stars! are you kidding me? i took rin tin tin out for a shit, for christ's sakes. i taught shirley temple how to roller-skate. i saw fatty arbuckle regurgitate three cheese sandwiches right on the spot you're sitting, kid. what did you say your name was?
ted, right. i remember marilyn used to come down at night and doze off in the kitchen. she liked the sound of the fans out back spinning around. sure, these were stars, kid. errol flynn used to call me "alibi." you'll pick up a few stories yourself, kid.
what do you think a star does when he goes to the bathroom, kid?
he pulls his pants down and takes a crap just like you and me. take my word for it.
camacho!
the cigar. cuban. a good cigar, wrapped in miami. i get a box of them every christmas from the chairman of the board. i think he sends them to me to keep my mouth shut. it's tough not to get a little personal in this business.
put it on.
frankly, you look stupid.  like the philip morris guy. i can't believe i wore that thing for fifty years. you keep it.
stay away from night clerks, kids, hookers, and marital disputes.
never have sex with the clientele.
always get a tip.
what?
who are you?
oh yeah. gotta light, sister? goddam cigar went out.
just forward my cigars, red. aufwiedersehen!