hi, cindy. joel. listen, i'm not feeling well this morning. no. food poisoning, i think. sorry it took me so long to call in, but i've been vomiting.
january 13th, 2006. today i skipped work and took the train out to montauk. it's cold. the sky is gray. i don't know what else to say. nothing happens. nothing changes. i saw naomi last night. we had sex. it was weird to fall into our old familiar sex life so easily. like no time has passed. after two years apart suddenly we're talking about getting together again. i guess that's good.
if i'm constitutionally incapable of making eye-contact with a woman i don't know. i guess i'd better get back to naomi.
i'm sorry.
why what?
no, i didn't know if you were talking to me, so.
well, i didn't want to assume.
anyway. sorry. hi.
no, i mean, i don't know. i can't really think of much to say probably.
i mean, it's okay if you want to sit down here. i didn't mean to --
it's okay, really.
rockville center.
the weirder part is i think actually i recognize you. i thought that earlier in the diner. that's why i was looking at you. you work at borders, right?
really? because --
-- because i go there all the time. i don't think i ever saw you before.
i don't have one.
i noticed your hair. i guess it made an impression on me, that's why i was pretty sure i recognized you.
i like it.
yeah. tom waits says it in --
i can't remember.
i don't really know how --
you think that could possibly be a full time job? how many hair colors could there be?
i'm sure you would.
you sure? that doesn't sound --
oh, i doubt that's the case.
sorry. i was just trying to be nice.
i'm joel.
i don't know any jokes about your name.
i don't know what that means.
i'm nut nuts.
sorry. it's a pretty name, though. it means "merciful", right?
see, i wouldn't think that about you.
oh. i don't know. i was just.  i don't know. i was.  you seemed nice, so --
well, anyway.  sorry.
okay.
yes?
that's okay.
it's no problem. anyway, i have some stuff i need to --
probably see you at the book store.
hi. i could give you a ride if you need.
you're sure? it's cold.
it's okay.
where do you live?
well, i probably wouldn't say if i were, but no.
i'm not a stalker.
yeah.
it's okay. i didn't think you were.
i like to read.
yeah? i can't remember that album very well. i remember liking it. but --
sort of, um.
what?
well, i wouldn't want to be --
take care.
um --
very much.
thanks. that was good, that crow sound.
i don't know.
frost?
it's pretty.
cheers.
i'm fine.
no, i'm okay for now.
what do you want to hear?
you just say. i'm not really --
well, i should probably get going.
no. i --
thanks.
yeah?
i don't know.
yeah, i don't know. it's hard to know.
yeah, i guess.
sorry. my life isn't that interesting. i go to work. i go home. i don't know what to say.
i think about that.
i do have a tendency to use that word too much.
thanks.
yeah.
yeah. i think so. it's hard to --
yeah.
no.
no, not at all.
oh, yeah.
that's scary sounding.
i think so.
okay.
sounds good. but right now i should go.
i have to get up early in the morning tomorrow, so.
yes.
i don't think your personality comes out of a tube. i think the hair is just.  a pretty topping.
so, i enjoyed meeting you.
yeah.
tomorrow?
okay.
it was snowing.
the driver waved. so casual, friendly.
i might be making a mistake.
fuck you, clementine.
pink. there was a number on it. i remember. al 1718? i have to follow through with this. i have no choice.
we're sorry, the number you have dialed.  screw you, clementine, for doing this .
bye.
it's them.
fuck.
i should maybe talk to you.
i love you and if you knew that.  if i told you what happened.  i'll explain everything, what we meant to each other. i'll tell you everything about our time together. you'll know everything again and.
clementine.
how could she have done this to me? how could anyone do this to anyone?
what's happening here? oh, god! i have to go home. they'll be there soon.
gotta get home. how could she do this to me? how could she not care about what we meant to each other. what a fuck! what a fucking monster she is!
them.
how exactly is this going to work tonight?
is there any sort of risk of brain damage?
it's happening now! i'm already in my brain.
but you're tracing and erasing now. it's already started. i'm home in my bed.
my name is joel barish. i have an appointment.
not great.
well.  i did.
it was a mess. i don't know how it got this way.
so then she just stops calling.
any messages, carmen?
any messages for me, carmen.
sorry, carmen. any messages?
why would she do that?
she's punishing me for being honest. i should just go to her house.
yeah, i don't want to seem desperate.
i don't know. i'm so.  i can't believe she'd be so goddamn immature!
