mononucleosis or mono is an infection caused by the epstein-barr virus. symptoms may include fever, sore throat, headaches, white patches on the back of your throat, swollen glands, sluggishness and loss of appetite.
really?
let's see. there might be epigastric tenderness, diffuse abdominal tenderness.  suddenly, we hear what sounds like be a match being lit, a gurgle, and a cough -- the distinct sounds of somebody smoking from a bong. dr. woodruff is confused. kumar pulls out his cell phone. it's his personalized ringer.
i'm sorry. can you hold on one second? kumar stands up and answers his cell phone.
kumar's phone. kumar speaking. oh, hey. nothing important. i can talk. what's up? dr. woodruff is offended. he takes a sip of from a mug of coffee and watches as kumar begins pacing around the office. intercut:
fuck that shit! we had plans! dr. woodruff can't believe kumar's choice of words.
oh come on! when has getting high ever prevented you from finishing your work? dr. woodruff is so shocked that the mug of coffee simply slips out of his hands. hot coffee goes all over his shirt. woodruff yells and starts wiping his shirt with a napkin.
no fucking buts! i just bought a quarter of the finest herb in new york city, and i'm not smoking it alone.
okay, where was i? oh yes. more symptoms of pancreatitis. um. decreased bowel sounds, possibly fever, dehydration, and sometimes even shock.
no. i'd actually be pretty surprised. dr. woodruff is flustered. he doesn't know how to react.
look, i'm just interviewing so my dad will keep paying for my apartment. i'm not really planning on going to med school.
well, i'm not an idiot. dr. woodruff is at a loss for words. kumar notices a framed picture of a hot teenage girl on dr. woodruff's desk. he picks it up.
wow! is this your daughter? a disturbed dr. woodruff grabs the portrait out of kumar's hands.
yeah, i'm in here! harold walks over to kumar's room and looks inside. it's martha stewart's nightmare-- dirty laundry all over the floor, etc. on his walls we see old school gangsta rap posters. marijuana paraphernalia is everywhere. we see a giant photograph of kumar with his arm around mr. t. kumar is not in the room, however.
in here.  curious, harold walks over to his room , where he sees kumar standing butt naked in front of a full-length mirror. there's a "clipping sound" coming from kumar's direction. harold stares at him, shocked and appalled. harold walks inside.
i'm trimming my pubes. kumar looks at himself in the mirror as he makes a couple more snips. on the floor, we see large clumps of hair.
the mirror's in here. hey, check it out! it looks like a bonsai tree!
chill out. it makes my johnson look bigger. besides, if i don't do this, i'll end up with pubes like my dad. you've seen osama bin laden's beard, right? harold notices something.
dude, i've been cutting my ass hair with them for the past six months.
so what the hell is your problem, anyway?
i assume you gave him the appropriate "go fuck yourself."
oh, no wonder you tried cancelling on me today. dude, you gotta learn how to say "no" once in a while. now lets get high.
fuck that! you'll have plenty of time to get that shit done later. come on, let's smoke a couple joints. harold thinks for a moment and then caves.
one and a half. now let's do this.  kumar exits the room.  harold hangs his jacket up in his closet, which we see organized in rows of suits and button downs.
so what? it's not like there's a shortage of dr. patel's out there. my dad's a doctor. my brother's a doctor. just because everyone in my family went to med school, doesn't mean i have to.
i'll tell you what i'm gonna do. i'm gonna smoke this fat blunt, get ridiculously high, and then get something to eat.
i think we've already seen this one. harold changes the channel.
i love that shit! harold continues flipping channels.
and the award for least heterosexual statement ever made in this apartment goes to.
hey look! it's you! kumar points to the tv where we see a clip from sixteen candles-- kumar laughs. harold isn't amused. we see another clip .
hey, when are you gonna start doing some chores around here? harold gives kumar a "don't even joke" look. he then violently grabs the bong from kumar and lights it. kumar laughs as harold exhales a lot of smoke.
we're not low.
no shit! let's eat! harold bends down and picks up a bunch of delivery menus that have been left on the floor.
nah, i don't feel like delivery tonight.
nah, we've been there too many times. i want something we haven't had in awhile. something different. something that'll really hit the spot. i want the perfect food.
