hi kid. would you look what the car dragged in.
is that a fact?
he's not anybody to tell somebody else what to do in a master bedroom.
i keep having this nightmare--that he catches us.
he'd kill me. he'd be right to kill me, too--the kind of guy he is.
he'd assume we had.
all through the day i'm so confident. that's why i'm such a good salesman, you know? i have confidence, and i look like i have confidence, and that gives other people confidence. people laugh sometimes when they find out i'm a vacuum cleaner salesman. they stop laughing, though, when they find out i made forty-three thousand dollars last year. i've got six other salesmen working under me, and what they all plug into is my confidence. that's what charges them up.
i was captain of the wrestling team at lehigh university.
if you want to wrestle, you got lehigh. if you want to play tennis, you go to vanderbilt.
you don't wrestle if you don't have supreme confidence, and i wrestled. but when i get with you, and i say to myself, "my god--here i am with the wife of harold ryan, one of the great heroes of all time--"
something happens to my confidence.
when harold is definitely out of the picture, penelope, when i don't have to worry about doing him wrong or you wrong or paul wrong. i'm going to ask you to be my wife.
that's when i'll get my confidence back.
if you'll pardon the expression, that's when you'll see the fur and feathers fly. good night.
you've got to fight from time to time.
or get eaten alive.
phooey.
penelope! we're late!
women are always late. you'll find out.
i'm sick of this argument. i just have one more thing to say: if you elect a president, you support him, no matter what he does. that's the only way you can have a country!
none of my relatives are chinese communists. speak for yourself.
you can believe that if you want. i talk to guys like you, and i want to commit suicide. you get that weight-lifting set i sent you?
start with the smallest weights. every week add a pound or two.
you ever hear the story about the boy who carried a calf around the barn every day?
you think you're so funny. you're not even funny. right? right? you don't hurt yourself if you start out slow.
beautiful! i've never seen that coat.
she's my date tonight. what do you want her to do--bring the poor old jaguars back to life with a bicycle pump? bugger off! ask paul what he thinks. your mother looks beautiful--right? kid? doesn't your mother look nice? paul?
something's made you sore.
you bet i'll worry about it. i said something wrong?
i had not the slightest inkling. why didn't you say so?
kid--kid--
what's this?
you sure misunderstood something-- and we'd better get it straight.
men can touch other men, and it doesn't mean a thing. haven't you ever seen football players after they've won the superbowl?
i worship your father. that stuffed alligator your mother gave me--the one he shot? it's the proudest thing in my apartment.
kid--kid--
if he'd just come out for the little league, the way i asked him, he'd find out we touch all the time--shove each other, slug each other, and just horse around. i'm going to go get him--
if he'd just get into scouting, and camp out some, and see how everybody roughhouses around the fire--
i feel like i've been double- crossed. if you'd just told me it was harold's birthday--
we could have had some kind of birthday party for him. we could have taken paul to the fight with us.
then we'd stay home and eat venison or something, and look through the scrapbooks. i've got a friend who has a whole freezer full of striped bass and caribou meat. i'm going to bring that boy back.
yeah.
far as i know.
he ditched me. he started running, and i started running, then he lost me in the park.
it's dark in there.
i figure he ducked in one place and ducked out another.
then i saw this bakery store that was still open, so i bought a birthday cake.
for harold. when paul comes home, we can have some birthday cake.
they had this cake somebody else hadn't picked up. it says, "happy birthday, somebody else."
we can take off the "wanda june" with a butter knife.
before he started to run. he said his father carried a key to this apartment around his neck--and someday we'd all hear the sound of that key in the door.
he said one other thing. it wasn't very nice.
he told me to take a flying fuck at the moon.
what a relief!
we got a birthday cake, kid. did you see the cake?
that goes double for me.
i feel like i want to yell my head off--just yell anything. bulllllllllllllll-dickey!
the wife of harold ryan is going to marry a pansy next? this is the end of western civilization as far as i'm concerned. you must be crazy as a fruitcake.
how long has this been going on?
i feel as though i had been made a perfect chump of.
marry me instead.
you're saying no.
i didn't make my move fast enough. that's it, isn't it? i was too respectful.
what's so wonderful if i lost the sale? you poor kid.
wouldn't you rather have your mother marry me than him?
all my dreams have suddenly collapsed. we did have a lot of laughs together, penelope.
well--it was nice while it lasted. thanks for the memories.
hello.
is penelope in?
i wanted to apologize.
i forgot my vacuum cleaner.
oh my god-- and you are looseleaf harper.
i can't get over how you guys are my friends. harold ryan and looseleaf harper are my friends.
eight years you guys were together-- through thick and thin.
blue soup.
are we really going to find out where the elephants go to die?
would somebody please pass me the catsup?
pass the fucking catsup.
i keep thinking about africa--and the elephants.
i'd think any woman worth her salt would be proud to be married to a test pilot. i know i would.
i could tell that at the funeral. would you please pass the fucking catsup again? was it dangerous testing planes?
you actually sold insurance!
what an awful sound!
i've considered that.
i just want one true adventure before i die.
you're making a joke.
it's engineered to last about fifteen years.
he's the most wonderful guy i ever met, penelope. he's the most complicated guy i ever met. i can't believe it, but he's going to take me to africa with him.
if i were married to him, i sure wouldn't walk out.
who's going to fly our helicopter now?
we got to get another pilot.
for africa.
you invited me.
what went wrong?
gee whiz--
i wouldn't drop my gun.
i'm smarter than looseleaf.
how do you know how i'd act in africa?
you're my buddy.
no matter what you say to me, i still think you're the greatest guy i ever knew.
you--you aren't going to have any friends left, if you don't watch out.