as a girl, you see the world like a giant candy store, filled with sweet candy and such. but one day you look around and see a prison and you're on death row. you wanna run, or scream or cry. but something's locking you up. are the other folks cows, chewing cud till the hour come and their heads roll? or are they just keeping quiet, like you.  planning their escape?
what's that cashier's name?
when did he start working here?
who is he?
what are you doing?
yeah.
yeah.
i have my own, you know, beliefs.
i kinda like my nights to myself.
bye-bye.
the same. how was yours?
bubba, stand up.
for christ's sakes. look at that couch, phil. y'all got paint all over it. this ain't gonna come off. damn it, phil.
you two were stoned. you, keep frying your brain liike that, you'll slip off a ladder and crack open your head bone. you do really stupid things when you're high, phil.
like sitting on my couch with your big blue ass. everything just turns to shit. you finally get nice things, then everything just gets messed up. why is this tv buzzing?
different from what?
what you reading?
what's your name? catcher?
what's he do?
i notice that you're, uh, not very social.
what do you write?
i better go. what happens at the end of your book?
i'm not sure i can do makeovers.
sorry, im just a little tired.
i went to the doctor. he says i'm fertile. he says i could repopulate the entire planet.
he didn't say.
i think you two are a pair of potheads.
now, you might be interested in purchasing some of the products i used today.
i hate my job.
i hate everyone here. i hate gwen. i don't know what the hell she's so happy about. i'm sorry i don't understand why maniacs get shotguns and shoot everybody to pieces.
maybe so. you know you're lips are real pouty, like a woman. and how your eyes droop off to the side. how old are you?
i'm an old lady next to you.
how old do you think?
i am thirty years old.
forever and a day!
you don't have a car?
well, you can ride in here, there's room.
i don't know. i'm in a funk.
they call you tom?
not aolt to look at. what are your folks like?
my husband doesn't get me.
since seven years. he's a painter.
houses. he's a pig. he talks but he doesn't think. you go to college?
no, i was afraid i'd lose phil if i went. now that'd be reason enough to go. i saw you in the store and i liked how you kept to yourself. i can see in your eyes that you hate the world. i hate it too. you know what i'm talkin' about?
after livin in the dark for so long a glimspe of the light can make you giddy. strange thought come into your head and you'd better think 'em. has a special fate been callin' you and you not listenin? is there a secret message right in front you, and you're not reading it? is this your last, best chance? are you gonna take it? or are you goin' to the grave with unlived lives in your vains?
gwen says smokin' marijuana lowers your sperm.
maybe you're the infertile one 'round here. maybe every time you smoke a little dooby, you're killin' our unborn children.
why you limping.
yeah, sure okay.
he's not my beau, he's my friend.
you're a writer so you have yourself a goal. i used to lie in bed and imagine other cities, other jobs i could have. other husbands. now i don't even know what to imagine anymore. holden, i have a husband.
well, holden. i don't want to hurt anybody.
oh who gives a shit, who needs a f&$%' baby around here anyways? if you wanna make yourself useful, why don't you get that goddamn tv fixed?!
it sounds like a helicopter is landin' in here.
no thank you.
well where is he?
thanks.
gwen? what's wrong?
gwen? gwen you sick?
well what time is it?
gwen?
i'm gonna let you off here, okay?
yeah, you know what i'm gonna do? i'm gonna park the car, then i'm gonna meet you inside.
i just ditched gwen at the hospital.
where are we goin'?
no, with your folks there?
this isn't well planned.
i can't do it.
i don't wanna.  i don't wanna go.
gwen got real sick today. she was throwin' up all over the store. i had to take her to the hositpal, and sat with her.
no.
it's not funny, phil, this is serious. i'm gonna go up there tomorrow too. and the next day.
what?
well, how is she?
i bet it was those blackberries.
stop it, somebody's gonna see!
i'm just this woman. i moved to texas when i was eleven. my daddy was in the air force.
holden gave me two of his stories to read. it's like what a story would be. i was about a boy who was put upon, his mother was cold and selfish, and his father wanted him to play football. other people didn't get him, especially girls. then the boy comes to believe no one can ever really know him. so he starts actin' out, drinkin', and doin' all kinds of drugs. at the end the boy kills himself but jumpin' over abridge. the second story was pretty much the same as the first. except at the end, the boy kills himself by drinkin' a bottle of bug poison.