i'm telling you, there's one right around the corner from that multiplex in new brunswick. they walk down the hallway, stopping at another apartment. on the side of the doorway is a mezuzah in the shape of a naked woman. harold and kumar walk in without knocking.
rosenberg, goldstein-- get up. we're going to white castle. rosenberg and goldstein continue staring at the tv.
no waiting. we're starving.  out of the corner of kumar's eye, he notices harold grabbing a piece of beef jerky from rosenberg & goldstein's coffee table.
put that down! we're not eating `til we get to white castle. harold acts like he's going to put the jerky back, but as soon, as kumar turns his attention back to rosenberg and goldstein, he slips it his pocket.
now come on guys, let's go.
what the hell are you bringing that for? harold hands kumar his keys.
shit, i forgot my cell phone.
nah, we've gone too far. reveal that the guys are less than 20 feet from their door. "bing!" the elevator door opens and the guys enter.
hey, there's your girlfriend. you actually gonna talk to her this time?
what the hell are you doing? that was a perfect opportunity! you could have asked her if she wanted to go to white castle. harold doesn't say anything. he looks down in shame.
you're worthless.
dude, it's only awkward because you're a pussy. just talk to her once and i promise you it won't be weird anymore.
speaking of cindy, she called earlier. one of those 58 asian clubs she's in is throwing a party at her dorm tonight.
so what? she's fucking cute. let her touch your penis. they exit the front door of the building.
dude, forget about those pricks. let's just go. they continue walking.
jesus, that took forever. you know the purpose of a car is to avoid walking. and what kind of parking job is this? you're like a mile away from the curb.
just fucking with you. now let's go out and get those burgers. i'm fucking starving! they get in the car and slam the door. the engine starts and the car takes off, revealing that they were parked next to a
hey, rold-- do you think c3po is gay?
dude, give me thirty-five cents. harold sorts through some change in his hand and gives kumar the money. kumar tosses the change into the basket and waits for the toll booth stoplight to turn green. it doesn't.
what's going on? it didn't register. dude, give me thirty-five more cents.
should i just go through?
i can see that. a car honks behind them. kumar turns around and sees a number of cars lining up behind them. right behind them, a big burly guy leans his head out of a car.
i'm going through.
what the fuck is wrong with you?!
no they're not!
what?
that was the last of our weed.
now we're in newark of all places. you know we're gonna get shot.
we have to if we want to get out of here. kumar points to a sign indicating that the highway is ahead.
come on. how do you know they're not peaceful gregory hines-like black guys? with that, the hugest angriest black man of all time roars as he completes a monster dunk. in celebration, he violently bumps chests with his teammates.
why? are cars not allowed to go through when a game's going on? when we were kids, we used to move to the side when we were playing in the street. the hugest angriest black man stares harold and kumar down.
i'm going through. kumar begins inching forward.
look. they're moving. i told you. even though the players are making way for harold and kumar, they're still no more than a foot or two from the car at all times. harold is scared shitless. he then notices the hugest angriest black man holding the basketball.
how do you know?
oh fuck. kumar puts the pedal to the metal and zooms away from them.
rold, check it out! we're almost there!
well, prepare to gorge yourself.
i'll see your twenty and raise you five orders of fries.
don't worry, we'll find it. harold sees a high school up ahead.
that means the white castle should be just around the corner.
we gotta get to the bottom of this!
what happened to the white castle?
there used to be a white castle right in this spot. where is it?
please tell me there's another white castle in town.
shit. what are we gonna do?
do you really think that'll satisfy us? the burger shack employee senses their desperation.
i can make the trip if you're willing to.
forget about the med school interview. it's a non-issue.
you can always do your work in the car. harold thinks for a moment, then licks his lips.
then it's settled. no matter what, we're not ending this night without white castle in our stomachs. agreed? kumar puts his hand out. harold shakes it.
white castle, here we come. i just wish we had some more pot. i'm almost completely sober right now. harold ignores this. he's typing feverishly on his laptop-- trying to get his work done. meanwhile, kumar notices a sign on for the princeton exit.
nice. princeton. we're getting off here. kumar takes the exit.
we're gonna sweet talk cindy kim into finding us some weed.
why the fuck not? you talk to her on the phone all the time.
