this blows.
you kidding? you think i could've possibly had a birthday worse than this? what kind of loser do you think i am?
whaddya say we go torch the fucker's house and blame it on looters. or how about we put a dead cow in his living room. he comes back after it's been in the water a couple of days. hello!
i think the dead cow's better.
i sure as hell don't get what you see in that church.
what's that supposed to mean?
that's it, phil. that'll finally get you into her pants.
what were you doing at the church?
from who -- swamp thing?
they stole three million dollars?
what the hell'd you do that for?
color me surprised.
you believe him?
yeah, all we need is an armored car guy helping us out.
ow!
he could still be lying!
you can do it, phil. the men of huntingburg are counting on you.
karen? how could she get him out? you took her out of town.
she know karate or something, phil? maybe kung fu? i mean, i can't see how else she could overpower the likes of you.
they're not here.
it's tom now. looks like you lost out, pal.
is closer. he grabs karen and pulls her into his boat, then grins at phil.
don't see what we needed him for.
coming into view on the other side.
pulls back out of the line of fire.
in the boat!
gets to his knees in his boat and starts shooting.
we got too many bodies with bullets in 'em. i'm gonna put her in her house, make it look like she fell down the stairs and drowned.
saving her life.  hmm.  you know, that might have actually gotten you laid.
we got a few minutes before hank gets back.
wakey-wakey.
dear penthouse: i always thought your letters were fake, until the wildest thing happened to me. i'm a policeman in a small town. in the middle of the big flood last year, i was patrolling the streets in a boat, feeling kind of sorry for myself -- 'cause it was my birthday and all -- when i saw the front door to a house was open. i pulled my gun -- afraid it might be looters. imagine my surprise when, instead of a looter, i find a young woman handcuffed to the railing of her stairs. her name was karen, and ever since she came back from college she'd made it clear she was too good for any of us local folk. now here she was, in handcuffs! i said, "what the heck is going on here, ma'am?" and she said.
and she said.
you're perfect for the role. i suggest you reconsider.
i might get clumsy. it might take a while.
and she said, "happy birthday, wayne. i've got something for you." well, i'm not stupid. i knew what she wanted to give me and i knew she wanted to give it bad, so i --
that won't do. man's gotta see what he's doing. 'scuse me.
re-enters carrying two burning candles in candle-holders.
i got the candles. all's we need is a cake.
mood lighting. you in the mood yet? and then she said, "my present's ready and waiting. all's you gotta do is unwrap it."
it was cold and rainy that birthday night, and all i wanted was to get someplace warm and dry. as it turned out, what i really wanted was something warm and wet. wayne grins and closes for a kiss and.
his head jerks back. he tries to shout, but all that comes out is an awful gurgle. he tries to push off karen, but.
finally breaks free. he tries to stop the bleeding with a hand, but the blood spurts through his fingers. he reaches for his gun in his holster on the banister, but just as he grabs it.
tries to get his balance, but his feet can't move -- his pants are around his ankles. he falls back into the water, firing his pistol.
is floating on his back, trying to lift the pistol, but his strength is fading fast. he gets off one last shot and.
the gun drops into the water. no more shots. no more life. he floats, pants around his ankles, covered in blood, dead.
still floating on his back, still dead. she looks closer at.
is slowly drifting out the open door. beyond the door, in the light of the streetlamp, the water is riffling, moving, and wayne is heading toward it.
drifts out the door and is pulled away by the current.