they can't erase memories. it's a joke. it's a nasty clementine hoax.
it's three.
i can't believe you wrecked my car.
you're driving drunk. it's pathetic.
well it is pathetic. and fucking irresponsible. you could've killed somebody.
i don't know, maybe you did kill somebody.
and what are you like? a wino?
no, see, clem, i assume you fucked someone tonight. isn't that how you get people to like you?
i'm sorry. okay. i didn't mean that. i just.  i was just.  pissed, i guess.
let me drive you home.
look at it out here. it's falling apart. i'm erasing you. and i'm happy.
you did it to me. i can't believe you did this to me. by morning you'll be gone. ha!
that must be the guy i saw you with.
where are you going?
oh shit. i remember this. want to go?
let's talk about it later.
i don't think we're ready.
clementine, do you really think you could take care of a kid?
i don't want to talk about this here.
clem, i'm sorry. i shouldn't have --
oh, thank god. it's going.
it's going, clementine. all the crap and hurt and disappointment. it's all being wiped away.
me, too.
so, um --
you're drunk.
no, it isn't that.
i just don't have anything very interesting about my life.
how's the chicken?
no. thanks.
it's good.
yeah, tangerine?
no.
no! jesus, no!
please! please! i've changed my mind! i don't want this. wake me up! stop the procedure! plea --
die right now, clem. i'm just.  happy. i've never felt that before. i'm just exactly where i want to be.
clem, no! this can't keep happening. please! oh, fuck! please!
you have to stop this!
i'm trapped in my head and everything i love is being erased! stop it now!
yes indeed. fuck! they're erasing you, clem!
i hired them to. we're in my brain. but i want it to stop, before i wake up and don't know you anymore.
i don't know.
aaargh! it's horrible! i'm trapped!
i loved you on this day. i love this memory. the rain. us just hanging.
what do you mean?
where? where? where?
i must be about two. i want my mommy. she's busy. she's not looking at me. look, my huckleberry hound doll! i told you about this! i want my mommy!
i want my mommy. i don't want to lose you, clem.
i'm scared. i want my mommy. i don't want to lose you. i don't want to lose.
i really want her to pick me up. it's weird how strong that desire is.
i loved you so much this day. on my bed in your panties. i remember i thought, how impossibly lucky am i to have you on my bed in your panties.
i came over to the bed and you smelled so good, like you just woke up, slightly sweaty. and i climbed on the bed with you and you said something like --
there's this guy!
there's this guy. i heard him talking in my apartment. he's one of the eraser guys. and he fell for you when they were erasing you, so he introduced himself the next day as if he were a stranger and now you're dating him.
he stole a pair of your panties while you were being erased!
i love getting bathed in the sink. it's such a feeling of security.
don't call me antoine. my name is wally.
they found us before. the plan didn't work. i don't know what to do now.
this kid, joe early, is going to beat the shit out of me.
he calls me jill. everyone calls me jill after this.
just shut up, joe. i'm going home.
i don't want to fight you.
i'm too scared to even throw a punch. when i tell people this story i leave that part out.
clem, c'mon, we've got to hide you. remember?
i don't like it either, but i'm just trying to find horrible secret place to --
happy birthday.
i scoured the city for it.
i can't. i have to go home. i'll do it later.
that's where i live. lived.
it was horrifying, seeing my father like that. there was no hope for me if his life was such a failure. and he saw failure in me, too, written in my future.
i'm done, clem. i'm just going to ride it out. hiding is clearly not working.
i want to enjoy my little time left with you.
do you remember what we talked about?
yeah.
god, i should know. your hair was red. i remember it matched the wallpaper.
no! i think you were wearing that black dress, y'know, with the buttons.
right. something black though.
we did talk about naomi.
i'm sure, i said.
i was so nervous. i remember i couldn't think of anything to say. there were long silences.
i thought i was foolish. i thought i'd mistaken infatuation for love. you said:
and i didn't have an argument.
i dropped you off after. you said --
it's very late.
this was our first time.
naomi.
you take it. i don't know.
naomi, i really value our relationship. i hope it's possible for us to stay in touch.
i told her today i need to end it.
i did it. i guess that means something.
i don't know, i've just been thinking, maybe we're not happy with each other.
y'know, we've been, i don't know, sort of, unhappy with each other and --
i think maybe, we're both so used to operating at this level that -- how can one person be unhappy? if one person is unhappy, both have to be.  by definition.
no. i just need some space, maybe.