a twinkie?
look you twinkie bitch, you threw our weed out the window, so now it's your duty to make sure we're high as shit by the time we're eating those burgers.
as long as she buzzes us into a dorm, we're set. give me ten minutes in there and i guarantee i'll find some hizzy.
hey! you know where i can get some chronic? the random student doesn't respond. kumar is frustrated.
what kind of ivy league school is this?
thank christ! look, just give me a dime of your finest herb. the hippie asshole opens his backpack. inside, kumar sees a giant plastic bag filled with weed. he's awestruck.
oh my dear sweet lord.  kumar reaches for the weed, but the hippie asshole knocks his hand away.
eighty bucks?! it's worth forty tops, bro! the hippie asshole grabs the baggy back from kumar.
jesus, what the hell kind of hippie are you?
please. like they want to go listen to a bunch of phish records while you read your lame ass poetry.
109. got it. i'll see you later.
rold! rold! you gotta come quick! there are these two filthy pussies who are just aching to get boned by us. kumar notices that cindy is appalled by his choice of words.
uh. i mean. there are two very lovely, young pussies who would like to have a chat with you and i.
that's bullshit. he's coming with me. isn't that right, rold? cindy gives harold an evil eye-- he's intimidated by her.
fuck that! kumar notices an open dorm room nearby. he enters the room, and returns a few moments later dragging an asian freshman in his pajamas. he pushes the asian freshman over to cindy.
here-- this is harold's understudy. you can do whatever you want with him. let's go. kumar grabs harold by the arm and drags him away. cindy looks pissed as she watches harold being taken away from her.
i can't believe you were gonna ditch me for the joy luck club. you know what their parties are like.
just say "no"! that's all it takes. now take a hit of this. kumar hands harold the joint. suddenly, a nearby door opens and a security guard enters the hall. he sees harold and kumar with drugs.
quick. in here. the guys rush into the women's bathroom.
dude, chill out. he's not gonna look for us in the women's bathroom. harold and kumar hear two female voices outside the bathroom.
shit! get in that stall! there's a line of three bathroom stalls on one wall. harold runs into stall number two . kumar sees the bathroom door start to open. he also runs into stall number two and shuts the door behind him. the guys struggle to stand on the toilet bowl. harold's laptop bag keeps smacking kumar. christy and clarissa enter the bathroom. they're in mid-conversation.
dude, i'm starting to think you made a mistake by not going to this party.  harold gives him a dirty look. then, suddenly, the security guard from before appears in the hallway with another
i can't believe it. we were this close to getting high and getting laid.
hey, the diarrhea twins would've had sex with us! and what about cindy?! she was looking hot tonight! the fact that you're not into her just might make you gay!
what? you'd rather have maria? from harold's reaction, it's clear he hit it on the head.
fine. suddenly, kumar pulls the car over to the side of the road.
daddy needs to urinate. harold rolls his eyes.
oh yes! yes, that's nice.
excuse me. i'm sorry, i just have to ask you. why are you peeing here?
why did you decide to piss here right next to me? why not that bush over there?
nobody was here when i chose this bush.
i was just saying.
no, i just.  you know what? forget about it. i'm not in the mood to get stabbed right now. the creepy guy calms down. he and kumar silently urinate next to each other for about ten seconds, until the creepy guy subtly looks at kumar's package.
thanks.
i'll be honest, i'm a little lost. but don't worry. once we get on the highway, we'll be there soon.
what's the big deal?
holy shit! harold tries to pry the raccoon away from his neck. kumar tries to help him.
how the hell did that get in here?
don't worry. he didn't even break your skin. you'll be fine.
ahh! dude, get that fucking cancer raccoon away from me!!!
thank christ! kumar looks back onto the road, where he sees a pair of
goldstein? harold breathes a sigh of relief.
what the hell are you guys doing here?
dude-- how were katie holmes' tits?
yeah.
nice.
well, if you have the yellow fever tonight, there's a rocking asian party over at princeton tonight.
dude, you don't have rabies! we're not going to the hospital.
great, let's get out of here. just as harold and kumar walk down the hallway to the exit.
shit.
eat my balls, saikat.
oh, come on, dad!
you're right. i'm sorry. kumar gives his father a hug. he even gives saikat a hug.
