hello. i am wanda june. today was going to be my birthday, but i was hit by an ice-cream truck before i could have my party. i am dead now. i am in heaven. that is why my parents did not pick up the cake at the bakery. i am not mad at the ice-cream truck driver, even though he was drunk when he hit me. it didn't hurt much. it wasn't even as bad as the sting of a bumblebee. i am really happy here! it's so much fun. i am glad the driver was drunk. if he hadn't been, i might not have got to heaven for years and years and years. i would have had to go to high school first, and then beauty college. i would have had to get married and have babies and everything. now i can just play and play and play. any time i want any pink cotton candy i can have some. everybody up here is happy-- the animals and the dead soldiers and people who went to the electric chair and everything. they're all glad for whatever sent them here. nobody is mad. we're all too busy playing shuffleboard. so if you think of killing somebody, don't worry about it. just go ahead and do it. whoever you do it to should kiss you for doing it. the soldiers up here just love the shrapnel and the tanks and the bayonets and the dum dums that let them play shuffleboard all the time--and drink beer.
we have merry-go-rounds that don't cost anything to ride on. we have ferris wheels. we have little league and girls' basketball. there's a drum and bugle corps anybody can join. for people who like golf, there is a par-three golf course and a driving range, with never any waiting. if you just want to sit and loaf, why that's all right, too. gourmet specialties are cooked to your order and served at any time of night or day.
we have this new club up here in heaven.
we only have two members so far, but it's growing all the time.
albert einstein plays shuffleboard.
lewis carroll, who wrote alice in wonderland, plays shuffleboard.
walt disney, who gave us snow white and the seven dwarfs, plays shuffleboard. jesus christ plays shuffleboard.
we're going to have jackets, aren't we?
mr. ryan just borrowed my birthday cake. i don't really know him.
i'm only ten years old.
won't you please join our club? please?