guy would be like in a movie?
mr. johnson, over here!
glad you could fit me in your schedule.
oh, of course!
so, mr. johnson --
tor. have you ever thought about becoming an actor?
i think you're quite handsome.
well, i think you'd be a sensation in pictures.
nah, that doesn't matter! it's a visual medium.
uhh, i'll have just one.
so anyway, i've got this new script, "bride of the atom," and there's a part you're ideal for: "lobo." he's tough. a brute. but he has a heart -- and at the end he saves the girl.
hopefully, very soon. i'm just awaiting the final okay from mr. feldman at mgm.
wood productions.
bela?
bela?!
bela, what happened?!
let me take you to the hospital.
should i call a doctor?
is there anything i can get you? water? a blanket?
i don't know how to make goulash.
what's in the needle?
don't worry. i'll do something.
i'm no good.
bela needs a job.  i can't even get a film going.  but of course i can't -- i made the worst movie of all time.
all i wanna do is tell stories. the things i find interesting.
the movie is called "bride of the atom".
it will star bela lugosi. each of you would put up $20,000.
yes, that's right. the bela lugosi. he's still alive. huh? is he available friday night? gee, i suppose so.  why?
"greetings. i am slick slomopavitz, seeker of adventure." audience laughs. applause. "say, that's a funny place to sleep."
"oh, tract housing, huh?" laugh. "you need a new real estate agent."
no bela, that's "incorporates." look, just say "this casket has"
wow! ain't that something.
bela, don't worry. you're better than all this crap.
forget about it. we'll make our new movie, and you'll be a star again.
wow.
edward wood, sir.
h-how'd you know?!
hey cris, how'd you know we'd be living on mars by 1970? how'd you know it wouldn't be 1975, or even 1980?
i don't understand.
it's that easy?
we're gonna have the most terrifying monster ever seen on film! a ghastly creature created from an atomic mutation!
well that's what this movie is.  a heartbreaking romance! it's about a young reporter, janet lawton, in love with a young cop, dick craig.
what do you think you're doin'?!
you can't sit! you gotta walk around, with good posture. you want these people to think we have class. otherwise they'll never invest in our movie.
and this is lovely starlet dolores fuller, who will play janet lawton.
in a normal studio it would be half-a-million, with all their wasteful overhead and fancy offices. but because we're more efficient, we can bring it in for seventy grand!
goodbye! goodbye!
we didn't make a dime.
tell him "bride" is in pre- production.
that's the problem! nobody cares about my movie! i'm tryin' so hard, i don't know what else to do!
dolores, don't you understand? i'm a director now! i made "glen or glenda." directing is my day job.
yeah?
i understand you just moved here?
so my associate mr. marco tells me you may be interested in investing in a motion picture.
for this one, we need $60,000.
perhaps you'd like to look at the photoplay.
oh, of course!! there's a couple characters you'd be perfect for: the secretary at the newspaper office, or the file clerk!
j-janet lawton???
uh.  yeah.  you'd be perfect.
it was the only way i could get the movie made!
i'm sorry! what did you want me to say?
but there's plenty of other parts.
the secretary. or the file clerk.
this is gonna be bela's laboratory, so it should be real impressive! like one of those mad scientist movies. i want beakers, and test tubes, and one of those electrical things that buzzes!
if you say so.
really? was the third act too intense?
but tor, it's a starring part! you're second billed.
tor, dialogue is overrated. you look at the classic film actors, who are they? fairbanks. chaplin. they didn't talk! they did it all with their face.
i don't know. hey bill, which dress is better for you, the green or the red one?
what do you mean?
action!
okay, you're dr. eric vornoff. you're upset. you've worked so hard on this experisent, and you don't want to see it fail. no, you're not that upset. you want to keep moving. you wanna cross the room. okay, cut! beautiful! print it!
alright, let's go immediately to scene 52. tor, are you in place?
okay, cue rainstorm!
and roll camera! action!
okay, you're lobo. you're upset. you've worked so hard helping dr. vornoff on this experiment, and you don't want to see it fail. no, you're not that upset. you want to keep moving. you wanna cross the room. okay, cut! perfect! print it!
no, it's fine. it's real! in actuality, lobo would struggle with that problem every day.
wow, this lab looks great. except why is there a stove and refrigerator?
nah, it'll work. where's bela?
bela, are you ready?
you're shooting "bride of the atom." scene 85.
you'll be sitting on the right.
okay. then you'll be sitting on the left.