your stories are intense.
don't say that. i wish there was a story about me. i don't know who would read it though.
i like this. i like havin' a secret. you gave me a secret holden.
i'm going to hell, aren't i?
that's bubba's truck. get in the car. phil takes that truck to work everyday. bubba picks him up, and drops him off. why, why would that truck be parked there?
if he finds out about us.
he's big, holden. he'll kill you. he'll beat me, but he'll kill you.
i gotta go to the hospital.
don't! i mean he could be followin' us.
who?
what do you mean? i thought she had a stomach ache?
i don't understand.
gwen died today.
parasite. somethin' she ate.
where were you this afternoon?
what time did bubba bring you home?
oh. i can't believe she's dead. i wasn't a very good friend to her.
holden had the notion to go to gabler's creek, skinny dippin' and makin' love. he said we'd be like adam and eve, rollin' around around in the sticks and the dirt and bein' one with nature. he was so fixed on the idea thateven when the clouds started rollin' in, and the sky was gettin; dark, he kept on swimmin'. all my thoughts turned to death. i thought of gwen's body, rottin' away. i thought of how nice a person she was, so full of life and good will. if there was a heaven, gwen would be there. givin' makeovers and offerin' up helpful advice. i thought if i died today, what would happen to me? a hateful girl. a selfish girl. an adultress. a liar.
what are we doin'?
i haven't thought this through.
and go where?
but where will we go?
i thought you might.
yeah. she was real healthy too.
yeah.
fine.
not right now, maybe later.
i gotta get home. maybe cheryl can.
i think we gotta take a breather. i'm nervous.
not today.
just be patient, holden!
i was wonderin', when was that, uh, bible study?
can i bring my husband?
the holy bible. there's one for you, and one for me.
we're goin' to bible study. a couple that prays together, stays together.
well you heard wrong.
cheryl? you think you can take this one?
phil, what the hell are you doin'? we're gonna be late for bible study. you're stoned, you got paint in your hair, would you just get in the shower?
get in the shower.
yeah, i guess.
what do you mean?
saw me what?
he left.
just let the other people do the talking.
well, that's alright, they'll forgive us.
hi corny. this is my husband, phil.
phil, come with me to the car.
come with me to the car, i gotta get somethin'.
just get in the car. get in the car, phil.
i don't want to go to bible study.
because i don't want to. now, can we please just get out of here?
i don't care. i'm not in the mood.
why? beacause we forgot our bibles is why.
yeah, well, they may not, alright. so can we please just get the shit outta here?
i don't care, fine by me.
oh geez, we forgot our bibles.
oh. well, we felt bad.
i can't go.
i can't go today. there's something important i need to tend to.
well, something came up.
um, okay. i think, maybe, somebody's found out about us.
well, maybe i don't get you.
that's easy for you to say, holden, you are not married.
holden, you are gonna get us caught!
i won't.
i'll see you tomorrow, okay? okay?
thanks.
why?
bubba sat like that for what seemed like ten years before he began to speak. finally, when he opened his mouth, he talked a blue streak about the ruin that was his life. he talked about how he loved phil, and how he loved me. and how he always wanted a girlfriend just like me, and to be a guy like phil, to this imaginary girl like me, that he never found. then he wen on about givin' up your dreams and how it's all a part of gettin' older. bubba had given up on his dream to be like phil, and accepted his fate as bubba, always and forever. then, last week, a door that remained shut swung wide open. bubba thought this no chance coincidence, a cosmic force was at work. the sounds of me makin' love to a man that wasn't phil was like a shout in bubba's ear from the creator himself. what it meant, or what to do, or why bubba didn't know. all he knew was that he hated me for poisoning the well of idealism that he had drunk from for so long. i was no longer bubba's image of perfection. to him i was just a liar, and a whore, and that sickened him. but on the other hand he loved me for opening his eyes and releasing him from the bitter chains of evny that bound him to phil. phil was no superman, just a cuckhold, and a foll, and that was beautiful. bubba felt that there was just one thing left for us to do. something that would solve both our problems and end this whole tragic cycle.
bubba, i am not gonna sleep with you.
but, one person's liberation is another person's, well, badness. there's just no way.
