you should work for yourself.
what can i do for you, gentlemen?
i could be.
twenty bucks apiece.
so don't buy 'em.
scalper? you call me a scalper? i perform a service, my friends. the service costs money. now do you want the tickets or not?
these are my special back-to-school prices.
see that mustang? u.c.l.a. gave charles jefferson that car when he was a sophomore.
how ya doing! that car looks great, charles!
shit, that's my man.
see that moustache coming in, rat?
see? you can almost press it out.
you.  are a wuss. part wimp. part pussy.
it's definitely your mama.
all right.  where did you see her?
did you get her number?
did you get her name?
it's never too soon! girls decide how far to let you go in the first five minutes.
i would. yeah.
i can see it all now. this is going to be just like the girl you fell in love with at fotomat this summer. you bought forty bucks of fuckin' film and you never even talked to her.
okay. okay. here's what you do.
you start from the second you walk into biology. don't just walk.  move across the room.
don't talk to her. let her know. use your face. use your body. use everything. this is what i do. i just sent out the vibe and i have personally found that.  girls do respond. something happens.
that's the idea, rat. that's the attitude.
the business is changing, rat. i'll tell you, these kids today.  they don't even listen to aerosmith.
there used to be three or four of those guys. now we see 'em every time we come to the mall.
no cult. i ate twenty-four pairs of blue oyster cult tickets last time around. i was this close to working at 7-11. no cult.
i'm really not sure. i haven't heard anything yet, but i'll let you know the second there is the slightest news, sir.
excellent. so that will be two tickets.  all right. fine, sir.
shit, he's my man. he knows where to come for tickets.
well, rat. are you ready for the moment of truth?
hey, rat.
ace the jacket.
check it out, rat. the surf nazis.  out for a sunday stroll.
no problem, rat. what you need is my special five point plan.
what do you mean? men have died trying to obtain this information. i will give it to you for free.
all right. pay attention.
first of all, rat.  never let on how much you like a girl.
oh. hi. ) two. always call the shots.
kiss me. three. act like wherever you are, that's the place to be. ) isn't this great? four. when ordering food, find out what she wants and then order for both of you.  it's a classy move. and the lady will have.  five. and this is most important. when you get down to making out, whenever possible, put on the first side of led zeppelin iv. why don't you put this tape on? it sounds great in the back of my van.  why don't we listen from there?
and that is how you talk to a girl, rat. voila. you can't miss.
you wuss. it's no problem. one person says something to the other and that's how it starts.
yo.
mark. what happened to your date?
did you go home and get it?
i'm really pretty busy.
you owe me for this one.
hey, mark. is that you?
i come for the seafood. it's great! hey.  you know what, mark? i found your wallet the other day. you want it back?
well, i've gotta be running.
nice to meet you, stacy.
hey! we came over to help you with math homework!
well, that's exactly why i brought some wisk for the jacuzzi.
hey, linda! i'll judge your dive. i'm a champion diver myself.
poor guy.
no. i don't think so. not right now.
get a ride with somebody.
what a guy.
you know mark ratner really likes you. you like him?
do you have any ice tea?
i don't know.
i know what i look like.
well.
this is great ice tea!
i don't know. it's getting pretty late.
come on.
listen. i feel pretty strange here. because mark really likes you, and he's my friend.
you're a really good kisser.
no. are you crazy?
you first.
let's continue.
what? are you all right?
i'm sorry. i'm really sorry.
i think i came. didn't you feel it?
i've got to get home. i've really got to go, stacy.
oh. hi.
look, i'm kind of in a hurry.
hello.
what's going on?
what? now?
why don't you call me up tonight?
how do you know it's mine? we only did it once.
you made me do it! you locked the door. you made me do it! you wanted it more than me!
all right, i take it back.
there's only one thing we can do. we've got to get rid of it. we've got to get an abortion.
yeah. my brother art got his girlfriend one once.
doesn't sound free to me. so you want me to pay for it?
seventy-five dollars, and a ride. okay.
shhhhhhhhhit.
hi.  girls.
let me tell you something, rat. sometimes girls just go haywire. it was a month ago, i've been trying to think of a way to tell you ever since. we started messing around and.  .  something happened. it's all over with. it's no big deal. i never called her again.
if you ask me, she's pretty aggressive. you understand what i'm saying?
she wasn't really your girlfriend anyway.
jesus. i'm sorry.
fine. get lost.
all right, rat. you want to do something about it?
well come on.
no. you come on, you wuss.
all right. all right. i just cleaned b-8. give me a break.
sign my annual, honey.
you're crazy. those girls love me.
she wants it, rat.
i saw you. you had pure attitude.
whatever you say, rat.
sensitive -- what is that?
so what makes you so sensitive?
what do you read? what's the last book you read?
yeah, well, i saw the movie. that must mean i'm sensitive too.