we don't have time to play charades here, asshole! untie me quick.
look, whether you like it or not, you're in the middle of a situation here you can't just wish your way out of.
everyone starts out strangers, ted, it's where we end up that counts. hurry up.
life is hard, ted. you ever stopped to consider how many times you change your underwear in a lifetime?
i don't mean literally, you ignoramus.
forget it, listen to me. there's a gun in my suitcase behind the bed, it's loaded.
fine. get the gun and i'll shoot "anybody."
get a fucking grip on yourself. first off, who says he's my husband? and second, we are a long way from fair here, fair is back in jolly old england eatin' crumpets and sipping on tea.
there are two sides to a plate, still you only eat off of one. now get the gun!
i'm a werewolf, ted! get the gun!
come on, ted. come over here just for a minute. you can do it. come on, ted. you look like a good guy.
that's it, teddy. you look so much more attractive when you're self- assured.
quick, he's coming back. put the gag back in, and remember the gun!
where's the fucking nitro?
you took long enough. untie me, for christ's sake, you fucking upset him and he's dying.
you'd make a great cop, theodore.
you bastard!
if the simple fact that i didn't want your bloated, dead body lying out on the floor is love, then no wonder we find ourselves as we are at this very fucking moment.
you heard shit, monkey boy. easy for you to say after you fuck another man's wife. you should at least have the guts to stand by your convictions.
when i think of all the times you were inside me promising me a better life, it makes me want to puke.
what didn't you do, stick man? unfortunately, you don't have the balls to back up the actions of your huge cock.
put it this way, god made up for what he did to gumby with ted here.
show him your cock, theodore.
it's hard to stop talking about something so huge. i could go on and on about his cock, bone, nob, bishop, wang, thang, hotrod. hump mobile, oscar, dong, dagger, banana, cucumber, salami. sausage, kielbasa, schlong, dink, tool, big ben, mister happy, prick, disk, pecker, peter, pee-pee, wee-wee, weiner, pisser, pistol, joint, hose, horn, middle-leg, third- leg, meat, stick, joystick, dipstick.
junior, the little head, little guy, rumple foreskin, tootsie roll. snake, one-eyed monster, one-eyed wonder, shaft, sword, meat whistle, skin flute, love muscle, roto-rooter, instrument, banger, rammer, ramrod, cherrypicker, log, pole.
you'd better go check to see if i killed anybody downstairs.
we're fine, ted.
another time, ted.
hi, theodore.
having a drink.
are you kidding, he'll be asleep till christmas.
his name's theodore.
oh, me and theodore go way back. don't we, theodore?
we met at the pool.
after talkin' about it all night, they better. i wanna see a show.
look at the poor guy. just spit it out.
can i jump in here?
theodore's been here fifteen minutes and you've talked about everything but.
i don't care.
helluva night, huh, ted?
ted. take the money.
six hundred.
you know, i'm gonna call it a night and go back to my room. it's been fun.
you okay, lady?
i said -- you looking for someone?
lady, i haven't seen anybody.