what's wrong?
i don't hear anything.
sounds like the television.
yeah, well i turned off the set. i used the remote control thing and laid it on the floor. you know what could've happened? the dog came in and stepped on it, turned the tv back on.
you don't? what happened to muff?
anyone skim the pool? it needs it.
i'm going.
jesus christ!
jesus, if i have a heart attack, i hope you know what to do.
have we met? i don't recall.
you're in pictures, right?
did you stop to think what if i had a heart attack?
i'm looking at you.
that's what i'm doing.
dick allen's a very dear friend of mine. how far you want to go with this?
jesus christ, what're you, a collector for a fucking casino? you come in here, walk in the house in the middle of the fucking night? i thought you were an actor, auditioning, for christ's sake.
we'll see about this . . .
operator, how do i get las vegas information?
i know what a marker is.
why do i have to keep looking at you?
you gonna get rough now, threaten me? i make good by tomorrow or get my legs broken?
fuckin' basketball game.
tell dick allen i'll cover the markers in the next sixty days at the most. he doesn't like it, that's his problem. the prick.
so, you want me to call you a cab?
i produce feature motion pictures, no tv. you mentioned grotesque, that happened to be grotesque part ii that karen flores was in. she starred in all three of my slime creatures releases you might have seen.
karen?
karen, say hello to chili palmer. chili, this is karen flores.
he's telling me an idea for a movie. it's not bad so far. sit down, have a drink. tell karen, let's see what she thinks.
you want to hear this idea? it's about a dry cleaner who scams an airline out of three hundred grand. go on, tell her.
i mean, the way you told it to me. start at the beginning, we see how the story line develops.
it's the kind of situation, you don't pay, you get your legs broken.
that's miami. he's going to vegas. he's got a few bucks and he's thinking it's his only chance.
without him. the guy's so out of it he doesn't even know it's gone.
keep going.
three hundred grand, and they take it, money in hand, babe. the guy has his wife cash the check and he takes off for las vegas with the dough. gets there, he's supposed to call her, tell her when to come out. but she never hears from him again.
it drives the guy nuts, he's winning but can't tell anybody who he is. you show in a back story his motivation, his desire to be famous, you know, pal around with celebrities, the headliners doing the big rooms. now he's got the dough to buy his way in, mix with celebs and he can't resist . . .
so he comes to l.a. . . .
that's it? that's your movie?
that's half a movie, with holes in it. maybe forty minutes of screen time. you don't even have a girl, a female lead, and on top of that, there's no one to sympathize with, you don't have a good guy.
the shylock? he's barely mentioned. and it's not believable the wife would get a settlement that fast.
that's where you got the idea?
wait a minute, you're not the guy, are you? the dry cleaner?
you wouldn't be talking to me if you were.
but you work for the casino?
so you don't work for the casino?
is that right, that's what you do for a living?
yeah, that's what we need. more agents.
no problem. you go on off to bed.
oh, yeah, sure.
i imagine in your line of work, there were times you had to get rough, you know, say one of your customers stopped paying.
you pack a gun?
what does that mean?
ever shot anybody.
really? you ever been arrested?
racketeering, that covers a lot of ground, doesn't it?
these guys, my investors, they run a limo service, came to me originally, put money in a few of my pictures and did okay, they're happy. so they come in on another deal -- this was back a few months ago when i was planning what would be my next picture, about this band of killer circus freaks that travel around the country leaving bodies in their wake. the characters, there's this seven-hundred-pound fat lady who has a way of seducing guys, gets them in her trailer --
because they're not the type of guys would take it with any degree of understanding or restraint. the first thing they'd do is break my legs.
because i need half a million to buy a script.
a blockbuster. but quality. no mutants or maniacs. this one's gonna be my driving miss daisy.
mr. lovejoy.
it's not bad when you know what it's about.
murray saffrin, guy who wrote it, did all my grotesque pictures, had it in a drawer for twenty years. he shows it to me one day, tells me he's got a star interested, would i produce it.
two time academy award nominee, martin weir.
one of his best parts.
ride the clouds. good picture.
she's a rock star. every day, same time, they come down here and have breakfast. he has the egg white omelette; she has the banana pancakes. he sits facing west so he can see his billboard. she faces east so she has an excuse to wear the shades.
anyway, murray has this shrink, who also happens to be martin's personal trainer's shrink. murray gives the shrink the script and the shrink gives it to martin's trainer who reads it to martin while they work out, and martin flips. loves it.
the problem is murray. he and a few other blocked screenwriters went river rafting down the kern a few weeks ago. murray never made it back.
heart attack. apparently they brought a couple hookers along.
doris, murray's widow, finds out about this martin weir thing and says since murray and i never had any written contract, she wants five hundred grand for the script.
that, or i'm thinking what if some tragic accident were to befall the widow saffrin --
just a thought.
you don't even know these guys.
what do you get out of this?
i once asked this literary agent what type of writing brought the most money and the agent says, 'ransom notes.'
here it is . . . mr. lovejoy.
read it. it's a grabber.
jesus . . .
they'll be looking at you. they don't know who you are.
so what do i say to them?
you're kidding, right?
have a seat . . . right over here . . .
this is my associate, chili palmer, who'll be working with me.