it's not somebody else.
is there a clementine who works here?
hi.
sorry to track you down like this. i'm not a stalker. but i needed to see you.
i'd like to.  take you out or something.
not yet. not married.
okay.
i just think that you have some kind of.  quality that seems really important to me.
i remember that speech really well.
you had the whole human race pegged.
i still thought you were going to save me. even after that.
it would be different, if we could just give it another go around.
thanks, guys.
yeah.
hi.
you didn't miss much. rob carrie say hello.
go back to sleep.
in a minute.
so you don't mind?
okay. i wish you could come.
i hope you get your work done.
just a little overworked, maybe.
i remember you turned around. your face was dark and your hair was backlit -- i could see a halo of frizz -- you asked me if things were okay between naomi and me.
i remember.
yeah, you told me that later.
no one.
you were down by the surf. i could just make you out in the dark.
your back to me. in that orange sweatshirt i would come to know so well and even hate eventually. at the time i thought, how cool, an orange sweatshirt.
but i went back to my food. the next thing i remember, i felt someone sitting next to me and i saw the orange sleeve out of the corner of my eye.
hi.
you said.
yeah. i don't ever know what to say.
even then i didn't believe you entirely. i thought how could you be talking to me if you couldn't talk to people?
you know what i did.
you said --
and you picked it out of my plate before i could answer and it felt so intimate like we were already lovers.
i remember --
i'm joel.
you mean, like.  oh, my darlin', oh, my darlin', oh, my darlin', clementine.  ? huckleberry hound? that sort of thing?
nope. no jokes. my favorite thing when i was a kid was my huckleberry hound doll. i think your name is magic.
i know.
enjoy it. say good-bye.
so you're still on the zoloft?
i know what you mean. that's why i stopped.
i don't think i've slept in a year.
yeah?
okay.
i love her.
i think she's great.
did this conversation come before or after we saw the house?
seems too coincidental that way.
yeah, yeah. it goes "perhaps there is someone in this world to whom i could send all these lines"?
um, no.
i do sort of live with somebody though.
female.
what are you doing?
clementine.
i hesitated for what seemed like forever.
i knew.
it's dark.
naomi.
i think we should go.
i really should go. i really need to catch my ride.
i did. i walked out the door. i felt like i was a scared little kid. i thought you knew that about me. i ran back to the bonfire, trying to outrun my humiliation. you said, "so go" with such disdain.
i walked out the door. there's no more memory.
i love you.
hi.  naomi? yeah, hi! how are you? i know, i know. it's been a long time. not too much. you? oh, that's great! congratulations! maybe i could buy you dinner to celebrate? tonight? i'm free. okay, good!
it's been a pretty lonely couple of years.
well, it was my fault -- the break-up. i'm sorry.
i miss you.
oh! great. that's great!
i'm sorry. i really shouldn't have --
so you think the dissertation will get published?
yeah.
tomorrow?
yeah.
hi, naomi, it's joel.
how's it going?
i know. i had to take the day to think.
i just got in.
yeah, i suppose so.
there you are. naomi, it's just.  i'm afraid if we fall back into this fast without considering the problems we had.
i had a good time last night. i really did.
we'll speak soon.
i just walked in.
oddly enough, i do.
i guess so.
i don't know.
this is so beautiful.
i don't know. what if it breaks?
i think i should go back.
listen, did you want to make love?
have sex. y'know --
because i just am not drunk enough or stoned enough to make that happen right now.
i'm sorry. i just wanted to say that. this seems like the perfect romantic exotic place to do it and --
-- and i'm just too nervous around you right now.
yeah? i wouldn't have thought that.
i'm nervous because i have and enormous crush on you.
did you send this? is it a joke?
i mean, i haven't even told anyone i've met you. who would even know to do this?
that's what you have to say? how could it be true? i never even heard of any procedure like this. it's a joke.
it's true.
look, i have to go. i have to think.
says you were a bully.
that's what it says. you drank too much, you picked on me for being passive and timid.
says you would sometimes disappear all night, then brag to me about your sexual conquests.
i don't know.
says you were a slob, leaving trails of panties and dirty socks in your wake.
i sort of do. but i only see it as a fantasy version of reality. cleaned up enough to be erotic.
you're so beautiful.
hi, it's joel.
i'm just, y'know, passing the time best i can till i can see you.
you must have been crazy.
i don't know. panties and --
jesus.
i can't stop thinking about you.
what old mill? is that somewhere we --