i am gunnery sergeant hartman, your senior drill instructor. from now on, you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be "sir!" do you maggots understand that? bullshit! i can't hear you. sound off like you got a pair. if you ladies leave my island, if you survive recruit training . you will be a weapon, you will be a minister of death, praying for war. but until that day you are pukes! you're the lowest form of life on earth. you are not even human fucking beings! you are nothing but unorganized grabasstic pieces of amphibian shit! bullshit! i can't hear you! what's your name, scumbag? bullshit! from now on you're private snowball! do you like that name? well, there's one thing that you won't like, private snowball! they don't serve fried chicken and watermelon on a daily basis in my mess hall! who said that? who the fuck said that? who's the slimy little communist shit twinkle-toed cocksucker down here, who just signed his own death warrant? nobody, huh?! the fairy fucking godmother said it! out-fucking- standing! i will p.t. you all until you fucking die! i'll p.t. you until your assholes are sucking buttermilk. was it you, you scroungy little fuck, huh?! you little piece of shit! you look like a fucking worm! i'll bet it was you! well . no shit. what have we got here, a fucking comedian? private joker? i admire your honesty. hell, i like you. you can come over to my house and fuck my sister. you little scumbag! i've got your name! i've got your ass! you will not laugh! you will not cry! you will learn by the numbers. i will teach you. now get up! get on your feet! you had best unfuck yourself or i will unscrew your head and shit down your neck! private joker, why did you join my beloved corps? so you're a killer! let me see your war face! you've got a war face? aaaaaaaagh! that's a war face. now let me see your war face! bullshit! you didn't convince me! let me see your real war face! you didn't scare me! work on it! what's your excuse? i'm asking the fucking questions here, private. do you understand?! well thank you very much! can i be in charge for a while? are you shook up? are you nervous? do i make you nervous? sir, what? were you about to call me an asshole?! how tall are you, private? five foot nine? i didn't know they stacked shit that high! you trying to squeeze an inch in on me somewhere, huh? bullshit! it looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress! i think you've been cheated! where in hell are you from anyway, private? holy dogshit! texas! only steers and queers come from texas, private cowboy! and you are you a peter-puffer? i'll bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddam common courtesy to give him a reach- around! i'll be watching you! did your parents have any children that lived? i'll bet they regret that! you're so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece! what's your name, fatbody? lawrence? lawrence, what, of arabia? that name sounds like royalty! are you royalty? do you suck dicks? bullshit! i'll bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose! i don't like the name lawrence! only faggots and sailors are called lawrence! from now on do you think i'm cute, private pyle? do you think i'm funny? then wipe that disgusting grin off your face! well, any fucking time, sweetheart! private pyle, i'm gonna give you three seconds--excactly three fucking seconds--to wipe that stupid-looking grin off your face, or i will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-fuck you! one! two! three! bullshit! get on your knees, scumbag! now choke yourself! goddamn it, with my hand, numbnuts!! don't pull my fucking hand over there! i said choke yourself! now lean forward and choke yourself! are you through grinning? bullshit! i can't hear you! bullshit! i still can't hear you! sound offlike you got a pair! that's enough! get on your feet! private pyle, you had best square your ass away and start shitting me tiffany cuff links . or i will definitely fuck you up! . right, left, right, left! left, right, left, right, left! left, right, left, right, left! mama and papa were laying in bed. mama rolled over, this is what she said. ah, gimme some. ah, gimme some. good for you! and good for me! mmm, good. up in the morning to the rising sun. gotta run all day. till the running's done! ho chi minh is a son-of-a-bitch! got the blueballs, crabs and the seven-year- itch! left, right, left, right, left! to your left shoulder . . . hut! left, right, left! port . . . hut! left, right! platoon . halt! left shoulder . hut! private pyle, what are you trying to do to my beloved corps? you are dumb, private pyle, but do you expect me to believe that you don't know left from right? then you did that on purpose! you want to be different! what side was that, private pyle?! are you sure, private pyle? what side was that, private pyle? don't fuck with me again, pyle! pick up your fucking cover! tonight . you pukes will sleep with your rifles! you will give your rifle a girl's name! because this is the only pussy you people are going to get! your days of finger-banging old mary jane rottencrotch through her pretty port . . . hut! pray! order . . . hut! at ease! good night, ladies. right shoulder . hut! this is not your daddy's shotgun, cowboy. left shoulder . hut! move your rifle around your head, not your head around your rifle. port . hut! four inches from your chest, pyle! four inches! this is my rifle! this is my gun! this is my rifle! this is my gun! ten fucking seconds! it should take you no more than ten fucking seconds to negotiate this obstacle! quickly, move it out! there ain't one swinging dick private in this pla- toon's gonna graduate until they can get next two privates! quickly! get over that goddamn obstacle! move it! next two privates! quickly! hurry up! get up there! private joker, are you a killer? let me hear your war cry! next two privates, go! quickly! get your fat ass over there, private pyle! oh, that's right, private pyle . don't make any fucking effort to get to the top of the fucking obstacle! if god wanted you up there he would have miracled your ass up there by now, wouldn't he? get your fat ass up there, pyle! what the hell is the matter with you anyway? i'll bet you if there was some pussy up there on top of that obstacle you could get up there! couldn't you?! your ass looks like about a hundred and fifty pounds of chewed bubble gum, pyle. do you know that? one for the corps! get up there! pull! i guess the corps don't get theirs. get up there, pyle! pull! pull, pyle, pull! one pull-up, pyle! come