i want to make sure there's no misunderstanding here. despite rumors you might have heard, your investment in freaks is as sound as the day you signed your participation agreement.
i've been off scouting locations. interviewing actors in new york.
the main thing i want to tell you, the start date for freaks is being pushed back a little, a few months.
maybe longer. we need prep time.
we're gonna make the picture. i've just got another project to do first, that's all. one i promised this guy years ago.
this is the project, mr. lovejoy. i'm not trying to pull anything on you guys. this is it, right here.
it's nothing. it's fluff. nothing you'd be interested in.
i can't do it.
it's a different kind of deal.
what?
i had to tell 'em something.
i said i'd think about it. what does that mean? in this town, nothing.
his shrink's trainer.
how's anyone gonna see anything from way up there?
yeah, chili. hi. you're fifty feet in the air!
yeah, but whose point of view?
get down here. i wanna talk to you. come on . . . right now . . . she's gonna talk to martin?
it's the red one. take it off the ring.
what're you doing? i thought i told you to get down here?
all these camera moves and weird angles and shit are gonna distance us from the emotion of the scene.
she's scared! fear is an emotion! look, kid, if you remember anything from your time working with harry zimm, let it be the three key words to filmmaking.
pick 'n' save.
you heard me, pick 'n' save.
now i'm gonna tell you a little story, happened to me years ago when i was so broke i had to go to the pick 'n' save over on vine to buy a lousy candybar for my dinner.
i'm standing in line waiting to pay my two bits when i overhear this lady, call her mildred, talking to the cashier about a movie.
so mildred says to the cashier, 'i saw the new streisand picture.' 'god, i just love it at the end when she brushed robert redford's hair off his forehead the way she did when they were together, and the way they gave each other this look that said they still loved each other, but knew they couldn't be together. that look was so . . . romantic.'
what she did not say was, 'i just loved the way the director moved the camera so much it made me fuckin' seasick.' all she cared about was that look. all she remembered was that look. and why do we remember things in movies? because we can see them.
so . . . keep this fuckin' camera down here on the ground and shoot this scene, so we can see what the fuck is goin' on, before i get someone over sixteen to fuckin' shoot it for you!
get the fuck outta my chair.
who is it?
fuck.
hello, doris.
come on in.
yeah, lovely. last night i watched two guys carjack a camero down on the corner of argyle there. what do you want, doris?
yeah, me too. he was a helluva good writer. and i would know. i discovered him. made him what he was.
yeah, well, twenty-twenty hindsight and all that.
nice garter.
i'm not sure how i feel about this, doris.
i mean morally. murray was my friend.
so this means you've reconsidered our deal on mr. lovejoy?
yeah, what'd he have to say?
how honorable of you.
what the hell . . .
bo. i'm great. listen, i'm expecting some people --
i'm working on a few things.
boy, this town. word gets around, doesn't it?
chili palmer showed you my script?
you serious?
you're gonna just give me five hundred grand?
leo, i don't know.
assuming i go along with this, when can i have the five hundred?
the airport.
i don't know.
he happens to be loaning me five hundred grand, no strings, i write any kind of agreement i want.
cash. it happens to be waiting right at this moment in a locker at the airport.
oh, is that right? i'm being set up? then how come catlett said i should send you out to get it, since you haven't done a fucking thing for me since you got into this . . . except showing bo catlett my script?
i mean, at least bo's invested in three of my movies.
'we?'
really.
a meeting with who? you and karen?
man's in town two days, thinks he's david o. fucking selznick.
so how 'bout it, mr. selznick, do i make my deal with bo? or you gonna finally help me out, have a word with your dry cleaner when you find him.
you have it?
who?
who the fuck is momo? jesus, these fucking names . . .
maybe i oughta talk to this ray bones character myself. see if he wants to invest in my movie.
bones. b-o-n-e-s.
oh. wait a minute. that's not his real name. it's uh . . . uh . . . yeah -- try barboni. b-a-r-b-o-n-i.
ray barboni?
are you the guy they called ray bones?
who is this? i'm the one telling you the way it is, okay, asshole? that's who i am. now you want your three hundred grand or don't you?
the three hundred grand a guy named leo devoe scammed off an airline. the three hundred grand chili palmer now has in his possession.
hello? you there?
yeah? well, trust me. i'm very for real.
i work for harry zimm, alright?
harry zimm. the man happens to be a major hollywood player.
maybe that's because you've never been out've fuckin' miami, dipshit. maybe it's time you got on a plane, flew out to l.a. and took a meeting with mr. zimm.
hey, zimm doesn't ask for dick. zimm tells you the way it is . . . or else.
or else use your fucking imagination.
motherfucker.
what -- who is it . . . ?
mr. barboni. well. this is surprise . . .
please. have a seat. right here in this chair right here . . .
i'm talking about you, ray barboni, owning a piece of a major motion picture. how big a piece is up to you. what i'm saying, you could invest part of the three hundred palmer owes you or you could invest all of it. it's entirely up to you . . .
ray. look at me.
look at me, ray.
that's correct. look at me.
 . . my project . . .
which two?
mob guy?
mob guy?
what money?
shylock?
alright, let's wrap! we'll pick it up tomorrow!