what are you yelling about?
"one toke over the line, sweet jesus."
let's give that boy a lift.
we're your friends. we're not like the others.
it's okay. he's admiring the shape of your skull.
keep your hands off my fucking neck!
god hell! i think i see the pattern! this one sounds like real trouble! you're going to need plenty of legal advice before this thing is over. as your attorney i must advise you that you'll need a very fast car with no top and after that, the cocaine. and then the tape recorder, for special music, and some acapulco shirts.  this blows my weekend, because naturally i'll have to go with you -- and we'll have to arm ourselves.
indeed. we must do it. what kind of story is this?
o.k., o.k., yes. hang onto it. we'll be there in thirty minutes. i finally located a car with adequate horsepower and the proper coloring. what?! of course the gentleman has a major credit card! do you realize who the fuck you're talking to?
we won't make the nut unless we have unlimited credit.
there's another worrier. he's probably all cranked up on speed.
damn right!
my heart!
where's the medicine?
turn up the fucking music! my heart feels like an alligator! volume! clarity! bass! we must have bass! what's wrong with us? are you goddamn old ladies?
what the fuck are we doing out here? somebody call the police! we need help!
the truth is we're going to vegas to croak a scag baron named savage henry. i've known him for years but he ripped us off -- and you know what that means, right?
savage henry has cashed his check! we're going to rip his lungs out!
good riddance. that boy made me nervous. did you see his eyes? jesus, this is good medicine.
oh, jesus! did you see what god just did to us?
you better be careful. plenty of vultures out here. they'll pick your bones clean before morning.
here -- chew this. it's your half of the acid.
maybe thirty more minutes. as your attorney, i advise you to drive at top speed. it'll be a goddamn miracle if we can get there before you turn into a wild animal. are you ready for that? checking into a vegas hotel under a phony name with intent to commit capital fraud and a head full of acid.
i can handle this. this man has a bad heart, but i have plenty of medicine. my name is dr. gonzo. prepare our suite at once. we'll be in the bar.
two cuba libres with beer and mescal on the side. who's lacerda, he's waiting for us in a room on the twelfth floor?
if you think we're in trouble now wait until you see what's happening in the elevators.
i just went upstairs to see this man lacerda. i told him i knew what he was up to.  he says he's a photographer! but when i mentioned savage henry he freaked! he knows we're onto him!
that's the press table. where you have to sign in for our credentials. shit, let's get it over with. you handle that, and i'll check on the room.
shoot it.
vitamin c. we'll need all we can get.
look, you've got to stop this talk about snakes and leeches and lizards and that stuff. it's making me sick!
you bastard! they'll never let us back in that place. i leave you alone for three minutes and you start waving that goddamn marlin spike around -- yelling about reptiles! you scared the shit out of those people! they were ready to call the cops. hell, the only reason they gave us press passes was to get you out of there.
i think he's lying to us. i could see it in his eyes.
turn that shit off!
how about "nickel nick's slot arcade?" "hot slots," that sounds heavy. twenty-nine cent hotdogs.
to do the job, of course. here we go.  a crab louie and quart of muscatel for twenty dollars!
as your attorney i advise you to drive over to the tropicana and pick up on guy lombardo. he's in the blue room with his royal canadians.
why what?
we want this car parked! we drove all the way from l.a. for this show. we're friends of debbie's.
what do you expect? i'm your attorney. you owe me five bucks. i want it now.
goddamnit, we drove all the way from l.a.
fuck seats! we're old friends of debbie's. i used to romp with her.
jesus creeping shit!
we wandered into a fucking time capsule!
what's this?.
that scum.
scum! i know where you live! i'll find you and burn down your fucking house!
where's the ether? this mescaline isn't working.
get sheep over side.  women and children to armored car.  orders from captain zeep.
i hate to say this, but this place is getting to me. i think i'm getting the fear.
that's what gives me the fear.
please, don't tell me those things.  not now. this is my last drink. how much money can you lend me?
i have to go.
yes. leave the country. tonight.
no. this is serious. one more hour in this town and i'll kill somebody!
can we make it?
i want to leave fast.
do they pay you to screw that bear?
when does this thing stop?
did you see that? some sonofabitch kicked me in the back.
good god! let's get out of here! where's the elevator?
you drive! i think there's something wrong with me.
those bastards have changed the lock on us. they probably searched the room. jesus, we're finished!
bolt everything! use all chains!
where did this one come from?
yeah.  i thought we might need it.
let's go up there and blast him out of bed with the fire hose.
don't kid yourself. that portuguese son of a bitch is dangerous. he's watching us like a hawk.
that dirty bastard! i knew it! he's got hold of my woman!
that's right, laugh about it! you goddamn honkies are all the same!
room service sent it up. i wanted something to cut the limes.
they didn't have any. they don't grow in the desert.
that dirty toad bastard! i knew i should have taken him out when i had the chance. now he has her.
class? what the fuck do you mean?
