the door is unlocked.
yes. welcome to my house.
manomanjari on the sitar by nikhil banerjee. phil stares at him.
there's no smoking in here, i'm afraid.
who are you, please?
and how may i help you, phil kaufman?
why?
don't you know anyone with a car?
i see. in what way is my car more suitable?
yes.
and how is a hearse going to be suitable for picking someone up from the airport?
a joke?
well, okay. is it two hundred dollars worth of surprise?
i can lend you a bicycle. besides, the car is booked.
let's see; i've never met you in my life, you shout through my mail slot, you want to hire my hearse as a joke, and.
it's a hearse. what else do you need to know?
meet bernice.
bernice is a cadillac superior royale tiara limousine funeral coach. we've got a seven gallon v8 engine offering three hundred and forty bhp at four thousand six hundred revolutions per minute. you're looking at a twenty one feet beauty with a one hundred and fifty six inch wheelbase containing a four barrel rochester quadrajet carburetor with turbo hydramatic transmission. bernice weighs over six thousand pounds.
yes, it's yellow. bernice comes in yellow.
but they're all black.
so how is a yellow hearse covered with flowers less of a surprise than a black hearse?
no, you paid me a hundred and eighty dollars for a hearse, and a hearse is what you've got. if you take a long, hard look at bernice, you'll see that she's one of a kind. she's big, she's fast, she's comfortable, and she's beautiful. but she's not black.
why?
oh, no. she doesn't go anywhere without me.
someone stole her last summer.
how did you hear of bernice and me?
what's the matter?
well.  what flight are they on?
okay. well, what time is the flight due?
okay. how soon?
well.  i don't know.
shouldn't we be at arrivals?
okay.
so how long are we going to wait?
morning? what do you mean, morning?
you wait till morning. i'm going home. larry opens the door and gets out of the car. he slams the door shut behind him and stomps off into the gloom. phil doesn't move.
i'm only back because i don't trust you with bernice. i don't even know you, and if you think i'm going to leave my car with you and just walk away, then you've got another thought on the way.
i'm staying right here. where i can keep an eye on things.
hearse?
that hearse?
okay? sure.
doing? here?
no. fair enough.
right. good saying.
we're meeting someone off a flight.
yes.
yes. it's a.  surprise.
well.  the first part.
going on? they stare at each other. the cop shifts position and purses his lips. larry stares at the ground looking for some kind of inspiration. just when the silence moves beyond uncomfortable, the door of the mortuary opens and phil clatters out with the casket.
ignition's a bit temperamental.
have to use a screwdriver.
did what? what did we do?
i didn't babble. i just.  have a problem with authority.
i don't like them and i don't know what to say to them. they make me feel uneasy.
i clipped it. i clipped the wall.
i was distracted. we're supposed to be picking someone up and you arrive with a coffin and i'd only just woken up and.
uh, not at this time, no sir.
well.
oh, right. so it's all my fault?
well what?
he said to wait. phil just stares at him. after a moment, larry reverses bernice and then drives the battered car through the gap and out of the hangar. phil slumps back in his seat.
get out.
get out and take your friend with you.
get out.
why not?
i'm driving back to the mortuary.
talk.
who's the stiff?
empty?
it looked pretty heavy, for an empty casket.
poplar? no way? mahogany, or oak, but not.
okay. so why have we got an empty coffin in the back of the car?
as new?
the whole thing is completely immoral.
look, i really need to get home.
i just.  do.
gas now.
we could go back.
i wasn't expecting a long trip. i haven't packed any spare clothes. we could pick up some supplies and drive out tomorrow.
well, yes.
we could do that.
we could just.
it would.
i still don't fully understand what you do.
everything?
oh, one of those. like a well- paid gopher.
an executive nanny, not a gopher. thanks for clearing that up.
sunstroke.
i'm susceptible.
this isn't the way to palm springs. phil winks at him.
see, the yin is the negative - the darkside. and the yang represents positive - good. if you like, the first is earth and the second heaven.
the yin yang symbol is really evocative about the whole concept. as you travel around the circle, white or black will increase until the opposite color is almost gone. but never totally gone, right? and this cycle then repeats for the opposite color.
what seems like yin is often supported by yang, and vice versa. let me give you an example: to truly know good, you must first know evil, and without good as a comparison, nothing can be evil. so by allowing yin to flourish, you welcome yan. by letting go of yin, you are waiting for its return. another example is.