it won't happen again.
fuck that! like i care what my dad thinks. i can't wait to see the look on his face when he finds out i skipped the interview tomorrow. he wants to cut me off? fine! i don't need his money!
i just needed to get my hands on these.  kumar holds up saikat and his father's scan cards.
two words-- medical marijuana. harold shakes his head in disgust.
look, i'm telling you, they see an indian and asian guy wearing these and they'll just assume we're doctors. then we walk right into the pharmacy and get the weed. harold does not appear happy he's doing this.
we're not gonna get caught. we're gonna get toasted and then we're gonna eat delicious white castle-- just like we planned. all of a sudden, a hand grabs kumar from behind. freaked out, they turn around and see a male nurse .
he must think i'm saikat. don't worry. leave the talking up to me. on the operating table is a patient bleeding from his chest. he is conscious and appears to be in a lot of pain.
what dr. lee is trying to say is that we need to sedate the patient first or else he could go into cardiac arrest. harold looks at kumar confused and nervous.
hold on. what we should probably use is marijuana. that'll sufficiently sedate the patient for surgery.
we don't have time for questions! we need marijuana now! get as much of it as possible! like a big bag of it! kumar shows the amount he wants with his hands.
shit. suddenly, more blood squirts from the patient's chest. harold shouts in disgust, making the patient more nervous.
very well. i guess we'll have to do this the old fashioned way. kumar puts a nitrous oxide mask over the patient's face. harold gives kumar a look-- "what the fuck are you doing?"
first, we need to clear his c-spine. i want stat x-rays of the chest and abdomen. give me two large bore ivs and start a ringers lactate push. nurse, we need 2 units of o neg on board. using the surgical equipment, kumar actually begins removing bullets from the bleeding patient!!! harold can't believe what's going on. suddenly, the patient begins having trouble breathing! he's gasping for air! the beeping sound monitoring his heart rate begins speeding up to an insane pace.
ah, i see. the patient's got a collapsed lung. get me a 14-gage angiocath, stat! after a couple seconds go by.
what's taking so long?
will one of you guys put the chest tube in and wrap this up? a chorus of "yes, doctors."
well, it looks like my work here is done. kumar pulls the gas mask from the patient's face up to his face and takes a deep breath, getting a big hit of nitrous. he then leans down to the bleeding patient, who is just barely conscious -- but seems in good spirits.
say, you wouldn't happen to know the quickest way to get to the white castle in cherry hill from here, do you?
yeah. it wasn't bad.
hey, check it out! your movie's playing. outside, to kumar's left, on the marquee of a movie theater we see: "john hughes retrospective. curly sue - 9:00.
and look who went to see it.  harold looks at the crowd leaving the theater and sees maria standing outside, all by herself. he can't believe it.
you see? you thought you two had nothing in common. but it turns out you both have the same lame taste in movies. hey, you wanna see if she wants to come with us to white castle?
harold. it's one in the morning. we're an hour from home. and who do we see, but your dream girl standing outside a theater playing your favorite movie. i mean, if we were in a cheesy romantic comedy, and i was your annoying gay friend, this would be the moment i'd tell you "this is a sign."
come on. just pretend you're a nerdy asian tom hanks and she's a hot latina meg ryan. with bigger tits. besides, you yourself said things are starting to go our way.
hey maria! maria looks up. harold quickly ducks in his seat. he then
hey, get your hand off the gas! kumar tries kicking harold's hand off the gas. just then,
oh shit! harold's infiniti has driven off the road and is speeding
don't blame me. you're the one who ran us off the road!
fine. kumar presses the gas. suddenly, we hear a "pop!" harold and kumar look at each other-- angry and frustrated.
please. only hicks and italian guys know how to change a tire. harold looks in his trunk for the spare. it's missing.
i don't know.
oh yeah! don't you remember that time we got baked and started throwing shit off that bridge to see if it would float?
oh shit. that's right. i was with goldstein. we borrowed your car that day. my bad.
i'm kumar. this is harold. good to meet you, mr. freak show.
eww-- check out those boils on his neck! harold nudges him to be quiet. kumar looks back over at freak show and sees that one of the boils is pulsating.
oh my god! you gotta look! one of them's actually pulsating!
