don't try and schmooze me, kaufman, you repellent slimeball.
the latest victim?
it's a lot tidier than i remember.
welcome to the seventies.
i'm here to fulfill gram's wishes.
do you know what this is?
it's gram's will.
to whom it may concern: i would like it to be known that it is my wish to leave barbara mansfield my assets and belongings in the event of my death. signed: ingram cecil parsons.
still the jester kaufman, and still very unfunny.
it's better than a will, actually. it's a signed promise from gram to leave me all his assets and belongings. and anyway, it's really none of your business what this is. i've come for the guitar.
yes. gram's guitar. he always kept it here.
i don't believe you, kaufman.
yes?
why, thank you.
i'd like to see the manager, please.
i'm sorry. it's just that the man i loved died yesterday. i was forgetting my manners.
the manager?
it's not a piece of paper. it's a promise from gram to leave me all his money.
you don't seem to understand. these are his wishes. barbara is now sobbing, and the bank manager is becoming increasing uncomfortable. he gives her his handkerchief.
please tell me how i'm supposed to get my money.
are you saying that i'm lying?
parsons.
was. he was a musician.
you might need to repeat that.
stolen? what the hell do you mean, stolen? who steals a body?
where's the son of a bitch?
well, he's stolen gram.
they had some kind of weird pact. i think phil's taken gram out to the desert.
some kind of voodoo thing with hot wax and dolls to stick pins in.
now that is a wise move, if you ask me.
you'll learn about phil kaufman. if you stick around long enough.
i know he's a brainless, interfering asshole, yes.
that's him, isn't it?
fine.
hello kaufman. i know what you're up to, you thieving bastard. i know where you're going, and i know about your sick, revolting plans, and i'm coming after you. and when i catch you.
sonofabitch!
okay, honey. do you want to see who phil kaufman really is? do you want to see what he's capable of? barbara shows susie the door.
or maybe you already know i'm right.
well why don't we find out?
he's got gram and i need him.
i know he's dead, honey. but he hasn't been officially identified, and there's no certificate of death.
let's just say i'm overly sentimental, okay?
isn't everything?
i was a great support to gram before kaufman came along and spoiled the party.
what do you know?
in his whole life, phil kaufman didn't do anything because it was the right thing to do. you can bet the ranch that wherever he is, he's having some fun.
sure it is, honey. that's why your bags were packed.
you might exclusively love phil kaufman - but unfortunately, so does he. you're just handy to have around.
the truth can hurt, can't it?
nice? no, i suppose not. does it matter?
i do okay. listen, i was an orphan at fourteen and a waitress at fifteen. i do what i do because it puts food on my table, and because if i don't look after myself, no-one else will.
i don't want anything from you. it would be a bonus to see kaufman crash and burn, but i don't need to be there when it happens.
gram was the first good guy i ever hooked up with. he wasn't perfect, but it worked between us. we just seemed to fit together. but gram was already wild, and i made him wilder. kaufman watched over him like a hawk, and when he felt things were getting out of control, he turned gram against me. i lost the only decent thing in my life.
gram was an adult. he didn't need a nursemaid.
yeah. without my help and while kaufman was babysitting.
that's fine. i just want what's mine and then i'm gone. gone real fast.
where's the catch on this piece of shit?
i told you what he's doing! he's going to set fire to my gram in some freaky ceremony with witches and black magic and.  dolls.
i want my man back!
hello stanley. remember me? the psychotic girlfriend?
the hell you are, kaufman.
can we just cut through this?
you two stole the body. theft. indicates susie.
sweetie, i'm sorry, but you seem to be in the whole thing up to your neck. accessory.
and you are an old fool who should have called the police, but hasn't. stupidity.
now, let's just call the cops and get it done. the sooner we get us a death certificate and bury him, the sooner his soul will be properly laid to rest.
hey! what the hell are you doing?
thank god!
please help me, they've got my boyfriend's corpse and they're going to perform a ritual with his body.
my driving license?
i've just told you that they've stolen a body and you want to see my driving license?
you people are supposed to be on the lookout for a hearse. a hearse is a big long car. you can usually tell which ones are the hearses, because they have coffins in the back. the one we're looking for is painted yellow. does this look like a yellow hearse to you, asshole?
is that a ticket? are you writing me a ticket?
that'll be gram parsons, on fire.
i recognize that birthmark on his shoulder. look, can i make an observation?
we're in the desert. it is dark. if you want to catch someone in the dark, it's best not to turn on big flashing lights and make a loud noise with a siren.
no. but i'm really, really keen to find out.