hey, dudes. you see this check that i got from my tv show for 25,000 an episode? there was another one of these on the kitchen counter. did you see it?
i wouldn't leave it around if they didn't give me so many. they give it to me every episode.
i wouldn't, if it was a shitty show and not what time magazine called "insightful and delightful."
i decided i like it here. living with you guys keeps me grounded. i don't want to be the guy living in the house on the hill. even though i could afford it. hey, i saw that girl comic you like who lives upstairs. i invited her in. she's here.
you were right, she is pretty mousy and sexy. you gotta talk to her.
i'll give you ten days for your three-month plan, then i am going to fuck her. you can't just leave that laying around. starting right now.
the thing about working on a sitcom is it's 22 weeks a year, so i can do stand-up the rest of the year.
but now people want to see me because they see me on a tv show, so i am kind of a draw. have you seen the show?
well i think you can download it to an ipod. ira walks in.
hey ira, this is daisy.
are you gonna get to meet him?
maybe he's seen my show.
that's so sad.
in front of you?
so being terminally ill makes you a cock-blacker?
why you?
don't talk about this shit when we're high. it really freaks me out and it makes me sad and it scares me. i don't want to talk about this shit.
when my grandfather died, we were in a room with no windows. and they said he was dead. and there was a candle. and it started flickering like he was blowing it out. but there were no windows.
we all thought that was him going to heaven.
fuck you guys. i was trying to open up. i'll never do it again. you're just being mean because i'm making twenty-five thousand dollars an episode.
oh, i'm sorry. i thought you were sleeping at your boyfriend's again tonight.
it's been 21 days. i gave you an extra 11.
i told you i was going to give you 10 days. that was three weeks ago.
i didn't know she actually mattered to you. we talk about girls we want to fuck all the time.
i would, but i'm going with tobey maguire. he wants me to play his younger brother in some movie.
he's never gonna want to eat thanksgiving with us. the computer bings. the guys scream in delight.
happy thanksgiving? come on in.
well, you don't know us, but you're with friends and admirers.
no, she's 15.
no, she's actually 20.