here's the scene. loretta, you're in a trance. you glide in and get on the operating table. now tor, you're supposed to tie her down. but you have an angora fetish.  and when you rub that swatch of angora, it makes you refuse so bela has to discipline you.
action!
that's fine, bela. we're still rolling. just say "dear, you're lovely."
and, cut!!! impeccable!
okay, i'll get you the money later.
sorry to bother you while we're shooting, but the guy who owns the stage needs his money.
yeah. exactly!
i kinda need it now.
yeah. well i need the other sixty-thousand.
the other sixty-thousand you said you'd give me.
oh my god.
lemme tell you, you can't lose. it's scary! and if you don't like that, it's romantic! bela lugosi portrays dr. vornoff, and lovely ingenue loretta king is reporter janet lawton.
vampira? why do you ask??
well.  she's playing -- could you excuse me one moment??
excuse me, miss vampira?
you don't know me, but my name is ed wood. i'm a film producer. i'm currently in production on a science-fiction piece, with bela lugosi and swedish wrestler tor johnson. and i saw you here, and i thought: kismet!
no. i think my film is perfect for you.
no! i don't want you to show the movie, i want you to be in it! see, maybe i should explain: we started shooting, but then after three days we got shut down. so we're having a backers party, to raise some more money. perhaps you'd like to come next door and meet some of the backers?
please! it'll only take a minute. you can have some hors d'oeuvres, and meet my backers! there's a really nice dentist from oxnard.
where are you guys going?! you can't leave!
you can't go! you haven't seen the storyboards!
fine! screw you! if you don't have the balls to roll the dice, then i don't want your stinking money!!
please, come back!
goddamn landlord.
maybe if you'd come to the backers party, i would've gotten the money.
look, how many times can i say i'm sorry? i blew it! i thought she was rich.
i didn't dump you! get it through your skull -- i just recast the part!
so what?? look, we gotta figure out where we're gonna stay.
does she have room for me?
bela, i don't know what i'm doin' anymore.
what is this place?
was i wrong to cast loretta?
but was it a bad decision? at the time, i thought her money would save the movie.
yeah, i did.
really?
so why didn't you do it?
but maybe not.
your next film. that will be the one.
and then dr. vornoff falls in the pit, and his own octopus attacks and eats him! the end.
no. we shot ten minutes of the movie, and now we're looking for completion funds.
movies are very popular. you could make a lot of money.
well.  you get "executive producer" credit.
mr. mccoy, how can i make you happy?
but the story ends with dr. vornoff falling in the pit --
honey, you made it! i wasn't sure you got my message.
that's right.
that's tony mccoy. he's playing lieutenant dick craig.
none. but his dad gave me fifty grand.
hey, the movie's getting made. that's the main thing.
ladies! you both look fine. why don't we talk about the scene? okay. janet lawton has discovered that dr. vornoff bought the old willows estate. so now she wants to prove that all the monster stories are true.
oh. er.  well you're the file clerk. you're hurrying into the next room, when you bump into janet.
dolores, i got five days to shoot this movie. quit kidding around.
cris, you made it. thanks a lot.
i told you, the octopus is made of rubber. this is a piece o' cake.
uh, i couldn't reach the guy.  he was in meetings all day. but this'll be great, i promise!
oh. i thought they kept this open.
not so fast. first we have to get it down.
yes!
yes! just do it!
tor! are you okay?!
you don't understand! the octopus is supposed to live in a lake!
no! it has to be underwater!
nonsense! you look great -- look, uh, why don't you lie down and take a little nap? we'll film around you for a while.
thanks, buddy.
hey. this is looking good! paul, where's the octopus motor?
you know, to make the legs move --
you'll be fighting with the octopus.
this'll look a lot better. we have to match the stock footage of the octopus underwater.
once you're in it, it warms up.
bela, somebody misplaced the motor. so when you wrestle the octopus, shake the legs a bit, to make it look like it's killing you.
huh?
bela, i've got twenty-five scenes to shoot tonight.
alright! let's put it on film. camera! sound!
action!
and cut!
c'mon! just one more day! just have some coffee, you'll feel better!
yeah? well i got no sleep, and i feel great!
bela. i just wanna thank you again for last night.
no. seriously. i want you to know how much i appreciate what you've done for me. a great man like you shouldn't have to run around in freezing water at four in the morning.
i wrote something special for you. i got to thinking about all the sacrifices you've made.  and so i wrote you a new final speech.
i know it's a lot to give you at the last second.
cut. it's a wrap.
dolores, wait!
did you really mean those things you said?
