letting him use your toilet? no store does that.
i want that son-of-a-bitch out outta here, in his car, and down the road or you can change the name of this place to "benny's world of blood."
were you giving that pig signals?
he says you were scratching.
you callin' him a liar?
yeah, well, your best better get a helluva lot fuckin' better, or you're gonna feel a helluva fuckin' lot worse.
everybody be cool.
what the fuck was that about?
what the fuck is wrong with you --
start the car.
shut up and start the car.
richie? you okay?
well that don't matter now, 'cause you got about two fuckin' seconds to live! richie!
when i count three, shoot out the bottles behind him!
one.  two.  three.
what did i tell you? what did i tell you? buy the road map and leave.
he didn't recognize shit.
low profile. do you know what the words "low profile" mean?
whatcha think i want, ya mean old bastard? i wanna room.
no.
no.
they don't have anything except four walls and a roof, and that's all we need.
open the door. we gotta do this fast.
don't say a word.
you. plant yourself in that chair.
-- i said plant yourself. plants don't talk. you wanna get on my good side? just sit still and don't make a peep.
let me help you.
how's it feel?
i got both rooms on either side of us, so we don't gotta worry about eavesdropping assholes. how's that feel? you okay?
i'm gonna go get the money.
it's about five o'clock. what time does it get dark around here?
good. i'm going towards the border to check things out while it's still daylight. call carlos and arrange the rendezvous.
that's their standard deal, brother. they ain't about to change it for us.
these guys ain't spic fire cracker salesman from tijuana. they don't even know the meaning of the word "barter". you wanna stay in el ray? you give them thirty percent of your loot. it's scripture. so it is written, so shall it be done. you want sanctuary, you pay the price, and the price is thirty percent.
-- this conversation is over.
now, we need to have a talk. what's your name?
hello, gloria, i'm seth and that's my brother richie. let's cut to the chase. i'm gonna ask you a question and all i want is a yes or no answer. do you want to live through this?
good. then let me explain the house rules. follow the rules, we'll get along like a house on fire. rule number one: no noise, no question. you make a noise.  . mr. 45 makes a noise. you ask a question, mr. 45 answers it. now are you absolutely, positively clear about rule number one?
rule number two: you do what we say, when we say it. if you don't, see rule number one.
rule number three: don't you ever try and fuckin' run on us. 'cause i got five little friends, and they all run faster 'n you can. got it?
open your eyes.
gloria, you hang in there, follow the rules, and don't fuck with us, you'll get out of this alive. i give you my word. okay?
i'll be back in a bit.
things are real hot here. crossing's gonna be a bitch. don't worry, we'll get across. but when we do, where do we go? can we make it as close to the border as possible? texas wants our balls. the quicker we're in your protection, the better i'll feel. okay, where? the titty twister? i love it already. okay, carlos, i'll see you and your men at the "titty twister" tomorrow morning. bye, my friend.
sight seein'.
cops.
yeah, i saw the border. through binoculars from on top of a high building. that's about as close as i risked getting. what's the tv say?
i gotta figure a way to get across that goddamn border. longer we fuck around el paso our lives ain't worth a shit.
richie, it's gonna get a lot fuckin' worse before it gets any fuckin' better. we showed our ass in texas. we killed texas fuckin' rangers. they ain't gonna stop lookin' till they find us, and when they find us, they're gonna kill us. texans take it very personal when ya kill their law enforcement officers. the el paso police have already started a motel and hotel search for us.
i heard it on the radio. we gotta get our asses into mexico tonight. carlos is gonna meet us tomorrow morning at a rendezvous on the other side, then carlos and his boys will escort us to el ray and --
where's the woman?
what'd ya mean, what? the fuckin' woman, the hostage. where the fuck is she, richard!?
what the fuck is she doin' there?!
oh, richard, what's wrong with you?
yeah, explain it to me. i need an explanation. what's the matter with you?
no. that woman wouldn't of said shit if she had a mouthful.
is it me? is it my fault?
is this my fault? do you think this is what i am?
this is not me! i am a professional fucking thief. i steal money. you try to stop me, god help you. but i don't kill people i don't have to, and i don't rape women. what you doin' ain't how it's done. do you understand?
just say yes! nothing else, just say yes.
yes, seth, i understand.
we get into mexico, it's gonna be sweet rosemary, hundred-proof liquor, and rice and beans. none of this shit's gonna matter.
the sword of damocles is lifted from above seth's head. he's just solved a problem that a mere thirty seconds ago seemed unsolvable. he knows exactly how he's going to cross the border. whistling a happy tune, he turns and walks back into room #9.
it's called a punch.
what's your name?
okay, jacob, get up and sit your ass down on the bed. make a wrong move and i'll shoot you in the face.