why?
you wanna cuckhold him yourself!
oh god! there was someone in the window! did you not see?
i gotta go.
get this damn dog away from me!
great. good for you.
you're nervous? why?
you can do it.
okay.
oh. is it? thanks.
we're not friends.
no, we don't.
oh my god. what are you doin'?
i saw you. you followed me.
no, holden, this is all because of you. he had me over a barrel. if i didn't sleep with him he was gonna tell phil about us!
you've gotta get a hold of yourself! are you drunk?
it's not what you think.
look, go home. sober up. and meet me after work.
i gotta help phil with his sperm.
just go. go!
great.
good luck, honey.
no, i don't.
nothin' happened yesterday, so drop it.
bubba, i mean it.
it's justine.
you've never done it on your own?
ah, they're sore.
my stomach's crampin'. i feel sore.
nah, it's stress.
you're breakin' out 'cause you put so much makeup on your face.
what?.  no.
oh my god, blackberries.
calm down, holden!
hey, hey! i am not a hooker.
why?
i do. i mean i'm depressed but.  you are really depressed.
oh.  i, i promise.
i realized then that holden was at best a child, and at worst a demon. if i was ever gonna go straight i'd have to ditch him. sometimes, to get back on the road to redemption, you have to make a few pit stops.
how much are the blackberries?
thank you.
have a blackberry.
have a blackberry, holden!
they looked dirty. i, i think i saw a bug in them or something.
i'm worried about holden. tom. i'm worried about tom. i just befriended tom, recently, and now, well, i think he's mentally ill. he has this idea in his head that we've had some sort of affair. which is crazy because i'm, i'm married. he's been sayin' all sorts of strange things, and makin' threats. and drinkin'. and, and i just think he would be better off in a place where people, professionals, could take care of him. otherwise, he's just gonna get himself in trouble.
it's a home pregnancy test.
'cause i still haven't gotten my period.
well, i haven't taken it yet. could you give me a minute please?
okay.
blue?
it means i'm pregnant.
maybe.
the test could be wrong, phil. it's a little early to be havin' a party.
no, i'm excited. it's just, a lot of worries come with havin' a baby.
do you think anything's gonna change havin' a baby?
yeah, but i mean, do you think anything's really gonna change?
go find out.
c'mon cheryl, i'm gonna kill you.
oh my god.
who?
cheryl!
oh my god.
what?! no!
i don't know what you're talkin' about.
no. i don't know anything.
i hardly know him.
i don't know anything.
holden, the police are lookin' for you!
hey! they think that i'm in on it, too! corny's got a camera in that storage room. that bible thumpin' pervert's been watchin' us the whole time.
i'm gettin' all goosey. i think i'm gonna crash. i'm pregnant, holden.
not necessarily.
even if it is, you cannot raise a baby on the run.
i can't go tonight. i gotta pack my things and i'd have to get more money.
this is all going too fast.
nothin'.
okay.
hey.
sorry.
hi.
thanks.
they just got it wrong, so.
how it all came down to this, only the devil knows. retail rodeo was at the corner on my left, the motel was down the road to my right. i closed my eyes and tried to peer into the future. on my left i saw days upon days of lipstick and ticking clocks. dirty looks and quiet whisperings. and burning secrets that won't ever die away. and on my right, what could i picture? the blue sky, the desert earth streching out into the eerie infinity. a beautiful, never ending nothing.
i know where you can find him.
he's at the hotel glen capri, and he'll be there till noon.
hey.
oh yeah. i was doin' laundry.
they gave me the day off.
no.
what?
hey phil.
what?
yes.
i don't know why.
you're the only man alive that i love.
it's your baby.
it is. i swear. i swear to god.
it doesn't matter.
yes.
yeah, yeah.
don't.
i'm sorry, phil.
okay. get stoned.
what are those?
just do it normal for once?
no.
that's terrible.
That day I read the story Holden wrote for me. It was kinda different from the other one, but kinda the same. It was about a woman who was put upon. Whose job was a prison, and whose life had lost all meaning. Other people don't get her, especially her husband. One day she meets a boy who is also put upon, and they fall in love. After spending their whole lives not getting got, with one look they get eachother completely. In the end, the boy and the girl run away together in the wilderness, never to be heard from again.