use me?
i ride the big ones! the really big fuckers!
wait a minute, pardon me lady, but i think there's some kind of ignorant chicken-sucker in this car who needs his face cut open. you cheap honky faggots! which one of you wants to get cut?!
spooked! they were spooked! like rats in a death cage!
goddamn. it's serious now. that girl understood. she fell in love with me.
let's go up there and castrate that fucker!
have you made a deal with him? did you put him on to her?
music! turn it up. put that tape on.
jefferson airplane. "white rabbit." i want a rising sound.
i dig my own graves. green water and the white rabbit. put it on.
of course, i'm your attorney, i'll give you all the time you need, at my normal rates: $45 an hour -- but you'll be wanting a cushion, so, why don't you just lay one of those $100 bills down there beside the radio, and fuck off?
whatever's right.
i want that fucking radio!
back the tape up. i need it again! let it roll! just as high as the fucker can go! and when it comes to that fantastic note where the rabbit bites its own head off, i want you to throw that fucking radio into the tub with me!
bullshit! don't make me use this.
do it! i want to get higher!
fuck yes. i was beginning to think i was going to have to go out and get one of the goddamn maids to do it.
you bastard! you'd do that, wouldn't you?
you cheap honky sonofabitch.
the cops?
who said anything about slicing you up? i just wanted to carve a little z on your forehead. nothing serious.
hell, yes. you really need some sleep. you have to work. goddamn. what a bummer. try to rest. don't let me keep you up.
who? you sound a little paranoid.
what are you doing in baker? didn't you get my telegram?
you're supposed to be in vegas. we have a suite at the flamingo. i was just about to leave for the airport.
it can't be helped. this is lucy. you know--like "lucy in the sky with diamonds."
lucy! lucy, be cool, goddamnit! remember what happened at the airport! no more of that, okay?
lucy.  this is my client. this is mr. duke, the famous journalist. he's paying for this suite, lucy. he's on our side.
mr. duke is my friend. he loves artists.
lucy paints portraits of barbra streisand.
fantastic. she came all the way down here from montana just to give these portraits to barbra. we're going over to the americana hotel tonight to meet her backstage.
absolutely, let's get the stuff. now, we'll be right back. don't answer the phone if it rings.
plans?
shit. i met her on the plane and i had all that acid. you know, those little blue barrels. i gave her a cap before i realized.  she's a religious freak.  jesus, she's never even had a drink.
listen, she's running away from home for something like the fifth time in six months. it's terrible.
jesus christ. i knew you were sick but i never expected to hear you actually say that kind of stuff.
no! stop talking like that.
you filthy bastard. i should cave your fucking head in.
no! i felt sorry for the girl, i wanted to help her!
shit, it doesn't pay to try to help somebody these days.
we have to cut her loose. she's got two hundred dollars. and we can always call the cops up there in montana, where she lives, and turn her in.
it just occurred to me, that she has no witnesses. anything that she says about us is completely worthless.
okay, lucy, it's time to go meet barbra.
well that's that. take off slowly. don't attract attention.
i gave the cabbie an extra ten bucks to make sure she gets there safe. also, i told him i'd be there myself in an hour, and if she wasn't, i'd come back out here and rip his lungs out.
as your attorney, i advise you to tell me where you put the goddamn mescaline.
right. let's find a good seafood restaurant and eat some red salmon. i feel a powerful lust for red salmon.
this goddamn mescaline. why the fuck can't they make it a little less pure? maybe mix it up with rolaids or something.
i saw these bastards in easy rider, but i didn't believe they were real. not like this. not hundreds of them!
man, i know these people in my goddamn blood!
this is a fucking nightmare.
what the fuck are these people talking about? you'd have to be crazy on acid to think a joint looked like a goddamn cockroach!
i know a hell of a lot better ways to waste my time than listening to this bullshit.
fuck you! i have to get out! i don't belong here!
you will. one of these nights you'll wake up and find a junkie tearing your bedroom apart.
they'll climb right into your bedroom and sit on your chest with big bowie knives. they might even sit on your wife's chest. put the blade right down on her throat.
read the newspapers.
hell, in malibu alone, these goddamn satan worshippers kill six or eight people every day. all they want is the blood. they'll take people right off the street if they have to.
do? jesus christ, man. they chopped her goddamn head off right there in the parking lot! then they cut all kinds of holes in her head and sucked out the blood!
they just ran back out into death valley -- you know, where manson turned up.
 and every one of them stacked naked.
yeh, naked!.  except for the weapons.
yeh. the big guy used to be a major in the marines.
we know where he lives, but we can't get near the house.
he wanted the pineal gland.
that's how he got so big. when he quit the marines he was just a little guy.
we like it. it's groovy.
hurry up with those drinks. we're thirsty. only two rums. make mine a bloody mary.
you're going to need to take the bull by the horns -- go to the mat with this scum.
you know what i mean. we've done it before and we can damn well do it again!