okay, move the jap over there.
what's the story with you two? you a couple of fags?
how does that happen? you don't look japanese.
oh, well, excuse me all to hell.
it's about money, all right, but not yours. you see, me and my brother here are in a little hot water and we need your assistance.
stop!
just listen to daddy, sugar, and don't do nothin' stupid. you two, simon says sit the fuck down!
where are the keys to the motor home?
richie, take the keys. start that big bastard up, and drive it up front.
richard!
not when you get around to it, now.
you, gidget, go in the bathroom and put on some clothes.
you got three minutes. one second longer, i shoot your father in the face. do you understand what i just said?
do you believe me?
you damn well better. go.
sorry, pops, it ain't gonna be that easy.
get ready to move out, we're all going on a little ride.
come again?
sorry, i need everybody.
that's not fuckin' that.  this is fuckin' this. go sit over there.
i ain't got time to fuck around with you, so i'll make this simple. take your kids and get in the car, or i'll execute all three of you right now. what's it gonna be, yes or no answer?
good. your old man's all right, he just saved your life.
times up, princess.
okay, ramblers, let's get to rambling.
jacob fuller. jacob, that's biblical, ain't it? what am i askin' for, of course it is. what are their names?
scott and kate.  kate and scott.  scott fuller.  kate fuller.
who's this?
where is the little lady?
she's dead?
how'd she die?
come on, gimme some more details. how'd it happen? some fuckin' drunk kill her?
died instantly?
whewww! those acts of god really stick it in and break it off, don't they?
is this real?
i've seen one of these before. a friend of mine had himself declared a minister of his own religion. away to fuck the irs. is that what you're doing, or are you the real mccoy?
you're a preacher?
was? as in not anymore?
why'd ya quit?
i seem to have touched a nerve. don't be so sensitive, pops, let's keep this friendly. but you're right, enough with the getting to know you shit. now, there's two ways we can play this hand. one way is me and you go round an' round all fuckin' night. the other way, is we reach some sort of an understanding. now, if we go down that first path at the end of the day, i'll win. but we go down the second, we'll both win. now, i don't give a rat's ass about you or your fuckin' family. y'all can live forever or die this second and i don't care which. the only things i do care about are me that son-of-a-bitch in the back, and our money. and right now i need to get those three things into mexico. now, stop me if i'm wrong, but i take it you don't give a shit about seeing me and my brother receiving justice, or the bank getting its money back. right now all you care about is the safety of your daughter, your son and possibly yourself. am i correct?
i thought so. you help us get across the border without incident, stay with us the rest of the night without trying anything funny, and in the morning we'll let you and your family go. that way everybody gets what they want. you and your kids get out of this alive and we get into mexico. everybody's happy.
jesus christ, pops, don't start with this shit.
look, dickhead, the only thing you need to be convinced about is that you're stuck in a situation with a coupla real mean motor scooters. i don't wanna hafta worry about you all fuckin' night. and i don't think you wanna be worrying about my brother's intentions toward your daughter all night. you notice the way he looked at her, didn't ya?
didn't like it, did ya?
didn't think so. so, as i was saying, i'm willing to make a deal. you behave, get us into mexico, and don't try to escape. i'll keep my brother off your daughter and let you all loose in the morning.
i can handle richie, don't worry.
i give you my word.
my words, my law. better you not take it, and that's just where we are, then take it and not mean it.
fair enough. you break your word, i'll kill all of you. kate, honey!
you must have a bible in here, don't cha?
get it and bring it up here, will ya, please?
hold it right there, sweetie pie. put your hand on it.
swear to god, on the bible, you won't try to escape and you'll get us across the border.
you best better get it done, pops.
i swear to god i'll let you loose in the morning. and your daughter will be safe. and i also swear if you do anything to fuck me up, i'll slit all your throats.
richard!
i told you to watch those kids, i didn't say talk to 'em. you guys ain't got nothin' to say to one another. so cut the chatter.
okay everybody, it's show time. richie, take kate in the bathroom.
scott, you come up front with your daddy.
as long as you're cool, she'll be cool. what're ya gonna say?
well, you just keep thinkin' of that gun next to kate's temple.
shut up. it's gonna work just fine,
duly noted. now, shut up.
as long as you don't act like a fuckin' nut, we'll be just fine.
what?
no, i didn't.
take a pill, kid. i just meant stay cool.
this ain't the time, richard.
keep your voice down.
this ain't the time.
goddamn, that was. intense!
we did it. we're in mexico.
come here, kate!
you were magnificent! you told him to shut the fucking door. i'm hiding in the shower, and i'm thinking to myself, "did i just fuckin' hear what i just fuckin' heard? and what does he do -- he shuts the fucking door!