now there's some sort of puss! it's the most disgusting thing i've ever seen!
don't worry, he can't hear anything. not with all that crust in his ear. harold gives kumar a hard elbow to the stomach. he then looks nervously at freak show, who doesn't seem to have heard a thing. harold seems relieved.
am i deaf or did he just say we can fuck his wife?
but he did! it may have been in mid- sentence, but it was still clear as day. they reach the front door and are about to enter.
dude, liane is fucking hot!
thanks. so, tell me liane-- how are things between you and freak show presently?
rock, paper, scissors to see who goes first?
i'm not sure we quite understand.
um, are we talking about one hole or two?
shh! two holes it might not be that bad. shotgun anus!
what about blow jobs?! can we get blow jobs!?
no. you did. we both heard you.
positive. freak show ponders this.
no problem.
okay, let's agree never to talk about what just happened.
dude, i have no idea where we are. all of a sudden, a hitchhiker waves them down up ahead.
hey, a hitchhiker. should we pick him up?
oh, calm down. we're lost. he may know how to get us back on the highway.
holy shit, dude! doogie howser, m.d. was my favorite tv show growing up! you were my idol!
so, neil, i have to ask you-- did you ever get it on with wanda off the set?
even the chick who played the hot nurse?
well, our night's been pretty crazy too. we've been driving around for hours, trying to get to white castle, but we keep getting sidetracked.
you don't understand, neil. we've been craving these burgers all night.
hey, there's a gas station! let's stop and get directions. kumar quickly makes a turn onto a normal-looking street leading up to a gas station in the distance.
i don't know. but we can't let him interfere with our quest. suddenly, cole's yellow jeep drives right by them. they have to jump out of the way. cole parks the jeep and exits with
he probably can't speak english.
who knew that learning hindi would actually pay off? the guy says the highway's just down the road. we should be in cherry hill in ten minutes. harold is still focused on cole and the extreme punks.
hey asshole! why don't you leave the guy alone and go jerk off to some snowboarding videos or something.
shit. cole and the punks burst out laughing.
come on, lets get out of here. harold and kumar walk out of the store, deflated. with their leader victorious, the punks begin celebrating.
yeah, i just hate those dicks. fuck it. at least now we know where we're going. i'm so friggin' hungry.
i think he did.
rold, calm down!
i figured that neil patrick harris was a trustworthy guy. how was i supposed to know that he'd fuck us over?
where are you going?
there's a pay phone across the street, if you don't want to deal with those assholes.
so after you talk to the cops we're still going to white castle, right?
you know, pressing the button a bunch of times doesn't make the sign change any faster. the computer responds to the first press. every press after that is extraneous.
this is ridiculous. just walk across.
come on, there's not a car in sight!
finally.
a ticket?! are you serious? harold motions kumar to "shut the fuck up!"
wait. hold on.
bust my ass?!
220 dollars!? are you crazy? palumbo quickly turns around and returns to the guys.
no, no, no. i understand what's going on.
let me guess. you were probably the big asshole in your high school, right? you'd pick on guys like us every day. but then graduation came, and we went to college and you went nowhere, so you thought, "how can i still give them shit? i know! i'll become a cop!" well, congratulations. your dream's come true. both officer palumbo and harold are getting really pissed. kumar steps in front of harold and offers his friend over to palumbo.
hey, while you're at it, why don't you write him up another ticket? or better yet, arrest him. lock him up! with that, harold takes a big swing at kumar. kumar sees harold's fist coming and quickly ducks. harold's fist ends up hitting officer palumbo in the face. smack!!!
rold? is that you?
are the cops still there?
i called and made up some story about a shooting in millbrook park.
i'm fucking starving! i figured i'd bust you out, and we'd get over to white castle.
hey, fuck you! what did you want me to do? stand there and take the hit? you know, i've never taken a swing at you before. never.
look, rold, i'm sorry. but you're not the only one dealing with shit. my dad's cutting me off, remember?
you don't want my help? fine! i'm outta here!
uh. rold? how do i get out of here? tarik rolls his eyes in disbelief.
this isn't good. we hear the banging noise again. and again. suddenly, the
ow. my ass. kumar gets up and walks over to the cell.
you sure you don't want to get out?