sure. it's all on the q.t., but everybody who matters is with us all the way down the line.
sometimes it's easier to just rip out the backstraps.
what?
good work. they'll treat us like goddamn lepers after that.
no, she's looking for you.
she really flipped over you. the only way i could get rid of her was by saying you were taking me out to the desert for a showdown -- that you wanted me out of the way so you could have her all to yourself. i guess she figures you won. that phone message wasn't for me, was it?
wait! you can't leave me alone in this snake pit. this room is in my name.
ok, goddamnit!.  look.  i'll call her. i'll get her off our backs. you're right. she's my problem.
relax. let me handle this. you'd make a piss-poor lawyer. . room 1600, please. as your attorney, i advise you not to worry. take a hit out of that little brown bottle in my shaving kit.
you won't need much. just a little tiny taste, that stuff makes pure mescaline seem like ginger-beer. adrenochrome.
hi, lucy? yeah, it's me. i got your message. what? hell, no, i taught the bastard a lesson he'll never forget.  what? no, not dead, but he won't be bothering anybody for a while. yeah. i left him out there, i stomped him, then pulled all his teeth out.
but here's the problem. that bastard cashed a bad check downstairs and gave you as a reference. they'll be looking for both of you. yeah, i know, but you can't judge a book by its cover, lucy. some people are just basically rotten.  anyway, the last thing you want to do is call this hotel again; they'll trace the call and put you straight behind bars.  no, i'm moving to the tropicana right away. i have to go, they've got the phone tapped. yeah, i know, it was horrible, but it's all over now.  oh my god! they're kicking the door down! no! get away from me! i'm innocent! it was duke! i swear to god!
no, i don't know where she is. you'll never catch lucy! she's gone! i swear, i don't know where she is! don't put that thing on me!
well. that's that. she's probably stuffing herself down the incinerator about now. that's the last we should be hearing from lucy. where's the opium?
never mind, it's absolutely pure.
i know, but the guy didn't have any cash to pay me. he's one of these satanism freaks. he offered me human blood -- said it would take me higher than i've ever been in my life. i thought he was kidding, so i told him i'd just as soon have an ounce or so of pure adrenochrome -- or maybe just a fresh adrenaline gland to chew on.
yeah, they nailed this guy for child molesting. he swore he didn't do it. "why should i fuck with children?" he says. "they're too small." christ, werewolf is entitled to legal counsel. i didn't dare turn the creep down. he might have picked up a letter opener and gone after my pineal gland!
some of what?
man, your head would swell up like a watermelon, you'd probably gain about a hundred pounds in two hours.
 grow claws.  bleeding warts.
 then you'd notice about six huge hairy tits swelling up on your back.
you'd go blind.  your body would turn to wax.  they'd have to put you in a wheelbarrow and.
man i'll try about anything; but i'd never touch a pineal gland.
jesus, that stuff got right on top of you, didn't it.
if i put you in the pool right now, you'd sink like a goddamn stone. you took too much. jesus, look at your face, you're about to explode.
don't try and fight it, or you'll get brain bubbles. strokes, aneurysms. you'll just wither up and die.
she must have used a pass key. i was polishing my shoes in the closet when i noticed her sneaking in-so i took her.
you're lying! you were after the evidence. who put you up to this -- the manager?
bullshit! you're just as much a part of it as they are!
come on, baby don't try to tell us you never heard of the grange gorman.
in that case, maybe she can help.
i think we should put her on the payroll. see what she comes up with.
one phone call every day. just tell us what you've seen. don't worry if it doesn't add up, that's our problem.
alright, alice.  you'll be contacted by inspector rock. arthur rock. he'll be posing as a politician.
you and a lot of other people.
oh, and don't bother to make up the room. that way we won't have to risk another of these little incidents, will we?
don't worry, it's all over now. thank god for the decent people.
fuck the car. they should make these things with a goddamn fm radio.
police? are you people crazy?
you folks every heard of ole patrick henry? know what he said?!
in samoa we love the constitution!
hey there! you folks want to buy some heroin?
hey, honkies! goddamnit, i'm serious. i want to sell you some pure fucking smack!
cheap heroin! this is the real stuff! you won't get hooked. i just got back from vietnam! this is scag, folks. pure scag!
shoot! fuck! scag! blood! heroin! rape! cheap! communist! jab it right in your fucking eyeballs!
two glasses of ice water with ice.
a napkin.
that's the name of a horse i used to own. what's wrong with you?
spic pimp?
how much is the lemon meringue pie?
i mean the whole pie.
let's say five dollars. okay?
what are you doing? you were supposed to turn back there!
jesus christ!!!
goddamnit! we're lost! what are we doing out here on this godforsaken road?
the airport is over there!
no! i can't get out! they'll crucify me. i'll have to take the blame!
why not? but for christ's sake, just do it fast!
yeah.  explaining my position. some asshole wrote a poem about that once.
probably good advice, if you have shit for brains.