why?
we haven't hit a single braid yet! the vikings all guffaw. ivar's mum has had enough. she throws the contents of a jug of ale over thorfinn. he is shocked, but after the first shock he grins evilly, because now he's been given carte blanche to do the thing he enjoys doing most. without another thought he throws a vicious right hook at ivar's mum and lays her out cold. erik reacts with disgust. his grandad, however, gives a whoop of glee.
not death by the sword! it means i shall drink in valhalla with the great warriors. cut away to harald missionary engaged in his usual business of chatting up any available female.
he's not in valhalla! he died of old age!
he must kill me!
oh, well.  he starts attacking sven again. erik decides there is only one way to make his point. he lets fly with his fists and lays both the antagonists out for a moment.
find the rainbow bridge?
of course we're not afraid to try, but.  erik rounds on thorfinn, sensing he had the advantage.
but.
well i'm certainly not, either.
me too. erik grins. he has persuaded them against their will.
yes, mother.
yes, mum.
no, mother.
yes, mother. goodbye, dad.
no, dad.
i never do.  cut to sven the berserk who is also being lectured. the lecture is coming from his father - ulf the maddeningly calm.
leif's sitting here. i need a bit of luck.
nothing.  halfdan the black chopped his hand off last night.
are you all right?
you don't need to feel bad about being sea-sick, you know.
i mean many of the greatest sailors were. pause.
olaf tryggvason used to throw up on every single voyage.  the whole time.  non-stop.  puke.  puke.  puke.
he used to puke in his sleep.
what are you talking about?
it's halfdan the black!
so are you going to run away from him, erik? erik turns to thorfinn.
man over board! thorfinn starts trying to fish him out. ivar has started to panic and is beating the drum too fast.
erik! row! what are you doing?
who was that?
erik's right! we'll all meet in valhalla.
till we meet in valhalla. they all prepare to run each other through. the boat sinks rapidly.
very deep.  usually.  the realization gradually dawns on the vikings that they're not going to sink any more.
what is it?
it's disgusting.
what kind of place is this?
let's hack her to pieces.
you don't go through all the hardships of an ocean voyage to make "friends".
why?
that's terrible!
you mean.  you can't kill anybody?
what? not being able to kill anybody?
but how d'you take revenge?
erik!
halfdan the black's here!
he wants to kill us. they both look at king arnulf. the king thinks.
i feel strange. erik looks at thorfinn, shocked.
sort of.
is it sort of.  like a sinking feeling in your stomach?
i know. i know.
don't you feel it? erik looks around at his paralysed crew. he realizes he is the only one who can save the situation.
and a sort of slightly sick feeling?
oh, yes! i hadn't noticed that!
d'you think i've got time to go behind that bush? ivar starts to drum and the vikings begin to row. golden dragon heads out of the harbour. cut to halfdan the black flanked by his advisers, gisli oddsson and eilif the mongul. he gives a nod and eilif bangs his staff of office on the deck, as a signal for the galley slaves to speed up. down in the galley, the slave master stalks down the decks lashing the sweat-streaked galley slaves and cursing them in incomprehensive japanese. fortunately a translation appears in subtitles.
oh, yes.  halfdan nods again and another order is rapped out. this time a harpoon is fired from the prow. it thuds into golden dragon and two of halfdan's dog-soldiers start to winch the line in. the two ships are hauled closer and closer. the vikings panic even more. erik holds up the cloak invisible and grins round at his men, knowing he is going to surprise them.
no! the fear's gone! halfdan grabs a sword off one of his dead dog-soldiers and thrusts it into the unwilling hands of his military adviser, eilif.
this is life, eh? keitel grins and strikes out. ivar turns on eilif who has reluctantly joined the fray. maybe he's singled ivar out as the most harmless. ivar suddenly realizes he's only armed with drumsticks. eilif smiles evilly.
i'm not frightened.  of anything.
no.  he's not.  not.  there.
you won, sven.
mum! dad!