so what? we'll take everything he wrote down about you and leave. unless you want to stay here all night and not be able to hand your work in tomorrow. harold thinks about this for a second.
yes! i was hoping it would be one of these big ring of keys. now i get to try all of them to see which one will.
what's that smell? kumar turns his head and sees the enormous bag of weed on officer reilly's desk.
hurry up!
hey, man, the burgers wouldn't taste as good if you weren't there. dude, look at this. it's like we went from being broke to being millionaires. suddenly, they hear what sounds like a coyote's howl.
just a coyote. don't worry.
that's only because they sound scary. in one on one combat, either one of us can take a coyote down.
now cheetahs, they're another story. the cheetah stares harold and kumar down.
just calm down. cheetahs are used to eating zebras and shit. they're not known for eating humans.
okay, i'll admit, that's not a good sign. but i'm sure if we just stay calm he'll probably leave us alone. harold and kumar stand silently. slowly, the cheetah begins walking directly over to harold.
shhh. suddenly, the cheetah opens his mouth wide and chomps down on
i thought i told you not to take that jerky! harold simply falls to the ground relieved that he hasn't been eaten. the cheetah walks over to harold and begins licking harold's face in friendship.
dude, i think i have an idea.
i'll tell you, but first we have to get really high. kumar opens the bag of weed. pan up to the night sky for a time lapse. we see smoke coming up from below. pan back down.
hey, cheetahs are the fastest animals on the planet. it's as good as a car. kumar takes one last drag of a joint and flicks it away.
well, we'll soon find out. mush! mush!
both!
i'm sorry! you've been out cold for the past half-hour! i figured that maybe if i did some gay shit you'd wake up. harold wipes his face with his sleeve. he then gets up-- he sees that they are by a random road, all by themselves.
it ran away. but forget about that. i have some bad news and some worse news.
i checked out some road signs. the cheetah took us in the wrong direction.
your laptop is completely destroyed. kumar points to the laptop, which is outside of it's bag, broken in pieces.
it smashed against a tree when you fell off the cheetah.
well, the laptop really only effects you. whereas the white castle situation effects both of us equally.
don't worry, dude. your laptop's insured.
exactly. first, we'll take a cab over to white castle, then we'll.
come on, rold! you can get that shit done in a couple hours. we can't quit now!
fine. we'll find a pay phone and get a cab back to your office. harold, furious and almost in tears, simply nods "yes."
look, there's a krispee kreme. we'll call from there.
oh great. here we go again. cole and the extreme sports punks are hacky-sacking in the parking lot. their skateboards are sitting nearby.
fucking asshole. suddenly, harold stops in his tracks. he's noticed something through the krispee kreme window. he stops kumar and points.
what? a chocolate cream filled?
are you saying what i think you're saying?
yes! i knew you had it in you! suddenly, kumar notices something else inside. someone else is sitting down at rosenberg & goldstein's table.
is that cindy kim? harold watches as cindy kim sits down next to goldstein. goldstein puts his arm around her and feeds her a piece of donut. it looks like goldstein and cindy are "an item."
you should have boned her when you had the chance. before harold can respond, he's hit in the back of the head by a hacky sack! cole and the punks laugh at harold.
fuck! i'm so sick of their bullshit!
your lead? harold walks past the krispee kreme entrance and heads towards the yellow jeep at a brisk pace. kumar follows.
what the hell are you doing?!
this is your plan?
hey, slow down to like 25 mph, so they think they have a chance to catch up.
thank you, come again! harold guns it-- leaving cole and the punks in the dust.
victory is sweet! nice job, roldy!
wait. do you smell that? kumar keeps sniffing. he turns around to the back seat. he reaches back and picks something up from off the floor. it's a white castle bag. he pours out the contents and we see empty white castle hamburger cartons fall onto kumar's lap.
those assholes got to have white castle?!
don't worry . forget about that. we have a car now. we're back in the game. pretty soon we'll be eating our own white castle. want me to drive?
those guys are fucking posers!
dude, we're almost there!
oh shit! kumar turns around and sees the police car behind them.
what are you doing?!
buckle up? kumar buckles his seat belt. harold makes a sharp turn.
where the hell are we going?!
it's a good thing i have an empty stomach, or else i'd puke right now!