but you used to say --
yeah.
no, i was just doin' a little work.
uh, i don't have much of an appetite lately.
i'd be happy too, if i had such a great family.
greta, your husband is a terrific actor. you should come down and visit the set.
no, it's really no problem at all!
tor, i should be getting home.
but i thought me and dolores had something.
don't you think angora has a tactile sensuality lacking in all other clothing?
it's made from specially-bred rabbits that live in the himalayas.
no, i work in pictures. i'm a director-actor-writer-producer.
two people do. orson welles and me.
you know, you're a very attractive girl.
you shouldn't be embarrassed by the truth. mind if i order some hotcakes?
excuse me! could everyone please quiet down? first of all, i want to thank you, all my good friends, for being here tonight. and second, if you're wondering what the big surprise is.  well, tonight i'm getting married!!
everybody, this is norma!
and bela, i want you to be the best man!
i do.
norma, this is bela -- bela, this is norma. norma, this is tor -- tor, this is norma. norma, this is paul paul, this is norma.
yeah. it seems a little crazy, but sometimes you just know. she's perfect for me.
oop, that's our cue! honey, we gotta go. goodbye, everybody!
don't worry, i'll teach you.
honey, i have a little secret to share with you.
please, be compassionate. i'm your husband!
bela, let me in! bela, it's eddie.
shit! bela, what's with the gun?
norma. she changed her mind. she doesn't wanna marry me. can you put down the gun?
what are you doing?
jesus christ, what an evening. what happened?
don't you have any savings?
buddy, i don't know if that's such a good idea.
bela, i'm on your side. c'mon, give me the gun.  if you give me the gun, i'll make you a drink. what are you drinking?
straight up or on the rocks?
don't worry.
don't worry. everything's gonna be all right.
hello.
i got married last night.
the marriage already ended.
what are you making?
how long's he been here?
excuse me. doctor? i'm with mr. lugosi. how is he?
will he be okay?
hi, lillian.
he does?
what's going on here?! excuse me!
everybody out! this is a hospital! get out of here.
what happened?!
bela, they're parasites! they just want to exploit you.
oh, hi.
i am. how's your father?
not good.
would you maybe like to get a coffee?
isn't he?
look, he doesn't have any money.  but i'll give you everything i've got. i have a few hundred dollars.
bela, wake up.
i've got some good news. the doctor says you're all better. you can come home.
no, you look good. and the tests came back fine. c'mon.
soon, bela.  soon.
please, i just need it for one afternoon!
this is different! it'll mean so much to me. all i need is a camera and a tripod. no lights, no sound. nothin' fancy.
and one roll of film.
no, this is just the second unit. we'll do the main footage later.
uh.  you're a very important and respected man. you're leaving your house.  and you're in a hurry to a big social event.
that's great. let's do a take.
okay, roll camera! rolling. scene one, take one! and.  action!
and, cut.
perfect.
i just picked them up on the way over.
no. i'm from back east. you know, all-american small town.  everybody knew everybody, i was a boy scout, my dad worked for the post office.
nah, 'cause i had my comic books. and i read pulp magazines. and i listened to the radio dramas.
yeah! don't forget "mercury theatre".  and then every saturday, i'd go to the little movie theater down the street. i even started ushering there.
what do you mean?
that's incredible! that's the first picture i ever saw!!
i had to sleep with the lights on for a month. but i never missed a lugosi picture after that.
kathy, i'm about to tell you something i've never told any girl on a first date. but i think it's important that you know. i like to wear women's clothes.
i like to wear women's clothes: panties, brassieres, sweaters, pumps.  it's just something i do. and i can't believe i'm telling you, but i really like you, and i don't want it getting in the way down the road.
no! i love sex with girls.
okay?
no, don't worry, i moved on. i was just calling to see if you want to attend the world premiere of my new film, "bride of the monster."
it's the same film. but the distributor wanted a punchier title. c'mon! it's gonna be a big event -- we're going all out! bela, tor, and cris are coming. you'll have fun!
don't worry. we're almost there.
has anyone ever been to downey?
wow. go knock 'em dead!
c'mon! we're getting the hell out of here!
we're escaping!
stop!
did you see that kid grab vampira's tits?
yeah, she's really somethin'.
i just wish you coulda seen the movie.
thanks. it's actually the only thing i know how to make. hey, can you grab that strainer?
ugh! always at the wrong time. hello?
oh no.
bela died.
i'd seen him in a coffin so many times, i expected him to jump out.
i might as well be. i made shitty movies that nobody wanted to see. i blew it. all he wanted was a comeback.  that last glory.
i was a fuckin' hack! i let people recut the movies, cast their relatives.  i let bela down.
hruphh?
yeah?
i'm real sorry. my stockbroker must have transferred the wrong account.  c'mon in, i'll write you another one.
you could say that --
raising money is tough.
okay -- you know what you do? you produce a film in a commercially proven genre. and after it's a hit, you take the profits from that, and make the twelve apostles' movies.
absolutely! you see this script?