on, pull! you gotta be shitting me, pyle! get your ass up there! do you mean to tell me that you cannot do one single pull-up? you are a worthless piece of shit, pyle!! get out of my face! get up there, snowball! get up here, fatboy! quickly! move it up! move it up, pyle! move it up! you climb obstacles like old people fuck. do you know that, private pyle? get up here! you're too slow! move it, move it! private pyle, what- ever you do, don't fall down! that would break my fucking heart! quickly! up and over! up and over! well, what in the fuck are you waiting for, private pyle? get up and over! move it, move it, move it! are you quitting on me? well, are you! then quit you slimy fucking walrus-looking piece of shit! get the fuck off my obstacle! get the fuck down off of my obstacle! now! move it! i'm gonna rip your balls off so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world! i will motivate you, private pyle, if it short- pick'em up and set'em down, pyle! quickly! move it up! were you born a fat slimy scumbag, you piece of shit, private move it! are you going to fucking die, pyle? are you going to die on me!! do it now! move it up! hustle it up! quickly, quickly, quickly! do quickly ladies! assholes and elbows! move it out! get up there! move it! move it, move it, reveille! reveille! reveille! drop your cocks and grab your socks! today is sunday! divine worship at zero-eight-hundred! get your bunks made and get your uniforms on. police call will commence in two minutes! private cowboy! private joker! as soon as you finish your bunks, i want you two turds to clean the head. i want that head so sanitary and squared away that the virgin mary herself would be proud to go in there and take a dump! private joker, do you believe in the virgin mary? private joker, i don't believe i heard you correctly! why, you little maggot! you make me want to vomit! you goddam communist heathen, you had best sound off that you love the virgin mary . . . or i'm gonna stomp your guts out! now you do love the virgin mary, don't you?! private joker, are you trying to offend me?! who's your squad leader, scumbag? private snowball! private snowball, you're fired! private joker is private pyle! private pyle, from now on private joker is your new squad leader, and you will bunk with him! he'll teach you everything. he'll teach you how to pee. private joker is silly and he's ignorant, but the deadliest weapon in the world is a ma- rine and his rifle. it is your killer instinct i love working for uncle sam! lets me know just who i am! one, two, three, four! united states marine corps! one, two, three, four! i love the marine corps! my corps! your corps! our corps! marine corps! i don't know, but i've been told. eskimo pussy is mighty cold! mmm, good! feels good! is good! real good! tastes good! mighty good! good for you! good for me! trim 'em. toejam! pop that blister! jesus h. christ! private pyle, why is your footlocker unlocked? private pyle, if there is one thing in this world that i hate, it is an unlocked footlocker! you know that, don't you? if it wasn't for dickheads like you, there wouldn't be any thievery in this world, would there? get down! well, now . . let's just see if there's anything holy jesus! what is that? what is that, private pyle?! a jelly doughnut?! how did it get here? is chow allowed in the barracks, private pyle? are you allowed to eat jelly doughnuts, private pyle? and why not, private pyle? because you are a disgusting fatbody, private pyle! then why did you hide a jelly doughnut in because you were hungry? private pyle has dishonored himself and dishonored the platoon! i have tried to help him, but i have failed! i have failed because open your mouth! they're paying for it, you eat it! ready . . . exercise! port. hut! left shoulder . hut! right shoulder . hut! port . hut! do we love our beloved corps, ladies? what makes the grass grow? what do we do for a living, ladies? i can't hear you! bullshit! i still can't hear you! do any of you people know who charles none of you dumbasses knows? private cowboy? that's affirmative. charles whitman killed twenty people from a twenty-eight-storey observation tower at the university of texas from distances up to four hundred yards. anybody know who lee harvey oswald was? private snowball? that's right, and do you know how far away he was? all right, knock it off! two hundred and fifty feet! he was two hundred and fifty feet away private joker? in the marines! outstanding! those today . is christmas! there will be a magic show at zero-nine-thirty! chaplain charlie will tell you about how the free i can't hear you! outstanding, private pyle! i think we've finally found something that you do well! what's your sixth general order? you slimy scumbag, get on your face and give me twenty-five! how many counts in that movement you've just executed? what's the idea of looking down in the chamber? what's your fifth general order? what's this weapon's name, private pyle? private pyle, you are definitely born again hard! hell, i may even allow you to serve as a rifleman in my beloved corps. i don't want no teenage queen. i just want my m-14. if i die in the combat zone. box me up and ship me home. pin my medals upon my chest. tell my mom i've done my best. today you people are no longer maggots. today you are marines. you're part of a brotherhood. from now on, until the day you die, wherever you are, every marine is your brother. most of you will go to vietnam. some of you will not pickett! o-three-hundred, infantry. toejam! o-three-hundred, infantry. adams! eighteen-hundred, engineers. you go out and find mines. cowboy! o-three-hundred, infantry! taylor! o-three-hundred, infantry. joker! forty-two-twelve, basic military journalism. you gotta be shitting me, joker! you think you're mickey spillane? do you think you're some kind of fucking writer? jesus h. christ, you're not a writer, you're a killer! gomer pyle! gomer pyle! you forget your fucking name? o-three- hundred, infantry. you made it. perkins! get back in your bunks! what is this mickey mouse shit? what in the name of jesus h. christ are you animals doing in my head? why is private pyle out of his bunk after lights out?! why is private pyle holding that weapon? why aren't you stomping private pyle's guts out? now you listen to me, private pyle, and,you listen good. i want that weapon, and i want it now! you will place that rifle on the deck at your feet and step back away from it. what is your major malfunction, numbnuts?!! didn't mommy and daddy show you enough attention when you were a child?!!!