i was distracted.
what now?
okay. what about?
well.  it's more a philosophy than a religion.
ooooh, i'm well. really well, actually. thank you.
oh.
a body? stole a body?
that's an empty coffin, officer.
hearse. flowers.
he said a body. he said we stole a body.
he didn't say 'coffin'. he said 'body'. tell me we haven't stolen a real person.
oh, i'm just overflowing with trust for you, man. i feel this overwhelming feeling of.  trust every time i look at you.
i'm gonna check inside that box just as soon as we're out of here.
what are we going to do?
what?
what about if i could slip out of these cuffs?
no, really. i really can slip these cuffs.
do you think we should go?
oh shit.
the steering lock is on.
i can't - he's got the keys.
yes.
okay.
well, that's it! they're going to lock me up and throw away the key.
you saw what happened. i drove over that cop's bike. that's destruction of police property, or something.
not 'til i met you.
it's a dinosaur.
'the polyonax place'. a polyonax is probably some kind of dinosaur.
'dinoburgers, reptile steaks and primeval soup. titanosaurion portions, prehistoric pricing. liquor served'.
let's not. the cops'll be after us and we should just get on to palm springs and do the thing, and then i can get home and you can.  do whatever it is you do. let's do that.
you surprise me. i vote we keep going.
i do not.
look, i'm a vegetarian. i have a problem with dead flesh. okay?
i thought you were hungry.
speak to her?
your girlfriend? your wife?
so you didn't?
maybe she's out. shopping, or something.
haven't finished my drink.
gram parsons?
gram parsons? is gram parsons dead?
he said someone took gram parson's body. two people.
schedule? what schedule? there is no schedule.
package? we've stolen that man's son.
i don't know what you take me for. i want to see in that box.
it's heavy.
i said it's heavy.
yeah, i remember. finest poplar. larry slides the top of the casket off and looks inside. he recoils.
jesusjesusjesus.
oh my god. you stole gram parsons.
i stole a coffin, i didn't know there was a body in it.
i don't know! what am i doing? i mean.  what-am-i-doing? why am i here? why am i with you? what is going on?
i thought it was bad enough when i ran over the cop's bike, but now i'm a fucking body snatcher.
go? you go. i tell you what i'm going to do. i'm going inside and i'm going to give that man his son back. i'm going to do the right thing, i'm going to follow my conscience, i'm going to.
so why d'ya do it?
have a guess.
what, cruise around the desert until he starts to smell? were you - both bombed?
of course i have friends.
anything, within reason.
tell me something - if it was the other way round, would gram be sitting here, driving your bones out into the desert?
well?
ohmygod.
you made me do it, you bastard! i've never hit anyone in my life, but you pushed and you pushed and.  you gave me no choice.
shit. he flicks the headlight switch, but to no avail. then, in the distance, he sees a car approaching. stanley can be glimpsed in the driving seat as the car flashes past.
shit. shitshitshit.
hi.
um. i'm one of the guys that took your son.
well, i didn't even know he was in the box.
yes. yes i am.
i can't do this. this isn't right.
mister parsons?
i've been a junkie for over four years. i started taking heroin on june 5th 1969 at a concert in indiana. i.
i've taken heroin, speed, uppers, downers, blues, morphine, methadone, mushrooms, quaaludes, acid, valium, barbiturates, straight lsd, marijuana, marijuana laced with opium, nembutal, mescalin of course, and medical methaqualone, which made me shake uncontrollably for six weeks and vomit every hour.
not my point.
i started working my way through that list on june 5th 1969, and since then there hasn't been a day when i didn't at least smoke one joint.
and now i've stopped. i stopped because it seems that i had something more important to do.
he's doing this because he gave his word. i'm prepared to do this now because i think it's right. and because i believe that each body has a soul. and gram's soul doesn't belong in a family plot surrounded by strangers. it belongs here, where he was happiest.
of course not.
i may have got a little carried away.
yeah, he took the body and stuffed it in the trunk of his car before escaping into the night.
what now?
why?
i can't believe you just said that. i'm not taking the top off.
well, i don't know. maybe a little more.
i think that'll do it.
maybe too much fuel.
all what worked out?
well, we did it. we saved a soul.
well, shall we?