"graverobbers from outer space"! it's money in the bank.
from outer space! it's science- fiction. very big with the kids! if you make this picture, you'll have enough money to finance a hundred religious films! and pay my back rent from the profits.
it's a guaranteed blockbuster!
yeah, well we've got a big star! bela lugosi!!
yes, but i've got the last footage he ever shot!
it's plenty! it's the acorn that will grow a great oak. i'll just find a double to finish his scenes, and we'll release it as "bela lugosi's final film"
bunny! we're making another film! yeah -- i got the baptist church of beverly hills to put up the cash!
great! bring 'em in! bunny, i gotta run.
too tall.  too short.  and this guy doesn't work at all.
that was karloff. paul, you gotta try harder. i don't want this film to be haif-assed. this time, we go for the quality.
and by the way, keep sunday free. the producers want all of us to get baptized.
you know, when you rewrite a script, it just gets better and better!
the left. it's more natural. hey, i've got a scene where the aliens have the ultimate bomb. what would that be made of?
no. they're beyond that! they're smarter than the humans. what's more advanced?
no, bigger! what's the biggest energy??
yes! bingo! solar energy! oh that's gonna seem so scientific. this movie's gonna be the ultimate ed wood film. no compromises.
those assholes.
yeah.  i should give her a call.
i'm really sorry.
i know what that's like. anyway, i brought a copy of the script. you would play the "ghoul's wife."
hell, if i did, i wouldn't have any friends.
you don't wanna be noticed?
who's dr. tom?
wait a second. don't move!
it's uncanny.
look at his skull!
shhh! we want these baptists to like us.
i do.
what are you talking about?! it's the premise of the movie. it's even the title, for christ's sake!
that's ridiculous!
and, action!
look, lugosi is dead and vampira won't talk. ihad to give somebody the dialogue.
see, no talking. isn't he good? cue dr. tom!
yes, now! lurk him. and be sure to keep your face covered!
isn't it wonderful? bela lives!
no, he would've loved it! bela's returned from the grave -- like dracula. cue vampira!
cue the flying saucer, ray!
and perfect. cut!
i like to think so.
people won't notice. filmmaking isn't about picky details -- it's about the big picture.
you don't know anything! haven't you ever heard of "suspension of disbelief"?!
who's he?
are you in5ane? i'm the director! i make the casting decisions around here!
nooooo!!!
they're driving me crazy! these baptists are stupid, stupid, stupid!
mmm. i need to calm.  take deep breaths.  ohh, it's so smooth.
okay, everyone! let's set up for scene 112! move the crypt stage left and get ready with tor's make-up effect.
i'm directing.
that's it. i give up!
take me to the nearest bar.
imperial whiskey, straight up.
oh my god. it's orson welles.
oh shit.
excuse me, sir?
uh, uh, i'm a young filmmaker, and a really big fan.  and i just wanted to meet you.
oh. um, i'm ed wood! so, what are you working on now?
i can't believe it. these sound like my problems!
ain't that the truth! i've even bad producers recut my movies --
and they always want to cast their buddies -- it doesn't even matter if they're right for the part!
mr. welles, is it all worth it?
wow.
mr. reynolds!
we are gonna finish this film just the way i want it! because you can't compromise an artist's vision!
and you're gonna make a bundle. this movie's gonna be famous! but only if you shut up, and let me do it my way!
alright! actors in position! let's finish this picture!!
okay, i want that tank! and i want that bomb!
no! the aliens should look like people.
not in my movie, they're not!
maybe you guys were right. "plan nine" is a good title.
you're standing in it. alright, bring in the shower curtain!
more fog! more fog!! and cut! print it! it's a wrap!
i can't get it to go up.
c'mon! let's just go.
thanks a million. i just wanna say.  this film is for bela.
this is the one. i know i'll be remembered for this film.
let's get married.
right now. let's drive to vegas!
so? it's only a five-hour drive. and it'll probably clear up, once we hit the desert. heck, it'll probably clear up once we drive around the corner. i promise.