if i was a bit younger, baby, i'd fuckin' marry you!
i gotta hand it to ya, pops, you raised a fuckin' woman.
pops, when you're right, you're right, and you are right.
in the morning, darlin', in the morning, we are g-o-n-e and you are f-r-e-e. now, i know i put you guys through hell, and i know i've been one rough pecker, but from here on end you guys are in my cool book. scotty, help me pick richie up, and lay him down. jacob, keep going on this road till you get to a sign that says, "digayo." when you get to digayo, turn this big bastard left, go on down for a few miles, then you see a bar called "the titty twister." from what i hear, you can't miss it.
then stop, 'cause that's where we're going.
c'mon, kid, wake up. don't make a career out of it.
you okay?
i don't know, you just passed out.
yeah, we were just standing there. you said something about your shoulder hurting, then you just hit the ground like a sack of potatoes.
yeah, when you fell your head smacked the toilet hard. it scared the shit outta me. sure you're okay?
well, let me tell ya something, gonna clear your head right up. we are officially mexicans.
we are.  "south of the border down mexico way."
yep. we're heading for the rendezvous right now. we get there, we pound booze till carlos shows up, he escorts us to el ray. and then me and you, brother, kick fuckin' back. how ya like them apples?
they broke when you fell.
don't worry about it, we'll get you some glasses.
when we get to el ray, i'll take care of it.
it's not a big deal, unless you make it a big deal. now, i'm real happy, richie, stop bringing me down with bullshit.
okay, troops, this is the homestretch. here's the deal; this place closes at dawn. carlos is gonna meet us here sometime before dawn. which by my guesstimate is somewhere between three or four hours from now. so we're gonna go in there, take a seat, have a drink -- have a bunch of drinks, and wait for carlos. that could be an hour, that could be three hours, i don't know which. but when he gets here, me and richie are going to leave with him. after we split, you guys are officially out of this stewpot. let me just say i'm real happy about where we're at. we got a real nice, "i don't fuck with you -- you don't fuck with me" attitude going on. now, if everybody just keeps playin' it cool -- and i'm talking to you, too, richie -- everybody's gonna get what they want. comprende, amigos?
okay hard drinkers, let's drink hard. i'm buyin'.
shit, i been to bars make this place look like a fuckin' 4-h club.
aww-w, whatsa matter, is the little baby too afraid to go into the big scary bar?
that's how you're lookin', richie.
that's what you look like.
no, richie, what do i look like?
how?
what do you mean?
i'm here with you.
my shit is together.
well, it is. just because i'm happy doesn't mean i'm on vacation. you're just not used to seein' me happy, 'cause it's been about fifteen fuckin' years since i been happy. but my shit is forever together.
step aside, asshole.
now, is my shit together, or is my shit together?
now this is my kinda place! i could become a regular.
whiskey!
what dya mean?
are you tellin' me i'm not good enough to drink here?
take your hand off me.
no, i'm going to count to three.
two.
bottle of whiskey and five glasses.
that's just fuckin' typical. biggest number one problem with mexico, it's not service oriented. i was feelin' so good, and those fuckin' spies brought me down.
you serve food, jose?
i kinda doubt that. we're grabbin' a table, send over a waitress to take our order.
who else?
why not, against your religion?
suit yourself, more for me. scotty?
how 'bout you? are safer in here with us than wandering around a mexican border town all night long. just don't do nothin' stupid and we'll all get along fine. scotty, you sure you don't want a drink?
sorry, pops, but i'm drinkin' and i don't like drinkin' alone. bottoms up, boy.
how about you, cutie pie? ready for round two?
i'm still stewing about that ape laying hands on me. and that fuckin' bartender sticks a weed up my ass, too.
he's smilin' at us. but behind his smile, he's sayin', "fuck you jack." i hear that loud and clear.
i'm gonna just sit here and drain this bottle. and when i've drunk the last drop, if i still feel then, the way i feel now, i'm gonna take this bottle and break it over his melon head.
i never said do what i do, i said do what i say.
what did you call me?
jacob, i want you to have a drink with me. i insist.
to your family.
forever together.
in that camper out there i saw a guitar. i take it that's yours.
go out and bring it in. i feel a song coming on.
bravo! bravo! bravo! now that's what i call a fuckin' show!
earth to richie. don't you wanna ask your new friend to join us?
well, then ask her, dumb ass.
richie, you lucky bastard! now, little lady, you could of just as easily done that to me. who a nelly! you got my dick harder 'n chinese arithmetic.