rold! look out there!
not necessarily. kumar walks over to the jeep and points to the hang-glider.
dude, it's okay. i used to hang-glide with my dad all the time when i was kid. i know how to do it.
we did it on our trips to india. i swear. i know exactly what i'm doing. i've even done it with two people at the same time. my brother and i did it.
you think this just about the burgers, huh? well, let me tell you-- it's about far more than that. kumar walks over to the edge of the cliff and looks out onto the early morning horizon. the sun is still rising. the scene is very picturesque.
our parents came to this country, escaping persecution, poverty, and hunger. hunger, harold. they were very, very hungry. and they wanted to live in a land that treated them as equals. a land where their kids could study and get into good colleges. a land filled with hamburger stands. and not just one type of hamburger. hundreds of types-- with different sizes, toppings, and condiments. that land was america.
you think this is just about the burgers? no. this is about achieving what our parents set out for. this is about the pursuit of happiness. this is about the american dream. kumar walks over to harold.
and so we've reached this point. the point which all men eventually have to face. the point of no return. we can stay here, get arrested and end our hopes of ever going to white castle. or we can take the hang-glider and make our leap towards freedom. i leave the decision up to you. from the sound of the sirens, it seems that the police are getting closer. harold turns back, facing kumar.
grab onto the end of the bars and hold on tight. harold does as he's told. they are both holding onto the bars .
okay. here's how this is gonna work. on the count of three, we're gonna run to the edge of the cliff. when i say "jump," launch yourself forward as if you were diving into a pool, got it?
don't worry-- everything's gonna be fine. are you ready? harold's too nervous to speak. kumar gets into position.
okay, here goes. one. two. three! harold and kumar start running towards the cliff.
good job, rold! keep running!
rold, there's something i gotta tell you. i've never hang-glided before.
jump!!!
dude, it's working!
hey, how else was i gonna convince you to jump off a cliff?
we're not low. they continue gliding though the sky for a while.
yeah?
uh. well. i guess it's just gonna go down at some point.
why do you ask?
oh shit! harold and kumar fly right into the crows. numerous birds collide with their faces.
we're gonna die! we're gonna die!
we're gonna live! ha! ha! we're gonna live! you see, rold? that wasn't so bad.
stop. i. can't. breathe.
rold.
rold. look!
we made it, dude.
same. only make mine diet cokes.
you don't have money?! shit, i gave all mine to that asshole at princeton! fuck that hippie fuck! this can't be happening! we're so close and we're fucking broke!
what are you doing here?
do you realize what we had to go through after you stole the car?
dude, we're here. isn't it great?
hey, look! kumar points to a tv in the corner of the restaurant. on the screen we see a morning news show.
wait. let's do it together.
it was the best meal of my life.
dude, you know what? i think i may actually go to my interview today.
yeah. you know, my whole life i've been afraid being just another nerdy indian guy turned doctor. well, tonight got me thinking.
there are far worse things in the world than being tagged for having a natural ability in medicine.  harold pretends to be listening to kumar-- but he is more focused on billy and j.d., who get out of the car with their women and start walking towards the front door.
like having boils all over your face. or dealing with the shit those black guys had to go through.
besides, i have to admit, it felt pretty cool saving that guy's life last night. somewhere between that, getting yelled at by my dad, and seeing neil patrick harris, i realized that i've always wanted to be a doctor-- i've just been too scared to admit it. kumar sees that harold isn't paying attention.
hey, rold, are you listening to me? i'm having a major epiphany here.
way to go, rold! where the hell did that come from?
no shit! i guess you're worthwhile after all.
so those dudes have gonorrhea?
what's the rush? there's plenty of time before my interview.
good luck, dude. kumar stands behind, while harold approaches maria's door.
dude. we gotta go!
to amsterdam! we can pack up right now and take the next plane.
whatever. i'll tell my dad to reschedule it. he won't have a problem, as long as i'm taking it seriously for a change. now, let's fly to europe and find maria!
for a hot chick, ten days in europe is the kiss of death. there are gonna be suave, sophisticated guys all over her. by the time she gets back, she may not be available. harold feels a little nervous about what kumar is saying.
hey, rold! wait!
You do realize what's legal in Amsterdam, right?