which reminds me of a joke. little red riding hood is walking through the forest and she comes across little bo peep, and little bo peep says: "little red riding hood, are you crazy? don't you know the big bad wolf is walking these woods and if he finds you he's gonna pull down your dress and squeeze your titties?" then little red riding hood hitches up her skirt and taps a .357 magnum she has holstered on her thigh and says: "no he won't."
not now. so finally she comes across the big bad wolf and the big bad wolf's laughing and says: "little red riding hood, you know better than to be walking around these woods alone. you know i'm just gonna have to pull down your dress and squeeze your titties." then little red riding hood whips out her .357, cocks it, sticks it in the big bad wolf's face and says: "no you won't. you're gonna eat me, just like the story says."
scarred for life, that's how i am!
you thought it was pretty funny, didn't you?
everybody be cool, or you'll be just as dead as these fucks!
richie.
we may be in trouble.
richie, i'm sorry i fucked things up. you'd really like it in el ray. we'd find peace there. i love you little brother, i'll miss ya bad.
touch my brother with that stake, biker, and vampires won't need to suck your blood, they'll be able to lick it up off the floor.
that's a matter of opinion, and i don't give a fuck about your's.
shut up!
hold him down.
richie, here's the peace in death i could never give you in life.
peachy! why shouldn't i be? the world's my oyster, except for the fact that i just rammed a wooden stake in my brother's heart because he turned into a vampire, even though i don't believe in vampires. aside from that unfortunate business, everything's hunky-dory.
bullshit! you hate us. if you had half a chance you'd feed us to them!
it's bats.
get this bastard off of me!
yeah, i know what's going on. we got a bunch of fuckin' vampires outside trying to get inside and suck our fuckin' blood! that's it, plain and simple. and i don't wanna hear any bullshit about "i don't believe in vampires" because i don't fuckin' believe in vampires either. but i do believe in my own two fuckin' eyes, and with my two eyes i saw fuckin' vampires! now, does everybody agree we're dealin' with vampires.
you too, preacher?
good for you. now, since we all believe we're dealing with vampires, what do we know about vampires? crosses hurt vampires. do you have a cross?
in other words, no.
i don't know about that. in order for it to have any power, i think it's gotta be an official crucifix.
okay, i'll buy that. so we got crosses covered, moving right along, what else?
aside from they're thirsty.
actually, our best weapon against these satanic cocksuckers is this man. he's a preacher.
as far as god's concerned, we might just as well be a piece of fuckin' shit. but he's one of the boys. only one problem, his faith ain't what it used to be.
i'm not taunting you. we need you. a faithless preacher doesn't mean shit to us. but a man who's a servant of god can grab a cross, shove it in these monsters' asses. a servant of god can bless the tap water and turn it into a weapon.
i know why you lost your faith. how could true holiness exist if your wife can be taken away from you and your children? now, i always said god can kiss my fuckin' ass. well, i changed my lifetime tune about thirty minutes ago' cause i know, without a doubt, what's out there trying to get in here is pure evil straight from hell. and if there is a hell, and those monsters are from it, there's got to be a heaven. now which are you, a faithless preacher or a mean, mother fuckin' servant of god?
oh shit!
you wanna suck something, suck on this!
daddy's dead.
he needs our help!
did he?
fuck, piss, shit! mother fuckin' vampires! mother fuckin' vampires! goddamn mother fuckin' vampires!
you all are gonna fuckin' die! i'm gonna fuckin' kill every last one of you godless pieces of shit!
my guess is that this little dive's been feeding on nomad road waifs like bikers and truckers for a longtime. this is probably some of the shipments they stole off the trucks.
i don't give a shit about living or dying anymore. i just want to send as many of these devils back to hell as i can.
i promise.
okay, vampire killers, let's kill some fuckin' vampires.
kill 'em all!
okay, dead boys, come on! take a bite and feel all right!
anytime.
fight now, cry later.
how many bullets left, kid?
well, when you run out of weapons, just start cold cocking 'em. make 'em sing for their supper.
you use 'em on the first couple of these parasites that try to bite you.
shoot more holes!
carlos! help us, bash the door. bash the door in!
why the fuck, outta all the god forsaken shit holes in mexico, did you have us rendezvous at that place?
have you ever been there before?
well, because you picked that place out of a hat, my brother's dead now. and this girl's family's dead.
did they look like psychos? they were fuckin' vampires. psychos don't explode when sunlight hits 'em, i don't care how crazy they are.
you can't, but fifteen percent instead of thirty for my stay at el ray is a good start.
jesus christ, carlos, my brother's dead and he's not coming back, and it's all your fault. twenty.
i said new, this is an '90.
so do i just follow you?
so let's do it.
i'm sorry.
see ya.
kate honey, i may be a bastard. but i'm not a fuckin' bastard.